On Saturday, Bisi Alimi revealed on Facebook that he had been sexually abused. Check on his story below.
Since the case of sexual harassment and abuse broke, I have been hanging on the cliff. I am not sure if being open about it is the good thing to do as I am afraid it might go far and this is the first time my husband will be reading this.
For over a week now I couldn’t get the image of what happened out of my head.
In 2014, I was sexually abused twice in 24hrs and this broke me completely. This story I am sharing is not for pity. I am sorry, I don’t need anyone’s pity. However I hope for me it might be for closure, though I know I will possibly never find closure.
I had gone to visit my childhood friend in Switzerland. We used to be very close in uni. Short story, he went out that day and I was in alone with his husband. His husband and I had a complicated back story, but not one to warrant what happened that evening.
His husband is a very powerful man in the city of Luzern. I know my friend might be reading this, and I hope he forgives me for ending his marriage. I didn’t mean to but I couldn’t carry the shame for long.
He groped me, my best friend’s husband groped me ‘expecting me to like it’. I was staying with them, my friend would not be coming back home that night, I was going to be alone with his husband. I was scared, I couldn’t sleep, I was conscious of his movement all through the night, I was scared, wishing for my friend to come home.
The lucky thing was, that was my last night. I packed my bag and left earlier for the airport. I rang my best friend in Berlin and I was on the phone crying to him.
During this time I was homeless in London, and I spent time on the couch of friends. So I came to another friend’s house to pass the night.
He had come back home with a guy he met on Grindr (I didn’t know this as I was fast asleep already, but he told me in the morning). I was tired and passed on the couch. I guess while having sex, they were screaming and my friend had told his date to not shout cos I was in the living room. I guess during the conversation my sexuality came up, I have no idea but at some point in the night, I thought I was having a dream, it was not clear to me, but it also felt real, I had a feeling I was having a blow job, it was not clear.
Then from this dream I woke up to see my dick in the mouth of a man I had never met before in my life. There was this man, on his knee with my dick in his mouth. I screamed, I had no idea what was going on. Then he told me that he thought I might like it.
In 24 hours two men had access to my body without my permission but on the assumption that I might like it.
Reading this, you might think I am a very strong person as I come across as such and to some degree you are right, but think about it for a second, if this can happen to me who is seen as assertive and in control and I couldn’t deal with it, how much more others who are very vulnerable?
I left Luzern thinking: “Being sexually harassed or abuse is damaging and soul destroying, even more complicated when the person is the husband of your best friend and you are powerless. Also knowing telling your friend might either end their marriage or end your friendship. The guilt you carry.”