August 29

James just dodged a bullet. Lol.

Hello, my fabulous people of Kito Diaries. I’m back… briefly. I’m sure some of you were glad that the stench of my ramblings weren’t around to spoil your Sunday mornings, but it’s gon’ take a lot more to stop this unicorn from writing.

I’ve been busy as hell. This course is not easy. To make matters worse, they bombard me with tests almost every day. When I get home, I will discuss dropping out with my dad so I can pursue the things that really interest me, which are hot guys and gaming consoles. (Kidding…) But seriously I think my creative talent is being wasted in trying to be someone who is going to be in a lab coat and surgical mask for the rest of his life. Let me learn to sew, sing like them divas and write like Pinky and Rapu’m. I’m sure I’d feel much more fulfilled.

Now, about that bullet… Maybe I was being a tad bit too dramatic. *smoothens out trousers* But I’m gay, and drama is in me blood. I avoid it as often as I can, but once in a while, there’s always time to let out a storm and make mountains out of molehills. You know, keep in touch with that inner bitchiness.

You will sha decide if it’s much of a big deal on your own. Now, on to my story…

You know how I’ve been sitting jejely on my own and trying not to get into a relationship? Well, loneliness decided to come mess with my mind, and Instead of deciding to get a dog or a cat, I decided to give some dude (let’s call him Sheni) who has been on my case – still is – a shot. I mean, he seemed so legit and quite caring and shii. Maybe I shouldn’t let this one that waka come to waka go.

I was pretty blunt with him about my reservations, and eventually, we agreed to give us a chance. I wanted to dip my toe into the water first, before I decide to wade in or not. We said we’d discuss some ground rules for the whole thing, but life as a student came in the way and I didn’t get a chance to say anything to him.

Meanwhile, there was this piece of goodness who regularly came to Sheni’s workplace and – Oh Lordie! – he was gay too! I decided to see if he’d be warm to the idea of us getting down, but just as we were about to kiss, he stopped himself and told me he was in love with Sheni. I stared at him and all I thought in my head was ‘You poor, poor little boy.’ (He’s older than me by a year though) I asked how that affected us and the little fun we were going to have (I’m a hoe, Sue me) and he said he doesn’t want to cheat on Sheni.

Say what?!

I asked if they were dating, and he said yes. I however took it to mean that he made up something in his head about the two of them, because the rate at which Sheni had been all up in my business was not characteristic of someone who had someone at home. He’d also told me he was single.

Just to confirm, I asked Sheni about what I’d discovered, and he denied having had anything to do with the guy except his ‘awakening’ and sex. I like to believe people, and the boy (Femi) was relatively new to the whole idea of being gay, so it was possible he misinterpreted some things.

However, after I decided to give it a shot with Sheni, I got to talking with Femi again a few days later. I decided I wanted to be like a brother who would show the guy some of the ropes in the gay scene. He didn’t know any other gay person beside Sheni, then me. He had always been a bit on the fence about his sexuality, never had sex until Sheni, and I felt protective. I also wanted to fuck his brains out.  The talk turned back to Sheni and I had to ask if he was absolutely sure he got into a relationship with Sheni. He affirmed this strongly. He said they both agreed. I decided to ask Sheni again.

I did that on Wednesday night. And Sheni sheepishly affirmed that they’d dated; past tense for him, seeing as he’d moved on…to me. Nigga didn’t even have the decency to tell the poor guy that it was over. He was just stringing him along, extra cakes to have on the side.

I was angry, very angry about a lot of things.

I was angry that he could be so callous as to toy with someone’s emotions like that. For Pete’s sake, you are no longer in love, and yet, you don’t even have the decency to let the other person know it’s over?! That’s just plain evil. And the naive guy was confused as to what’s up.

I was also angry that in my being sincere about my thoughts and feelings and telling him as many truths as I felt it was his business as someone interested in me ought to know, he couldn’t reciprocate. I mentally slapped myself over and over. I am too trusting, I’ve been told that a number of times. I’m not out to hurt anyone, and I feel that the world feels the same for me. I think that just because I’m honest and shii, other people will treat me the same way. Thankfully I always had the feeling there was something fishy about Sheni, and I was right.

I was also particularly mad that I was almost about to add to my string of mistakes. What if I had decided to be committed and I found out all these much later? Emotional stress and shii. I really hate people.

Anyhow sha, seems like I’m going to keep up with my #SingleTill2015 mission. And when next I feel lonely, I will get a parrot (they don’t allow large pets in my apartment). We will have meaningful conversations and lots of fun together.

Written by James

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