Go Sit In The Back, Bitch

Go Sit In The Back, Bitch

There’s a downside to being a gay man in this country where your presence and rights are not acknowledged.

There are many downsides, but there’s one I want to point out today.

That’s female privilege.

We often talk about male privilege over the rest of the mankind, but sometimes overlook female privilege over gay-mankind. I have a typical story to make my point.

So recently, Bae (lemme just call him Tunde) and I went out to attend an event. This – both of us going out – is not commonplace, since all he wants to do whenever we get together is have sex, stay indoors and just generally be the two of us together alone. Not that I’m complaining – but sometimes, you just want the world to see you two out and about, to lend more validity to your relationship. Granted, there won’t be any hand-holding or quick PDAs. But still…people see you two together and it becomes realer.

So we went out to this function. It was a fun place to be. There were lots of mutual friends, lots of laughter and mingling and elegant fun. I wasn’t even mad that lots of girls kept colonizing his attention and company; Bae is a social media celeb, the elusive kind, so seeing him was a high for most of the people in the room. I’d be gisting with a female, and she’d glance at him talking to someone else, do a double take and then gasp at me, “Oh my God, is that Tunde?” And when I say “Yes”, she’d give a titter of delight and gush, “Oh please introduce us.” And I would do that with all the grace of a brother who had something everybody wanted.

See? I wasn’t mad at all. After all, after all this, it was planned that Bae and I would go back to my house and have great sex before he’ll head on home.

But one girl ruined it all – and succeeded in making me mad.

She was one of those “Oh my god, is that Tunde” girls. Her name (for the purpose of this story) is Jacinta. She’s my friend o, about as friendly as any female I meet on the social media can get. And she didn’t ask me to introduce her to Bae – Oh no. Babe went to him and introduced herself to him and then proceeded to make him her best friend for the evening. She commandeered his company for the rest of the event. And I wasn’t mad. I was having a swell time with friends of my own.

Then the party gradually tapered to an end and us revelers moved out into the evening, nippy from the rain that fell in the afternoon. There were lots of last minute conversations and protracted goodbyes as people lingered in front of the venue. Standing beside Bae’s car was him, me, a friend of mine who we’d agreed to drop off along the way…and Jacinta. She’s a beautiful petite woman, and was pulling up all her feminine wiles on display, all glossy lipsticked lips and tinkling laughter.

I didn’t understand why she was on a roll, until I said, “Okay, shall we be going?” And she replied, “Yes, please, let’s.”

I did a double take. Yes, please, let’s? As in you and us are going together? As in, Missy, you stay in Ajah, and that’s totally not our route! As in, where do you think you are joining us to?

My friend (we are very close, him and I) caught on to my confusion and chuckled. That confusion quickly began to turn to incredulity when I turned to Bae and he was looking apologetically at me. In a steely tone masked by a polite smile, I said, “Tunde, can I talk to you aside please?”

No sooner had we moved aside than he started telling me how Jacinta had somehow managed to finagle a favour from him, a favour for him to drop her off at her place. Bae stays in Ikoyi. So basically, the two options were: he drops me off first and then goes on to drop her off, and not spending any shag time with me, because from Ajah, he’d have to go home to Ikoyi; or he drops her off first in Ajah and we’d make the long trip back to my house in the mainland, spend some shag time together, and then he’d make the long trip back to Ikoyi.

He actually gave me these options, wanting me to decide and looking sincere in his determination to abide by whatever decision I make. I could have said “Let’s drop her first. I want to be with you after all this”, and he’d have agreed. But I couldn’t do that to him. So, because I was still the gracious boyfriend, I said, “Okay, you drop me first. I’ll see you tomorrow.”

The wide smile he gave me told me I’d made the right call.

But hey, I still wasn’t mad.

Do you know when I got mad?

When I went back to the car, and I moved toward the front passenger door, actually opened the door, getting ready to slide in…

And Jacinta sashayed toward me and with a smile and a “Thank you for getting the door for me”, slid inside the seat that was meant for me, automatically relegating me to the “just friends” seat in the back.

Thunder clouded my face and lightning flashed in my eyes. Bae gave me another apologetic small smile, and my friend couldn’t stop chuckling at the awkwardness.

So I ended up not only having to be denied the pleasure of ending the day in my boyfriend’s arms, but forfeiting my rightful place beside him in the ride to my house to a girl who felt entitled to him simply because she’s female.

Written by Pink Panther

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27 Comments

  1. Zemocrush
    August 21, 07:12 Reply

    Lol. You should have put her in her rightful place. Some witches ehn 😂😂😂

  2. bruno
    August 21, 07:14 Reply

    at some point, one would have expected that this bae would put him for down and actually take the writer’s side for once

    • Mandy
      August 21, 07:22 Reply

      I know, right? When are we going to start having or hearing of incidences where the woman tried to cross the line and the advantaged boyfriend put her in her place and backed up the disadvantaged boyfriend? It’s so exasperating

  3. Amon
    August 21, 07:20 Reply

    Serious busy body. I know some girls like that

  4. Mandy
    August 21, 07:29 Reply

    Jacinta’s weaves obvi haven’t been snatched before. 😡😬

  5. Rehoboth
    August 21, 07:43 Reply

    😄😄😄😄 This was funny. I know the Nigerian situation but Tunde seem to always want you to compromise. Are you your bae’s bae?

  6. Delle
    August 21, 08:31 Reply

    I won’t even let that happen. As a feminist that I is, I’d pull her back (as gently as my vexation lets me) and slide in.

    I don’t patronize women. Take the back seat, bitch!
    After having his attention for the most part of the evening, you are making him follow a different route from mine and you won’t even let me enjoy his smell for the little time we have no thanks to you?
    I can see you want a premature change of weave.

  7. Johnny
    August 21, 08:52 Reply

    I’m laughing like a mad person now. Some girls can be stewpeed. In my mind I’ll be like, ‘ He still does guys, so no worries ‘.
    Even gay friends can do that. Anytime I’m with a couple whom one of them is a friend, I try not to interfere.

  8. himbo
    August 21, 09:08 Reply

    “Social media celeb” has got to be the saddest phrase ever uttered/invented. Sheesh..

  9. trystham
    August 21, 10:05 Reply

    Looool. Well, I do understand ur vexation, but on this particular ride, u r only a PASSENGER seeing as u will be getting off sooner than later but that “thanks for getting the door for me” part tho, I resembu concierge?

  10. Mykah
    August 21, 10:44 Reply

    I totally know the feeling, it sad but true. And when you talk about it,it’s like you’re the Devil. I hate to say but you now have other things to worry about….. Lol.

  11. Sheldon Cooper
    August 21, 14:35 Reply

    Tunde gave her the opportunity to exercise the “privilege”.

  12. Foxydevil
    August 21, 15:02 Reply

    Shessh I see no big deal here, the lady only intruded for a few hours, you have him all to yourself since you are the one he is dating…. This isn’t the case of female previlage but immaturity and petty jealousy from your own part, I mean who struggles for a car seat in a car that isn’t his?
    Phew!
    Social media celeb, ikoyi ? If he is the one I know then for once he picked brain over flash…. I know the people he’s dated in the past, you’re like apples and oranges 😯….I could be wrong though and it’s a completely different person .🚶

    • Gad
      August 27, 04:27 Reply

      I totally agree with the first part of your comments.The op obviously sees himself as something I will not want to mention in order not to deviate our focus on the issue. There are times we do certain things like use our heads, concede certain grounds etc. Personally, I don’t like sitting in the back of my car or any car but sometimes before I get to the car ,someone we had coffered a ride is already seated on the front sit. I simply move to the back after all, the drive won’t last a year. Why will a guy be struggling for attention with a lady and tomorrow someone will say ” yes ,I’m a btm but I’m also a man”.

  13. Pankar
    August 21, 21:21 Reply

    No, you didnt get mad afterall

  14. Demi
    August 21, 23:12 Reply

    The part about thunder and lightning really got me cracked up.. Jacinta is such a thirsty bitch..

  15. omiete
    August 22, 00:58 Reply

    I will drag your fake weave off your head, all the Jacinta’s in my life die by fire!!!!!!!!…. The anger is real.

  16. Quinn
    August 22, 01:54 Reply

    *lesson learnt* don’t give a bitch the chance if you don’t like it! Sowi sha

  17. Canis VY Majoris
    August 22, 11:47 Reply

    Oh so the title is directed at you (the writer)😂😂. Hope the ride home was comfy atleast and the A.C. was high enough to cool your temper.😋😋

  18. Lorde
    August 22, 15:03 Reply

    Gademm!!! These hoes tho….is this the same tunde?

  19. JImmy
    August 23, 09:44 Reply

    Biko you pipo should leave my “Jecinta” alone oh…*claps hands* i personally have gotten used to her this way…lol…anyways, i blame “Tunde” , yes, he gave her that room from the start.

    But PP sha, of all names, “Jecinta”??? you are messy!!!

  20. Jo
    August 23, 10:47 Reply

    I was just laughing fa. This Jacinta person sef. I dunno why but I think that if it was I. I wouldn’t have been offended at all.

    PP sha

    • Gad
      August 27, 04:30 Reply

      I feel you, dear

  21. Ernomous
    August 27, 08:30 Reply

    I for one won’t enter that car, I’m so taxify my way back home the minute she decides to join the car back home.

    I don’t have power for struggle oooo.

  22. Iphie
    August 29, 11:24 Reply

    Omo all this one na story,she will either step down or call for an uber if she can afford one. No way in hell I will give up that seat.

  23. George
    September 01, 11:33 Reply

    Where’s the ‘bitch, go sit in the back’ line. Im so dissapointed. Id have thrown her out if i was the one

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