DISCLAIMER: The following article contains spoilers from TV Shows of the past week. So if you haven’t SEEN the episodes of the week, and you detest spoilers, then I suggest you leave while you can. If you haven’t and you don’t mind spoilers, feel free to enjoy. If you have seen the episodes, then by all means read on and lets ki-ki.

REVIEW OF THE WEEK: Game Of Thrones – S06E08 (No one)

Welcome to my weekly recap of Game of Thrones, the greatest show that ever was and ever will be. If you don’t agree, please argue with someone else 🙂

So guys, I apologize in advance if the tone of this week’s entry is uneven. Between Sweet Cristina Grimmie’s murder, which I had  barely recovered from, and then the Orlando Shooting, which I still can’t fully understand, I feel like my sense of humor has broken or something. Both incidents have remained quite the dark cloud over my head and this entry was quite difficult to write. So please bear with me.

This week opens with the film at the cinema, the movie that’s taken the Braavos Box Office by storm. They can’t stop going to see it. I had thought we were done with this part of Arya’s storyline, so I was rather surprised to have the eighth episode open with this scene. The Cersei actress is playing the Joffrey death scene, and once again, it seems she isn’t content with her Oscar nomination from two weeks ago. She wants nominations for the Golden Globes, SAGs and Critics Choice too. The bitch is taking no prisoners.

She takes Arya’s direction from the last time they met and injects her mournful monologue with some rage, and it’s really, really good. I’ll be looking out for this actress’s future work as I have been very impressed with her performances.

She goes backstage to drink her ale and for a minute I was sensing poison (HTGAWM is to blame for this level of TV paranoia). But then, she hears some movement and she looks behind the curtain and behold, it’s Arya Stark.

This child is beginning to test my patience. Between her lackadaisical attitude last week, strolling through the streets of Braavos like she’s in Disney land, and not being alert as to the threat of the old woman, she’s being sloppy. Stupid even. The Tommen effect is real.

And please, who needs medical attention and then goes to meet an ACTRESS! An animal farmer would be better qualified to treat her sef than an actress. If the actress was playing a doctor in the film sef,  I would understand her decision. I mean if I needed medical attention from an actress, I would look for Cristina Yang (Sandrah Oh), not Damon Salvatore (Ian Someherhalder)!

Anyhow, Arya seems to have hit the jackpot with this actress, because the bitch is good. I would have thought Arya would be in pretty bad shape, but she has her all healed up and all she needs is milk of the poppy to complete the healing! This woman is giving the best maesters a run for their money. I demand to know her secrets.

Meanwhile, on this week’s episode of revenge, the Hound goes on a murder spree. It says a lot about this show that it’s scenes like this that create the level of levity for the audience. It is very relishing to watch the Hound take out the jerks in the woods. Nice to see the Hound back in action.

Back in Meereen, the city seems to be bubbling back to life. Safe to say Tyrion’s pact with the Masters is working well. Varys is leaving the city though, I assume, to go secure more allies for Daenerys. He and Tyrion say their goodbyes to each other and I can’t help but feel something is off with this scene. Maybe it’s the writing, acting or editing; I would have expected that a goodbye between these two would have been more poignant and held more weight. This just felt hollow.

Meanwhile back in King’s Landing, the High Sparrow and his people continue with their rule of intimidation. This time, the Sparrow wants to have an “audience” with Cersei. So of course Lancel and his stupid face tries to intimidate her into coming with them by force. LOL. They obviously know nothing. Zombie Mountain steps in to protect Cersei like he was programmed to and Lancel says, “Order your man to step aside or there will be violence.”

Cersei replies with all the bad ass bitchiness in her: “I choose violence.” It’s Lena Headey’s delivery of the line that sends chills down my spine.got3

One of the faith soldiers attacks, and by the old gods and the new, the Mountain “unfaces” him. You know how someone is unmasked? Well this dude was unfaced. Like his face was ripped apart. The militants see this and run for the hills to report to Oga Sparrow.

Back in Riverrun, Podrick and Brienne have arrived at the Lannister/Frey camp. Podrick and Bronn catch up and it’s cute. Meanwhile, Brienne and Jamie have an intense get-together. It’s filled with unsaid words and sexual tension. Yes, I said sexual tension, because I can’t be the only one seeing it.

They talk and Brienne convinces Jamie to let her try to get the Blackfish to surrender. He agrees and off she goes. And so she gets to give the Blackfish a letter. Is this the letter that Sansa was writing in the last episode? If it is, then color me kinda disappointed. I had thought she was texting Littlefinger for help. Oh well.

Brienne gives the Blackfish the letter and it basically says his niece wants him to join their begi-begi forces in the battle for Winterfell. He says no, because biko please wetin consine am with Winterfell when his home is under siege. These Stark children need to take some seats.

Back in King’s Landing, court is in session. Cersei saunters in with Zombie Mountain and Maester What’s-his-name. Apparently there is to be a royal announcement. She tries to go see her son, but Kevan Lannister stops her and dismisses her to the gallery “where the other ladies are.” My, my, how the mighty have fallen.

The announcement is brought to you by Spineless McCoward aka King Tommen, who has taken a step further to screw his mother over in the name of the “faith”. So he and the Sparrow have decided to ban trials by combat as a means of seeking justice. This is so obviously the Sparrow’s doing. After Zombie Mountain unfaced that dude, Lancel and the others no doubt went to do ITK and told the Sparrow of the might that is Zombie Mountain. And that one, being the foxy bastard that he is, outlawed trial by combat so Cersei won’t be able to hide behind Zombie Mountain.got7

Now Cersei is by no means a good person. She isn’t even a bad person. By all accounts, she is despicable, and being the one that brought the High Sparrow to power, one can say she deserves all this, yes? Well yes.

So why isn’t this enjoyable to me. It probably has something to do with the fact that I hate the High Sparrow more. He is just a nuisance. A pimple that won’t go away. And so that leaves me feeling the unthinkable – sympathy for Cersei! *shudders*

In Meereen, Tyrion, Missandei and Grey Worm huddle round the table like the cute kids that they are and share good wine and bad jokes. It’s a light-hearted, much-needed scene. And then of course, something bad had to happen to ruin the moment. A fleet of ships are at the city’s sea port, and for a moment, I thought maybe Theon and Yara Greyjoy had arrived. But alas, it’s the Masters, who have broken the pact and in Missandei’s words, “have come to take their property.”

At the Lannister battle camp meanwhile, Edmure Tully and Jamie have a very interesting talk. They talk about everything from Cersei to Catelyn Stark. And then Jamie threatens Edmure’s son and the prisoner is ready to do as he is “asked.” He approaches the castle bridge/gate and demands to be let in. Edmure is the actual lord of the Tully House, and so, despite the Blackfish’s protests for them to ignore him, the soldiers open the gates for the lord they rightfully are meant to answer to. Naturally he comes in, demands for his uncle’s arrest and surrenders the castle to Jamie Lannister and the Frey forces. The Lannisters/Freys take over the castle. The Blackfish is killed off-screen, but not before he sends Brienne and Podrick on their merry way. Jaime sees them escaping but he lets them go.

The Masters meanwhile aren’t playing. They’ve legit started attacking the city. May Day, May Day! Meereen is under attack! Who is gonna save their souls? Daenerys of course. She sashays in with all the purpose and swagger of a warrior queen, and everyone immediately gets in formation.

The Hound meanwhile isn’t done with his revenge tour. He finds the three men who killed his fellow construction workers, and who do we see there too? Beric Dondarrion aka the original Lazarus; he was coming back to life before it was considered “cool” by these new kids. And Thoros aka the original Doro in the Lord of Light matters; he was bringing folks back to life before Mellisandre began doing it with trial by error. We haven’t seen these two since Season 4. After some small chitchat, they let the Hound hang two out of the three culprits. Let it not be said that the Brotherhood aren’t generous with their executions!

They talk and the Hound kind of agrees to join them…for now.

Back in Braavos, in the house of Lady Crane the miracle worker/healer/actress (quite the resume), Arya’s personal trainer breaks in and murders our Oscar/Golden Globe/SAG nominee. Pretty sure that actress that played Sansa will scoop up all the awards now. SMH

Anyways, the waif is obviously here to kill Arya. But in the words of Arya’s Dance/Fight teacher Syrio Forel: “What do we say to the god of death? Not today, Bitch!” Arya jumps off the balcony – yeah, the same Arya that was gutted like a fish and has only been healing for like a day or two. Yeah, just go with it. Shey you remember I told you Lady Crane is a miracle worker, ehen. The waif marches like some terminator in pursuit of the Stark girl.

Arya jumps, falls down stairs, jumps some more (OSHEY TEMPLE RUN), but she doesn’t die because Lady Crane’s miracle healing powers is the real deal. The chase is thrilling though at one point; Arya jumps from some veranda-rooftop something, lands on her legs, and one would expect her legs to break or her ankles to get sprained. But if I hear! The miracle continues!

Arya eventually lures her pursuer into that cave of hers, pulls Needle out, knocks the candle out, and boom, she goes all Daredevil on her! At least I imagine that’s how it goes down, because we don’t see it happen.

Next, Jaquen is seen in the House of Black and White, following a trail of blood. And tada! It’s the face of the waif on the wall! Arya slayed her! Then she shows up, and suddenly Jaquen is ready to pronounce her the best graduating student? He says, “A girl is finally no one.” HUH?! Please I am confused. Didn’t she drop out of school? How does she get her BSc when she hasn’t completed the necessary credits needed? Which kain VC is this sef?

It turns out Arya doesn’t even need the certificate sef. And then comes the words that are meant to be immortalized. “A girl is Arya Stark of Winterfell. And I’m going home,” she declares in what is meant to be an empowering moment.

Other Tidbits:

Game of Thrones really demanded us to suspend our belief with everything that had to do with Arya. There was a lot of reaching. From the way she was so quickly healed to her Temple Run chase. I won’t question it, because frankly, I am just glad this part of her storyline is over. It really was a failed experiment.

⦁The Cersei Lannister, stage actress character is played by Australian actress/singer, Essie Davies. Like I said, I have been mightily impressed with her work this season and I hope to see her in some other stuff.

⦁I really wish Jamie would pick sides and stop flip-flopping. At this point in the books, Cersei had fallen out of favor with him, completing Jamie’s redemption arc. I want to root for him, but when he does stuff like he did at Riverrun, I wince. And then he goes and lets Brienne and Pod leave safely. Like I am just confused.

⦁I still think Sansa was texting Littlefinger. I hope I’m not wrong… or I hope I am? I don’t even know.

⦁Tommen had better be getting orders from Margaery because he truly can’t be this stupid, can he? After the moments he shared with Cersei earlier in the season where he begged for forgiveness for not doing anything to prevent her walk of shame, to now turn around and make a move like this! Chai. Let’s just wait and see.

⦁Meanwhile I have a theory. So we all know Tommen is going to die, right? Now how he dies is what’s going to be interesting. I believe something is going to happen and Cersei would be forced to kill him, thus fulfilling the prophecy and alienating Jamie forever, leaving her truly alone.

⦁Arya’s stint in Braavos was just a fail. For chrissakes, we spent two seasons here, and what did she actually learn? A girl is not no one. She is still Arya. But I guess now, she is a ninja and all that. But will that really help her in her quest for revenge? And did we really need to sit through two seasons of that to end up with diddly squat?! I’m just glad she is getting out of there and headed to…erm, Winterfell? King’s Landing? Whatever place abeg. Anywhere but Braavos is better, unless it’s Dorne.

⦁The whole Riverrun situation was just disappointing. I knew there was no way Jaime would die there but I wanted more of a fight. Instead Edmure just comes in and fucks shit up. He did it for his family and all, but whatever!

⦁In Jamie’s ‘conversation’ with Edmure, he talks about his devotion to Cersei and Cersei’s devotion and love for her children. Now this isn’t the first time he’s spoken this way. But the timing of this particular one just seems to be foreshadowing something. A Cersei-Jamie breakup? Tommen’s death? Who knows.

⦁Death Toll: This week, the Hound went on a murder spree, slaying rogue brothers of the Brotherhood. Also RIP the Blackfish. He really was badass. Also goodbye to the waif aka Arya’s personal trainer.

⦁There are a lot of plot threads that need to be tied up. Just off the top of my head: Bran Stark, the Kardashian sisters in Dorne, Samwell Tarly, Littlefinger, the Tower of Joy! R+L= J. With two episodes left, let’s hope they can deliver a satisfying end to what has generally been a strong season.

⦁Also what rumor does Maester What’s-his-name speak of to Cersei in this episode? Does it have anything to do with Wildfire? I wonder.

⦁I don’t think we’ll be seeing Lady Stoneheart. I think a part of that plot from the books will be given to Beric and Thoros instead. Also Perhaps Brienne runs into them? We’ll see.

⦁The ninth episode meanwhile is titled Battle of the Bastards. If you’ve seen the previews, then you’d know the bastards in question are Jon Snow and Ramsay Bolton. The battle for Winterfell! The showrunners say it’s the biggest battle sequence they have ever done, so that means we are in for a treat! I’d like to see if all of Episode 9 is going to be devoted to the battle or if we’d visit other storylines during the episode.

⦁What’s the lesson learned from this entire episode? When in need of medical attention…MEET AN ACTRESS!

⦁The season finale is going to be 69 minutes long. That’d be the longest running time in the show’s history. So it should hopefully give them ample time to tie everything up nicely and set up other things to come.

That’s it for the week, guys. SOUND OFF!

Written by Deola

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