October 20

I was perusing an article about what gay men should stop doing and in the comment section, someone mentioned that we need to stop being hoes because straight people won’t take us seriously if we hoe around and stuff like that.

On the surface, it seemed to make sense. In fact, I used to subscribe to that talk. We need to make the straight people happy so they can accept us and respect us. We want to be like straight people.

However, reading the comment made me realise that the LGBT community doesn’t need to be like straight people. That shouldn’t be what we gun for. I believe the point of rights for the LGBT should be to be who they are to the fullest just how they know how to. If it means being a slut, a homebody, or campy or whatever, as long as it doesn’t harm another person, then it’s legit.

Now, if said person said, “Don’t be a hoe because not being a hoe reduces the spread of HIV”, then I wouldn’t have bothered to pen this down.

Besides who said straight people are lesser hoes than us? Is anyone here following ‘My Hoe Story’ on twitter (@MyGayHoeStory) or ‘Breakup or Makeup’ (@break_or_makeup) on Instagram? You’ll see straight people on their worst behaviour and gay people would look like saints. Promiscuity isn’t a function of sexuality.

And to be honest, slut shaming needs to stop! Why should a person having more sex than you care to have warrant a feeling of superiority or concern? I mean, really! Look at it. Why should how a person is living his or her life be a source of angst? Shrug.


It’s interesting how scars from previous relationships can manifest themselves in your new one and you have to unlearn the possibly toxic behaviour you learnt while you were with someone who hurt you on the regular.

In one of my relationships, the guy was emotionally abusive. See, I can be quite carefree about certain things like the music I listen to and just some things people generally consider gay. My ex didn’t like that and we’d fight and he would accuse me of wanting to out him perhaps because I broke into a Lady Gaga song while we were walking or the fact that I spend a lot of nights in his room and stuff like that.

Fast forward to now, and Bae has moved in with someone, and I’m about to go see him and I actually have anxiety issues about it. What if I slip up and do something that’s overtly gay (whatever that means) and he decides he doesn’t want to be with me anymore because I’m too gay for him?

I find myself acting like someone who wants to stay in the closet.

On a normal day, this is very, very, very irrational and unusual of me, and I have to calm myself down. Bae has been wonderful in more ways than he knows, and even without knowing it, he calms me down.


One thing I’ve realised about people in the gay community (I’m saying this because I don’t know if it’s the same for straight folks) is the speed with which “relationships” are initiated.

I know there are no hard and fast rules to dating, but looking before you leap never hurt anyone. Sure! The whirlwind of emotions may hit the two of you and it feels like you’re both unstoppable, but in the middle of all that, it’s very important you keep your head and as much of your heart with you.

I’d like to say that people are good in the end, but why would I? It’s usually not true. The best intentions can fade away and be replaced by apathy. So it’s very, very important to keep your eyes open. It’s okay to hope for forever and always, but don’t be naive that it will turn out that way. Reality and your ideal world has to balance and shift weight whenever necessary.

Doing this may not stop you from hurting if things don’t go according to how you hoped they’d go, but I’ve found out it hurts less than if you were oblivious to everything.

It also helps to know that heartbreak passes. Oh, I know it feels like a sickness of the mind, but it will go away if you allow yourself to heal. It can take years for it to happen, but don’t let your heart go cold because of it. It might look like an effective defense mechanism and it actually might be effective, but to deny yourself a shot at being happy with someone else seems like folly.


I have a mouse in my room. She zips past me to hide in corners and she nibbles on indomie packs I leave exposed and makes noise in the night. It used to annoy me but I’ve decided to move past that and name her ‘Angelica’ (I’m guessing she’s a she). I imagine she’s a fan of pink but doesn’t like Mika much because when I play his songs, she gets upset and starts squeaking. Homophobic rodent! I guess she’s shy, that’s why we she zips past me ever so rudely instead of stopping to say hi. Maybe one day she will overcome her shyness and say hello.


Written by IBK

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