BEWARE! THE YORUBA DEMON IS GAY TOO

BEWARE! THE YORUBA DEMON IS GAY TOO

It was a fine new year. I was doing my IT at a lab on the island. I had just gotten out of a relationship where I had unwittingly done a number on the guy and was feeling guilty. I was reevaluating how I was going through boyfriends, so I decided I had to stop to take a breather before I did irreparable damage to myself.

The universe cackled manically at my resolve as she stirred her pot.

My dear friend, John, added me to a certain group. Upon my introduction, this fine hunk of a man slithered – sorry – slid into my inbox and started calling me a rock star, saying how he loved my music covers and my smile and shii. And my 20-year-old self was flabbergasted by the attention I was getting from him. I was also suspicious.

But mehn, this guy was GOOD! Like, he had a way with words and he knew he did and he used words that cut right into my soul like a hot knife penetrating butter. From calling me a rock star, he was talking about the house we would live in when we got married and how many kids we’d have and what their names would be, and then he was combining our surnames to fit our eventual coupling. It was all so sweet and charming. I’m a sucker for sweet and charming.

But I wanted to take things slow and I told him. He didn’t let up though. I’d go to bed every night thinking of him and how he seemed too good to be true.

Anyway, we decided to meet on my birthday at The Palms. He was just as handsome in person, if not handsomer, and he towered over me, and he had such kind brown eyes. I was taken in. We made out in the cinema (don’t ask me how) and made out in the visitor’s bathroom of the house I was staying.

A week later, we had sex at a friend’s place. It was nice. But the after-sex cuddle was amazing. Imagine holding someone that could pass as an underwear model in your arms. We slow-danced to no music and when we walked to where we’d take buses home, he held my hand and said he didn’t care if people saw us.

The bus ride home, I was Taylor Swift singing “You’re in love.”

Sigh.

A week later, it all turned to shit. Like shitty, shittiest shitty of the shittiest order. Attempts to see him again were met with excuses. The texts didn’t dwindled, and then abruptly stopped coming.

But I said it was in my head. Surely a person couldn’t just transform from baby names and hand-holding to this Harmattan breeze I was feeling in the space of a week. But it became ever-so-glaring that something was wrong. What I thought was my last bus stop was acting like a stopover flight.

So I asked him. And he told me he’d found someone else he wanted to share his body with. He said he had to move on since I wasn’t ready.

Mehn, I was fucking confused. I wondered where I’d missed a beat. I had to ask my friend whose house we fucked in if I’d imagined all those things that happened. That was when my friend revealed that he knew the guy and it was apparently his modus operandi. He’d get guys to fall for him and then leave them high and dry.

I was depressed for a week because I wondered how I could have been so foolish.

Some years later, I met someone else who knew the guy. Someone else who was suffering psychological trauma from what exactly happened to me. The story was basically the same. The only difference was that I had moved on but this guy was still suffering from it a year later.

So niggas, beware of handsome men with kind eyes who could pass for underwear models. They will feed you sweet, sugary things day and night. But don’t forget that too much sugar causes diabetes and sometimes what is too good to be true is exactly too good to be true.

Written by IBK

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21 Comments

  1. Higwe
    February 12, 08:23 Reply

    I love how you completely exonerated yourself from every blame and passed it all to him.
    Maybe the sex was lousy or maybe your hot and cold attitude turned him off.
    Having met you through a mutual acquaintance a couple of times, I’d say your attitude is less than stellar!
    But what do I know? ………….your version is the only one we have to work with.

    • trystham
      February 12, 14:26 Reply

      It is? I guess it is true what they say about ppl being mirrors.

      Wo, happy birthday jare

    • IBK
      February 14, 16:23 Reply

      Cute.. you’ve been noticed.. now run along and go play with your toys.

  2. WESSICK
    February 13, 01:05 Reply

    Sounds a lot like Dami… yes I wrote it DAAAAAAAMMMMMMMIIIIIII… Sounds a lot like him only that he still stayed, but kept cheating… *sigh*
    I hope you’re reading this Dami…

  3. Mandy
    February 13, 05:15 Reply

    Lol. This is a generalization but yes, fine boys are way too unsafe for the heart.

  4. Victor Ukpa
    February 13, 09:10 Reply

    Otedola with the money…. kollydee with the long mouth ooooo. Go sit somewhere with your shitty attitude and stop ranting how you got dumped.

  5. Quinn
    February 13, 10:56 Reply

    This is really a huge thing in the community..which I’m guilty of as well, to the Perpetrators of this act and to myself, TAKE IT SLOW

    • DeadlyDarius
      February 15, 00:38 Reply

      Yeah this is why I’m wary of those who proclaim love at first sight. And wanna skip so many steps. If the affection is real, time will tell. Actions speak louder than any sugary words…

  6. IBK
    February 14, 16:20 Reply

    Lmao! Just came here and saw the comments. Didn’t even realise it was published. It’s not that deep y’all.

  7. IBK
    February 14, 16:22 Reply

    The guy was igbo seff.

  8. Rajpoot
    February 14, 19:31 Reply

     ? Also there was barely any service, not because we were in a super remote location, but because I have what is likely the worlds shittiest cell carrier lol.

  9. DeadlyDarius
    February 15, 00:32 Reply

    Wait.

    A.

    Minute.

    Do I know this mystery muscular guy? I think I do! *giving myself a cookie*

    PS: I’m probably wrong ??

  10. Wheels
    February 15, 22:25 Reply

    Oh well… nothing lasts forever!!!?

  11. aAYaaH
    February 19, 18:36 Reply

    I can relate well. I used to do that.

    You write well. You had me at “The universe cackled manically at my resolve as she stirred her pot”..

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