A man who successfully managed to convince a “straight” guy to leave his wife and run off with him instead has found himself in a bind. So he’s seeking advice from the “Guyliner” at the Gay Times UK.
“Me and my boyfriend got together in a strange way,” the letter begins. “We were both with other people–he was in a straight relationship–and had an affair for two years.”
Eventually, the mounting guilt got the best of them and the guys decided to come clean to their partners.
“It was very painful for everyone,” he recalls. “Some members of my boyfriend’s family still refuse to speak to him. Luckily mine are staying out of it.
“As soon as we broke up with our partners, we moved in together and once the initial buzz wore off, it quickly became a disappointment.”
They don’t argue, the man says, but the relationship “feels flat.”
“We don’t laugh as much as we used to do,” he explains, “and sex isn’t happening that often either.”
Now, insecurity seems to be getting the best of him.
“After all the upheaval we caused, I desperately want it to work,” he says, “but I can’t get out of my head that if it doesn’t, either he’ll find someone else or we’ll break up and all that upset will have been for nothing. I’m worried the relationship we went through hell for wasn’t worth it after all.”
The “Guyliner” responds: “There’s a reason most guys never leave their wives, y’know. An affair is, at first at least, exciting and passionate. Because your time together is so rare, so precious, you make the most of it.”
This, the Guyliner continues, can be through tons of wild and “energetic sex” or “doing hopelessly romantic things you’d never do with your dreary old man at home.”
But that can’t last forever.
“When a relationship that was illicit becomes legit, it can’t help but lose some of the spark it once had,” the Guyliner says. “All relationships do, eventually, tbh – it’s just that yours had farther to fall.”
So what can be done about the situation?
The Guyliner says, “Recognize that real relationships aren’t non-stop shagfests or a laugh a minute… Communicate more, have the fun you could never have out in the open before, celebrate the mundane activities available to you now that, as secret lovers, you never did before. The buzz has worn off, yes, but that doesn’t mean there still aren’t thrills to be had.”
And if, in the end, the relationship just doesn’t work, the Guyliner adds, don’t worry about it.
“The key thing is you escaped from the miserable relationships you were in before. … You took a chance, and that was the hardest part–don’t feel you have to live with it forever.”
What do you think of the Guyliner’s advice? And what would you do if you found yourself in this precarious situation? Sound off in the comments section below.