Dear KD: How do I get out of this mess?

Dear KD: How do I get out of this mess?

I have built up quite a reputation for myself as a bitch who doesn’t care much about the feelings of other people. I say what is on my mind, the way it is – often in a blunt and matter-of-fact way. This trait has ruined many a relationship, either romantic or platonic. My close friends though don’t seem to have a problem with that even though I am trying to work on myself.

So I met this guy awhile back on Facebook and we got chatting. After spending years being single, I finally decided it was time to date. I really began to fall for this guy and we built a very flawless romantic relationship online over the ensuing months.

However, when we met last week, I almost suffocated from his body odour made more toxic by the very strong “Arabian” perfume (I think) that he was wearing. I thought I could handle it till this week when we met again and after a shower, things got hot. I couldn’t even give my 100 percent to what we were doing and he noticed my hesitation. I finally had to put an end to the sexcapade when I noticed the stench of rotten shit from his ass.

How do I tell him he needs to work on his personal hygiene and that his carelessness is really turning me off? My friends are not helpful; some think the situation is just hilarious and the rest think I am just out to sabotage the relationship, like I often do.

But this is serious. I need help.

Submitted by The Blunt Bitch

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43 Comments

  1. Francis
    September 15, 04:59 Reply

    Rule No 1: NEVER catch feelings for anyone online. What you see online is most probably not what you will get offline

    That said in this situation just be blunt here abeg BUT take conscience do am. Hopefully he doesn’t take the grooming lessons, betters himself and starts to spread wings upandan

    • trystham
      September 15, 07:30 Reply

      Yeye. I thot they said u were paranoid. How many online-real life acquaintances av u met?

      And that ‘conscience’ part cracked me up

  2. Mandy
    September 15, 05:31 Reply

    Well, just prepare your mind that you’ll lose him one way or another. Becos if you don’t tell him, his bad hygiene will send you away. And if you do, depending on how sensitive he is to criticism, he might also say bye bye. The best thing you can do in this situation is to just tell him. Don’t be a bitch about it. But be firm and direct. In the end, it’s not for your sake. His cleanliness is for his own good.

  3. quinn
    September 15, 06:23 Reply

    How do I tell him…he needs to work on his personal hygiene and his carelessness is really turning me off! There’s no easy way! Just be gentle with your tone. And offer to help out and be supportive. it won’t be easy for him, but at least you’ll be there to support him through it.

  4. quinn
    September 15, 06:26 Reply

    A good friend of mine once pointed out to something I was doing that wasn’t good, and it was in fact true and being the kind of person I am, I owned up to it and made the necessary adjustments. Just hope he’s understanding, either way, you’ve said the truth if you tell him.

  5. Colossus
    September 15, 06:31 Reply

    Your name is Blunt Bitch and you can’t remedy this situation? Oh the irony

      • Colossus
        September 15, 07:26 Reply

        Then he should give it time, the love will clear and his bluntness will return

        • Pink Panther
          September 15, 07:54 Reply

          LOL. And while he’s giving it time, what happens with the suffocating stench? That shii can kill, y’know. πŸ˜€

  6. Canis VY Majoris
    September 15, 06:50 Reply

    Rotten shit?. Is there anything like that? πŸ˜‚

    Of course tell him. Eewww.

    • Francis
      September 15, 08:28 Reply

      Una never jam! πŸ˜‚πŸ˜‚πŸ˜‚πŸ˜‚ 1 day old shit better pass >3 days own

      • Delle
        September 15, 11:22 Reply

        Oh God, Francis Eeeww you! πŸƒπŸƒπŸƒ

        • Francis
          September 15, 11:59 Reply

          πŸ˜‚πŸ˜‚πŸ˜‚πŸ˜‚πŸ˜‚ Reminds me of when one of my cousins finally got relief of his 4 constipation. Oh boy we literally had to abandon the house as the stench was OVER POWERFUL. Even Eau de Parfum was not working at all. Shit hung in the air for hours

          • Houston Scholar
            September 15, 18:59 Reply

            πŸ˜‚πŸ˜‚πŸ˜‚πŸ˜‚ Now everyone is staring at me in this library courtesy of the witticism from Francis. Fellow students, I beg for your clemency but you will have to cope with my hilarity for now. This moment comes in a seldom mode. KD never disappoint me. This platform has become the permanent antidote for the loneliness that trails me on this journey. Pink Panther I will send my first story soon.

      • BRYAN PETERS
        September 15, 17:24 Reply

        Lmaooooo. πŸ˜‚πŸ˜‚πŸ˜‚πŸ˜‚ I totally agree with you.

  7. Dickson Clement
    September 15, 07:07 Reply

    Hello Blunt Bitch, being blunt is not a good trait oo, infact it is a catastrophe ! It will hinder your progress in jobs, career,church etc its wiser to say things in the most diplomatic way, while considering human perception and feelings . You have to pride yourself with the ability to pass across the information on your mind In the most compassionate way

    • Delle
      September 15, 11:25 Reply

      You ended up criticising his person and night rendering a solution to the problem. Well done.

      By the way, being blunt is so not, so not a catastrophe! You talk like you have a phobia and it’s fine if you do (πŸ’…) but do not project your insecurities on others biko.

      Being blunt doesn’t mean he is insensitive or insulting. Some people just do not know how to sugarcoat things or pretend they don’t exist. That’s hypocrisy and now that’s the catastrophe.

      Everything is all about moderation. Be blunt but like Francis said, have a conscience.

  8. Foxydevil
    September 15, 07:13 Reply

    A lot of people confuse being nasty, rude, ignorant and razz for being a bitch .
    Now you are stuck with a man whose stench can wake Lazarus from the dead.
    Do what you do best mr blunt bitch ,tell him he stinks ….he might walk away but not before he gives you a nasty punch on your face…or he might embrace you and tell that you are the only one for him for being the first genius to decrypt that shit stinks and are actually rotten excrements let out from the large intestines because the body has no need for them.
    But what the hell!
    Whatever the outcome is, you’d be living up-to your name
    I mean you are blunt and a bitch !
    🚢

  9. trystham
    September 15, 07:25 Reply

    LOOOOOL Rotten shit bawo? Shit already smells bad na. Please for my own sanity, how do ‘Arabian perfumes’ smell like?

    I dunno, try have a bath together and do all that body scrubbing and succintly tell him that’s how u want him to smell. Gift him with a deodorant afters…this is if u REALLY like him and don’t wanna hurt his feelings. If you don’t, let loose abeg.

    • himbo
      September 15, 09:11 Reply

      Arabian Perfumes= Oud

  10. Eggsy
    September 15, 08:09 Reply

    “Babe, what soap do you use? I don’t think it’s a really good soap, it doesn’t wash off all the body odour. Here, try this soap [give him a different, better soap].”

    Trust me, only an idiot will fail to grasp what you’re saying.

  11. Johnny
    September 15, 08:11 Reply

    Have his dick in your hands while telling him…

    • himbo
      September 15, 09:12 Reply

      ah..that’s probably not a safe zone either.

  12. himbo
    September 15, 09:15 Reply

    Miss blunt bitch, you need people like me in your life. I assure you that you will just”kam down”. Be there mistaking a personality disorder for bluntness.

    • Delle
      September 15, 11:29 Reply

      Oh but of course, I’ve always known you would be the violent one. Well you need someone like me in your life (if I’ll ever agree to be that low) and you my friend, will sink down!

      Rubbish and violent nonsense.

  13. KingBey
    September 15, 09:18 Reply

    It’s a hard situation actually. There’s no easy way to say this to him. But say it anyways….he’ll appreciate later if he has sense.

  14. Mitch
    September 15, 09:23 Reply

    When it’s your sanity involved, biko plix, for your own sake, tell him. Code it, cover it in words but tell him. Before anyi anu akuko na-agbawa obi.

  15. Sens8
    September 15, 09:26 Reply

    You’ve got two options.
    Option 1: Tell him about the dense air of his own body generated Aramis that envelopes those around him, give him suggestions (purchase) on what detergent (or bleach) to use, and be a lamb while telling him this but also have a 🐺 within just in case he acts out.
    Option 2: Grow your own dense air of Aramis and see how he reacts.

    • Pink Panther
      September 15, 13:05 Reply

      πŸ˜‚πŸ˜‚πŸ˜‚πŸ˜‚πŸ˜‚πŸ˜‚πŸ˜‚
      That Option 2 though.
      And it’d amaze you how Blunt Bitch will grow his own dense air and Mr. Not-so-clean will have an opinion about it.

    • Malik
      September 15, 17:09 Reply

      πŸ˜‚πŸ˜‚πŸ˜‚πŸ˜‚πŸ˜‚πŸ˜‚
      Bleach!!! πŸ˜‚πŸ˜‚πŸ˜‚πŸ˜‚πŸ˜‚πŸ˜‚ You so mean!!!

  16. McDuke
    September 15, 09:39 Reply

    Well…you just have to keep it real with him – just tell him; unfortunately, he didn’t turn out to be what you needed at this point in your life, you thought you were ready for a relationship but only realised you weren’t after you guys hooked, you’re sorry it has to end this way but you can’t do this anymore, you hope you guys continue to be friends but you can’t be with him intimately….case closed. It’s now left for you to tow the body odour part or not, cos left for me, I won’t…

    • Pink Panther
      September 15, 13:06 Reply

      πŸ˜‚πŸ˜‚πŸ˜‚πŸ˜‚ So basically, dump that mess for another hunnay to handle, yea?

  17. Delle
    September 15, 11:20 Reply

    One would think from your pseudonym, you would have already handled this but oh well.

    Now body odour is a very tasking thing to handle. Before you look for a solution, do you really love him enough to care? (and this I ask cos from the tone of your writing it seemed contrary).

    If you do, you won’t get anything from being brash with him and we can’t have him losing his self-esteem (totally uncute). But you can’t be sluggish either.

    Get him deodorants. Get him to have frequent baths. Get him books on personal hygiene. Your romantic lines should be, “Hunnay, I’m bored. Let’s go scrub each other.”
    Preferably strong antiseptic soaps. But all of these things after you have sat him down and spoken nicely but firmly to him.

    But if he refuses to heed to your advice or not judicious with the routine, please walk away.

    You can’t be the Jesus to his soul.

  18. Ojukwu Jeff
    September 15, 11:57 Reply

    Naah… I can’t deal with dirt no matter how lil, one thing I look out for on someone is his neatness, your inability to stay neat always turns me off. So Dear blunt bitch, as blunt as I might sound too I’d rather advice you to cook up a story that he gave you an STD, maybe UTI or something the last time due to his uncleanliness and dump his dirty ass (I actually did it to one nigga). You can’t trade your health/life for love, no one does that

    • Francis
      September 15, 12:05 Reply

      Dump someone because of personal hygiene issues?! Just like that without chance for a fixation?! And to drag STDs into the breakup too?! Wawu πŸ˜’πŸ˜’πŸ˜’

      I won’t be surprised if you’re one of those “gay relationships don’t last” people

      • Eggsy
        September 15, 12:07 Reply

        As in eh! I was just about to say that myself.

    • Eggsy
      September 15, 12:09 Reply

      Let’s see…you have probably professed certain feelings for this person, and he exhibits one trait you don’t like and that’s it for you? You don’t even sit him down and talk about it with him. You just up and go. Wow!

      Someone needs to tell Nigerian “TBs” that a relationship isn’t all about sex and convenience.

  19. trystham
    September 15, 15:41 Reply

    #sigh Nobody seems to like all that ‘man scent’ and are rank coprophiliacs here. What am I to do with y’all?

  20. BRYAN PETERS
    September 15, 17:33 Reply

    Ho my Gawd. You pipo wee nor Kee me o. But honestly Sha, tell him you have something you would like to discuss with him. Explain to him without exegerating that he smells. Let him know you are telling him this cos you love him. Give him tips on how to wash @ least twice daily, not to wear stuff more than once especial underwear, change his beddings regular and the likes. Work through the process and options together. Let him know you are in it together. Get him nice perfumes and deodorant. The manner in which you tell him would determine the outcome; except of course he’s unreasonable and immature. Good luck

  21. Tobby
    September 15, 21:17 Reply

    Say “you stink” really nicely then smile. Don’t forget to smile

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