I used to think of what sex with the Devil would be like. Like actual real coitus. Would He have great stamina? Is he big? Or are these sensual qualities only manifested when He takes the form of a human other than His true form? I wonder what He looks like, if He is really as beautiful as the Heavens claim He was. Because I want to believe that you must be that dazzling to be regarded as the fairest of all the angels.

I used to think of Angel Michael, wondering if He is as fierce in bed as He is on the battlefield of the holies. Bible stories have it that the angels cast away from heaven had their way with the women of earth, and I would wonder about the sex. if I were to have Angel Michael like those human women had the castout angels, would I find Him hot? His strokes skillful? Is he big? Does He have a fetish – you know, like that sword He’s always pictured with?

I used to think of how sex with God would be like. He has been made out to be this majestic being whose might is matchless. Would sex with Him consume me? is He as hung as His glory is magnificent? What are His preferences? After the stress of taking on all the affairs of billions of humans and spirits and aliens the universe over, can He really last long in bed? Does He prefer to leave His authority outside the bedroom and have Himself be dominated? Or is He a power top through and through?

But Ariana Grande says God is a woman. If someone from up above communicated this to her as fact, then – yikes! – I’m not interested.

I used to wonder about an orgy between me, God, the Devil and Angel Michael. The good, the bad and the good, with me being equal part good and bad. Who would bottom alongside me, Michael or the Devil? I mean, God made the Devil His bitch, but then, the Devil was once Michael’s chairman. Would that make the Devil a versatile, spreading His ass for God and then pounding Michael furiously from a doggy position?

I used to wonder if God has a secret promiscuous side to Him that no one knows about. I mean, look at His counterparts like Zeus and most Greek gods. They are sex freaks. These gods fuck like rugrats. But God. You never hear anything about His sex life. Is He on the downlow? Does He get really kinky behind closed doors? Who knows His secrets? That Angel Gabriel looks like He knows more than He’s telling.

I used to think about a threesome with Chris Oyakhilome and David Ogbueli. Oh, how I crushed on those two. I used to think about moaning “You! You are my daddy!” while in the arms of T.B. Joshua as he pounds the grace of God inside me.

You know, as a child growing up in a devout Christian family, there was just one book of the Bible that used to be really unclear to me. I have tried to dissect and poke through that passage, but it hasn’t worked. The beast with the seven heads – or is it horns? The bowl filled with blood pouring down from heaven. The twenty-four elders chanting whatever it is they chant for all who enter within. The war that broke out in heaven, of all places. The queen of the coast. The wail from heaven towards the people of the earth on how the earth is doomed because of who has been cast down among us. How, out of the seven churches, only one was found without a wrinkle.

How the woman from the sea just got suddenly powerful to command the beast to carry the war from the sea towards Heaven. How there will be three and half years of peace after the trumpet sounds, and three and half years of tribulation. The antichrist manifesting in the second part of the seven years to torment those who don’t accept the 666 mark. This makes me think of the antichrist as the grandmaster in BDSM.

How there will be one currency, one government, one everything power. How after all these, God and His army will awaken from their hangover gotten from the merriment that took place because God’s brides, male and female, had finally arrived. Oh wait, does this mean God is bisexual?

I used to think of what an orgy in the Vatican would look like. Would be like. The Pope, the cardinals, the bishops and archbishops – all these men moaning together in a feast of skin and desire.

I used to think of what it would feel like to have Dangote, Dantata and Atiku in bed with me. would the power these men wield translate to masterful stroking skills in bed?

I used to wonder what it would be like to have sex with a vampire or werewolf. Those mythical beings are depicted as having such savage power. I mean, Edward Cullen and Bella Swan in Twilight destroyed a room just to gain sexual satisfaction. Will their immense power consume me during sex, or is that power reserved for just vampires? I quite like the idea of sex with a werewolf than a vampire. They have heat. They are wild and have no inhibitions.

I used to think of what it would feel like to have sex with a handsome dead man. The possibility of us flip-flopping would clearly be slim to none, but whenever I think about it, I get a frisson. Like it is something I hope I’ll enjoy.

I used to think a lot about sex with a reach that stretches the imagination. The kind of stretch that is snapped shut with the possession of feat. But I am the kind of guy who is attracted to danger. To the unknown. Fear does nothing to me.

I used to think about sex with the beings that people would rather not think of sex with. And with Nina Simone’s Sinnerman playing in the background repeatedly, funny enough, I still think about all these things.

Written by Sage Philip

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  1. Mitch
    June 01, 08:33 Reply

    The moment I saw this, I thought to myself, “I know this voice. I know someone crazy enough to write something like this.”

    I’m not surprised, SP.
    Not at all!

  2. Higwe
    June 01, 09:54 Reply

    You do have a wild imagination .
    The most I’ve ever imagined was having sex with my mathematics tutor.
    It didn’t really help that I completely sucked at it ….so he had to flog me everyday.
    The more he flogged me ,the more I imagined I’ll one day get to smash his ass .
    While that never happened , it did help me get through that phase of my life.
    That comforting thought that somehow , someway ,I’ll get to smash him (while completely delusional ) proved to be very therapeutic .
    So my dear every dream is valid 😊…

    Some historians based on tidbits of information collated , likened God’s true form to a howling wind or a ball of ferocious fire .

    In the vision of Ezekiel (I think ) where he allegedly saw heaven .
    The angels when they do not assume a human form have faces of beasts , wings of mythical creatures and hooves of beasts of burden.
    So Michael given his elevated status in the angel hierarchy is probably an elephant or a gorilla.

    The Bible never specifically told us how the devil looks.
    The closest thing we assume he is, based on the prophesies of Isiah is a dragon or if we are to go with Genesis , it will be the serpent that tempted Eve.

    The one whose beauty was described was Lucifer (morning star)
    A once mortal king of Babylon.
    He was a beauty to behold reason he was called Venus…..and because of how powerful Babylon was then ,he was the most powerful man on Earth.
    He rebelled against God and was subsequently punished .
    There is nothing that links him to the biblical Satan (adversary )
    Except maybe the arc of their presumed downfalls .
    But many scholars have been able to prove that Lucifer and the devil are different (You may need to read this up )
    I don’t know how people began to use his name interchangeably with the devil’s and made their stories one , but I would assume it’s the same way the nameless adulteress about to be stoned became Mary Magdalene .

    Since dragon’s are basically extinct …I’d say ,have sex with a snake , a gorilla and a scorching hot fire .
    *These are the closest representation of some of your immortal crushes *

    And please don’t forget to update us when you’re done.

    I can’t wait to read all the lucid details SAGE Philips 😂😂😂

    • Sage Philip
      June 01, 11:42 Reply

      For a fact, angels come in different forms. the angel of death in exodus who we have to just assume is a shadow, Cherubim and Seraphim who according to Daniels description are females and also Uriel who according to Daniel have the description of a baby.

      Devil, Lucifer, Morning-star, Satan, Beelzebub all where given to one person, as different scholars handled the manuscripts and also the period in which they interpreted it to there own interest. Just like the star with the seven points or the different names given to hell fire. All are works of historians as centuries came and went.

      Babylon was once the world power, so am not surprised that a “wise” historian used that to his advantage. Cos Boy, anything from Babylon then was idolized. And need i remind you that most “holy books” where written in favor and to the taste of the royal and powerful families, based on there interest and perception of what is right or wrong and to suit there taste. Like the the British royal family comes to mind when the bible is mention, lets not even talk about the Quran.

      Well dragons never existed, unless you want to tell me that Unicorns are also extinct.

      Well experimenting with animals with fire around us and the moon smiling on us, is not a bad idea cos am very adventurous.

      BTW, you said Daddy Freeze have an idea about everything and is mostly correct, well he was wrong on who Diana is. Shes the only sister to the 11 abi 12 brothers and was a virgin till she was raped when she went out to know what the city they sojourned was like.

      All in all, with different historians and centuries coming and going, the Bible have been interpreted based on what they feel like its the best way to translate it. That is why there’s so many contradictions in such a book.
      given the fact that people are looking for what to believe in, it does not logically matter to them what they believe in so far as it gives them ” Hope” of peace in the afterlife.

  3. Delle
    June 01, 10:44 Reply

    This was so unsettling to read and I couldn’t wait to get to the end to find out who penned this rather disturbing piece.
    And boy, it’s no surprise!!!

    Philip, of course!😪😓

    Nna m, when do we start going for therapy?

    • Mitch
      June 01, 18:15 Reply


      I wasn’t shocked.
      Not in the slightest.
      We know Philip very well.

  4. CHUCK
    June 01, 21:12 Reply

    You conspiracy people sha. What did the royal family habe to do with writing the Bible? Something that predates their family by how many hundreds of years

  5. CHUCK
    June 01, 21:13 Reply

    You conspiracy people sha. What did the royal family have to do with writing the Bible? Something that predates their family by how many hundreds of years

  6. Malik
    June 01, 22:26 Reply

    But really, turn this into fantasy novel. Don’t let all this craze waste. Lol.

  7. Ken George
    June 02, 15:00 Reply

    This is an outrage. I don’t understand why you would post this. Please have some respect for peoples faith and religion. Not sexualizing bible verses, of which I know u wouldn’t dare do same to the Qur’an.

    That we are lgbt is not a passport to blasphemy or insulting peoples belief system. This is just sick pls

  8. nice
    June 21, 17:18 Reply

    despicable, terrible. can never flow with this. sensibilities have been shred to pieces by those who cry of victimization, marginalization, discrimination. will u dare write about Allah or mohammed like this. this is too terrible to behold

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