Dear KD: I Have Difficulty In Getting An Erection

Dear KD: I Have Difficulty In Getting An Erection

I have had difficulty getting an erection for people I’ve tried getting down with. Today was the fourth time it’s happened in the last four months. Either I don’t get an erection at all or it comes and then suddenly gets flaccid.

Meanwhile, if I indulge in self-pleasure (masturbation), I have no problem getting it up.

Please what could be the problem? I’m just 23 and I’m scared. I feel so disappointed and don’t even want to ask guys over for hookups anymore.

What can I do?

Submitted by Natty

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25 Comments

  1. BlackPope
    October 14, 07:24 Reply

    I’m totally speechless on this… I think you seek medical attention or some sort of sexual counseling. This is actually my first time, hearing about this!!! My prayers and love are with you, as you try to get away with this.

    • Nool
      October 14, 08:14 Reply

      This comment tho 😂

  2. FJ
    October 14, 08:17 Reply

    This is ED (Erectile dysfunction) a common problem affecting as much as 40% of the Nigerian male adults irrespective of their sexuality However,the risk increases with age advancement, and the writer being less than 40yrs, i think should see a doctor. If you are in Lagos i am available.
    The good news here is that the cause of ED among most young people is psychological. But recently,chronic abuse of psycho-active substances (codeine, tramadol and the likes) among the youths is adding another dimension

    • Phael
      October 17, 01:08 Reply

      How do I get to reach or see u on this issue I stay in lagos

      • Gif
        October 19, 17:43 Reply

        Hello Natty,
        Actually what you are suffering from is what is called PIED (Porn Induced Erectile Disfunction)
        It occurs when your brain gets rewired to respond only to masturbation as a form of sex due to it’s over indulgence. It’s happens in both straight n queer peeps so no need to get worked up.
        I myself once suffered from such some yrs ago.
        Had a hookup for the weekend and i managed to get only a 15mins erection through out the weekend only after poping viagra!!!
        It was dat bad.
        Anyways it has a very simple and effective cure and that is Abstainance! Avoid masturbation for atleast 1-3 months! Your brain would then begin to revert back to default mode and u can slowly begin to enjoy you sexual life!

  3. Nool
    October 14, 08:18 Reply

    Try not to wank for a while. Build up that tension for your next hookup session.

    • trystham
      October 14, 08:56 Reply

      This doesn’t work. Not wanking or having sex in a long time will only just about build the volume of ur ejaculate, not your stamina.
      If u say u can hold out when u wank compared to when u av actual sex, is it possible that u might not be attracted enough to the partners u av had? Isn’t that also a key component to the whole sex thing

  4. Darl
    October 14, 09:10 Reply

    I don’t think it is a medical problem. I have experienced this before. It is more of mental barrier. You’re not mentally connecting with the people you’re meeting or a case of performance anxiety. Stay away from sex for a while and build intimacy

  5. Francis
    October 14, 09:19 Reply

    Maybe you should try n pay attention to what’s going on in your mind as the hookup is about to go down. You’ll probably find big clues there and you try and you can’t, it’s time to to the paid route and see a shrink.

    Pele

  6. FJ
    October 14, 13:00 Reply

    This is ED (Erectile dysfunction a common problem affecting as much as 40% of the Nigerian male adults irrespective of their sexuality. However, the risk increases with age advancement, a reason for concern, and why the writer, being less than 40years of age, needs to see a doctor or a sex therapist. If you are in Lagos i am available.
    The good news here is that the cause of ED among most young people is psychological. However, rampant abuse of psycho-active substances such as codeine, tramadol and the likes, now trending amongst youths is adding a new dimension

    • Marvel
      October 16, 06:18 Reply

      Please where in lagos I need counselling tooooo

      • FJ
        October 17, 09:50 Reply

        You can get my email address and whatsap contact from pp

      • FJ
        October 17, 09:52 Reply

        Sure you might be right…hence the need for psychotherapy and sex counselling

    • Phael
      October 17, 01:11 Reply

      How can I reach u or get to see u on this issue.. I am in lagos

      • FJ
        October 17, 09:54 Reply

        Do contact pp for my email address and whatsap contact. Thanks

  7. Malik
    October 14, 14:15 Reply

    Sounds like ED. For reasons that are not clear, it has been reported to be more common in gay men. Generally, it also has strong links with anxiety disorders.

    Please don’t jump at herbals or weird alternative medicine. Try to see a therapist or a doctor. Psychotherapy and/or meds should improve symptoms.

  8. Milton
    October 14, 15:04 Reply

    Well… aside ED (which could be caused by several factors), it could just mean you haven’t really mastered your self and sexual preferences… when you attempt to get down with somebody you do not like, it could result in a lack of or weak erection for most people.

    You should find out what turns you on and get to know the person you want to get down with properly before attempting sex. It could also mean you are a demisexual. So take your time to study your self and what your body and hormones respond to.

    • Gaia
      October 14, 18:46 Reply

      Yea… this make sense too. Considering the fact that you’re quite young. It’s probably time to study your attractions.

  9. Higwe
    October 15, 00:47 Reply

    Another angle – it could be psychological .

    I don’t know how often you masturbate but one of the deleterious consequences that comes with excessive masturbation is that it could take a toll on your sex life .

    You become so used to self pleasure that your brain turns off any possibility of getting pleasure from someone else .

    It’s just like locking a bird in a cage for a brobdingnagian amount of time.
    The bird gets very used to the constricted cage that even when you do open the cage , it’s still gonna limit itself to that space it’s used to .

    Contrary to what many think , getting an erection is actually a pretty difficult task.
    It requires visual , emotional and psychological stimulations .
    Your brain needs to be in sync with your nerves .
    And if you’ve gotten used to being stimulated by other things eg porn (with near perfect male specimens ) you might find it a bit hard to get the same feel when you’re not with a replica of the images you’ve gotten used to being turned on by .

    ED might be another angle but since you said you can get it and keep it while masturbating, it kind of makes it a little bit dicey .

    Basically ….

    Limit the amount of times you masturbate or fress porn products.

    If you’re not guilty of this , then maybe it’s time you changed your diet and paid attention to your weight .

    * I heard excessive weight often affect erection *

    If you’re not guilty of this either ,then it’s time you saw a doctor .

    It could be an underlying medical problem or just a bad case of nerves .

    Whatever it’s , I’m certain you’ll get through it .

    You’re young , virile and honest ( with your problems ) .

    You’re gonna be Gucci .🤗

  10. Leo
    October 15, 08:58 Reply

    Either you have erectile dysfunction, you don’t like the actual act of having sex, like it scares you, you’re not into it or, you’re not attracted to the people you are to have sex with. If I’m not into you, or something about you makes me uncomfortable, I never get it up, lol, never. So, seek help first, but don’t beat yourself up.

  11. Beau
    October 15, 12:06 Reply

    All points valid, maybe he is getting addicted to porn. U can try having sex with a porn playing to see the results, u never can tell.
    Also, like darl said b4, it can also be a mental barrier. Know ur attractions nd dnt be so eager to get down

  12. Mike
    October 15, 14:03 Reply

    Every point here is valid, ED cause. Every man at one point in his life would get it. Sometimes it’s a phase, other times it’s permanent. Psychologically induced ED is usually a phase, till you deal with the underlying problem, that is affecting your sexual rhythm. Sex is about rhythm, understand it, understand how your mind works.

    Familiar with the psychologically type, here’s what I learnt about myself. I am not really interested in bedding anyone, it the moment before, actually getting them in bed, I am genuinely interested in.
    The anticipation, the drama, the flirtatious, just looking at their body, projecting five into a life with someone I just met.

    The possibility of a life or a future with someone reduces the anxiety, hey i was a teenager then. It made me relaxed enough to just focus on the person, since my mind does not have to worry 5 steps ahead.

    During that period I learnt I had a specific type. This is actually very important, you should know what or who your perfect type is, it’s a body thing not a personality thing. In both sexes I know my exact type. When you find your type your body naturally picks it up from there.

    There are certain things a person would do in bed out of pleasure your mind doesn’t like. Not everybody is a sexual-holic, some of us our minds are very conscious and in full state. Which is a problem.

    All in all, I learnt that I am a mental person, still water that runs deep. Not very physical, except it’s a kinky thing and you’d let me do stuff to you. Totally dormination is a thing my mind likes, let me tie you up.

    And by the way, there is no cure for ED, it’s like depression you learn the ropes and you manage it and learn your rhythm

    Do you like an active contributing partner in bed, or you like someone who just gives you their body, total dormination.

    From your age, I think yours is phycological, cause your supposed to get it as a man till like 40 something, so must early cases of ED is psychologically, your body, your sexual appetite is maturing. You just coming out of the clear of the teen hormones where, you react to any and everything, just because it has an ass.

  13. Bullet
    October 19, 09:22 Reply

    Slow down on porn watching and masturbation then see what happens.

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