There’s a downside to being a gay man in this country where your presence and rights are not acknowledged.
There are many downsides, but there’s one I want to point out today.
That’s female privilege.
We often talk about male privilege over the rest of the mankind, but sometimes overlook female privilege over gay-mankind. I have a typical story to make my point.
So recently, Bae (lemme just call him Tunde) and I went out to attend an event. This – both of us going out – is not commonplace, since all he wants to do whenever we get together is have sex, stay indoors and just generally be the two of us together alone. Not that I’m complaining – but sometimes, you just want the world to see you two out and about, to lend more validity to your relationship. Granted, there won’t be any hand-holding or quick PDAs. But still…people see you two together and it becomes realer.
So we went out to this function. It was a fun place to be. There were lots of mutual friends, lots of laughter and mingling and elegant fun. I wasn’t even mad that lots of girls kept colonizing his attention and company; Bae is a social media celeb, the elusive kind, so seeing him was a high for most of the people in the room. I’d be gisting with a female, and she’d glance at him talking to someone else, do a double take and then gasp at me, “Oh my God, is that Tunde?” And when I say “Yes”, she’d give a titter of delight and gush, “Oh please introduce us.” And I would do that with all the grace of a brother who had something everybody wanted.
See? I wasn’t mad at all. After all, after all this, it was planned that Bae and I would go back to my house and have great sex before he’ll head on home.
But one girl ruined it all – and succeeded in making me mad.
She was one of those “Oh my god, is that Tunde” girls. Her name (for the purpose of this story) is Jacinta. She’s my friend o, about as friendly as any female I meet on the social media can get. And she didn’t ask me to introduce her to Bae – Oh no. Babe went to him and introduced herself to him and then proceeded to make him her best friend for the evening. She commandeered his company for the rest of the event. And I wasn’t mad. I was having a swell time with friends of my own.
Then the party gradually tapered to an end and us revelers moved out into the evening, nippy from the rain that fell in the afternoon. There were lots of last minute conversations and protracted goodbyes as people lingered in front of the venue. Standing beside Bae’s car was him, me, a friend of mine who we’d agreed to drop off along the way…and Jacinta. She’s a beautiful petite woman, and was pulling up all her feminine wiles on display, all glossy lipsticked lips and tinkling laughter.
I didn’t understand why she was on a roll, until I said, “Okay, shall we be going?” And she replied, “Yes, please, let’s.”
I did a double take. Yes, please, let’s? As in you and us are going together? As in, Missy, you stay in Ajah, and that’s totally not our route! As in, where do you think you are joining us to?
My friend (we are very close, him and I) caught on to my confusion and chuckled. That confusion quickly began to turn to incredulity when I turned to Bae and he was looking apologetically at me. In a steely tone masked by a polite smile, I said, “Tunde, can I talk to you aside please?”
No sooner had we moved aside than he started telling me how Jacinta had somehow managed to finagle a favour from him, a favour for him to drop her off at her place. Bae stays in Ikoyi. So basically, the two options were: he drops me off first and then goes on to drop her off, and not spending any shag time with me, because from Ajah, he’d have to go home to Ikoyi; or he drops her off first in Ajah and we’d make the long trip back to my house in the mainland, spend some shag time together, and then he’d make the long trip back to Ikoyi.
He actually gave me these options, wanting me to decide and looking sincere in his determination to abide by whatever decision I make. I could have said “Let’s drop her first. I want to be with you after all this”, and he’d have agreed. But I couldn’t do that to him. So, because I was still the gracious boyfriend, I said, “Okay, you drop me first. I’ll see you tomorrow.”
The wide smile he gave me told me I’d made the right call.
But hey, I still wasn’t mad.
Do you know when I got mad?
When I went back to the car, and I moved toward the front passenger door, actually opened the door, getting ready to slide in…
And Jacinta sashayed toward me and with a smile and a “Thank you for getting the door for me”, slid inside the seat that was meant for me, automatically relegating me to the “just friends” seat in the back.
Thunder clouded my face and lightning flashed in my eyes. Bae gave me another apologetic small smile, and my friend couldn’t stop chuckling at the awkwardness.
So I ended up not only having to be denied the pleasure of ending the day in my boyfriend’s arms, but forfeiting my rightful place beside him in the ride to my house to a girl who felt entitled to him simply because she’s female.
Written by Pink Panther