August 9

I’m having a moment. One of those moments where I feel like I’m bursting with so much creativity and ideas, and I can pick up a pen to write or to draw or write a short sad poem and sing. Moments like that are magical. However, I also get scared in these moments, because I know what comes after. Depression. I go back to my work and I feel like all I’ve done is crap. But until I reach that point, I’ll just enjoy this feeling for now.

I had an interesting Monday night and Tuesday morning. It was 11pm and I saw a Facebook post of my recent ex, Duke. He had said hi to me on Whatsapp a few weeks back, so I decided to return the favour. I’ve never been one to remain jolly friends with an ex but I decided to try. I honestly wish I rebuked the spirit of that urged me to say hello.

He was ecstatic to hear from me. He was in town on some engagement and wanted to know if he could stay at my place. I agreed.

Why did I agree? Maybe I did miss him a little and wanted to see if we could be friends. He did have interesting things to say sometimes. He got to my place around 11:30, and that was when the drama began. It was almost spontaneous.

He was still bitter over me cheating with my ex, and since I was done apologizing, I told him it happened months ago, that he should get over it. Harsh? Maybe. I did cheat after all. But to come and make me feel guilty in my own abode, when I could have been sleeping peacefully or watching my collection of porn . . . I just can’t.

He also had this absurd notion that I got back with him so I could break up with him. So I could have some sort of upper hand, so I could say that I won. I was beyond speechless at this childish claim. I remember quite vividly that he broke up with me, and I begged him to have me back, and he refused, and I started moving on quite nicely. Even when we got back together briefly, I knew our relationship had run its course and it was all over in my head. So this claim that I got back with him to break up with him was just too appalling.

He said a number of other things… He even mentioned the commenters of Kito Diaries. He had read my entry about him and he wasn’t too happy that I wasn’t scolded for cheating. He was also like, “What are they even looking for there? Do they just want to feel like they belong to some kind of group?”

Let’s just say things ended on a really sour note the next morning. He was supposed to be leaving, but he wasn’t, and I’d had enough of his wahala, and I had my rare moment when I turned into a bitch. My problem with getting angry is that I overdo it… and I overdid it.

He finally left, and I was glad that that was over.

*sigh* I think I should be a bit more understanding of him though. Breakups can be hard. I know this all too well. But he stays bitter about things that hurt him for quite a long time, and I’m not in the mood to be set on a guilt trip.

Not sure how people can be jolly pals with their exes anyways. There’s a twitter proverb which goes: “Saying we can still be friends after a breakup is like saying the dog died but we can still keep the body.”

There’s this notion some people seem to get about people they are trying to date. They think that since they have feelings for that person, it should be reciprocated in kind. Don’t get me wrong, you’re allowed to chase your love interest as much as you want. But going as far as expecting to be loved back is just being in a daydream.

There’s someone who has been asking me out, but it feels so good to be single right now I’ve told him no. Besides I don’t see why what could be a very good friendship should be complicated by feelings and such entanglements. Then he said something pretty silly, in my opinion: “You will not appreciate what you have until you lose it”, or something of that nature. I rolled my eyes when I read the text.

I know what I have, or could potentially have. He’s a great lover and friend, but believe me, I will not be too hurt if he decided that because of my inability to reciprocate feelings, he would cut me off. I’m a pretty malleable person; you can bend me over and bend me backwards if you want, but if I decide I don’t want to be bent, then forget it!

#TeamSingle is just too sweet to let go of now. I’m not talking about the free uninhibited sex (which I’m not even having anyways). I’m talking about not worrying about some other person. About doing me. My room is untidy the way I want it to be. I play games without having to worry about making conversation with my boo, or being too boring or anything of that nature. Sooner or later, the love bug would come right back up and bite me, but till then, I will sleep alone at night on my tiny mattress, and if I feel like I need company, I will invite my hand to my southern region and have a jolly good time on my own.

Talk about rambling. Here’s a video for you guys. I laughed so much when I watched this the first few times.


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