DISCLAIMER: The following article contains spoilers from TV Shows of the past week. So if you haven’t SEEN the episodes of the week, and you detest spoilers, then I suggest you leave while you can. If you haven’t and you don’t mind spoilers, feel free to enjoy. If you have seen the episodes, then by all means read on and lets ki-ki.

REVIEW OF THE WEEK: Game Of Thrones – S06E06 (Blood of my Blood)

Welcome to my weekly recap of Game Of Thrones, the greatest show that ever was and ever will be. If you don’t agree, please argue with someone else 🙂

This week opens with Meera dragging Bran in what is the workout of her life. Home girl has obviously not been practicing her squats and lunges because after a few paces, she collapses in tears like a contestant on The Biggest Loser. She no dey do again. Bran meanwhile is still watching his feem. As the newly-minted Three-Eyed Raven, he has access to all the illegal downloads he needs.

The visions feature some of the major scenes of the past seasons: Ned’s beheading, Robb’s death, but more importantly we see new footage of Aerys Targaryen, the infamous mad king. We see him utter his famous catchphrase, “BURN THEM ALL!” We also finally see how Jaime earned the name The Kingslayer, as he is shown stabbing Aerys from the back.

Bran finally wakes and the first thing he says – “Meera, they found us.” Gee, you don’t say. And so, a herd of wights draw close to them. And just when they are about to pounce on the two humans, in rides a hooded polo player. He comes decked with in all the things needed to play polo in Westeros, complete with a flame polo chain. He roasts all the wights and saves Bran and Meera.

Next we meet up with Samwell and Gilly and the wee baby Sam; they have arrived Horn Hill. And my, my, does Sam come from a well-to-do house. As they enter the situation, I am like, “Biiiiiitcccch!!! Why did you ever leave to join the Night’s Watch? Y’alls got them coins!” I got my answer soon enough. (It would seem he didn’t actually leave willingly. He was forced to join the Night’s Watch).

Sam’s mother and sister are as nice as they come, but of course, following the deaths of Tywin Lannister and Stannis Baratheon, we need someone to take the vacant title of “Worst Father Ever”, and in comes Samwell’s father, Randall Tarly.

They sit for dinner everyone and the tension here… Ayayai! It can cook beans. Sam wants to eat more bread and the father is like, “You’re not fat enough already?” And I am like:DC 1

Ah-ah! Because of bread? Hian! Not even Shoprite bread o! Just Agege bread! Mtcheeew! Carb shamer oshi! The man doesn’t stop there o. He goes on to say, “I thought the Night’s Watch might make a man of you, or something resembling a man at least. You’ve managed to stay soft and fat, your nose buried in books, spending your life reading about the achievements of better men.”

At this point, I am this close to going full Ramsay Bolton on the man. But then Gilly comes through and reads the man his righttttssssss! Sansa must have bluetoothed her some Lemonade. She drags all of them and I am like:DC 2

She brings out Sam’s CV and reads it out loud: “He killed a Thenn. He killed a White Walker.”

And then, Sam’s brother, Dickon (played by Freddie Stroma) blurts out, “There is no such thing.”

My friend, will you shut your pretty boy mouth! Rubbish!

So, Gilly reads them some more, but in the heat of the read, she lets slip that she is a Wildling, and since Oga Randall is also a bigot, he goes on to spew some more hate. SMH. I already want him dead. Furthermore, he for all intents banishes Samwell from Horn Hill, even though he agrees to let Gilly and Little Sam stay.

Sam says goodbye to sweet Gilly and the wee baby. She kisses him and he leaves. The music swells and it’s sad. But then Sam comes back, says he is taking them with him. He also takes the Valyrian steel sword that has been in his house for generations and is actually his by right. Gilly asks, “What if he comes for it?” (he being Oga Randall), and Sam replies, “He can very well try.”  And he storms out like:DC 3

Meanwhile, back in King’s Landing, Tommen is having one of his tedious talks with the High Sparrow. He comments on how Margery’s walk of atonement is “very dangerous.” LMAO. Tommen the Wise, ladies and gentlemen! To further his mind games, the High Sparrow lets the king see his wife, Margery. They hug and Tommen asks, “Did they hurt you?” LOL! My people, I cannot deal with this pikin. Your Highness, they didn’t o! They didn’t hurt her at all. They simply sat by the camp fire and roasted marshmallows and ate cabin biscuits. Ode!

Anyway, the majesties are about to start catching up when Margery goes full fanatic on us. She starts rambling about how she is sinner and how they all need to atone, and I am just there like:DC 4

I’m not remotely worried because I know Margery is playing the part she needs to play to save herself and slay all her enemies. That is the only explanation because not only will a “reformed” Margery be out of character, it will also make no sense. Margery is no pushover, and after seeing her brother’s state last week, trust me, she knows what she is doing.

Meanwhile back at Film House Braavos, Arya has front row tickets to the sequel to last week’s film. This time, the film shows us the death of Joffrey at the hands of his uncle Tyrion.

I know last week, I said none of the actors in the play are Academy Award contenders, but then this week, the actress that plays Cersei snatched me in this sequel. She plays this scene as the stark opposite of how it actually happened. The rage and entitlement isn’t there, instead what we have is devastating grief, and her little monologue is heartbreaking. When she is done, and Arya leads the applause, I follow suit, yelling, “Give her an OSCAR!”

Arya goes on with her mission to kill this future Oscar winner. And she poisons the actress’s drink, and just as she is about to bounce, she encounters the actress and it turns out she is a nice lady. Why the fuck would their god want her dead? And so, just as this future Oscar winner is about to drink the poison, Arya reappears and slaps the glass out of her hand, and tells her to be watchful of the actress that plays Sansa. Of course, Arya’s Kung fu trainer sees the mission fail and goes on to report to their headmaster. Headmaster says to go and kill Arya.

Arya meanwhile has gone to pick up her things. It turns out a girl isn’t no one. A girl could never be no one. A Girl Is SOMEONE. A GIRL IS ARYA STARK!

Jamie is getting ready for battle, and in comes Mace Tyrell looking like a goat in a dress. Please he should fire whoever made his armor for him, because the person obviously doesn’t mean him well. He delivers a speech and his army responds with no battle cry, instead there are crickets, and Jamie just looks at him like:DC 5

Meanwhile the High Sparrow has the stage. He is reading Margery’s CV when Jamie and the army that will soon die show up. In a carriage pulling up is also Lady Olenna. Jamie demands for Margery and the High Sparrow is like, “Sorry the MTN number you’re trying to call is not reachable at the moment. Please try again later.” Jamie threatens death to the High Sparrow and his cabal, and right then, I’m thinking how we are about to witness this fanatic’s inevitable weakness. He seemed as though he was unwilling to die for his faith, which would make him a predictable hypocrite. But then it turns out he has a better card up his sleeve. Tommen makes an entrance and says something about the Crown and the Faith uniting. As all this happens, all I can think of is, “Where the fuck is Ser Loras?”

Ser Jamie meanwhile is stripped of his title as a member of the King’s Guard and low-key banished from King’s Landing.

Then we proceed on to Walder Frey’s home. Remember Walder Frey? The guy responsible for the Red Wedding, where Robb and Catelyn Stark were murdered, yeah, that guy. He is whining about his loss of Riverrun to the Black Fish. Then they drag in Edmure Tully! (LOL. For those of you who don’t remember him, his trademark is that he is quite horrible with arrows) I thought they would have killed this one since.

Jamie and Cersei discuss their next plans. It would seem that the King aka Tommen wants Jamie to go help Walder Frey take back Riverrun. Jamie obviously doesn’t want to go, but his babe – I mean, sister convinces him to do as the king says; better that than rot in the dungeons. Upon acquiescing, he kisses his wife – shoot! why do I keep making that mistake? – sister goodbye.

Meera and Bran meanwhile are still waiting for their unknown hero to reveal his identity. Me, I don’t even know why he is doing inyanga. His reveal is almost as slow as Arya’s Braavos plot. He gets on with it and it’s Benjen Stark. I also thought we had seen the last of him. Well he is a welcome companion, because we all know Meera can’t coman and be carrying Bran upandan.

Daenerys meanwhile is marching with her Khalassar. She stops and rides off alone, and I immediately sense this Bitch is about to make a statement. And sure enough, Bam! She shows up with Drogon! The prodigal son returns. The Beyoncé of the dragons! I wonder how Michelle and Kelly are faring.

Say what you will about Daenerys, she knows how to ginger her people’s swagger. If her career to take the seven kingdoms doesn’t pan out, she can totally become a hype woman! Because her speech has me hyped! And she is like, “Will you kill my enemies in their iron suits and I am like:DC 6

Her Khalassar are also feeling the hype and deliver the battle cries that Mace Tyrell wished he had gotten earlier in the episode.

Other Tidbits:

⦁This was a much slower episode. It was definitely going to be difficult to match the hype of the previous episode, but I think this was a solid character building episode. B+

⦁Heart bane, the Tarly ancestral sword is made of Valyrian steel. I’m sure that’ll come in handy soon enough. PS: How many Valyrian swords do we currently know of?

⦁Randall Tarly is played by James Faulkner. I became aware of the actor from his dual roles as the evil pope and his twin brother on Da Vinci’s Demons. He certainly knows how to make an impression.

⦁How blue were the eyes of the Joffrey actor? They were almost Rosemary’s Baby level of blue. It was almost freaky.

⦁It’s safe to say that, just like Dorne, Arya’s House of Black and White storyline was a massive fail. It moved at the pace of a pregnant snail. And we never got any real payoff, other than the death of Meryn Trant. Let’s hope Arya can move away from all of this somehow, because I hate seeing one of my favorite characters stuck so far outside the main plots.

⦁I am unwilling to jump to conclusions based on this episode. Surely Margery is playing a game here and has plans for the High Sparrow, yes? I have to believe that, but then I remember that Tommen is a mumu and I immediately start losing faith.

⦁Edmure Tully is Catelyn Stark and Lysa Arryn’s younger brother. That makes him the uncle of the Stark kids. Benjen Stark is the younger brother of Ned, Brandon and Lyanna, also making him the uncle of the Stark kids. I know it can be hard to keep up with all these characters especially when they disappear for a while and then resurface. Meanwhile, Brynden Tully aka The Black Fish is Catelyn Stark’s uncle, making him the Stark kids’ great uncle. All these uncles we are seeing upandan…Coincidence or bigger plan at play?

⦁On a totally unrelated note, please who saw Penny Dreadful Season 3 Episode 4? Please tell me I wasn’t alone in witnessing the glory of Eva Green. Eyin Emmy Voters, if una like eh, no nominate her!

⦁Also, with X-men Apocalypse being the fourth comic book movie released this year, if you were to rate all four, how would it be? Mine in order of awesomeness would be: Captain America: The Civil War, Deadpool, Batman Vs Superman, and then X-men Apocalypse. Needless to say, I wasn’t impressed with the new X-men movie at all.

That’s it for the week, folks! SOUND OFF!

Written by Deola

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