5 responses

  1. Dimkpa
    January 27, 2017

    This right here hit home. I regret to say I was beaten a lot. I still remember some of them vividly, the feeling of doom while anticipating the lashes, the terror at the size of the weapon, the pain and the welts on my body afterwards. It was too much to handle. Though now it is all past and I have made a life for myself, the lacerations on my mind still remain. Outwardly I may have turned out okay but inside I am still a mess and even though I am trying to sort it out, it never really goes away and is a baggage I would rather not have to deal with. A lot of my present social inadequacies can be traced back to those days. The fear of people in authority, lack of assertiveness and being acutely sensitive to criticism.
    People think that having the ability to make a baby equips one with the skills to raise one. This is obviously not true. There are many colleges of education where people are taught how to teach children. These teachers only spend a fraction of time with the kids. The parents who are with them for most of their growing years however don’t get any training and there lies the problem.
    Some people will come out and shout ‘Spare the rod and spoil the child’, a statement I believe is from the Bible. The same Bible also says that sticks are not meant for the backs of children but it doesn’t get as much publicity.
    Thanks for writing this, it is good to know that people are realising the error of corporal punishment and the dangers it poses. For the would be parents here, just know that soft words can accomplish more than hard force.

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  2. Bain
    January 27, 2017

    My mother used to say; “When a child does something wrong hitting a child won’t change anything,but correcting the child with love would,if the child doesnt take corrections,its not the child’s fault,they are to young to understand, you just have to change you correction method.”…

    Funny thing is Nigerians don’t understand that hitting someone is physical abuse,it has become a norm.

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  3. Francis
    January 27, 2017

    My mum was talented at unnecessary beating and this was feared for that. Funny enough she knew the beatings were uncalled for as she made efforts to hide them from popsy would get mad at her if he ever found out.

    It’s one of the reasons why I don’t want to have kids……… I’ll most definitely treat them the way i was raised and probably kill dem in the process and that is no way to raise a kid.

    My brothers were able to stand up to her as time went by sha but not me as mummy pikin that I is. I made sure to pay attention to the rules and stick religiously to them to avoid pissing her off.

    P.S: the last part of this piece left me confused as to what the beatings have to do with homophobia and the feminist movement

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  4. MagDiva
    January 28, 2017

    I have to admit with my first, I was 80% the static parent and this little human was a project to me and I sadly dealt with him the way did projects. By the time I got to my second, I had grown – mentally and emotionally and was a lot more prepared and sadly I can see the difference.

    I was beaten by my mum, heck! At one point I was convinced that I was adopted and so was glad when I left home at 17. Our relationship was strained (still is) and I honestly believe then that the beatings shaped me and did me good. However, having kids, I’ve found that that’s the wrong way to parent.

    We need to talk to our kids, engage them, correct them, whilst also making them realise that for every negative action there are consequences. It’s all about finding the right balance. Everyday I’m learning from these two and trying to be a better parent than my parents were.

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  5. Mani
    December 8, 2017

    Thank you for writing this. I am an adult now raised by two Nigerian parents who of course beat me, among other harsh Nigerian ways of raising children and I now suffer from C-PTSD. I sink a lot of time and TREMENDOUS effort into very very expensive therapy to get by. I thought beating didn’t affect me until something triggered me at age 39 and the effects of all of the terror I was raised under started spilling out. There is a price to be paid for everything. I would have never thought that these beatings affected me, until my body one day couldn’t hold it in anymore. I’ve since learned so much about childhood trauma that it pains me greatly to see how Nigerians ‘discipline’ their children. None of this is ok. There is a very VERY high price to pay for it. Believe me.

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