JAMES’ JOURNAL (Entry 33)

JAMES’ JOURNAL (Entry 33)

Blog_James' JournalApril 3

*searches deep down into soul for something inspirational to write*

*finds out all the soul is thinking about is the big box of chocolates in the freezer*

Hello creatures of KD. I hail all of una… The Queen mother of dragons, the ever controversial Gad, the slightly venomous Max, Pinky the demon who thrives on controversy, my new friend Mitch, everyone else I can’t mention, and the ghosts who show up to read and not say squat for fear of being destroyed by our sharp-tongued brethren. Why don’t y’all take a chance and comment today? Hope y’all had a lovely month-end weekend. Scratch that – can’t bear the thought that your weekends were better than mine, because nobody else deserves to be happy unless I’m happy.

This past weekend has been one heck of a ride, and I was taken back approximately four years ago when on Friday, my mum asked me the question again: “Are you still gay?”

I knew she knew the answer, so I didn’t bother lying. She then said she wanted me to go see a pastor. She said he’s a man of God gifted with prayers and etc. I agreed. Last time something like this was brought up, I disagreed. This time however, I agreed because I’m supposed to honour my parents.

We set off for Ijebu-Ode that morning, and we branched off to my brothers’ school to drop off some cash my aunt gave me to give my elder brother. (I actually really just wanted to see him, and my younger brother too)

Then we continued on our way, and my mum began to talk. It stemmed from the fact that I gave my younger brother money from my personal stash, and I actually texted them to tell them how special they are to me. So she said that I’m such an amazing child, and that the devil knows this, and he’s using my being gay to bring me down and hide me from the world, but that God had won and this evil shall pass. That the devil’s plan to make me a child that brought her sorrow would fail.

I was mostly quiet for the rest of the journey as I started to battle my demons again. I thought I had taken care of them. The question of ‘Can I change?’ rose up and started to plague me. Is it because of my laziness or lack of discipline or whatever that I didn’t succeed all those other times I cried out to God, I wondered.

We got to the church. The pastor wasn’t around, and we had to wait. It’s one of those churches that don’t allow you to wear foot-wear into their abode, even though this one wasn’t quite fully celestial. I was worried. My mum had mentioned something like a bath. Would I get naked while they prayed for me? Would they bathe me? What if I actually had a gay demon, and then began to thrash about on the ground and my voice suddenly turned into the voice of HIM from The Power-puff Girls? Honestly though, the fear was real.

The pastor showed up some hours later from Lagos. He was kinda fat with some weird rings on his finger, and I wondered if they were his source of power. None of what I’d imagined would happen happened. Heck, I didn’t even kneel or anything. I was given a chair to sit on, and he said some words of prayer.

Then he told my mum I was in bondage. I looked at her face, and, men, was it heart wrenching. Her eyes were red with the tears she was trying to hold back and she looked like she was in pain, and I just felt terrible for being the one causing that.

The pastor said that only fasting and prayer can bring me out of that bondage. He gave me a fasting regimen which I could only break with fruits. Then he told my mum to ask me if I had made any covenants with any group like a cult or something. Lol. Like seriously? I actually laughed.

Anyways, we left the church and I still felt terrible. I wondered however what the point of prayer and fasting was though. Honestly I sometimes feel like I know a whole lot more than my mum does when it comes to faith and stuff like that.

The bible said that if you have faith as small as a mustard seed, you can move mountains. Right? So basically all you need is faith. There was a time the disciples couldn’t cast out a demon and they asked Jesus why and he accused them if having little faith, and that ‘this kind’ can only be cast out with praying and fasting. Most people would think ‘this kind’ refers to the demon, but it isn’t the demon. It was the unbelief the disciples had!

I told my mum that, with the hope that she’d get the message that even if I were to pray, I wouldn’t be praying to have some demon cast out of me. God answers prayers and she has been praying for more than three years. Perhaps she’s praying about the wrong thing. Maybe she and I should pray for the power to believe, not that the gay demon would be cast out, but that no matter what, sexuality or not, because of God’s grace through Jesus Christ, I should be made perfect in His eyes, and if He calls me home right now, I should make heaven.

But my mum is a big believer of working your way to heaven, even though it’s been clearly stated that our righteousness is like a filthy rag before God. You can’t believe in the Law of Moses and still hold on to the New Covenant of Jesus.

I dunno if I can be Christian and gay. I don’t know if I am deluding myself with that (I sincerely hope I am not). But I do know that my work with God is something personal, and my path cannot be like everyone else’s because we were not made to be the same. The argument of whether you can be Christian and gay is kind of pointless to me because it all boils down to personal conviction. If you think you can’t be, then good for you, and if you think you can, take that road.

Anyways, we got home and my mum tried to be in a good mood. One funny thing that happened was when the pastor said something I’d already told her in the car. I told her she was afraid. I could feel it. She denied it. But then the pastor said the same thing. So I guess that’s why she tried to be in a good mood. Fear makes her grumpy; same with me.

The next morning, she woke me up, and began to drill me. I tried to tell her that the reason why the pastor couldn’t tell when I entered the bondage was because there is no bondage. This is me. Since I’ve been a kid, I’ve been attracted to dudes. She refused to hear that one. She seems to always gloss over it, and her focal point is always when I had sex. That’s Day Zero for her for when it comes to when I actually became gay. It’s annoying. She said the sex I had was a covenant I made and yada-yada-yada, that to get out of it, I had to denounce everything about being gay; which basically means that I have to go back to my drab closet and get rid of all the wonderful friends I’ve made who are gay and all that. Yeah, right.

One thing I keep in mind is that my mum loves me very much and she’s handling the situation as she knows how, which is a staunch Christian approach. She’s trying to protect me from many things apart from the apparent destruction of my soul. She’s trying to protect me from the stigma that would arise if people found out. She’s worried that it could be used against me when I go for jobs and stuff, that perhaps blackmail may come into play. She doesn’t want me to stain the family name too. She wants to protect me from the dangerous lifestyle that easily gives HIV. She just wants me to be the best person I can be, and she just doesn’t understand how I can be gay and still be awesome. I’m pretty sure if she was brought up differently, her approach would be different. But the only thing is that it’d still be full of love and concern for me. Though I sometimes want to cry and I wonder why things couldn’t have been easier, I realise that she hasn’t shut me out both literally and metaphorically. I’m still under her roof and she’d still give me two pieces of meat if I ask for it, and she’s given me pocket money for school and still laughs at my jokes, when all I could get is stony silence and maltreatment. My brothers and dad are handling it the best way they know. My dad is well-learned, so he probably understands more, and my brothers are in the same generation as me, so they’re mostly not bothered. Maybe I’m just lucky to have a family like mine, because of some of the stories and comments I see here. Whatever the case is, I am grateful.

I’m doing the fast, but I’m not praying for God to stop me from being gay. I know He can if He wants to. I’m more interested in getting closer to Him right now. So the Psalms verses the pastor gave me to read and all, I read them but not with a mind to break my ‘bondage’ and all that. I read them to know God.

I don’t believe the bible is a book of fairy tales. Reading through the Book of Revelations and Daniel, and comparing them to history and even present times is enough proof for me that something powerful and mysterious surrounds it.

I’m currently back in school. The fast for this month is over and I celebrated with a big bowl of oats and milk. The pastor spoilt my stay at home because my mum whipped up some pretty good meals and our ever generous Igbo neighbour gave us some Igbo soup that I didn’t get to eat. I love Igbo soups. It’s nothing like the oily, peppery things Yorubas make. I’d be so happy to settle with an Igbo man who knows how to make all their vegetables. It’d be good for us; all those leaves and fibre would basically make us self-cleaning. Lol.

Anyway, I’m preparing for my re-sit and trying to quiet the amount of distress I tend to have as exams get closer.

*

Immediately my brother dropped me off at school and left, things sort of started to go mildly wrong. I tripped and that caused my fabulous slippers to cut. I’m yet to take it for repairs as I write this.

Then I lost my original iPod earphones, which I stole from my aunt’s house at Lekki. The loss of earphones can be quite tragic to me, especially when they’re expensive, quality ones. But I tried to not let this loss bring me down. I geared myself to buy the two hundred naira ones, but for some weird reason, I kept forgetting. I’m glad I didn’t buy them though, because it turns out my earphones had fallen out of the car and the porter had seen them and picked them up. He’d seen me searching for them, but didn’t say anything. Bastard. I’d seen them on his table, and after thanking him for picking them up, I left. Maybe he didn’t tell me because he wasn’t given cash by my brother; you know some people can be like that.

Oooh! The month-end weekend was shitty, but I had a shittier weekend before it. I was in Lekki then, and we’d gone to church that Sunday. I was contemplating stabbing a function I was to attend with my aunt, to have a random hookup with some guy who was close by. But I decided against it. My stay at Lekki had been kito-free, and I didn’t want that luck to run out. I just felt generally uneasy about the guy, and you know how they say we should trust our instincts. I’d be in unfamiliar territory too, and that didn’t help matters. So I followed my aunt to her function, with her niece who’s like a second cousin to me or something. (I’ve never really gotten how they work that shii out)

First my cousin put me in a bad mood by saying she’d lost my earphones. But then she found them. I was quiet for most of the journey, just feeling a bit sick and hungry. We got to the function and I happened to make a new friend who also plays the guitar, and we sang a few tunes on his guitar while I tried to gauge how gay he was. My gaydar (though not very efficient) didn’t buzz. Anyway, after playing some tunes and being bitten by some gangster mosquitoes, I headed back in to use the toilet. I have a shy bladder, so I skipped the urinals to go use one of the cubicle. I really didn’t mean to shut the door; leaving it slightly ajar was the plan. But the door swung and I tried to control it with the handle, only to find out that there was no handle and it banged shut in my face. I was effectively locked into the toilet cubicle.

I took a piss. Thankfully, the toilet cubicle had a window to the outside and I leaned on it, wondering if I could risk jumping through and soiling my clothes. I wasn’t claustrophobic yet, so I decided to wait.

Minutes passed and there was some commotion outside as some of my aunt’s workers showed up, but they were busy trying to get into the building, and so didn’t hear me calling out. Then a dude caught sight of me and I told him my predicament as he came closer, but the nigger insisted he had to be inside and left me there. Like dafuq.

Thankfully, almost immediately after, I heard the toilet door open and I asked the person that came in to help me out. He did and we both laughed at how silly the whole thing was. I rushed back to my seat and was glad to find my iPad was still where I’d left it.

Soon, we set off for home, but my aunt had to branch at another place, and I was back to being sulky. I wanted to stay in the car, but my cousin insisted that we get down to get something to eat. And just as I was getting down, I heard it. SPLAT!

I looked down to see my phone lying face flat on the gravel floor, and I felt my heart sink. I picked it up, and sure enough, a nice spider-web design of cracks had spread across its once unblemished surface. With a sinking feeling at the pit of my stomach, I unlocked the phone, and thankfully its touch-screen function was still intact.

There was a lot of sorrys and my cousin felt bad for almost forcing me out of the car, and it was said how certain decisions, though small like deciding to go get food, could cause very terrible things, and I tried not to be so heartbroken about the cracked screen. I was succeeding as we ordered some chicken and chips from Freedom Park. I wanted some alcohol to get me a bit lightheaded and hopefully put me in a better mood, but they were out of the light stuff, and since I hated the taste of beer, I stuck with Malt.

The cracked phone screen was forgotten as I chowed away on the delicious meal, with us making jokes and whatnot. Then the bill was paid and we stood up to leave. That was when the insult was added to all of my injury. I forgot there was a beam on the chair of the picnic table, and in my bid to get out, I lost my balance and fell to the gravel floor. Uurgh! It was totally embarrassing and from the looks I got, I think the people around me thought I’d had one too many, and my relatives laughed a bit before saying sorry and whatever. Chai! Imagine if I’d actually had alcohol…

On a few occasions, some people have been like, “So this and that you wrote in your journal actually happened?” And I’m like, “Dafuq? You calling me a liar?”

It makes me wonder though. I mean, my life is okay. It’s not fabulous like Dennis Macaulay and him being a lord in his city. I don’t go on trips abroad and shii like that. But my life is interesting. Maybe it’s also because of my ability to blow my emotions out of proportion, and things that would leave other people mildly irritated would have me seething. Anyhoo, I don’t make stuff up. The info might have been modified a bit, like names, and some facts may have gotten mixed up as tends to happen when trying to recount a story, but to the best of my knowledge, I’ve been quite honest here.

Well, that’s it for now. Do have a splendid Sunday, guys. *pets cat lovingly*

Written by James

Print Friendly, PDF & Email
Previous Angelina Jolie Encourages ‘Being Different’ During Kids Choice Award Speech
Next Happy Easter, KDians

About author

You might also like

James' Journal 14 Comments

JAMES’ JOURNAL (Entry 47)

August 29 The Onyx drama from this week was interesting and quite revealing. There was the side that believed he did a brave thing and others wished he’d keep quiet.

Print Friendly, PDF & Email
James' Journal 34 Comments

JAMES’ JOURNAL (Entry 52)

November 20 I’ve been doing some contemplating today. Looking back on this year so far, and I guess it’s been alright. I’ve learnt a number of things about myself and

Print Friendly, PDF & Email
James' Journal 10 Comments

IBK’s JOURNAL (Entry 12)

October 28 “It’s amazing what people can get used to. You just have to start slow.” Truer words have never been said. And this can be applied in a myriad

Print Friendly, PDF & Email

55 Comments

  1. R.A
    April 05, 04:11 Reply

    *sighs* I was so sucked in the journal I didn’t want it to end. Nice one James! I know how it feels to lose your original earphones, very painful something especially when you’re a musicphile. Even worse than a cracked screen lol.

    Your mum, she’s not any different from mine…mine will prolly go same route. As I aint ready for no mountain of fire 3days dry fasting and endless prayers, I better remain in this closet of mine *hangs family portrait in closet and opens camp chair*

    • JustJames
      April 05, 05:48 Reply

      Is there room for two? I’ll bring tea 🙂

      • R.A
        April 05, 07:27 Reply

        Lol! Sure! Won’t mind the steamy session

  2. Ruby
    April 05, 05:33 Reply

    Aww Jamie!
    Mummy dearest just wants the best for you.
    I just wish people would get the silly notion of “Gay demons” out of their minds. It would make our lives a lot more easier.

    • Pete
      April 05, 05:51 Reply

      We will get there if people decide to get educated & stop attributing everything to demons & whatnot

  3. simba
    April 05, 05:34 Reply

    James. Thanks for the write up… u just special… someday ur mum gonna realise it,and u ll be proud once again..

      • Mandy
        April 05, 07:23 Reply

        Lol. This James sef. Have a little faith, will ya? Mummy miracles do happen.

      • JustJames
        April 05, 08:05 Reply

        Do they really, Mandy. Do they? *heavy dramatic sigh*

  4. Philip
    April 05, 05:42 Reply

    Brave guys. That’s what I call all of you who came out to their families. I wish I can, but I will not. I am at peace in my closet.

    • JustJames
      April 05, 05:46 Reply

      Lol.. I didn’t come out to my family (except a cousin who already apparently knew). The door to my fabulous closet was eased open by my mum and I was yanked out into the land of the outed. Don’t feel particularly brave.

  5. Sinnex
    April 05, 06:59 Reply

    Seems like we our mothers have something in common. My mother believes that when anything bad happens, it is a demonic attack and you must go for deliverance in MFM. If she finds out about me, she no go talk ooo…na church straight.

  6. Dubem
    April 05, 07:21 Reply

    Just when I was beginning to envy you for the freedom of your being out to your family, you get shoved back in my your mother’s desperate desire to see you straightened out, pun intended. Oh well…

  7. Rapum
    April 05, 07:51 Reply

    I can only imagine how hard the whole pastor ish had been for you. When you told me about it, I was like, “This is it. Now they’ll do humiliating things to James.” I’m glad they didn’t. And just see the way you were rationalizing for your mum, showing how much you’re willing to understand her based on her own experience. I wish she’d do the same. Anyway, a day will come when you’ll have to take a stand, where catering to her guilt trips won’t be enough. But I’ve told myself over and over, “My life is mine,” and I’ll make my decisions based on that. But how easy is that? How do you tell that to someone who has given up half their lives for you? That’s the dilemma, I guess. But in the end, really, it’s your life. And there’s a time when what family has to do is listen, understand, sacrifice their sense of ‘what-will-people-say’, and support and defend. Between, all the falling and losing things and locking yourself in the cubicle. Hah! E be like say that fasting…

    • JustJames
      April 05, 08:12 Reply

      “My life is mine,” and I’ll make my decisions based on that. But how easy is that? How do you tell that to someone who has given up half their lives for you?”

      You have summed up my predicament quite nicely. I think I’ll still do it though. Not cause I need closure or acceptance but so I won’t be bothered. I’d need to make sure I’d be able to face the consequences then sha. But for now *stares sadly at open closet door*

      • pinkpanthertb
        April 05, 08:13 Reply

        Are u staring at them from inside the closet or outside? 🙂

    • Max
      April 05, 08:37 Reply

      @Rapum,
      “How do you tell that to someone who has given up half their lives for you?”
      Thats the same thought that has many people running around to satisfy their family while living in agony.
      They gave birth to you and it’s your “right” to be taken care of by them. Gone are the days when I use to see that(they took care of you) as an anchor for wanting to satisfy them.
      You didn’t ask to be given birth to, your birth isn’t to make other people happy.
      Im not saying you should throw your family under the bus, but know when to draw the line.
      The source of most daily depression people have comes from family.. Not wanting to disappoint them.. Etc.. #DareToBeDifferent

      • Rapum
        April 05, 09:29 Reply

        Hello Max, If you actually read the comment before replying, you’ll see that I said that a time will come when you’ll have to take a stand, after all, really, it’s your life.

  8. Max
    April 05, 08:29 Reply

    “She wants to protect me from the dangerous lifestyle that easily gives HIV”
    Every type of sex(gay or straight) has the same risk of contracting HIV.
    The pastor ordeal you just described above was highly irritating/disturbing. You actually followed her to the pastor and he had the guts to say you’re in bondage.
    This is easter(Not that I care much though) so lemme just reserve my comment.

    • pinkpanthertb
      April 05, 08:30 Reply

      I have a feeling that was no easy feat, the reservation of your comment, that is. 😀

      • Max
        April 05, 08:39 Reply

        Lol, you have no idea.

    • iamcoy
      April 05, 13:07 Reply

      Max in calling a spade a spade it is important to note that active homosexuals are more prone to HIV than active heterosexuals. Studies abound

      • Max
        April 05, 15:03 Reply

        Homosexuals aren’t more prone to getting HIV any more than heterosexuals are.
        The problem is that homosexuals aren’t educated on safe sex the way our heterosexual counterparts get educated. Thats the reason for those statistics you just mentioned. We grew up thinking that its safe to insert a dick inside an ass, giving bj without caution, rimming, etc..
        Up until recently, most “safe sex” campaigns have been centered on hetero relationships and none on homo.
        How many times have you seen tv condom ads with two guys or two girls??
        Its always about a boy and a girl.
        @iamcoy, Education is the key.

  9. trystham
    April 05, 08:36 Reply

    Ear phones lost and panic attack, CHECK

    Fallen phone with spider cracks and that xteristic ‘splat’ 3 days after I got my phone, CHECK

    Stolen earphones *blushes*, CHECK

    Locked in toilet tho…that was when I was littler. I bawled my eyes out. By the time they opened the door, I was streaming EVERYWHERE.

    Other than that, you r on ur own broda. Well done. Good work

  10. keredim69
    April 05, 09:52 Reply

    “….I do know that my work with God is something personal…….The argument of whether you can be Christian and gay is kind of pointless to me because it all boils down to personal conviction……”

    Absolutely!!!! Couldn’t have said it better myself….What the church elders and congregation say about homosexuality is their own business (and most times their own insecurity).
    What matters is our personal relationship with God and how we treat others. If God doesn’t like it, trust me He will soon show us.

  11. Jeova Sanctus Unus
    April 05, 10:19 Reply

    If someone could surmise the incident up there as “our mothers wanting the best for us”, then we can say every bible thumping religiously fanatical homophobe wants the best for us.

    Our parents didn’t give birth to us so we can kill ourselves for them. The relationships most of us keep with relatives is far from healthy. Your mum simply refuses to know you and you keep making excuses for that.

    There’s a difference between being a nice person and being a good person. Would you allow a classmate to treat you the same way Your mum is treating you?

    We’re very quick to break up with our partners/spouses over flimsy things but we’ll never ask our family to order.

    Your mother took care of you so you’ll take care of her. Over the years you’ve both grown to love each other (just as you may have loved even if she isn’t your birth mother). What you are exhibiting isn’t love.

    The Jesus you believe in admonished his parents when they came to pick him from the temple.

    My issue isn’t I’m what our mums are doing. My issue is in us constantly making excuses for them.

    • keredim69
      April 05, 11:23 Reply

      Jeova, well said, but we need to make allowances for our parents’ generation and the society they grew up in.
      There are things they did, their parents found strange and difficult to accept, and there are things the next generation will do or are doing which we will not understand. For example Chemsex.
      A lot has to be said about exposure as well. James did say his Dad, is more learned than his mom, and is dealing with it better.

  12. Gad
    April 05, 10:56 Reply

    I understanding how “choking” the feeling when no one seems to understand how one really feel. Its even more painful to sit under the ministrations of a fake pastor/prophet. I was particularly happy that you took the whole thing calmly. Its not easy but one can’t do much. Let’s hope that one day,and soon God will provide an escape route for you. He sure will. Just tarry a while. You will overcome.

  13. Teflondon
    April 05, 11:58 Reply

    Oh well.. James! Trust me, we know you don’t make things up. Considering how boring today’s journal is.. I know you didn’t make things up.

    Unlike some other people hear add little spices (called Lies) to make Thier rants intriguing for the unsuspecting reading audience.
    So trust me when I say we do believe you.
    About your mum, yea my mum is pretty much the same.. Maybe worse in terms of her spirituality. But we getting through. I am not a fan of coming out to your peeps but ones they know.. Let them deal with it initially the way they deem fit. They were born in the dark ages when there was little or no reasonable knowledge of our lifestyle.. So let them deal with it at first the way they think it’s best, esp mothers.. Let her take you to pastor, let her set fire on fire word and tell you piss in it. She’s just doing all that because she loves and we just have to try to emphasize with them.. Cuz know no better. They love us and want the best for us always.. But after a while.. Where they are have done heaven and earth and see you are just the same person.. I’m sure they will come to realization.. That this (being Gay) is just who you are and nothing can be done about it.. And I think at that point, that very point when they come to realization. I think every “reasonable” parent will stick with you come what may.
    As for your relationship with God.. Like you rightly said.. It’s based in personal conviction.. I’ve made my peace with God and he said he will stick by me through out my journey on earth.. It’s Gods Grace that can make one enter heaven.. I pray for that Grace daily. So my lifestyle or not.. If he Grace abounds over me.. I am good to go.

    Happy Easter y’all.
    (In a Jubilant Mood today)

    • iamcoy
      April 05, 13:04 Reply

      This boring?
      I think you should come out already so u can get delivered of this bad attitude and poor diction

      • Mitch
        April 05, 13:18 Reply

        Iamcoy, we’ve all tired of this one and his craving for popularity here. Do yourself a favour and turn a blind eye to his theatrics!

      • Teflondon
        April 05, 14:26 Reply

        Iamcoy
        I am in a good mood today.. Pls lets behave.
        It is obvious you people detests someone that states facts here!

        As for you Mitch
        I have ignored you for ages.. I have refused to draw issues with you.. I refuse to be dragged to a fight to the very “low pits of foolishness” you have created for yourself. You would definitely defeat me since it’s a world you have creates for yourself.

        **still in a Easter celebratory mood**

      • JustJames
        April 05, 16:12 Reply

        @teflondon stop being a drama queen. You’re trying too hard.

    • pinkpanthertb
      April 05, 16:39 Reply

      Teflondon, leave the Bitch business for the likes of Chizzie. You can’t fill those shoes no matter how hard you try. And taking cheap potshots at my writers will get you very fast to where Chizzie is. Just FYI.

      • Mitch
        April 05, 16:54 Reply

        Pinky, leave him to continue playing the Fool here on KD. It’s a position he created for himself so it’s only fitting that he occupies that position. All we’ve gotta do is simply ignore him.

      • Teflondon
        April 05, 19:58 Reply

        I always knew you did something about Chizzie. #Interesting
        So where exactly did I take cheap shots at your writer?
        I only said it was boring (which actually it was)
        Haven’t I said good things about James journals previously? Please do check. I’m just a very objective person.. And I don’t care what anyone thinks. If you wanna chase me away from here Bcuz I have decided not lick butt at every instance.. So be it. Some of here do actually have a life outside KD.. Something that can’t be said about some others. You really beleive I am trying to be like Chizzie? *sickenen*
        Pinky this is me o.. Take it or leave it.
        (By the way, I am not expecting ans for those questions)

        @justjames oh now i am a drama queen for refusing to kiss your ass? Lol Ok.

        @Mitch I can see you are really doing a good job “trying” to ignore me. Smh*

        • pinkpanthertb
          April 05, 20:07 Reply

          My dear, nobody is asking you to lick his butt. I know I’m not. I have my sex partner for that, thank you very much. But there’s a distinction between being a bitch and being a constructive critic, a fact that your idol chizzie just wouldn’t face up to.
          And oh, FYI, I did nothing to him. I can forward to you his twitter handle and you can catch up on all the gossip with him. And perhaps sometime during that time, he can tell you exactly the reason why he has been MIA from KD. The truth, if he’s capable of it.

      • JustJames
        April 05, 20:33 Reply

        Dear Teflon.. I actually didn’t mind that you called my journal boring. I know lots of people would rather I shut up. but to call it a fact….

        I can’t wait to see your writeup that’s been chilling in pinky’s email though.

    • Khaleesi
      April 05, 20:17 Reply

      No need for diplomacy! If you think this is boring, then its clear – considering your antecedents that we have all grossly under estimated the enormity of the mess that’s going on in your head as mamifested in your wildly off key rants! Nothing you’ve ever or will ever write will ever come close to the poorest of James works, so do us all a favor and take a gulp of 8 gallons of your damned vitriol along with generous tots of your favourite opium which is undoubtedly a a major factor in your peculiar strain of STUPID! !!

      • Teflondon
        April 05, 21:27 Reply

        @JustJames you are a good person.. I don’t know you but from your write ups.. I beleive you are. About your journal being “boring” today.. Doesn’t mean the previous ones weren’t awesome. I expect a certian level of Maturity frm you to not take this things ‘Personal’

        Is that ass kissing enough for you? Can I have some peace now?

        As for Khaleesi
        **yawns**
        Go on! Rant on like you always do.. I guess it’s that time of the month for you again… You on your period again? So fast already?

    • Sinnex
      April 05, 21:44 Reply

      All these for one person. Na wa oooo…

  14. Mitch
    April 05, 13:16 Reply

    Awww, Jamie! You said it was bad but I never guessed it was this awful. Just take heart and stay strong. Not for anybody but for you and whoever the guy lucky enough to have you is.

    BTW, I can totally relate to the accidents ish. Have had some crappy days like that but I’ve learnt to laugh it all off.

    And Emeka called today!

  15. glamour
    April 05, 13:27 Reply

    Mothers are divine, no matter how closeted u think you are, common they raised you and they always know even when you think they don’t . If they don’t ask you, it’s because they don’t want to or probably they have chosen to accept you the way you are…your journal is always interesting to read james. Welldone.

  16. Dominic Obioha
    April 05, 20:27 Reply

    The sort of satisfaction some folks get for some virtual popularity on some Internet blog /forum speaks of some deep issues they definitely need to attend to. Iv seen this sort of trend on nairaland and here too. I mean your real life must be really boring and empty for you to have the time to type long meaningless responses to every issue and comment. The forced attempt is getting really tiring. Please give it a rest.

  17. Mandy
    April 05, 22:26 Reply

    Everything is ass-kissing. Every slightest agreement with popular opinion has to be ass-kissing. Every approval along with the majority has to be ass-kissing.
    Ass-kissing this, ass-kissing that. Oh no, I can’t be ass-kissing you… Is that ass-kissing enough for you…
    You’d think KD was made up of huge lineup of men with their naked bumbums thrust out, juuuuust waiting to be kissed.
    Some people need to take a quick peek at the dictionary to find out the right meaning of the brand new piece of lexicon they seem too reluctant to let go of.

  18. Silvery Cat
    April 05, 23:59 Reply

    Dear James, your write-up was truly modest and down-to-earth. It was unblemished and permit me to say, it was boring and that boring is good. I kept a diary some 10yrs ago while I was in secondary school. I look it now and it reads quite boringly but then that’s how a page of my life (and anyone’s life for that matter) ought to be. Everyday can’t be superexciting with marathon sex and orgasmic make out sessions. The most exciting thing that happens to me on most days is sipping a perfect cup of tea at the end of a horrible day whilst reading a bestseller. Boring isn’t bad dear. Boring means U are human and that there’s more to U beneath a single-entry in your journal.

    • Teflondon
      April 06, 06:57 Reply

      Silver cat bless you for this, this was exactly what I meant by the journal was boring yesterday. Everyday cannot be fun.. Some days would be boring and James has not decided to add spices to his journal just to make it fun… He chose to be real.
      I couldn’t have said it better than you have said.. People need to chill and actually sit down, try to understand a persons point of view before attacking them. I might not be the best at viewing my opinions out but I certainly know that I am as objective as one can be.

      For that one that said someone comes here to seek popularity, just because I have decided to be objective about issues on here.. I am sad for you right now. One must really be a lowlife to think a place were no one knows anything about you except a made up monicker, one can seek popularity there.. It shows how shallow your Brain is.
      Lastly, if you don’t like my comments.. What you is simple. Just skip of over it like I don’t even exist rather coming after me like you are trying to seek my attention or trying to please a certain group of peoples.
      When I view my opinions on issues arising.. I speak for a lot of those that don’t comment here but like to be objective Tho scared to comment because of the tirade of abuses they might get.. I speak for those lots.

  19. Brian Collins
    April 06, 08:07 Reply

    Very interesting read James. I just don’t understand why you wrote that you don’t know if you can be Christian and gay even though you later stated that you want to get to know God more.
    This is definitely a major thing gays struggle with as we have seen here on KD. What I’d like us to think about is, if people say being gay is a horrible sin, do heterosexuals not also commit grave sins such as stealing and lying and fornication? Does that stop them from going to church and being Christians? I believe everyone just has that hope and faith that they will achieve that perfection that Christ talked about. I personally also think no one should lose that hope.
    While I am a Christian and reverence God and am still gay, I would definitely not be involved in a prayer session before debauchery begins at say a gay birthday party. All I am saying is that we should not abandon God because of what some misguided preachers and Christians say about us. (any one seen Noah and how misguided they portrayed him to be? That is how people are in real life)
    We all say that we have developed thick skins, how come the skin turn into jelly that anything can pierce when Christianity is being discussed.

    • wondabuoy
      April 08, 09:19 Reply

      The Bible didn’t tell us that “being gay” is sin. It’s a sin when a person has sex with whom he/she is “not allowed” to have it with. “Being” gay and “acting” upon the desires are not exactly the same.

      • pinkpanthertb
        April 08, 09:27 Reply

        So you’re supposed to be gay and, what? Never have sex?

        • wondabuoy
          April 08, 09:47 Reply

          Well, that’s the part that is what makes it all difficult. Not funny. We are sexually attracted to our kind.

Leave a Reply