I Hope You Know That I’ll Always Love You

I Hope You Know That I’ll Always Love You

You all had several things in common, yet you didn’t know each other. You were young, fun-loving, caring, jovial, randy, and popular. You loved to party hard. You always lived in the moment. Most importantly, you were my friends.

The very first time I met you, Nuel, was at a house party I was invited to in Ajah. I was shy and pretty young back then, and claimed a lonely corner, where I stood by myself and watched everyone else have the fun of their lives. They were drinking and dancing, and I was watching.

I remember you noticing me. You didn’t know me, but you came to sit by me, to chat me up, to cheer me and make me feel at ease. I remember how you stayed with me all through the night, when it seemed everyone else wasn’t interested in acquainting themselves with the shy, chubby boy. And that night became the beginning of a great friendship. You became a lot of things, true and kind, to me. You became an avenue to several new experiences to me, including being the one who hooked me up to my very first Prince Charming. Oh yes, I remember that. You thought I’d forgotten? The passage of years could never make me forget that, or all the ways you affected my life, Nuel.

The passage of time could simply not make me forget you. In spite of the fact that you were taken from me, the day I was going through my Facebook Timeline, and came across the news of your demise. I nearly lost my consciousness at that. I started hyperventilating. It was simply impossible. It couldn’t be true. I went to your Timeline to stare with shock at the grieving messages left all over it by friends. I was shocked. I pinged you on BBM and no response. I called you and my calls went unanswered. And when I realized that the last time I heard you speak, the last time I heard you laugh, the last time I saw you, would be the last of your physical existence in my life, I broke down and wept. Because it had dawned on me that I’d lost a true friend.

And so, as I remember you now, I hope you know that I’ll always love you.

The very first time I met you, Sean – oh, I laughed so hard then. That was the impression you imprinted on my mind. Funny, incredibly funny, tall and handsome, you were. It was my birthday and I invited a friend who brought you along. You instantly became the life of the party – the one who was so fine and who made everyone laugh.

I remember how you were such a predator at the party, going after every good looking guy, even when you knew the party was not strictly a gay affair, and I had to vacillate between concentrating on my own party and paying attention to your every move of unwittingly outing me to my straight friends. It was nonetheless fun having you around.

I remember your daring and carefree spirit. You did things everyone else wished they could do but would never get the gumption to do. I remember the day we went to Shoprite, and how you were clad in bum shorts, such an outrageous attire that had everyone staring at you and that one woman who began abusing you. But was a single fuck given by you? No.

There was never a dull moment with you around. Every moment with you was fun.

And then, the fun began its journey to an end that day, after several months of not seeing you, when you asked for us to meet. That day unveiled a shocking new you – frail, fragile, a bit unkept, sickly. There was little laughter from your lips and little sun in your eyes. I was aghast. I wanted to know what was wrong, but you staunchly brushed aside my concerns.

And then, that social media harbinger of news – Facebook again – broke the bad news to me. You were gone. I wept. I mourned for days, for weeks, for months. And my grief was further weighted down by the realization that I’d failed you. I knew you were going through so much, and I hadn’t done enough to help. That last day I saw you, I should have done something more, said something more, being someone better.

And so, even now, as I remember you, I hope you can forgive me. I hope you know that I’ll always love you.

The very first time I met you, Scott – oh, I had heard a lot about you before we met, the good and the bad and some more bad. They called you randy, slutty, a party animal. But still, I wanted to make your acquaintance. So one afternoon, after some online conversation, I drove to meet you at Unilag school gate, and then we went out to lunch. I remember how some passersby stared and sneered at us as we strolled along the road. I wondered at the attention, not then knowing that you were infamously out and gay in campus, a status you’d clearly refused to let bother you.

You were a bit effeminate, but you were every bit as strong and courageous, even more so than the ‘manly’ gays who joined ranks to marginalize you. I admired you, your strength and courage.

And then, the day came when we met, when you looked like life had roughed you up more than a little. You were hard-up and seemed desperate to make ends meet. You wanted to know if I could hook you up with anyone, older and rich, who could help you out of your struggles, and onward in your pursuit for happiness. I did not, but I offered you some connections to a job as a marketer in an insurance company. We talked about it, and you seemed excited by the prospects. At the end of our hang-out, you left, promising you’d get back to me on the job issue.

You never did. That was the last time I saw you. When next I heard about you, you were gone. No reason, no prelude, no explanation. You simply were and then you weren’t. I was devastated. I raged at God. I wanted answers. Why were good men dying? Why were amazing friends passing away? Why were brave men dropping off before they could get the chance to teach the world a thing or two with their courage? Why oh why?

But through my rage and grief, as I remember you now, I hope you know that I’ll always love you.

I will always love you, Nuel.

I will always love you, Sean.

And I will always love you, Scott.

I miss you all. Your memories will forever remain alive in my heart.

And to those who have lost a friend or two, take some consolation in these words, as I have:

“The world has been unkind to us

Yet there’s nowhere, nowhere to flee.

We will sit and take it if we must

For all will eventually return to earthly dust.”

This is in loving memory of my dear friends, Déjà vu Scott, Nuel Akpuru and Sean Val Dubem, and of every dear friend that has been lost.

Written by Teflon Don

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33 Comments

  1. Mandy
    August 07, 05:58 Reply

    Awww, Tef, this is such a poignant read.

  2. masonkz
    August 07, 06:06 Reply

    Sigh…

    I miss you, Sani…

    I miss you, Ebube…

  3. Francis
    August 07, 06:15 Reply

    *sighs* Life can be such a wicked mess sha. Haven’t lost anyone dear to me and I don’t even want to begin imagining such a loss. Sorry for your loss man

  4. Pink Panther
    August 07, 06:16 Reply

    I miss you, Emmanuel – you seriously cute black man whose life was cut short much too soon. 🙁

  5. Dickny
    August 07, 07:29 Reply

    I miss you Tony,continue to rest in perfect peace.

  6. kacee
    August 07, 07:49 Reply

    Omg, this piece is sorrowful, i miss you uche(even thought u were straight)….

    • kacee
      August 07, 09:30 Reply

      “Even though u were straight” What i’m i even typing “

  7. Tobby
    August 07, 08:51 Reply

    How poignant. This just dulled my mood :'( :'(

  8. ambivalentone
    August 07, 09:01 Reply

    Wow!!! Great piece and expression. I had to rack my mind to sha cook up someone I’d known who died. Thankfully, none. I’m sorry about ur losses.

    But three ppl…na u dey chop them? (if that was in poor taste, I apologize. Just being a monkey)

  9. enKayced
    August 07, 10:01 Reply

    I miss you Ik.
    You were a Doctor. How come you didn’t realize you had leukemia?
    How come?
    Rest in perfect peace bro!

    • Max
      August 07, 10:28 Reply

      Omg, it was leukemia? Damn

    • Pink Panther
      August 07, 12:48 Reply

      Oh so that’s what he died from. Wow. Leukemia. He didn’t know?

    • Teflondon
      August 07, 12:54 Reply

      This ” Strange Leukemia ” That keeps killing unsuspecting young folks tho. 2 Out the 3 friends died of it. not to mention 10s of other instances i have seen and heard of. all young and were completely healthy before their deaths.

      point is, lets all be careful. its a wicked strange world out there.

      • Chuck
        August 07, 13:10 Reply

        So many ppl get aids and die without checking. Please practice safe sex, and TEST regularly.

  10. Khaleesi
    August 07, 10:41 Reply

    Wow, what a poignant read! Raw emotion and the pain of losing dearly beloved friends who were more like brothers … Nice piece Tef, who knew you had such raw tenderness nestled deep in your fleshy folds …

    • Posh6666
      August 07, 13:53 Reply

      Lmaoooooo oh khaleesi fleshy fold? SHADE!who knew Tefmushin was a plus size

      • Teflondon
        August 07, 18:41 Reply

        You must be so excited to have finally solved one of the world greatest riddles Init? Brilliant posh! Really brilliant of you. **Claps for you**

  11. james bruno
    August 07, 10:57 Reply

    great post. all of these men sound like great people. shame they had to leave so soon.

    death of friends is such a painful thing. not only because we lose people who are dear to us but it also reminds us of our own mortality – the inevitability of our own demise too. we grieve for them and for ourselves too.

    life is a gift that doesn’t last forever and usually not even as long as we think it would. we should cherish it and try to make the most of the time we have.

    peace.

  12. Mitch
    August 07, 11:25 Reply

    I will always love you Lucky. You were my first ever boyfriend, my longest relationship and my soul-mate. Most of the time, I wish I had been brave enough to stand up to my parents and forge ahead with our plans. Perhaps then, death would not have taken you from me. I miss you and I will never forget you.

  13. Zephallon
    August 07, 12:52 Reply

    I’m so sorry your experienced all these.
    Life could be so hard and yet presenting avenues of memories
    Live for them
    Live the happy life you saw them live
    Remember, as long as you carry them happily without grief in your heart, they’re very much alive.
    Cherish those memories and live on for that’s what they would appreciate.

  14. micheal
    August 07, 13:14 Reply

    Scott is dead? hmmmmm…. nawa ooo.

    • Perez
      August 07, 22:37 Reply

      I’m just as shocked as you are….
      Could this be true

  15. Bret Hart
    August 07, 14:21 Reply

    I miss u @A-O N, miss you so much bro…..6 yrs since you left me in this cruel, lonely world but I’ll keep fighting on…….love you bro ….. so much…. you’re irreplaceable …. .I feel the void you left every single second . … .if only I could turn back the hands of time to record every moment we spent together, to draw a picture of your smiles…..your funny face…..your jeff-hardy dance……if only I didn’t loose my phone , I’ll still have our sms chats….with our signature ending of “if you’re not down with that , I got 2 words for you SUCK IT”…..how I wish you could stay with me just to always ask me to “SUCK IT AND KEEP SUCKING It”…….if only I had accepted myself for who I am earlier. …..if I only I told you I’m gay…….you always said I’m special nd different and always reminded me of how I suck @ it……..only if you can call me an ASSHOLE one more time. ……Miss you day and night bro…..and if you’re not down with that I got two words for you “SUCK IT AND KEEP SUCKING It “

  16. Kester
    August 07, 17:51 Reply

    I miss ofon my cousin who molested me when I was eight and he was about fifteen. You were my first and you were tender about it. Now that I am all grown up and ready for more serial molestations you are no more. Finding it hard to replace you. You shouldn’t have gone. now anyone I date must resemble you in some way or I am not happy. See what a mess you left behind? Boohoo hoooo!!!!!!

    • Teflondon
      August 07, 18:37 Reply

      Someone that molested you?

      Surely he left a BIG Mess!

    • rev hot
      August 07, 23:46 Reply

      hahahahahahahahahahahaha….. I’m done…… hahahahaha. okay now I’m done… but seriously Kester that’s some seriously funny shit

  17. beryl04
    August 07, 22:58 Reply

    you will forever remain in my heart Amaechi Aretha Collins.you were practically ‘our’ mother during the dark days in Jo’burg, South Africa. i miss u Innocent my Zambian friend,i remember how i fought u for sleeping with my ex and how i wud always play Whitney Houston’s Same script different cast for u as we feud those days and later we became friends again and moved on with our lives. i miss u Adesina Skay ,the boy with a beautiful heart,u took me in on my first ever foray into Abuja.may u all rest in power until we meet to part no more.

  18. Bob kay
    August 09, 15:37 Reply

    Remember safe sex always! No reservations please! No rubber,no sugar! No matter the temptation, no matter the sweet talk. Too many young chaps are dying. We might want to play the Ostrich, but we do know the reason for most of these deaths. This is not about being personal with individual circumstances, but we all have to take responsibility and care of our lives. No more chopping raw! I beg o! A word is enough for the wise. Good day fellas!

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