57 responses

  1. Ace
    September 9, 2014

    This is a very very compelling read. Each time I see a point, I go like “hell yeah, very true” then I see another point and I say “Much better than the previous”. I am still shaky about my sexuality, not knowing whether to accept or deny it and each time I see such publications, I hate being gay all the more. The wahala and guilt dey too much. The promiscuity is unending, the “shove it down your throat and all in your face” attitude is what I can’t deal. I totally understand these reservations of these people because I have them myself and feel that I would I had the same mindset if I was straight.

    Reply

  2. Ace
    September 9, 2014

    *have had the same mindset if I were straight.

    Reply

  3. Dennis Macauley
    September 9, 2014

    Some of the points made sense and some are down right ridiculous. Who gets to decide what the standards should be for right and wrong?

    It’s okay for Rihanna to go receive an award practically stark naked and to be applauded as a “style icon” and if a guy wears low rise jeans with a crop top he is “pushing the gay agenda too far”? Do we have double standards?

    I have a few straight friends that know about my sexuality and nothing annoys me more than when they say “I like you, you act normal, you are not like other gay men I know. Those ones are annoying sha, the way they rub it in your face”. I like to remind them that there are different archetypes in the gay community and no one is better than the other and no one should be more “socially accepted”, whatever that means.

    At the end of the day, people should be allowed to be themselves and write their own rule book.

    Reply

    • chestnut
      September 9, 2014

      Dennis,I’m sorry boo,but I don’t completely agree with u. Maybe I’m conservative and old-fashioned( and no, I don’t hav “internalized homophobia”). It’s ok for rihanna to wear a sheer dress because she’s a WOMAN, women are allowed (even expected) to wear sexy,revealing outfits,but that doesn’t mean a man should walk on d street in booty-shorts and a cropped top and expect d same accolades as rihanna,just because d world applauded rihanna’s transparent dress.it’s not d same for a man and a woman and I don’t think it’s double standards. Whether we like it or not,there IS socially-acceptable and socially-unacceptable. I’m one of those who believe a gay man is still a TOTAL man,irrespective of sexuality.

      Reply

      • pinkpanthertb
        September 9, 2014

        Abeg Rihanna too is not allowed. That monstrosity she wore is very socially unacceptable too. As is any gay man who takes his drag to the streets

        Reply

      • tikky20
        September 10, 2014

        You jux took the words out of my mouth Chestnut. That a man’s sexuality is different from the conventional norm of attraction to the opposite sex doesn’t change his sex. I’m against men dressing up as women and flaunting the beach in bikinis, half nude,all behind the power of gay-freedom is total bull. And we say we wanna fight for equal right, when you haven’t truly made a demarcation between civil and callous? *PS :I don’t see the relevance of pride shows, they actually don’t relay any sensible info about homosexuality*

        Reply

  4. Chizzie
    September 9, 2014

    I completely agree w numbers 2 and 4 with emphasis on the latter. Being gay shouldn’t define u or be the central point where your life revoles around. I’m of the belief that homosexuality should be a character trait not a distinct personality itself. Some guys blur the lines to the point where everything is modeled around the fact that they are gay…it overwhelms them and completely controls them to the point where I feel ( and this might sound a tad superstitious) that it alters their destinies. Just be gay don’t be ‘soo gay’

    Reply

    • pinkpanthertb
      September 9, 2014

      Lol. I get your point. And I happen to buy it. I guess, in the defense of people who let their sexualities define them is the fact that society makes your sexuality a point of judging you. When you’re gay, that’s all they see. Very few people tend to look for the other facets of you. That has a way of affecting the psyche of a gay man, especially if you’re defiant in your stance as a gay man. Pretty soon, being gay is all you let define you.

      Reply

    • chestnut
      September 9, 2014

      U aint never lied chizzie! Some guys tailor their entire lives around being gay! I know a guy who thinks his sexuality is the only defining factor of himself as a human being! D simplest tasks and statements have to make allusion to his gayness; choosing a simple meal becomes “I want to eat rice, u know we tbs like light meals”…deciding when to go out becomes “I want to go out in d evening; u know we tbs prefer hanging out in d evenings”…even drinking water becomes “pls don’t give me warm water o! U know we tbs like chilled water” (ok,maybe I’m reaching a bit with that one,but u get d picture lol). I’m like,dude, we get it,u’re “here and queer and proud” but do u have to point it out at every opportunity?

      Reply

      • Dennis Macauley
        September 9, 2014

        Chestnut my darling, again what is wrong with that? I think sometimes we take ourselves too seriously!!
        Maybe your friend is just being funny and goofy. Its no biggie if you ask me!

        Reply

      • pinkpanthertb
        September 9, 2014

        Lmao! Oh dear lawd

        Reply

      • chestnut
        September 9, 2014

        @dennis: he’s not my friend…and he does it even when he’s being serious.

        Reply

  5. Khaleesi
    September 9, 2014

    so looong a letter! so long that I need a pen to jot down my thoughts as I go along cos by the time I read a few points, I’ve forgotten the previous ones … whew!

    Reply

    • pinkpanthertb
      September 9, 2014

      We wait in anticipation. Lol.

      Reply

  6. Absalom
    September 9, 2014

    I like this collection. A lot.

    And I’m happy that I’m in a good place in my life while reading them so even the ones that could have given me sleepless nights won’t.

    Quick words to some of the comments though:
    1. We are not seeking everybody’s “approval.” We just want everybody’s respect. Leave us alone and we leave you alone. Represent us in the media as well rounded and just as flawed as everybody else and we will stop wearing G-String to class.

    2. There’s not more to a gay person than being gay if society is largely heterosexual, hetero normative and homophobic (depending on clime). Until we get to that point gayness is considered a boring way of being, then we can talk. (cc: Commenter 4).

    3. I don’t believe everyone who disagrees with homosexuality is anti-gay. I agree with the comments to that effect and know nice people in this category.

    4. Who’s that who said all gay people are mean? *bursts into tears and covers face with red painted nails* Diarris god oooooooh!

    5. Ehen. Those who said they are against gay PDA, they should well done with their double standards oh. My God who is delivering my tattooed husband to me in perfumed box will visit them. Nonsense and ingredients.

    Reply

    • Dennis Macauley
      September 9, 2014

      Oh absalom! Nonsense and ingredients? LOL that expression kills me everytime! ROTFL

      Reply

      • Absalom
        September 9, 2014

        Hehehehhe.

        Reply

    • pinkpanthertb
      September 9, 2014

      Hahahahaha! Oh Absalom. You delight me so.

      Reply

    • pinkpanthertb
      September 9, 2014

      I swear tho, that one that says we’re mean, he or she isn’t too far off the mark. Can someone please send him or her a ticket to the Kito-Diaries-Comments show. Lol

      Reply

      • Absalom
        September 9, 2014

        LOL. But the commenters on LIB and BN are just as mean and they are not all gay.

        Imagine someone commenting that Rita Dominic looks like a corpse. I just can’t.

        Reply

      • pinkpanthertb
        September 9, 2014

        The exact reason I never EVER venture to the comments section if LIB. Those people are venomous.

        Reply

    • Legalkoboko
      September 9, 2014

      Goodness me!
      Absalom can you lend me your brain? I’m serious. Lol!

      Nansense and ingredients indeed. love it!

      Reply

  7. King
    September 9, 2014

    Ah pinky love this is too long and am in the office starring down a whole load of work..so I hope u don’t mind I pass…plus send more interesting reads biko…. my colleagues keep telling me am a lot happier whenever I read something on my galaxy note…eh that’s kito diaries darlings….

    Reply

  8. chestnut
    September 9, 2014

    I’m not gonna lie, I aint even mad at some of these points (although some of d sillier ones get a side-eye from me). I especially agree with d flamboyance and exaggeration of gayness. Some gay ppl do d most! U don’t have to wear a pink tutu and do d “sasha fierce” walk every time u’re on d streets for Christ’s sake!!! U don’t have to wear a blouse and leggings and enough lipgloss and a birkin “man-bag” to show u’re proud and fierce and super-hot( actually,I think it makes one look super “un-hot”!). Like that Magic Johnson’s fat son that always has to be so “extra” with all d sheer blouses and lace and leggings and bags and lipgloss (I wonder whether he thinks someone will take away his gay membership card if he doesn’t dress like a “real housewife of fat-Atlanta”!
    It’s okay to be urself but there IS such a thing as overkill. I just can’t,with all d extraness! And whether u like to admit it or not,it doesn’t paint us in good light.

    Reply

    • pinkpanthertb
      September 9, 2014

      Real housewives if fat-Atlanta! Jisox! Hahahahaha

      Reply

    • Dennis Macauley
      September 9, 2014

      Chestnut you are being condescending and down right silly. If we cannot accept the fact that there is diversity amongst ourselves, how do we judge those who cannot accept diversity in human sexuality.

      This is internalized homophobia, the same thing we preach against and today you are my second least favorite person on this blog.

      Just for today tho, I still love your silly self!

      Reply

      • pinkpanthertb
        September 9, 2014

        Lol. Um, Dennis, who’s your first? *vigorously stirring some sweetner into my tea*

        Reply

      • Dennis Macauley
        September 9, 2014

        *sipping on my milk shake*

        Reply

      • chestnut
        September 9, 2014

        Hahaha! Denny,boo, I forgive u for calling me “condescending” and “silly”. I don’t think I’m any of those things tho; I can’t find everything u find acceptable, acceptable and vice versa. “Diversity” in what u decide to wear is veeeeery different from diversity in d sexuality u’re born with; u can’t choose d gender u’re attracted to, but u sure as hell can choose not to wear nail-polish and pink,bedazzled,sking-tight leggings, as a man. Choice of clothes is perfectly within one’s control; it’s not like choice of who u’re attracted to. And no, for d last time, wanting to see a man who dresses like a man is NOT internalized homophobia; it’s just common sense! Again,someone not sharing an opinion what u on a subject doesn’t make them silly or stupid. I must not find all sorts of diversity acceptable.do u find pedophilia to be an acceptable diversity? No. So u see,everyone must not accept EVERY type of “diversity”.
        (Pinky,I know dis is late so,I think dennis might not come back to see it…pls make sure he does,I’d like to continue dis discussion,if he wants to…ping him,mail him,call him,copy dis and send to him ,whatever,just make sure he sees it,plsssss! Tnx Luv!)

        Reply

      • pinkpanthertb
        September 9, 2014

        Lmao. I’m on it! *dashing off to bbm*

        Reply

      • Dennis Macauley
        September 9, 2014

        Chestnut, I take back all the “not nice” things I said about you! Forgive me!

        However even if you don’t like something, do not denigrate or condemn! Some gay men are loud and in ur face and carry sequined bags to work! They should have the freedom to do that without the rest of us judging them.

        There are different archetypes of gay men, no one is better than the other!

        Reply

  9. Fabb
    September 9, 2014

    Leaves me thinking; if I wasn’t gay what would my life be like… Happier than I am now? Sadder than I am now? Perfectly “normal”? *sigh* I just feel so insecure somehow.

    Reply

  10. maxonex
    September 9, 2014

    Love love love it!!!!!!!….Been waiting for this kinda stuff to come up …
    ‘As a gay man, I absolutely hate the gay community”-This is just me…I’m not happy the way gay ppl act..It has become increasingly difficult to see a gay person who doesn’t wear it as a badge to commit all sorts of sexual atrocities.. They give gays a bad name and make it difficult for people to take us seriously.
    When I see the weaves, make up and too much color on TV, I just laugh..Including people referring to themselves as girls (and when they say u behave like one, u get angry).
    Flamboyant t-shirts etc…People who made an impact in American gay community are the very respectable ones, people like Harvey Milk, Matt Bomer etc… Who dress properly and make ppl to see we r not so different.
    I’m not just gay…Being gay doesn’t define me.
    I’m a mix of other things…I love my hardcore video games, I enjoy soldering & doing technical electrical work…I tinker a lot…I love my techs…I know HW to cook but hate doing it..I don’t flip magazine covers looking for the latest fashion trend ..
    I’ve always had it in mind about being an activist…Gay people should be educated in many things….many things…just like one of the commenters said, you’ll find that they mostly live the same lifestyle everywhere u go(sex on demand).
    As for christianity, ever since I removed it from the equation, I’ve stopped being scared.I found out that all the fears I’ve ever had in my life was bcos of christianity.
    I don’t think being gay is a sin. Just bcos someone put up something (which can be misinterpreted) in the bible doesn’t make me an abomination…we r humans after all…Right from the moment we were created we betrayed out creator…And so I dare to challenge the presumed infallibility of the bible…

    Reply

    • pinkpanthertb
      September 9, 2014

      ‘I don’t flip magazine covers looking for the latest fashion trend…’

      Uh, that’s a gay thing?

      Reply

      • maxonex
        September 9, 2014

        Errm, I don’t need to answer that…you know the answer…
        Bcos of how the majority of flamboyant ones package themselves, many things have become a gay thing…One example is cooking which u ppl always joke about here & making reference to “gay cooking gene”..
        Everyone is always out to get someone who makes a reference to something which is a norm in the gay community by labeling it stereotype.
        Glad I made my point loud n clear..
        Maybe I’m a bit conservative, maybe not…

        Reply

      • pinkpanthertb
        September 9, 2014

        My dear, no one has said any tin here about a ‘gay cooking gene’. Jeez! That even sounds ridiculous. The joke is that the things gay people are expected to do (genes) is lacking in some of us. Like cooking. That doesn’t make a man who cooks gay. Nor a man who checks out fashion trends gay. Easy on the projection of your pet peeves abeg.

        Reply

  11. JustJames
    September 9, 2014

    This is the issue with allowing people to be free and voice out opinions. It will always conflict with some other persons own. At least it’s not a cat fight here. I say live and let live. If a dude wants to dress up in a tutu then by all means do! Afterall some straight men want to wear girls clothes. See ehn.. All the lines have been blurred. There’s no more too much… and it’s only going to get worse/better depending on how you look at it. I just pray I’m long gone before people start campaigning that incest should be considered normal.

    And those of you feeling guilt. If you didn’t think what you were doing was wrong then you wouldn’t feel the guilt. You need to sit and be honest with yourself and decide how you want to go with your life. You can never be happy with yourself or anyone if what’s a part of you makes you feel miserable.

    About the promiscuity. I’ve said it before and ill say it again.. we are dudes, living in an age where sex is the norm, and we have testosterone… we aren’t exactly going to talk about our feelings when we meet up (I know this doesn’t apply to everyone). So you just have to learn to deal with it and quit complaining. I’m pretty sure as hell you wouldn’t mind a casual hook up if a hot guy asked for it. I’m not saying it’s right or wrong I’m just saying it’s the reality. Abi you want to say all straight men are loyal to their wives or girlfriends? What with all this side chic talk you see on twitter and instagram. Purrlease!

    Reply

    • Dennis Macauley
      September 9, 2014

      5kisses for you James! Thankyou!

      Too much internalized homophobia!

      Harvey milk and Matt Bomer, who dress respectably? I was gonna shout and then I saw
      “Gay people should be educated in many things”

      At this point I will rest my case, no need flogging a dead horse. If that’s your state of mind, God bless you!

      So much for diversity!!!

      Reply

      • maxonex
        September 9, 2014

        Just bcos ure attracted ppl who climb 5inch heels doesn’t mean its all gud…Everyone wanks but they don’t do it in public…and yes No drag has ever made a substantial impact in the LGBT community, name one…And since u like flamboyant dressing so much, why don’t u dress like that??

        Reply

      • pinkpanthertb
        September 9, 2014

        Touché.

        Reply

      • pinkpanthertb
        September 9, 2014

        But Dennis, I have to admit to some dissension. Its not always internalized homophobia if a gay man doesn’t want to see his fellow gay man strutting down the street clad in a remake of the infamous Jlo Grammy Versace gown. The dude dressed like so has a right to do so, yes. But if I sneer at it, I shouldn’t be slapped with the offense if internalized homophobia. I could simply be much to conservative for such outrageousness.

        Reply

    • pinkpanthertb
      September 9, 2014

      *in Gerard Butler’s voice* And that is the Ugly Truth!

      Reply

      • Dennis Macauley
        September 9, 2014

        Such outrageousness? Oh well what do I know!

        At this point I shall rest my case!

        Reply

      • pinkpanthertb
        September 9, 2014

        Stop quibbling over my choice of words, darling. 🙂 They may not be appropriate but I know you get my point.

        Reply

      • Absalom
        September 9, 2014

        Choice of words is at the heart of this dada-scattering talk. Even you can’t pretend otherwise. We could only read your words. Not your mind. 😛

        Reply

      • pinkpanthertb
        September 9, 2014

        Whatever abeg. There’s nothing about knowing my mind to get my point.

        Reply

      • Absalom
        September 9, 2014

        Hi hihihihi hiiiiiiiiii iii iii… Mmmmmm. 🙂

        Reply

  12. Khaleesi
    September 9, 2014

    Whew! Such a long, winding article, it touched on so many different things. It went everywhere and touched on anything in between everywhere. My mind was constantly scrambling to absorb concepts and articulate my responses and feelings towards them. I shall mostly touch on the ones that I feel most strongly about. Here goes …
    If you think its ok for a straight couple to freely show PDA in public but for frown on the same for gays, duh, you’re still in the clutches of homophobia.
    Gay parades and pride marches are flamboyant, overblown and over the top? Huh? What about the Rio Carnival as well as several other major carnivals across the globe? Even in Calabar here in Nigeria, the carnivals frequently feature scantily clad women. Gay prides are largely carnivals. Flamboyance and larger – than – life exaggeration are part and parcel of them, live with it or shut yourself indoors while it lasts **pulls on her tightest bum shorts and joins the next pride march**
    Gays do not reproduce and are therefore useless to society: what about heterosexuals for who due to choice or circumstance cannot/will not reproduce? Are they automatically useless? The emphasis on reproduction arose from Abrahamic religions which are a relic of the jewish nation. A tiny nation sorrouned by hostile enemies, it was imperative that they bolster their populace by reproducing exponentially, after all their fighting force would be drawn from their able – bodied population. Most parts of the world are now more than adequately populated, indeed over – population is a looming threat. Abrahamic religions were propounded and practiced by people who’s reality, motives and circumstances differ widely from our present day reality. I think its foolhardy to allow my life be dictated by moral codes as propounded by them, 4000 years later. Hellz to the No!!!!
    Please, how does my fucking another man hurt you in the same way that my lying to you or stealing from you do? Tell me pls.
    If gay pride events are unnecessary and counter productive, think about why any group which has a common bond/struggle feels the need to commemorate their shared experience. E.g several countries as well as several diverse groups within them have annual events where a common shared theme is celebrated or commemorated. Gays have had a long bitter and sometimes deadly struggle, pride is a means to celebrate whatever gains they’ve won for themselves as well as to highlight the struggles which lie ahead, all in a carnival atmosphere.
    Christianity says its wrong … **stop there!! BBM talk to the manicured hands smiley*** … if you’re going to allow the folklore and customs of a band of jews regulate your life thousands of years later. Have fun, its your personal problem, not mine! Thanks for raising the point that church and state are to be strictly separated and that morality cannot be allowed to regulate legality. Thanks for your honesty! This is a concept that primitive Nigeria and much of Africa is unable to grasp … someday perhaps.
    Gays are promiscuous … huh?!* and straight people are not? Smh … promiscuity exists, I cant say how or why (story for another day maybe) … promiscuity exists all across the sexuality spectrum. I sense that promiscuity has (in varying degrees) always been part and parcel of mankind. The regulations imposed by religion and culture are a means of attempting to justify our regarding sex as a taboo topic (I stand to be corrected), research into the lifestyle of several diverse primitive societies tells of sexual promiscuity being rampant. Promiscuity is not exclusively a gay thing. It is a HUMAN thing.
    Gays are not normal. So, what is normal? Twins, triplets and other multiple births are abnormal as well, indeed until a few decades ago we killed them in this part of the world! Being left – handed (like I am), is abnormal as well, babies born with down syndrome are so because of a genetic abnormality (Dennis Macaulay shebi you be Dr, oya over to you), even blue eyes which several Caucasians have and which some persons find so appealing are actually a deviation from the normal black or brown eye colour of human beings. There is soooo much abnormality in nature because nature is not perfect. If you think an abnormality which causes you no harm is enough reason to persecute and kill, oya ooo, draw your weapons and get busy!
    I agree that a church cannot/should not be forced to perform marriage rites on gays. I personally think any gay person who insists on belonging to a church which abhors and despises him needs to have his head and self – esteem critically examined.
    There, that was a long one, hope I didn’t bore you with my endless droning ***hugs***

    Reply

    • Dennis Macauley
      September 9, 2014

      Khaleesi! Colorfully put but totally true

      *big kiss for you*

      You said it all, nothing more to say

      Reply

      • Khaleesi
        September 9, 2014

        ermm Dennis, since you didnt specify if the kiss is on the cheek or forehead or lips, I’ll assume it for the lips ***smiles, closes eyes, nibbles Dennis lower lips, starts to slide tongue in mouth, hears Mrs Macaulay’s footseps, jumps out the window in panic … whew***

        Reply

  13. Lanre Swagg
    September 9, 2014

    Someone says it’s internalized homophobia but ‘gay culture’ locks out the gay minority who don’t wanna be loud, proud, colorful, flaming, expressive or special.

    That stereotype is the elephant in the room.

    Even here on KD…

    Reply

    • pinkpanthertb
      September 9, 2014

      Gbam!

      Reply

    • Khaleesi
      September 9, 2014

      @ Lanre, oh please!!! thats a cheap shot! when has any gay person been discriminated against or badly treated by other gays on account of his choosing to be muted and subdued. It NEVER happens! you’re carrying things too far, loud. expressive gays have never and will never “lock out” subdued, muted gays. A lot of the gays you call flamboyant are simply creative persons employing light – hearted antics to release inner creativity. Its all harmless fun, except to persons with internalized homophobia issues.

      Reply

      • Lanre Swagg
        September 10, 2014

        Khaleesi- it works like a caste system, an unspoken but brutal apartheid – that’s exactly why it so oppressive. It’s not ever openly carried out. The sheer numbers and roaring aggression of the very many lionesses in the pride overwhelms and drowns out the tiny yelps of that lonely mancub, who slinks away, long thick tail between his legs, to go lap water at the zebra pool…

        Reply

      • pinkpanthertb
        September 10, 2014

        Hahahahaa. That’s quite the vivid comparison. I can actually picture the wildlife representation.

        Reply

  14. enKayced
    September 9, 2014

    Damn! Been at work all day just to get on KD and run headlong into this sensitive gist.
    Personally, the only reason why I’m attracted to a guy is because he is a GUY!
    If I find that little effeminacy, I completely lose interest.
    Like I normally tell my peeps, if I want a lady, I go for a lady. Then again, it is pertinent to note that some people are born naturally effeminate, some born naturally vain and some are naturally interested in fashion trends. The funny thing is that I know people in all of these categories who aren’t even gay!
    The most important thing is that we carry ourselves with some dignity…
    And as for Dennis Macaulay, Khaleesi and Mrs Macaulay, I travelled o!
    King, Oh King! Where forth art thou?

    Reply

  15. s_sensei
    September 9, 2014

    So much has already been said so i dont think i need to say more. I agree with a lot of the “anti gay” comments. Again , sometimes i wonder if we are really any different from those who judge and condemn us. Because even here in this forum, people have at one time or the other said nasty things about lesbians, bisexuals and even guys who dont like penetrative sex. Makes me wonder, if some of us were straight, wouldnt we be worse than these homophobes? We crave and even demand to be understood but we are very unwilling to understand and accept others, even those who are different among us. If a person believes that homosexuality is a sin, he is entitled to his opinion. If you want people to accept you as you are, be ready to accept them in return. And note that accepting doesnt mean you change your opinion or you force another to change theirs. It just means we “live and let live”.

    Reply

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