Carl’s Existentialism I

Carl’s Existentialism I

Are Secrets and Dreams compatible?

There is a new TV show called Secrets and Lies. It is basically about how a man finds a dead boy in the woods, and later becomes the prime suspect in the murder case. It’s a good show, and I’m recommending it. Why did I bring it up? Well, as the protagonist, Ben’s life is turned upside down by the detective in charge of the case – whose character I absolutely love – his secrets and everyone’s secrets around start to unravel. This begins the end of his marriage, good friendships, and for some time, his sanity, as sometimes, he can’t determine if he killed the boy or not.

Everyone has secrets. If you don’t, then I don’t suppose you have lived one second on planet earth. I have secrets too. A handful of them. The biggest one being that I’m gay, which I suppose you all know, since I am contributing to this blog and talking about hot boys.

I also have dreams. One of my favorite dreams is to be an award-winning creator of a prominent show that everyone will talk about. (Hello, Shonda Rhimes) I would very much like for this dream to come true, but there is a six foot five inches boulder in my way that won’t let me pass or live a life suitable to me. It’s so darn frustrating. See, I’ve tried to create a passageway for people into my life, and quite a handful of people have been let in. Like my older brother, whom I appreciate dearly for his understanding and unparalleled love for me; James who lit a candle in my darkness, and some other close friends to whom I’d be forever grateful. If you notice, my parents or other siblings aren’t in this picture, and with good reason. I’ll probably elaborate on another day.

Most Nigerians, or at least a handful of us, think that it is a fairytale to want to live an open and fulfilling gay life. Well, as for me o, I am not going to die in my closet. Heck, I’m not even rich enough to make it covertly fabulous. Like I said in my last post, stories fuel me. And I’d love to tell them too. But I can’t tell stories without baring my truth for the world to see. If it’s not rejection from my family, then it is years of fasting and prayer and risking shame to the family name. I want to break down this boulder, and shatter the doors to my closet and come out, ready to take on the world. I don’t want to be the next gay TV show-runner, or the TV show runner that has his whole world scandalized by the nosy media. Either way, I don’t get to win.

Maybe you all understand my frustration, maybe you don’t, but this is a very evident case of stage 4 ‘I can’t get my shit together’ dilemma. But unlike Ben from Secrets and Lies, whose life and secrets clashed in the worst possible way, I have to keep my secrets and be cautious over my dreams in order to be safe, even though I want to shine. It’s a lonely life, this existence in the closet, like the moon after the storm has passed on an October night.

Anyway, do kindly check out Secrets and Lies, and let us talk about how fucking handsome and sexy Ryan Philippe is – even at age 40!

Muchos gracias por la lectura.

Till next session!

Written by Carl

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33 Comments

  1. REVEREND HOT
    May 02, 06:54 Reply

    Wow! Short yet incredibly AWESOME

    YOU wanna be a TV writer TOO.

    🙂 🙂 🙂

    • JArch
      May 02, 07:15 Reply

      Both of you should get married then and become the power couple of TV show production

      • Carl
        May 02, 07:20 Reply

        Lol JArch. Maybe we should.

      • JArch
        May 02, 07:25 Reply

        Am signing on as manager

        10% of all profits, $100,000 bonus package and a private jet. Judging by the amount of scandals I foresee with both of you. It helps to be on the move a whole lot faster than usual. Flying commercial simply defeats the purpose.

      • Carl
        May 02, 07:28 Reply

        Lmao @JArch. Yas boo. Join the money making team. Shii, you might get some raise for an excellent job sef.

      • JArch
        May 02, 07:34 Reply

        Hehehe I love men who know how to give nice raises

      • Carl
        May 02, 07:38 Reply

        Mhm hmmmm. Ay caramba. Sadly tho, I do too.

    • Carl
      May 02, 07:19 Reply

      Thanks Rev Hot. I wanna be a TV writer tooo!

  2. Absalom
    May 02, 08:15 Reply

    Hmmm. I will wait for when you elaborate on your “parents and other siblings”.

      • Carl
        May 02, 13:37 Reply

        Lol. It’s really just like a reason and my own perceptions.

  3. Deola
    May 02, 08:36 Reply

    Well we all know Ryan Philippe isnt human. Looking like that at 40?? Is not normal. Dude looks 25!
    Didnt wanna get into secrets and lies for two reasons, first is that i read the reviews and they were mixed. Second the ratings arent exactly amazing and its just in its first season, i dont wanna watch then like it and then it gets cancelled…been there not a fan. If ABC gives it a second season order then i’ll catch up if not for anything but for the pristine hotness that is Ryan Philippe.

    Nice first entry carl. Short but sweet.

    • Carl
      May 02, 13:38 Reply

      Tell me about it! You shouldn’t look at ratings cos you might find you actually like it. Plus to me reviews are basically other people’s opinions. Why should they dictate such a delicacy of a show.
      Thanks. :*

  4. Diablo
    May 02, 08:42 Reply

    For someone who has boring life, this post was on par

    • Teflondon
      May 02, 09:55 Reply

      I actually feel the same way.. But let’s be nice to the newbies! Is this boring? yes! But let’s not encourage fakeness in journals, rants and whatever this aritcle is called. I definitely don’t want to be reading some made up story.. All in effort to please certian peoples. People gushing and having fantasy over someone’s Make-believe life.. Is a tad poignant to me.
      Carl you have a fan in me. Keep on with your good works. You will get better with time. #Kisses

      • Mandy
        May 02, 13:10 Reply

        Poignant. adj: Arousing affect or keenly distressing to the mind.

        Someone likes throwing this particular word around. And with inappropriate use. Perhaps you should brush up on the right use of words instead of looking for ways to shade what people are contributing to the blog. Last we all checked, the ‘kito story’ you updated here was largely a work of Nollywood fiction.

      • Carl
        May 02, 13:41 Reply

        Why thank you Tef! I’m torn about you. :/

      • Teflondon
        May 02, 14:35 Reply

        Poignant synonymous with pitiful, pathetic, wretched miserable.. And I can go on. Pls do check your dictionary. Some words don’t have just one meaning.
        Now run along now Mandy.. And go play with your Noisy making ‘Girl Crew’

        P.S
        Last I checked I’ve never made any reference to you since I joined KD.. But here you are again always on my case.

        • pinkpanthertb
          May 02, 15:01 Reply

          No, Teflondon, you are the one in need to education. Poignant has nothing to do with Pitiful or Pathetic. Honey, I think the similar ‘P’ sound has your faculties all messed up.

      • Mandy
        May 02, 15:06 Reply

        Pinky, are you minding the dude.
        My dear deluded Teflondon, that I’m speaking to you on KD is not testament of your relevance. It’s a revelation of my derision for your like. Throwing their weight around and shading everyone else, all in a bid to appear like they matter. You keep throwing veiled barbs at Dennis (yes, we know it’s Dennis’ rants you keep referring to as ‘poignant’), and he doesn’t even acknowledge you. Perhaps you should take your own advice and move on already from him. The Dennis-attack mantle was owned by Chizzie. Quit trying to fill his shoes.

      • Teflondon
        May 02, 15:17 Reply

        Pinky it’s just stupid arguing out what you could probably check on Google to confirm for yourself. But ofcuz you won’t.. You are the All knowing & mighty. Continue if you will.. to suck butter from my ass.. If it so much pleasures you.

        • pinkpanthertb
          May 02, 15:26 Reply

          I’m going to take the high road and swallow what I really wanted to spit out at you.

          Instead I will educate you. It’s up to you to learn. You know the same way words have different synonyms, so do they have different meanings. When you use the word ‘poignant’, and you’re using it as though you are mocking people here, you are using it in the wrong context. THAT is what Mandy was trying to teach you. And even with all those wealth of synonyms you obviously did a quick grab off Google to come throw at me, they are used in the context of empathy. Poignant is a positive word, not a negative one. And those synonyms ‘pitiful, pathetic’ when applied to it, are positively used. So, when you say some journals here are poignant, you are in fact complimenting them, saying they are touching and moving and affecting.
          As opposed to the derision you are aiming for. Perhaps, you might wanna settle for what you truly want to use. You know, the more universally used negative expressions such as ‘pathetic’ and pitiful’. But of course, you know if you used them, I would deem your comment inflammatory and delete them.

          Tsk, tsk, what’s a bitch then to do.

    • Carl
      May 02, 13:40 Reply

      Thank you. I appreciate it. Diablo

  5. Chris
    May 02, 09:48 Reply

    In Nigeria or in most places in the world, for clarity sake, let me stick to Nigeria, coming out or ‘visiting’ out is too pricey, boy! it is priceless self. Kudos to those that can , lucky , for those with supportive families.

  6. Carl
    May 02, 13:42 Reply

    Isn’t it. Hopefully a detour “magically” appears on my path, and soon!

  7. Pisces
    May 02, 14:01 Reply

    Hey!! Deola!!! is there by chance any Series that you’ve not seen?…..cos the way you reel out analysis of everything Entertainment out the tips of your fingers leaves one to wonder maybe you domicile on-set with the casts and crews of Hollywood……ooooooo!.
    *I so want to be like you when i grow up. Hehehe.* *How much for enrolment fee. Jawe?*

    Hello Carl!…i’m still trying to wrap my head round this entry…maybe subsequent entries will elucidate more…just keep doing you ok. #MuchLove.

  8. Sinnex
    May 02, 17:15 Reply

    I think I’d stick with this journal. There is something mysterious about it and the person involved. Short with relevant information, leaving the reader asking for more. Just like saying ‘I have something you want, and if you want me to give it to you, then you’d have to stick around for a little more time’.

    • pinkpanthertb
      May 02, 18:10 Reply

      So, by that standard, I suppose you won’t be reading and commenting on the other journals, yes? 😀

  9. GOld
    May 03, 01:21 Reply

    Teflondon where are u??u seem to aff gone quiet.

    Hmmmm*pensive*

  10. Gad
    May 03, 05:50 Reply

    Carl,I encourage you to keep writting. You have a fan in me. Your article mght appear scanty now but the impression,posers and lessons learnt remains invaluable.You dont have to be an expert in coincidences to pen down a read-worthy article.keep keeping it real.

  11. Morgana
    May 03, 17:09 Reply

    Never knew poignant has gained a pejorative meaning. Lol @Pinky gbazielum uzo.
    By the way I am Morgana. Hi to the Rainbows in the house. *Bares dentition*

    • pinkpanthertb
      May 03, 17:35 Reply

      My dear Morgana, atink you dey see. People be misusing English terms and just asking for a fine from the Grammar Nazi.

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