DISCLAIMER: The following article contains spoilers from TV Shows of the past week. So if you haven’t SEEN the episodes of the week, and you detest spoilers, then I suggest you leave while you can. If you haven’t and you don’t mind spoilers, feel free to enjoy. If you have seen the episodes, then by all means read on and lets ki-ki.

REVIEW OF THE WEEK: Game Of Thrones – S06E04 (The Door)

Welcome to my weekly recap of Game Of Thrones, the greatest show that ever was and ever will be. If you don’t agree, please argue with someone else 🙂

Shebi I talk it. Eh, I said it. Awon oloriburuku producers of Game Of Thrones came for my tear ducts this week. I wasn’t ready.

This week opens with a Direct Message. Lord Baelish slides into Sansa’s DM with a text message: “You up?” Sansa, like any modern respectable girl, goes to see Littlefinger with Brienne in tow. It’s not her dey wee coman wear kito…again.

She meets up with Littlefinger, and ladies and gentlemen, this is the Sansa I have been waiting to see for six seasons! She barely lets Littlefinger get a word in edgewise. She drags him until his grey edges become nonexistent. She questions everything about Littlefinger and the promises he made to her. Littlefinger tries to wiggle his way out with some excuses and Sansa is not having it. Sis is like:Dc3

And I am proud of her. (And get this: Lemonade drops, and a few weeks later, Sansa is ready and coming for all the Beckys in her life. Coincidence? You decide.)

Before Littlefinger leaves – or rather, before Sansa dismisses him – he tells her that Brendan Tully (aka The Black Fish) has retaken Riverrun. (Riverrun is the kingdom of the Tullys, that is, Catelyn Stark’s people). Littlefinger tells Sansa to consider seeking her uncle out.

This week we got some significant movement in Arya’s storyline. Just when I thought Arya was ready to serve Daredevil realness, she returns to normal this week (aka getting her butt kicked!) This her ninja trainer is beginning to annoy me. Like, I keep waiting for when Arya will finally fulfill her destiny and beat her snobby ass into 2018. Anyway, Jaquen decides to give Arya a history lesson about the first faceless men and the faceless god.

Next, Arya (with the second worst hairstyle ever, only surpassed by the evil Miss O’Brien’s from Downton Abbey, whose front curls still give me nightmares) goes to watch feem at the cinema. I don’t know who the actors of the feem are, but it’s safe to say they won’t be winning any Oscars. The feem is basically a parody of how Robert Baratheon and Ned Stark met their ends, and how Joffrey Baratheon rose to power. The audience finds it hilarious, but I am with Arya here, looking on sadly as sad memories are reignited. This is apparently a scouting mission; the point of this is for Arya to observe her target. The faceless god wants the face of the actress who plays Cersei in the feem. Why? We don’t know. Just like the Drowned god or the Lord of Light, the needs and wants of these gods are a mystery.

Bran and the Three-Eyed Raven meanwhile are watching their own feem (which they illegally downloaded from torrents). This vision, like all of Bran’s visions, is quite intriguing, this even more so. We basically see the Children of the Forest creating the first White Walker. Yeah, that’s right. The Children of the Forest are responsible for creating the White Walkers, and they apparently did so to protect themselves from men. Didn’t go so well now, did it?

Also, did I see that correctly? Did they create the White Walker with dragon glass? It certainly looked like so. It would explain why that’s one of the two known things that can kill them.

And then, we’re at the Iron Islands, where there’s a raging debate on who will be the next ruler. It goes something like this:

Yara Greyjoy: “I have always being loyal and have led you guys well. These are modern times; we should be making a huge statement by making me Hillary Clinton. I will also restore us to the top with all my fleets of ships. With me leading you guys, WE SHALL CONQUER THE WORLD!”

Theon Greyjoy: “Yeah guys, vote for her. She is like…amazing!”

Euron Greyjoy: “I have a big dick.”

And of course, Euron wins the debate. And they say size doesn’t matter. Hmmph!

Meanwhile, Daenerys looks fucking amazing this week. That fire baf wey she baf last week has done wonders for her skin. Bitch is glowing! She talks to Jorah Mormont about his banishment. Jorah confesses his love for her, and thereafter, decides to sashay away because of his Grey Scale ailment. But Khaleesi says, “No Jorah. Sashay away, but sashay until you find a cure. Then return to me.” LOL. It’s all so sweet and romantic, and Daario Naharis just stands there looking at Jorah toast his queen like:Dc5

Over in Mereen, it seems the pact with the Masters is working. “A fragile peace has taken hold,” Varys says. It’s not enough apparently. Tyrion says they need someone that the people trust for whatever. And in comes Kinvara. By the way, I will not be calling her that. I shall call her Mellisandre 2.0. She is another priestess of Light. I thought we were only allowed to have one of those – just like we only have one Voldermort. No? Okay. Mellisandre 2.0 also firmly believes that Daenerys is Azhor Ahai (the one that was promised). Mellisandre believes this promised one is Jon Snow, and her fellow sister in the lord believes it is Daenerys. Hmmm.

Mellisandre 2.0, with her perfect skin and flawless eyes, already looks like trouble, and as soon as she starts talking to Tyrion and Varys about “purifying” the nonbelievers, I immediately look at both of them like:Dc2

Make una better run, before the purification starts with you. I also notice she is wearing that necklace that Mellisandre wears. I wonder how old Mellisandre 2.0 really is.

Back at the cave, Bran is bored; nobody to gist with, Hodor and the Three-Eyed Raven are sleeping. I can so relate with Bran here and what he does next. So he decides to download feem to watch. And the feem begins; he sees the tree, yes that tree. Then there are “sleeping” wights everywhere. Then we see the four White Walkers and the White King! Then the sleeping wights wake up, and then the White King grabs him! Bran shuts his laptop fast! The feem got too real!

The White King saw him and now knows where he is and will be coming for him. And so the Three-Eyed Raven decides the time has come for him to give Bran all the knowledge he has. “The time has come for you to become me,” he says.

At the wall meanwhile, a meeting is holding. The kids are talking war and strategies. Sansa suggests reaching out to her great uncle, Brendan Tully, for help, since he has Riverrun under his control now. Jon questions how she knows this exclusive tea – and Sansa lies. She LIES! Our Sansa is all grown up oh! Thereafter, Sansa instructs Brienne to go to Riverrun to reach out to Brendan Tully on her behalf, while she and Jon march for Winterfell. As they gear to leave, Tormund the Wilding keeps eyeing Brienne like:Dc4

Sansa gifts Jon with a couture jacket from the winter line inspired by the Ned Stark collection from Season 1. It’s a sweet moment, shows how much they’ve both grown these past seasons.

The scene that follows next is one of the most intense and beautifully directed in this show’s history. And that’s saying something, because this show has had some amazingly crafted battle sequences. Bran and the Three-Eyed Raven are still downloading their feem, but network seems to be slow. (Must be Glo network).

Meera starts packing for them to leave, but then something is wrong; her breath is starting to come out of her in vaporous form. She heads outside the cave, and – lo and behold! – it’s the White Walkers and their wights! Wahala ensues. Bran and the Three-Eyed Raven are still having their vision, and for a second, I thought it’d be a continuation of the Tower of Joy vision. But we are back in Winterfell and some serious timey-whammy shit happens here. The Children of the Forest and Meera do their best to hold the wights off, but these things are resilient and relentless. Meera even kills one of the White Walkers! (Yay, Meera!) They inevitably get overwhelmed though. And still, despite Meera’s desperate calls, Bran refuses to wake from his vision. Meera calls for him frantically, and he finally hears her. Then while still warging…er, he wargs into Hodor?

Hodor (Bran?) springs right into action, picking Bran’s body up and hurriedly getting a move on, while the Walkers and wights still rage on a few terrifying feet behind them. Now, this part is still unclear to me: it would seem Bran warging into Hodor affects Wylis aka Hodor in his vision of the past, and Wylis starts having something of a seizure. Meanwhile, the White King kills the Three-Eyed Raven. The Children of the Forest sacrifice themselves to aid Bran’s escape. So does Bran’s direwolf, Summer 🙁

They escape through a door with all the terror tearing after them. Meera grabs Bran’s body and instructs Hodor (Bran) to “Hold the door!” He does, and I sit, watching another character’s demise like:Dc1

In Bran’s vision, we see Wylis start yelling, “Hold the door! Hold the door!” till his speech slurs and he begins to mumble “Hodor! Hodor!”. And all this while, in the present, the wights are tearing him apart.

Other Tidbits:

1. The clues just keep pouring in. First it was when Arya called Jon her brother and her ninja trainer corrected her that he is her step brother. This week, Littlefinger emphasizes that Jon is Sansa’s half brother. Okay oh, sha do and confirm R+L=J. That’s my own.

2. At what point do they plan to reintroduce Dorne? It seems the writers realized that that was the weakest part of season 5 and have decided to not dwell on the part too much. A lot happened in this episode that I didn’t even realise that we didn’t check in with King’s Landing. No Samwell or Winterfell (Ramsay) either.

3. Joffrey actor: “It’s a wart – two warts. I’ve got two fucking warts on my cock.” Ned actor: “Don’t worry, love. They usually go away in five or six years!” LMAO I don’t know why I found this exchange funny.

4. Jaquen: “Does death only come for the wicked and leave the decent behind?”

5. You want to know how true it is that the size of Euron’s balls is big? Only someone with big balls will be like, “Yeah I killed your king aka my brother”, and leave the place not just unscathed but crowned. Please clap for this man.

The drowned god coronation ceremony was quite interesting to watch. Like, you literally drown and die and come back. (“What is dead may never die.”) Also, I know the Iron Born are simple folk and people without vanity, but seriously, y’all couldn’t get a better crown than the one made out of sticks and rubber bands? Awon cheapskates oshi!

That was also are really huge fleet of ships that Yara and Theon made off with. I wonder where they are off to.

6.”Do you remember what you heard that night when the sorcerer tossed your parts in the fire? You heard a voice call from the flames. Should I tell what the voice said? Should I tell you the name of the one who spoke?” Who do you guys think Mellisandre 2.0 referred to?

7.  Seriously this season isn’t playing at all. I thought last week’s episode was stellar, and yet this week’s somehow topped (lol, topped) it. And you can tell the main wahala hasn’t even started yet. This season is so fucking lit!

By the way, that whole Bran-warging-time-travel-whammy-jammy thing has me both confused and intrigued. I don’t even know if I have it right. Biko someone should clear it up for me.

8. I was a bit taken aback as to where Meera would have gotten the dragon glass that she killed the White Walker with. Then I remembered she and Bran meeting up with Samwell, who gave some dragon glass souvenirs to them back in Season 3.

9. They should kuku kill all the direwolves at once since they wanna play games. 🙁 got4

Death Toll: (Sigh) This week’s was heavy, mehn – the Three-Eyed Raven, The Children of the Forest, the direwolf and Hodor. And then of course Meera is the real MVP for killing another White Walker. First it was Samwell, then Jon, and now Meera is one of the few who can lay claim to having slain a White Walker. Also, there were six direwolves, and now there are two. Someone get Ghost and Nymeria into witness protection biko.

10. The CGI has really been on point this season. The entire visual effect at the cave battle was on point. Game Of Thrones makes you forget you’re watching a TV series, with its movie quality CGI.

And now, that’s it for the week, folks! Sound OFF.

Written by Deola

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