48 responses

  1. bruno
    April 14, 2016

    oh wow.

    you were one cheeky child. each time i read “that is not the point”, i cringed a little.

    nigerian parents being clueless about parenting as usual. *sigh*

    Reply

    • JBoy
      April 14, 2016

      Hahahahahaaaa…

      I used that so often…I was, you lie not.

      Reply

  2. Mandy
    April 14, 2016

    You were this headstrong as a teenager? Wow. And your father, he comes of as an abusive parent. Luckily you had the temperament to face off with him.
    Family almost always knows. They simply choose to live in denial.

    Reply

    • JBoy
      April 14, 2016

      Yeah, I was…I managed to outgrow it a bit; denial will never take the place of reality. Someday they’ll wake up to either accepting me, the way I am, or reject as the case may be.

      Reply

  3. Uziel
    April 14, 2016

    Resignation. Such a wonderful thing. I like your mother (based on what I read up there). She understands the basics of not being in another person’s business.

    I imagine what its going to be like for me in a decade when I’ll start this from my grand family. Haha.

    Reply

    • Pink Panther
      April 14, 2016

      So a storm brewing then, yea? 🙂

      Reply

    • JBoy
      April 14, 2016

      Feel free to love her…she has a way of having things her way, even in the toughest of it all. But I’m still doubting in this case.

      Reply

  4. Kenny
    April 14, 2016

    Often times, they already know,” I said. “I believe my parents do. In my case, as far as coming out is concerned, I don’t know what else is left to do, except I don rainbow-coloured robes and sashay out to the tune of Gloria Gaynor’s I Will Survive.” this killed me 😂😂😂

    Reply

    • JBoy
      April 15, 2016

      😅😅😅😅

      What would you have me do, Kenny?

      Reply

  5. Brian Collins
    April 14, 2016

    Wow… Just read Boye’s coming out story and I gotta say I am ALMOST inspired to be brave but not quite.
    I just feel that my parents would blame themselves if I came out to them as gay. My father didn’t live with us cos of his job when I was a child and then it was my mother’s turn when I became a teenager. I just don’t want them to blame themselves for something like this cos the distance put a strain on their marriage and they constantly blame each other.
    The devastation they would both feel would be too much for me to bear.

    Reply

  6. Absalom
    April 14, 2016

    I love the bit of shrinking you did in recognizing that your parents are only afraid. A life outside of marriage and heteronormativity? Why then does the person exist? I think that our parents do not feel at peace until all their children cross that “last” hurdle.

    But “alas”!

    They’ll be fine. I suspect you may want to discuss this matter with them extensively for closure so they don’t keep coming back to it.

    Reply

    • JBoy
      April 14, 2016

      One Day At A Time…

      Thanks, Absalom.

      Reply

    • JBoy
      April 16, 2016

      I sure will.

      I want to have kids…my own seeds.

      Not sure ’bout marriage.

      Reply

  7. ambivalentone
    April 14, 2016

    I am quite surprised myself. You took steps and they went ahead to not support them….what do people really want? Don’t be gay. Don’t publicize your ‘problem’ to disgrace us….#sigh I had a headache there abeg

    Reply

    • JBoy
      April 14, 2016

      Take some TABs, you’ll be fine by ‘moro. LOL!😀

      Reply

  8. Delle
    April 14, 2016

    Oh my Jboy, this is some hardcore, touching story. I don’t know why Nigerian parents are so clueless on what it means to guide their kids, many a time, they are just wanting to protect ‘their’ own selfish interests. It’s so pitiful though, really saddening.
    I loved your defiant self towards them, loved the fact that you were so headstrong…cos it may have got you several beatings but honey, they have a deep-rooted respect for you nonetheless.
    My parents on the other hand act like they don’t know anything about me in that light. I’m sure they know I’m gay (you dnt need a crystal ball to decipher that), but they ignore that completely. Now, I don’t know if it’s a wonderful thing but I do know I’m comfortable where I am.
    I wonder what would happen in 10 years though cos I can’t even kiss a lady not to talk of getting married to one. Such lesbianism.

    Reply

    • JBoy
      April 15, 2016

      Lolz! Thanks Delle.

      Reply

    • Tommen
      May 24, 2016

      It’s not their fault Delle…
      just because we know things now that they didnt or av not understood or cannot..
      you can’t really blame them.

      Reply

  9. Absalom
    April 14, 2016

    It’s unfair to bash “Nigerian parents”. Every parent – all over the world – will raise their kids according to their own beliefs and philosophies about life. It is always a painful realisation for parents to realize that their children have choices and lives – and that these choices will not always go the way the hoped.

    Reply

    • JBoy
      April 15, 2016

      I get you, Abs.

      Wait! Did I just give someone some packs? Sexy Lucky You.

      We aren’t bashing…we aren’t.

      Reply

  10. Truth
    April 14, 2016

    “ihe umu nwanyi!” 😂.

    I’ve heard that before several times. I have a lot to say about Nigerian parents, but let me just hold my peace.

    Reply

    • JBoy
      April 15, 2016

      Say joor.😂 We’re all ears.

      Reply

  11. badboii
    April 14, 2016

    It was really sad to read your story, but the harsh reality is that this is very similar for most us in nigeria and I can’t hold our parents responsible… they don’t knw better, even the so called exposed folks in the western world struggle to come to terms with their kids coming out and their choice of lifestyle. … for most nigeria parents it’s the fear that eats them the most… and that fear is so loud even when they say nothing and choose to act like all is well and be ignorant to the writings on the wall… our society makes it hard for them to understand and support a child nd most times prevails on them to turn their back on us. .. fear is a bad thing…

    Reply

    • JBoy
      April 15, 2016

      They will turnaround someday…it’s gradual.

      Reply

  12. sensei
    April 14, 2016

    Touching story. Very inspiring too. We hope for better tomorrows.

    Reply

    • JBoy
      April 15, 2016

      Awwwww!😙

      Thanks Sensei, you are inspiration yourself.

      Reply

  13. michael
    April 14, 2016

    So JBoy, after this your little encounter with Dad, you were ship off the FGC right? Where you shocked PP with that question. Lol.

    Say I was the one in your shoes, after searching for the letter and didn’t find it, I would jejely pretend like I didn’t write any letter. And move back to school quickly.

    Reply

    • JBoy
      April 15, 2016

      Wait!

      Do you know me that much?

      Seems he does.

      Reply

  14. Mitch
    April 14, 2016

    Wow! Jboy, you were and still are everything I wish I was and still am striving to be. It is things like this, the mistreatment and misunderstanding of a person who is striving to please the family, that make people say family is overrated. And that’s the truth. Family isn’t something we are born into but is who loves, accepts and aims to make us the best we can be.

    Reply

    • JBoy
      April 15, 2016

      Mitch Darling, I’m not all you would wish to be…I’ve got my fears, I’ve had things that made, and still makes, me cry. Be You, Be more Careful and Be Better.

      Reply

  15. Tobee
    April 14, 2016

    I like the fact that the parents had had to acknowledge it at some point, I guess it would reduce the burden of having to hide it completely; especially given JBoy’s depicted personality!

    Reply

    • JBoy
      April 15, 2016

      Tobee, you’re right there…I’m so free with being me; like when my Mom came back from our last born’s matriculation and she said “I really do love that Ifeanyi (real name here) of a guy, he was so helpful and has been like a Big Brother to your Sister; he’s so funny and behaves so much like you”. I smiled and said “he’s an amazing fellow”.

      PS: Forgive me, Ify, if you’re reading this.

      Reply

  16. Lorde
    April 14, 2016

    “but understanding now that my reality, the reality of my life which I began to make my peace with 20 years ago, was just now becoming theirs”.
    Lol I love this phrase, (abi na clause, I hated english growing up) , I like the fact your dad thinks that if he’d handled the situation better, you’d turn out different. And I know you like it too lol

    Reply

    • JBoy
      April 15, 2016

      Lol! Do I?

      As for the English, call it whatever…; spoke and spark whichever way, in the end, it remains borrowed.

      Reply

  17. Lorde
    April 14, 2016

    I want “love and sex in the city” *throwing tantrum*

    Reply

    • Pink Panther
      April 14, 2016

      It’ll come next week. *crossing fingers* 😀

      Reply

    • JBoy
      April 15, 2016

      You’re not alone, Lorde.

      Throw, Fling et Scatter…I’m with you all the way.

      *side-look at Pinkie*

      Reply

    • KingBey
      April 16, 2016

      Me too ! Dafuq is holding it? 🙁

      Reply

  18. JBoy
    April 14, 2016

    Thanks People, it’s been a hectic day for me…Apologies for not engaging my esteemed readership, here on the comment session. Love you all, you guys rock!

    Reply

  19. Frank_Einstein
    April 15, 2016

    Thank you JBoy for this piece. I can almost totally relate with it.
    Growing up, my mum called me her daughter(she has just 3 boys) and i was glad i could make up for the absence of a girl in the house. I was thoroughly into ‘ihe umu nwanyi’ lol.
    But then i can only say that family chooses to live in denial of the obvious. I’m 100% sure my brothers know about my sexuality, my mum too. Coming out is out of the question for me; i like them to gradually come to terms with the reality, the harsh reality i must say. Few years from now, all their questions will be answered…..time has a way of doing that!

    Reply

    • JBoy
      April 15, 2016

      Time truly does. Thanks Swèets.

      Reply

  20. Wayfaring Stranger
    April 15, 2016

    Js2 in 1996….Whoa, I feel terribly young.

    Reply

  21. Wayfaring Stranger
    April 15, 2016

    You were a brave guy tho. Loved the story.

    Reply

    • JBoy
      April 15, 2016

      Happenings made me so…

      Thanks W_Stranger

      Reply

      • Wayfaring Stranger
        April 15, 2016

        Resurrect Suit and Tie, plis.

        Reply

      • JBoy
        April 15, 2016

        It isn’t dead…just been tied down by so much work pre§ure. Will sure do the needful, Boss.

        Reply

  22. KingBey
    April 16, 2016

    I bet my Dad noticed I was different much later in life. He told me coldly last Easter eve that he noticed I don’t like women and I don’t have a girlfriend and that he hopes I’m not in that Homosexual cult…because he won’t hesitate to disown me if I’m a member. Mom has always known….she’s has been throwing in subtle shades and advice since I was a teenager. #travailsofanigeriangayman

    Reply

  23. Marc Francis of Chelsea
    April 21, 2016

    <3

    Reply

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