DISCLAIMER: The following article contains spoilers from TV Shows of the past week. So if you haven’t SEEN the episodes of the week, and you detest spoilers, then I suggest you leave while you can. If you haven’t and you don’t mind spoilers, feel free to enjoy. If you have seen the episodes, then by all means read on and lets ki-ki.

REVIEW OF THE WEEK: Game Of Thrones – S06E07 (The Broken Man)

Welcome to my weekly recap of Game Of Thrones, the greatest show that ever was and ever will be. If you don’t agree, please argue with someone else. 🙂

So, we had a cold opening for this week’s episode. The episode opens and there is no title sequence to hype me up, no ‘previously on’…nothing. It just opens with some workers working in a lush green field and I started to panic. Sweet heavens, did I just download the wrong torrent? Did I just waste 300GB on the wrong TV show? In the midst of my confusion, Sandor Clegane AKA the Hound shows up and I nearly have a nervous breakdown. Before I can process any of this, the title sequence/theme music kicks in and I take a deep breath.

So it turns out I wasn’t seeing double. It truly is the Hound in all his suya-face glory. He truly is a sight for sore eyes (Perhaps he can meet up with Arya and revive her dreadful storyline because it all went to shit when she left him ). He is chopping wood, and Ian McShane (I didn’t even bother learning his character’s name because, well, someone has to stick around long enough for that kinda thing) comes to ask him on behalf of the audience to catch us up. Because eh, Oga Hound, last we checked, Arya left you for dead, even though we conveniently didn’t see you die. *side eyes Stannis Baratheon* So how far? Did you meet Mellisandre or Mellisandre 2.0 or something? Give us all the Tea!

So it turns out it wasn’t anything glamorous like that. It’s just the run-of-the-mill, left-for-dead, saved-by-the-Good-Samaritan story. Nothing mystical here. Either way, I like his new work camp, everyone seems happy and safe. I bet that is going to last. 🙂

In King’s Landing, Margery is on her way to looking her old self. In comes the High Sparrow looking like, well…his old self. Margery has been reading the Holy Book, she quotes verses and the Sparrow is visibly impressed. LOL. She’s playing this game very well. I mean, she has people convinced she is changed. Even I am beginning to buy it a little bit.

Oga Sparrow says he wants to talk about something personal with her. Tommen apparently went to report Margery to Oga Sparrow. It would seem that Margery hasn’t resumed her duties as a wife immediately after going through her traumatic experience. Tommen is horny and wants some puss. At this point, I paused the show and:DCo1

LMAO! Surely this spoilt bitch is kidding me, right? So after she’s been locked up in the dungeon for god-knows-how-long and eventually got herself out, seeing as if it was left to his spineless self, she would rot in there – so after all that, he expects her to enter his chambers and eat his banana? Better use your hands and whatever lotion is available in King’s Landing, ode!

It’s obvious that this is part of Margery’s plan, to seem pious and repentant and all that, but nevertheless, I am still very irritated with Tommen (But then again, when am I not?).

During their discussion, the High Sparrow, in his very sparrow way, using all the subtleties in the world, threatens my Lady Olenna. Okay seriously that’s it. This bitch has gotta go! I don’t care how or who does it, just destroy him. No one comes after the Queen of Thorns!

Margery realises the threat and does a cunning sleight-of-hand thing. Margery is now under surveillance by Sister Shame and so it’s remarkable that she still manages to accomplish her mission of getting her grandmother to safety while still sending her a message (the sigil of the house Tyrell) to basically say, “I no dey craze oh! Mummy mi, ema worry! The situation is under control. You sha run comot go house, because I am about to wreck havoc.”

Ser Loras Tyrell also gets a mention. It turns out the Knight of Flowers is still at the ‘Pray away the gay’ camp. The gay is no closer to leaving his body, I suppose. I wonder if it has anything to do with sexuality not being a choice. But hey, what do I know?

The wildlings meanwhile need more convincing to fight with Jon Snow. Turns out coming back from the dead loses its shine/hype after a couple of weeks, especially these days when previously-thought-to-be-dead characters are all making returns. Anyhow Tormund does just that; backed up by Jon, they convince them to fight to take Winterfell back.

Cersei marches in to see Lady Olenna and I already know that Lady Olenna is going to shade her destiny away. And that’s what happens. Observe as she begins: “Loras rots in a cell because of you. The High Sparrow rules this city because of you. Our two ancient houses face collapse because of you and your stupidity.” LMAO. I can’t even. But then again, where is the lie?

My lady doesn’t end there. She takes no pity on Cersei as she goes on: “I wonder if you’re the worst person I’ve ever met. At a certain age, it’s hard to recall, but the truly vile do stand out throughout the years. Do you remember the way you smirked at me when my grandson and granddaughter were dragged to their cells? I do. I’ll never forget it.

“I’m leaving this city as fast as I can before that shoeless zealot (LMAO) throws me into one of his cells. If you’re half as bright as you think you are, you’ll find a way out of here too. You have no support, not anymore. Your brother is gone, the high sparrow saw to that. The rest of your family has abandoned you. The people despise you. You’re surrounded by enemies, thousands of them. Are you gonna kill them all by yourself? You’ve lost, Cersei. It’s the only joy I can find in all this misery.”

At the end of the drag, Cersei is speechless and she just looks on like:DCo2

The Lannister army and Jaime approach Riverrun. Also there is Bronn. He and Jaime banter and it’s hilarious. I have missed Bronn’s blunt honesty. They meet Walder Frey’s incompetent mumus there. Those ones are threatening to kill the Blackfish’s nephew, Lord Edmure. And he echoes the thoughts of the entire realm/audience. The Blackfish replies from atop the Riverrun castle like:DCo3

“Oya na kill am!” he says. Mtcheeew! Seriously a character that literally no one cares about is their bargaining chip? It depresses me that these are the people responsible for the death of Robb and Catelyn Stark. Obviously, the spineless mumus don’t do it. Are we sure Tommen isn’t related to these ones?

Jamie comes in and takes over the situation. He sounds overconfident though. He underestimates the Blackfish, who by the way has nothing to lose. Never underestimate someone who has nothing to lose.

Meanwhile, on their begi-begi tour, Sansa and Jon find themselves within the walls of House Mormont (Bare Islands). And here, ladies and gentlemen, we get introduced to my new favorite character, Lyanna Mormont. With the very first words she utters, you know this lil Lady is the Head Bitch in charge. She has no time for bullshit. Sansa tries to call her beautiful and bitch is like, “Biko who beauty don epp? Nah I would be a warrior like my mother.”

Jon tries his luck, tries to talk about his relationship with her uncle, Jeor Mormont, and what does she respond with? “I think we’ve had enough small talk. Why are you here?” LMAO! I laughed hard at this one.

Jon talks some more and Lyanna doesn’t budge. It takes Ser Davos, who talks to her like the queen she is and without bullshitting her, to get them the support they need in the form of 62 men. Yeah you heard that right! A whole SIXTY-TWO MEN! LOL.

I’m going to assume this girl is at the most 13. You see the way she commanded/controlled that entire negotiation? That’s who you call a leader! Even with her tiny voice, she had Sansa and Jon quaking! And all she has claim to is a small house in the North. Now where is our King Tommen, who has armies at his beck and call but still cowers like the mumu he is? Lyanna that is a boss-ass bitch, does she have two heads? The White Walker threat is growing, there’s unrest right in his backyard, and yet it is konji that is worrying him. Biko Margery, leave him. At this rate, he’ll die of blue balls and we can all rest! 🙂

Meanwhile Jamie rides to have a skype session with the Blackfish. “This house belongs to House Frey,” Jamie says. It’s in moments like this that I have zero sympathy for the Lannisters and their current plight. Just imagine the nonsense. The Freys came and took a castle that belongs to the Tullys! A Tully took it back and some Lannister comes and says they should return it back to the people that stole it. Kai! Oga Blackfish should have restored Jamie back to his factory setting with a slap. The skype session sha ends with Jamie shaded and left looking like a dumbo.

On the next stop of their tour, Sansa and Jon have no such luck, as the dude, Lord Glover, is stubborn as fuck. Which is understandable, considering his house was ravaged by the war Robb Stark lost due to his amateur mistakes. The dude is about to bend though, but as soon as Jon mentions wildlings, he is like:DCo4

Next, we are at a brothel in what I assume is Volantis. Everyone seems to make a stop at Volantis on their way to Mereen, which is where Yara and Theon Greyjoy are headed to go and of course meet up with Daenerys. Theon is still broken, but now he has his sister. And I imagine the prospect of the two of them meeting up with Daenerys, Tyrion, Dario and Varys would make for some juicy drama. Something tells me they won’t make it there though.

Meanwhile back in the North, there is some minor unrest in the camp, as to be expected when Northerners and Wildlings are put together. Sansa, Jon and Ser Davos talk about how they don’t have the numbers to win the battle that is coming. And so Sansa writes a letter, and I imagine it’s to Littlefinger to assist with the Knights of the Vale. Sansa is reaching. Never make any sort of dealings with Littlefinger. It never ends well.

Back at the lush green field construction, Ian McShane is holding a meeting where he tells them about how horrible he used to be. Suddenly some men on horseback without banners ride into the situation. And you can immediately tell that they are going to be trouble. The men leave but I doubt that’s the last we’ve seen of them. Ian McShane and the Hound talk about how to handle the brotherhood and Ian McShane decides against violence. How nice. It will surely be well with you, you hear. Shiooor! Siddon dia dey form peaceful. I pirry you.

Back in Braavos, Arya is trying to seek passage home. She buys a first class ticket and orders for the express delivery that everyone on this show seems to be using. She looks hopefully across a river, and then an old woman approaches her, and I start yelling: “It’s your Ninja trainer! Run, Bitch!” But alas, a girl is too trusting and a girl gets gutted like a fish. But then, it turns out that just because a girl dropped out of Ninja school in her final semester doesn’t mean she hasn’t learnt a few things. Just then, she kicks her ninja trainer back and parks her way into the river, where she acts dead. But a girl isn’t dead…yet. However, a girl is going to need medical attention quickly.

Meanwhile, the Hound is working out, and then – bam! – he hears screams. He goes to check it out and like play, like play, Ian McShane’s character and all the construction workers have been murdered, most likely by the brotherhood without banners, those three men to be exact. So it is true: working out will literally save your life, people! Take your squats, pushups, sit ups and cardio seriously!

OTHER TIDBITS:

⦁Rule Number One of TV: If you didn’t see them die, as in take-their-last-breath die, or see the dead body, then they are alive. Don’t fall for it. They are always alive.

⦁Seriously, is this season all about “dead” people coming back to life? How far? What is dead may truly never die. Lol.

⦁I am all for Queen Margery’s current scheming, but I seriously need to see a pay off soon, and a slow agonizing death for the High Sparrow is the least he deserves. He’s not even an entertaining villain, like say Joffrey or Ramsay. Dude is just tedious and needs to go.

⦁Lady Olenna (to Sister Shame): “You’re not in your sanctuary now, my dear. All I have to do is whistle, and my men will stroll in here and bash you about until I tell them to stop…If I tell them to stop.”  LOL. She actually does need a good bashing, and the sooner the better.

⦁Y’all realise that Tommen’s death is inevitable, right? A prophecy says all of Cersei’s children will die. Well, Joffrey is gone and so is Myrcella. So it’s only a matter of ‘when’ not ‘if’ the mumu bites the dust.

⦁Is Yara Greyjoy the first lesbian we’ve seen on the show? I can’t seem to remember any another.

⦁This one that the Brotherhood without banners is back in the fold, do you guys think the show is finally going to use Lady Stoneheart? If so, I might just faint from excitement.

⦁I am this close to giving up on Arya’s storyline. She is obviously not going to die. So I am not worried. But where are they going with this?

⦁Death Toll: Ian McShane’s character and the other construction workers.

⦁We’ve had two setup episodes in a row now, which I have no problem with. But I need payoff with Arya’s and Margery’s side of things. It’s getting dragged out, especially Arya’s stuff.

⦁Also seriously, what’s up with Dorne and the Kardashian sisters? Last we saw of them, they were on a boat headed to King’s Landing where they killed the prince. Are we to believe they’ve just been roaming the capital all this while?

⦁Where is Gendry, dear lord?

⦁The reintroduction of the Brotherhood this far into the season can only mean something huge is coming. Either way, I am curious to see how the Hound’s revenge against them goes.

⦁Damn it, the season goes so fast. We have just 3 episodes left. This season is already miles better than the previous one though.

And now, that’s it for this week! SOUND OFF!

Written by Deola

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