January 2

I’m not sure whether to start this post with a ‘Happy New Year’ or not. Personally I really could do without the whole Happy New Year thing… Jan 1st is basically another day.

I did have a swell time though…on that day. Started off a bit slow, then my brothers and I met up with my mum and dad at a golf club house. They were on the golf course and dad was playing golf with a friend of his, while mum was with the friend’s sister-in-law. And when I stepped on the golf course, memories of when I was a young one flooded in, and I felt this burst of energy as I ran down the slope shouting “moooooooothheeeeeerrrrrr” with my younger brother.

We jumped around like puppies and took pictures of ourselves mid-jump, and it was ever so exciting to look at the pictures. Even my mum did the jump-and-take-a-picture thing, and she looked so young and lively with a radiant face. And I was so glad I could capture that moment on my camera, because moments like that are what I call priceless.

I love my family. My stubborn dad. My annoying mum. My selfish elder brother. And my vain younger brother. I’m the cunning one.

Rewind however to some minutes past midnight, and I was frantically searching for my phone. I had given it to a girl to use as a source of light in the bathroom, and in the time she used it to pee and the time I went to go get car keys, she had disappeared and I started searching frantically for her because I can’t bear to be away from my phone especially when it’s in a stranger’s hands. I did find her but I was a bit upset because in my worry, I was unable to thank the Big Guy upstairs for a good year and most especially for preserving my life.

I’m not a big fan of prophesying what will happen in a New Year or of New Year resolutions. I do however like to thank God for being there for me and loving me unconditionally. Then I let the reassurance that He won’t leave my side wash over me and believe that the New Year will be fine.

I got my phone back anyways. The dumb blonde didn’t think to give my phone to the friend I was with when I gave her the phone. Thankfully, my apps are very stylishly protected. Most people think it’s got a virus or something.

Then I got home and we had another short bout of prayer led by my mother. Finally I fell asleep on the living room couch. I’m not sure if I jerked off or not.

Go back some hours before midnight and I was an emotional mess. I even cried a bit. Why? Because I wasn’t feeling like myself…I felt damaged. Like something inside me was broken and not working properly. I can’t say what it is on here, because it’s one of those personal things. I took a walk listening to my collection of sad music (All Too Well by Taylor Swift was played more than once), and I found my feet taking me to the house of my bestie who travelled to America. And I remembered all the wonderful times we shared while he was here and I just got sadder. Then I got back home and had to put my mood back in its little box and be the son who jumps around the house singing at the top of his lungs till someone asks me to shut up.

It’s Friday as I write this and I’m back in school because I have a test on Monday.  I have exams on the 12th and I really should intensify my studying.

I was told by a friend that a friend of his told him that another friend of mine – whose also his friend – told him that I once begged to date this ‘another friend of mine.’

My fellow gay people… This is the third time someone is claiming to have relationship ties with me. First, it was the person I first had sex with. He asked me out. I refused, only to find out years later from an ex of his that he said the both of us had dated. Then last year, someone lied that he was asking me out when I had only chatted with the person once and none of that shii came up.  Now this.

It’s a bit flattering, to be honest, but I worry about what kind of reputation I’m getting with these lies and rumors. I want to be known for tangible things, not who I am sleeping with or who I am dating. I’m not a Kardashian. I’d like to ask why the lies, but I look in the mirror and I think, “Yup, I’d definitely lie that I’m going out with me too.” lol.

Then there’s this friend of mine who is apparently the most confused gay person ever. While he was going out with someone, he was asking me out. (I’m sure I’ve told this story before) I found out and whatever little thought I entertained of us together as a couple, I banished. He ended up breaking up with that boo he wanted to cheat on with me. Then he seemed to have started missing him and wanted him back. The guy said no. Now he has this thing with a random ex where they are dating but not dating, and one day he happened upon a message his first ever boyfriend sent him, and now he wants to date that one again. Then last night, we were talking and he said that he still loves me and shii. Biko! He should sit in one place. If he wants to settle, he should settle. If he wants to be a hoe, then he should be a hoe.

He’s also what I call a trophy keeper. I think we know some of them, people who go after those proving hard to get (usually gay), and after getting their new toy, they play with it and get bored before moving on to the next. To be honest, I have those tendencies but I realised I don’t want to be treated that way, so I shouldn’t treat others that way.

I am a firm believer of “Do unto others what you want others to do unto you”. That is why I try to be kind with my words and be there for my friends and help whenever I can (or feel like, as is usually the case.. lol).

Something tells me this year will be full of drama. Me, I’d like to just observe and not be sucked into it, but drama usually doesn’t want to agree. It will cast me in one of its episodes and it will be a struggle to get out of it with a sane mind.

By the way, y’all need to see Khaleesi. Me, I dunno what your own type is o, but hubba-hubba! I’ve found my man crush for Mondays. Khaleesi, I gats my eyes on you! Mother of Dragons or not, you will see the fire of love is enough to tame even the wildest of hearts! *laughs maniacally, blows you kisses, skips away merrily into the rainbows of cuckoo land*

Written by James