BAD-COCK

BAD-COCK

It was a week to valentines, love was in the air and I was on my way to make love to my lover, Akin. Our relationship had hit a snag in recent weeks, but sex always seemed to rekindle our romance and today I was very horny. I arrived at his house and as he unlocked the gate to usher me into his sister’s three-bedroom flat, I saw the devil’s incarnate walking toward me. It was my worst nightmare in 3D and it was taking daring steps, inching closer to snatch the life out of me. Thankfully Akin opened the gates and I managed to swivel just in time to miss the brightly feathered monster. Phew! That was close – my racing heartbeat confirmed it. Akin and I navigated a short flight of stairs and behold, the ambiance of a nicely-furnished living room was a welcome relief. We stepped into the apartment, and while he went to get me a drink, I popped over to the window to peep at the demon that scared the shit out of me a few moments ago. And there it was, camped innocently at the corridor in front of the gate

Pause.

This might be a good time to point out that I am terrified of birds, CHICKENS being at the top of the list. I don’t know if it’s a phobia or not, but fowls, turkeys, ducks, parrots and basically anything that can fly frightens me to death. Although I’m a big admirer of eagles, any form of physical contact with feathered animals gives me the heebie-jeebies. When I was little, my parents celebrated Christmas the traditional way by slaughtering live chicken at home. Every other night, my father and brother would take turns to torture me by leaving its feathers in my clothes or literally chase me around the house with the live fowl in their hands. I used to sleep with one eye open during the yuletide season because I feared waking up to a hen crouched on my bed. Till this day, I still dread chickens – except of course when they come in contact with hot oil and is sitting pretty on Jollof Rice.

Back in the house, memories of my haunted childhood were coming back thick and fast. However, the fear of this evil bird was no match for my lustful desires. Before Akin came back with my drink, I had stripped down to my briefs. His sister would soon return from work and I wanted to go at least three rounds with him before she did. Today though, all Akin wanted to do was talk. He wanted us to fix our dying relationship but I was more concerned with his man-boobs, which were playing hide and seek with my lustful gaze. He was still trying to communicate when I pounced on him like an animal in heat. I was way too horny to feign interest in the conversation any longer. As expected, he tried to wiggle his way out from beneath me, but I pinned him down while he feebly protested, “Seun, I don’t want to have sex.”

I should have listened to him but Konji is a bastard. His initial gra-gra softened when my fingers found their way into his promised land. I knew him all too well and I exploited all his weak spots to my advantage. In no time, he was moaning with pleasure as he struggled to contain his delight.

Akin and I had a fairly boring and rigid sex routine which was entirely my fault. We always commenced coitus with foreplay and then I would lube him up and penetrate him cowgirl style. We would then proceed to other positions until I came, and thereafter, I would jerk him off. It had been like this for three years and I would have it no other way. This time however, I tried something different – worst mistake ever! I simultaneously worked on his hole and hard-on with both hands while intermittently biting his nipples. I took him to seventh heaven, and in a few moments, he was gasping and shooting streams of semen all over the bed.

Job well done, I reasoned. Now my turn.

I rolled over to obtain condoms from my wallet, when I heard a sarcastic laugh. I turned to face him.

“What is funny?” I quizzed as I made to open the condom.

He held my hands, looked at me sternly and said, “Seun… we are not having sex today.”

I saw the funny side of the dry joke. Surely he was kidding, I had just given him the orgasm of a lifetime; I was going to get laid for sure. He reiterated his stance and this time I could hear the seriousness in his tone. His words reverberated in my ears. Apparently, he was willing to make out but no penetration. This news didn’t sit well with me because I really wanted to fuck, so I quickly re-strategized. Boyfriend of the Year that I was, I tried to talk some sense into him but he wouldn’t budge. He remained adamant that there would be no penetration. I was becoming increasingly frustrated and desperate. I pleaded with him but he refused. I promised heaven and earth yet he didn’t reconsider. I tried to pin him down again, and he got more resilient.

Shit!

I grew very impatient, my desperation was vivid but I was still fucking horny. I begged him for the last time but he rebuffed me. I was animated. I whipped out my dick and in a very arrogant manner, ordered him to suck me off. He chuckled, got up and put on his sweatpants. My mountain-sized ego was deflated and now looked more like a mustard seed. I was incensed. I got up angrily, dick still hard, painstakingly put on my clothes, all this time hoping my antics would force him to reconsider. I was fully dressed now and ready to leave, but deep down, I desperately wanted him to jerk me off at least, but my ego just wouldn’t let me ask nicely.

I pocketed my phone, put the untouched condom in my wallet and stormed out of the house Telemundo style, banging the door behind me loud enough to create the illusion I was gone forever. I waited outside for a few seconds for a reaction, I didn’t get any. With renewed fury, I flew down the stairs like a bison, angry, frustrated and still very horny. I was so focused on how to get back at Akin that I totally forgot that winged Mephistopheles was lying in wait for me. The two-footed winged demon stood up to its full length, startling me to a halt and making my heart skip a beat. I could swear I saw a wry smile etched on its ominous beak. This monster was mocking me. I was furious, but for all my anger, my feet didn’t move an inch.

Fuck!

I know this sounds incredible but it’s true – this was no ordinary cock. It was a cocky cock, one that knew I was afraid of it. It was as terrifying as they come, a fearless cock and in truth, a very ugly one too. It had this brown-ish colour, a pale beak and feathers like a demon. The beast of a chicken didn’t flinch despite my theatrics to scare it off. It was standing in the middle of the corridor and there was no way past it.

Like a confrontation in the Wild West, me and this hatched relative of the devil stood facing one other. It was a true Mexican standoff with each one waiting for the other to make the first move. It was the ultimate battle for dominance between man and our feathered foes. On behalf of humanity, I made the first move. I did the most embarrassing thing known to mankind; I talked to a chicken.

“Shoo!” I cried as I waved my hands dramatically.

It blinked but didn’t oblige.

In the face of fear, I gathered some courage. I took out my slipper, raised it up and took a step closer. Then I took another step and another one and finally, as I braced myself to mount an attack, this fowl flapped its wings and flew towards me so fast that I panicked and ran for my life. I darted back up the stairs and nearly tumbled. I couldn’t make it out alone. I needed help.

I am a proud man. A very proud one. But I humbly dragged myself back to Akin’s apartment. As soon as I knocked, he came out, visibly surprised. I couldn’t bear to look at him; I still had an attitude, but with a straight face, I begged him to come drive the evil chicken away so I could pass.

He wanted to burst into laughter – that much was obvious from the suddenly careful arrangement of his features – but out of respect for my bruised ego, he only limited his reaction to a few scoffs. I followed him downstairs and when we reached the gate, he walked majestically past the chicken, like it wasn’t there and beckoned on me to come. I grinned at him and he chuckled. Then he moved his feet in a very nonchalant Nigerian way, as if to say, “See the small thing this one is afraid of.”

And the chicken scurried off.

The coast was now clear, and I could finally put an end to my misery. I picked up the little left of my pride, raised my head up and confidently walked out of the house without saying a word to my timely saviour.

I wasn’t going to let things slide that easy though. I had a plan. No one messes with me and gets away with it. As soon as I was well clear of the house, I sauntered into the nearest eatery and ordered a plate of Grilled Chicken. I know it’s not the same chicken but I’m sure deep down, they are all the same. I wasn’t going to leave vengeance to the Lord.

Revenge, they say, is a dish best served Hot!

Written by Orobo Hunter

Print Friendly, PDF & Email
Previous Why Andy Cohen, Anderson Cooper and the Gold Star Gays aren't a good thing
Next Let Your Anger Shine

About author

You might also like

Our Stories 150 Comments

MY DICK IS BIGGER THAN YOURS

I solemnly swear that I have no judgment for anyone’s lifestyle, no matter how debauched; I may be filled with distaste, but I will not give voice to my opinion,

Print Friendly, PDF & Email
Our Stories 20 Comments

12 BANGS A SLAVE

He was a strapping young lad, sixteen years old. He worked in our house, not very smart looking. Just a kid with freckles doing manual things. He wore linen shorts

Print Friendly, PDF & Email
Our Stories 7 Comments

No Strings With Mike Daemon (Episode 18)

When Bisi Alimi talked about how LGBTIQ persons are prone to depression on his coming out interview on Funmi Iyanda’s New Dawn, he was actually right, as recent studies has

Print Friendly, PDF & Email

18 Comments

  1. quinn
    December 31, 08:03 Reply

    ???aren’t you just cute. That fowl must have been having fun scaring you I bet.
    Say na telemundo style ?. So what’s with you and this Akin guy now

  2. Mandy
    December 31, 08:29 Reply

    ????????? This is all shades of hilarious. You gotta wonder which one is the badder cock, the one you didn’t get from Akin or the chicken waiting outside for you.

  3. Tobby
    December 31, 08:57 Reply

    ??? To be fair, I’m glad to know there are others afraid of birds like me. I could totally understand you. Lol!

    Once, when I was younger, I visited this friend. As I was about to leave, there was this Hen standing right at the exit. And like the hen in this story, it was the kind that knew I was scared of it. Lol. When I took a step forward, it puffed its ugly wings as if to warn me. Mehn, my heart stopped, I was rooted to a spot. I thought I was never going home again ???. Luckily for me, this boy that was both younger and smaller than I, came to my rescue. He approached the hen confidently with the arrogance of one who knew that it was just a harmless bird. The hen puffed, tried to make itself bigger, but the little boy was unfazed. He stood there rigidly, calm in his expression. Finally, the hen backed down. Its feathers dropped and it jejely walked away. Oh boy, I breathed a sigh of relief, gratefully thanked the boy and ran to my mummy’s house. I wanted mummy ??

  4. Dickson Clement
    December 31, 09:21 Reply

    Saving the best for the last!! Good way to end the year here!!
    Man up tho…lols!
    I am equally afraid of rats!! No matter how small it is.
    It has embarrassed me in ways I can’t even tell!
    But my brother, this guy has been giving you Ojoto nah, why will you ego be hurt for one Ibongi free day???

  5. Michael
    December 31, 10:02 Reply

    I have a cousin who’s rather not have anything to do with birds.

  6. MacGrey
    December 31, 10:19 Reply

    lol….. Orobo u no well. I have this guy that is afraid of reptiles. We always tease him. It’s fun doing that sha.

    Next time, try balancing ego with reasoning. It helps… a lot.

  7. Delle
    December 31, 10:38 Reply

    I’ve not laughed as hard as I did now. And oh the pun, the pun in all of these (the title!) Just life-giving.

    Thanks Orobo. Happy New Year and please no chickens!?

  8. Francis
    December 31, 10:50 Reply

    Phew. Thank God it wasn’t another “accidental” rape story to end the year. ?????

  9. vikktor
    December 31, 11:00 Reply

    LOL
    Thanks for this lovely story hunter.happy new year in advance

  10. YCJ
    December 31, 12:59 Reply

    Um, guys. . .
    I have this kind of ish.
    Like there’s this guy i met on whatsapp. We’ve met once and i think i like him,love maybe cos sometimes i just feel much love for him and then other times i feel nothing more than friendship love. And during the period of the friendship love ish he tells me he really loves me i cant say it back cos it’d feel like I’m lying. It has left me confused as to whether i really love him, I’m forcing my self to love him or there’s something wrong with me.
    Any ideas or prescriptions

    • Francis
      December 31, 15:33 Reply

      Don’t say anything until you’re 200% sure you actually mean it. Don’t fuck a potential good thing up by forcing I love you #SpeakingFromExperience

      • YCJ
        December 31, 18:50 Reply

        Your comment..Thanks

  11. Dunder
    December 31, 19:56 Reply

    I haven’t laughed this hard in a while. My aunt used to keep these malevolent turkeys and in boarding school, there were these ducks that were the spawn of Satan himself so believe me when I say I get the fear. I would make excuses for the most badly behaved dogs but I’m convinced domesticated birds are beginning to rally against those eating them. Nice way to round up 2017. Happy new year to everyone.

  12. trystham
    January 01, 07:16 Reply

    LWKMD. Did u try to shout “Stay TF down” sternly at both cocks? Telling ur cock would av restored the tattered fragments of ur rep, telling the cock would av saved ur ‘masculinity’. You write good and funny for a strong faced person

  13. Orobo Hunter
    January 01, 23:24 Reply

    Hey guys, thanks for the warm reception. Akin and I are cool now. I don’t have a strong face jare lol. Happy new year everyone.

  14. flame
    January 07, 01:37 Reply

    Simply brilliant. Fine writing! ?

Leave a Reply