JAMES’ JOURNAL (Entry 60)

JAMES’ JOURNAL (Entry 60)

May 12

Freedom.

Many people want freedom but freedom doesn’t usually come freely. Lol.

It doesn’t come from doing the bare minimum. It comes from sweat and sacrifice. And that’s because freedom is precious. Precious things don’t come easy.

A discussion on gay men marrying women came up here on Wednesday. Dennis Macaulay was trying to point out how these men could be allies. It however quickly deteriorated to whether it was right or wrong to do so. I probably contributed to that in my own way though it was never my intention.

Dennis’s point is a very valid one. I agree. But it doesn’t show the whole picture. To me, the whole activism thing from that angle is shaky support at best. But beggars can’t be choosers.

What I’m trying to say here concerning the undercover allies thing (also agreeing to what Dennis said…sort of) is that as much as this fight needs cunning and stealth, it also requires bravery and sacrifice. And I believe in the end, it’s the bravery and sacrifice that will count to getting us the freedom we want. Straight people can fight for us all they want and MGM can lend their voices. But it is OUR fight, not theirs (MGM are technically included. Being married doesn’t make them any less gay).

Then, on the philosophy of “live and let live”: I am a huuuuge fan of it. Why? It allows me to live my life without a lot of headache about what other people are doing. It however sometimes borders along the line of cowardice, selfishness and apathy.

Yes, it sucks when a gay man is pressured to settle with a gender he doesn’t want to settle with, and we should be empathic about his plight and wish him well. But what is the point of ALL THIS if in the end, gay men keep marrying women. I feel like that is why we have to speak up against it. Forget moral grounds of cheating and all of that… A gay man marrying a woman doesn’t move us forward. That’s personally why I think it shouldn’t be encouraged.

I can’t blame us however. In Nigeria, we’ve been taught to survive instead of thrive. Nothing great has ever been done by just surviving.

My father taught me to always offer solutions whenever I come up with problems. Will not staying married help us? I don’t see how really especially when we still keep mute about our orientation. I believe one way we can fix things is to come out. Come out to yourself honestly, then to people around you. Keep a lookout for the receptive friends or family and come out. You can work your way up from there.

I hope the younger ones also get to read this one way or another. I wish someone told me much earlier that there was more to being gay than the sex and that I could be a huge tool for change if I wanted to be. If you’re reading this, strive hard to be the best you can be in whatever field you are. Read about your sexuality as much as you can and be educated. That way no one can make you feel inferior.

As for me, I’m playing my part. I might not run an NGO or go around bailing people out of jail or wave a rainbow flag, but I’m doing the little I feel strong enough to do. And I fully intend to do better than that with time. It’d be a tough call but I hope to be the small light of hope I never really had when I was younger.

*

I often find myself reminiscing about my first year in the university. How things took a really interesting and drastic turn. I was away from home, away from the prying eyes of my mother and surprisingly she didn’t constantly call me to ask me where I was or what I was doing.

I remember the first person I had sex with. He looked like a lizard and he was rough and I bled (*shudders*).

I remember the first person I played Top with. I’d always wanted to be on the other side of the role spectrum, but for some reason, everyone I met was Top. So it was surprising when I was supposed to be just hanging out with this guy and he kissed me. I told him we couldn’t have sex. I didn’t feel clean. He then asked if I wanted to fuck him instead. Lol. Basically it was over in three seconds for me. Three blissful seconds. Lol.

It was in that guy’s same room I met John. In between my random hookups, there was someone I was “dating”. I’m not even sure what I was doing with the guy. I think I was basically his booty call except we never had sex. We’d just make out. He leaked massive loads of precum from his stout horn-like dick.

Anyways, that was over after I met John. My sweet, sweet John. The one who took me up high, and then threw me carelessly to the ground. It started simple enough. I wasn’t even sure I had feelings for him but a few months into it, I was crazy about him.

I actually feared for my sanity. I remember going to visit him while one long strike was happening and crying like a baby for a reason I can’t remember. He just held me, looking perplexed as he questioned me about what was wrong. I think at that point, everything was – no, felt wrong with me, and it was aching me and the floodgates opened when he was there.

It happens from time to time with me. Then when it’s over, I’d wonder why I was acting stupid.

John started to keep a Lebanese friend. They’d chat into the late hours of the night and John would talk about him and gush, and I’d be glad he had such a wonderful new friend. Till one day, sincerely out of boredom, I picked his phone up to read his messages. I always did that and he did the same to me. I was going through the chat with his Lebanese friend when I saw the words: “John, I love you.”

It didn’t irk me. I wasn’t even irked when I saw that John’s reply was “I love you too.” I tell my besties I love them. Besides John was probably being nice because the guy was mentally unstable and had been known to cut himself.

Then the next words from John were: “And that’s what confuses me.”

I felt something drop in my chest. That type of love was meant only for me. That was when I realised things weren’t as innocent as I thought. I confronted John, hoping he’d give me some explanation. I may be reading unnecessary meaning into the situation. But John said that we needed to stop having access to each other’s phones. I was speechless and bewildered. He was serious. The solution to the problem at hand was to further conceal things?! I couldn’t believe it. I felt crazy – an all too familiar emotion when it came to me and him. Like I was wrong for feeling the way I felt. Like I was wrong for feeling jealous when he told me he’d totally cheat on me with his best friend’s ex. Like I was wrong for refusing to agree to an open relationship. He accused me of trying to out him because I was constantly in his room, the room he asked me night after night to not leave when we first met.

Many, many things like that. I think I was emotionally abused because some of those scars from the things he did still seem to haunt me quietly. Even when he ended it with me, he still hurt me and with no regard to my feelings whatsoever.

It was a Monday. Things were bad between us, but the optimist that I was (still am though), I went to his room to talk to him, to beg him to let us start over. I remember how it was when it was the beginning and I felt we weren’t supposed to end like we were ending. He told me he didn’t like when I got emotional and that he regrets telling me he loves me and that he doesn’t think he can tell anyone that again if the kind of love I showed was what love was like.

Sigh. Those words still hurt when I think of them. It seems to have sunk into my head that my love is poison. It would drive the other person away when I love them completely and with every fibre of my being. Maybe it’s because I demand so much when I give so much. And heaven knows I gave whatever I had to him – the good, the bad and the ugly.

I blame myself mostly. I probably shouldn’t. But I do. I was young, in my late teens. I had no idea how to maneuver a relationship and he hadn’t even been in one before. Maybe I could have been a little less intense. Maybe then he wouldn’t be scared away.

And I usually wish I’d had somebody to look up to or ask for advice. Many of the people I knew were my age mates or didn’t do relationships or were even still struggling to accept who they were.

Maybe I wouldn’t have had to learn the hard way that to put your happiness in another man (or woman) was folly, that there was such a thing as the honeymoon period, and that even when you’re ready to work on a relationship, the other person may not be.

Anyway, I was injured but I’m now mostly completely healed. There’s however still scar tissue. But all will be well in the end. That’s all I can hope for.

John – the same John who was jittery with fear of being outed when I suggested him meeting members of my family and even my female bestie who knows I’m gay – he started dating a guy who was out to his family and they’d have dinner together and stuff. That was a kick in the balls. Lol. But I think he’s happy now, and though I wonder if he sometimes thinks of what happened, I wish him well.

Written by James

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67 Comments

  1. chuck
    May 15, 07:01 Reply

    Was the Lebanese guy giving him money? It would explain much

    • Keredim
      May 15, 10:51 Reply

      As much as I believe in true love, Chuck i can’t help but agree with your cynism.

      Na naija, “No romance without finance”??

  2. Francis
    May 15, 07:20 Reply

    Love can suck sometimes sha ???

    I wouldn’t change how i love sha if i really see no problem in it. Wetin person no like, there’ll always be someone else who adores it ……..

  3. Dennis Macaulay
    May 15, 07:33 Reply

    For the purpose of clarity;

    1. I NEVER said that everybody should get married and be stealth to win. I said that people will do what is best for them no matter what we say and only me knows what is best for me not you or anybody. So people will get married anyway, rather than exclude them and treat them like traitors we can use them and win a battle. This is what we mean by the end justifying the means. I don’t like it when my words are twisted, one of my least favorite things.

    2. Not all gay people and bisexuals get married because of pressure! Some people do it because they want it and for some other reasons and it doesn’t make it less valid and you are not appointed arbiter to decide what’s right or wrong and what should be and what shouldn’t be.

    3. Like I said, until you yourself are out to everybody; family, friends etc and proudly own it, I don’t see what you are spewing. Don’t marry, don’t come out, sit quietly in the closet and somehow live your truth. How laughable is that?

    4. And as for family and societal pressure? Lol don’t talk about shoes you have not worn. It’s easy to speak English and pontificate but until you walk that road, I will need you to keep quiet about it. Let us revisit that conversation in 15 years then you and I can talk. Its like a single person telling a married couple how to run their marriage, or like Peak said the other day someone who hasn’t written WAEC telling you how to graduate with a first class. It is not the proper order of things.

    5. We will never find middle ground on the subject and frankly I don’t care. My points served a purpose; there is an audience I wanted to reach and from the feedback I have been getting I achieved some of that purpose. To each his own you say, except the traitors who get married and betrayed us which is quite very silly.

    This topic can be very toxic so I won’t indulge in fuckery this morning, I just had to set the record straight, and Until you walk in someone’s shoes don’t tell them how tight they are.

    I am waiting for you to come out on Facebook at least! Start there and then you can begin to do interviews and begin to help cover the grounds since the married ones draw us back so much!

    • bountyhunter
      May 15, 07:45 Reply

      uncle let this matter rest and stop being petty and senseless.

      • Mandy
        May 15, 07:51 Reply

        He wasn’t being petty and senseless. You are. You need to stfu sometimes, you this bountyhunter and leave the dude be. Haba

        • Max 10
          May 15, 11:13 Reply

          I can see the faeces smeared up all over your face from asslicking and its not a good look on you I assure you.

          You’ve had better days.

          • Pink Panther
            May 15, 11:51 Reply

            Becos he agrees with someone who holds a different opinion from yours? If he agreed with you, he wouldn’t have faeces in his face, would you? Smh. Human beings sha.

            • Max 10
              May 15, 12:19 Reply

              Did you see me reply any other person who agreed with Dennis?

              I hand picked this one because of a reason.

              • Pink Panther
                May 15, 12:47 Reply

                Yes. Ever since Wednesday when he came out to vigorously throw his lot behind Dennis. No other reason. Don’t try to be mysterious. He came under your crosshairs simply because on Wednesday, he became a loud proponent of ‘Leave MGM alone’.
                And I wonder if he’d been a loud proponent of ‘Burn the MGM’, if you’d see your feaces in his face.

                • Max 10
                  May 15, 12:50 Reply

                  Oh, it wasn’t just about Wednesday.

    • bruno
      May 15, 08:05 Reply

      you know, james is one one of the few people who is out to their family here and it hasn’t exactly been an easy ride for him.

      i think he has earned the right to speak about these issues especially and you should stop trying to discredit his opinion every time he expresses it.

    • Stranger
      May 15, 08:09 Reply

      …And you typed ALL this while being ” drowned in work and personal projects”. More power to your elbow.

      • Francis
        May 15, 08:25 Reply

        *chuckles* This shildren pls not today oh

        • Stranger
          May 15, 08:43 Reply

          Hehehe. It was an observation. And a prayer.

    • Henrie
      May 15, 10:07 Reply

      Wow! I can’t believe we’re now shaming closeted gays and celebrating the ones who’re getting married to females.

    • Max 10
      May 15, 11:11 Reply

      Dear Dennis,

      The kind of pettiness you exude Whenever the issue of MGM’s(which is never going to end- I assure you of that) come up here is unbecoming of you and it’s quite laughable really. You wrap up whatever convoluted and senseless/nauseating politically correct arguments and basically tell every other person to shut up and listen to you because you’re the only voice of reason. I laugh…

      There’s a difference between opinion and Fact, so telling people to believe your sick opinion and keep quiet is both condescending and rude. Telling them they aren’t old enough- well hello grandpa!!. You’re simply thinking like the average Nigerian who thinks knowledge “only” comes with age and that elders(no matter how stupid) should always be listened to.

      James has more credibility, knowledge and common sense here than 99% of KDians. I would listen to him first before I listen to 36156272 old ass fucktard coward, grey-hair ridden people we have here.

      Oh and he’s out to his family- thats more than you have done in all your activism and quest to save homeless gay men in a bid to be some gay superhero!!.

      Oh and also you can disagree with people without attacking them based on age or presumed level of experience. Your “know-it-all” attitude is loathe-worthy and quite childish, reminds me of annoying kids in my primary school who had Machiavellist traits.

      Your opinion has always been to win favor from people, so it doesn’t hold much value anyway.

      • Tiercel de Claron
        May 15, 11:32 Reply

        Macchiavellian,not Macchiavellist

        Would have held up a mirror to your face,but you behold the coward contained therein every morn.

        • Keredim
          May 15, 11:36 Reply

          Leave him. Let him be spewing rubbish as usual.

          He is such a hypocrite. Its almost as comical as it is tragic.

          • Tiercel de Claron
            May 15, 11:54 Reply

            Sometimes,I could pity him.
            Misery loves company,they say.And he’s a miserable,piss-poor excuse of a man who so much want company down there.

            Must be tough being him,waking up to behold the coward he is day by day.Afeared to take even tentative a step towards setting himself free,yet here we have him being such a spouter

            • Max 10
              May 15, 12:06 Reply

              @Clarice, from all your hate filled attacks, its clear to see who the sad lonely slob is. I did my best to ignore all your stupidity not long ago(which made you feel worthless), cos we all know you’re an attention seeking whore. I think I’d go back to doing that, because you’re nothing to me, you’ll remain worthless to me till the end of time and nothing you say matters.

              You’re just another sad little Joe searching for relevance and sense of belonging. I doubt you have any friends at all, your character is repulsive and I don’t think any well meaning person would be able to put up with you.

              I can’t stress this Enough-
              1-You’re just a distant voice in a virtual space who does nothing but incite fights and pettiness
              2- You’re a lonely hater
              3-you have sociopathic tendencies
              4- You’re an unhappy person
              5- Always feel the need to win, when there’s no war(you create these delusions in your walnut sized head
              6- you take up the “Elitist” persona because of your low self esteem, just to make yourself seem more desirable and to make yourself feel some sort of self worth.

              Give it up!

              Its just not Werking.

        • Max 10
          May 15, 11:51 Reply

          @Clarice, you’re not nearly half as smart as you think you are. Your quasi-Elitist attitude is annoying and silly..

          Go and do your research well before coming here to act all smart and spew trash.

          Look for “Machiavellist”

      • Mandy
        May 15, 11:56 Reply

        Ah, the empress of hypocrisy speaks. Max darling, you do realize you’re staring in the mirror, talking to yourself with that comment.

        • Dennis Macaulay
          May 15, 12:21 Reply

          I laughed so hard! He doesn’t realize that he just described himself to the letter!

          Sociopath? It was still you who threatened to run people you don’t like over with a car!

          Its almost cute to watch delusional people

    • Mr. Fingers
      May 15, 12:39 Reply

      Dear DM, stop sweating it. U didnt do anything wrong. I fall into the number 2 category u just summarised,dont waste ur time trying to explain ur choices to anyone.

      No apologies whatsover,i will do me.

      Enough said.

    • Mitch
      May 15, 18:49 Reply

      Dennis, I’d like to call you out on point 4.

      I am not married. I never have been and most definitely won’t be getting hitched to a lady. However, I have seen my parents’ marriage fail and get restored; I’ve seen marriages work and I’m friends with a lot of married people and spend quite a lot of time with them. So as much as I am young, I know what it takes to make a marriage work. Not because I’ve been in one, but because I’ve learnt from those around me. In the same vein, a secondary school student with older ones who have gone through the University and has gained knowledge of how to circumvent and withstand the rigours of university life in order to make a good result and gain the best university experience from them, can as well give quality advice to a university student.

      See, the thing about life is, we are not only made by our experiences. A lot of factors come into play in various aspects of our lives. So, I’m sorry if my age is not up to your expectation, but don’t discount my opinion based on my age because my age and lack of experience notwithstanding, I still know things because I’ve learnt from those who have either experienced or learnt them.

      That, my friend, is what life is all about. No man is the sole custodian of knowledge. And you, my friend, for all your grandeur, most definitely are not!

  4. Mandy
    May 15, 07:52 Reply

    Finally James, you’re a bitch. Lmao. I saw that shade you cast all over DM. You just had to switch off his light, eh? 😀

  5. bruno
    May 15, 07:54 Reply

    “huge tool” for change uh? ???

    don’t worry. john’s not as happy as you think. i have stories that’ll fuel your schadenfreude if you’re as petty as i can be ?.

    nice write up though. the older i get, the more i realize that the older generation of homosexuals failed us. they did absolutely nothing to show us much about being visible, loving yourself, having meaningful relationships and standing up to the society. instead we had to start from the scratch on these issues. and we have to do it in a society more hostile and “aware” than they grew in. hope same things won’t be said about us in a decade or two.

    we need to keep inspiring each other to be as strong as we can be. eventually, all the adventures we have in the closet get old and we need to desire the dignified place in society that we deserve.

    • ambivalentone
      May 15, 08:42 Reply

      Joor, I am not petty, but I like good stories of ‘unhappy exes who put on forced smiles of bliss’

    • Pink Panther
      May 15, 09:08 Reply

      This older generation lived in times steeped in no recognition of homosexuality, you know.

    • Keredim
      May 15, 11:14 Reply

      “…..older generation of homosexuals failed us. they did absolutely nothing to show us much about being visible…..”

      But yet, you have used my age on the odd occassion to slam me?!??

      • Max 10
        May 15, 11:29 Reply

        Let’s all give it up for the father of pettiness ???..

        You make me not wanna get old.

        • keredim
          May 15, 21:39 Reply

          Oh don’t worry Quinine, the rate at which you are going, you may just get your wish??

      • Dennis Macaulay
        May 15, 11:29 Reply

        ????

        The angry children of KD! We should start a support group for them, and while they are at it they can tell us what they have done for visibility et al

        • Max 10
          May 15, 12:13 Reply

          Arent we all in a support group already?

          Isn’t that what KD is all about?

          Complaining about how the world treats us when we’re doing exactly what fuels it.

          • Pink Panther
            May 15, 12:44 Reply

            Um Max, perhaps you could be the one to lead us to salvation?

        • Henrie
          May 15, 13:35 Reply

          What is it with you constantly deriding those who you believe aren’t as loudly gay as you want them to be?

      • bruno
        May 15, 12:43 Reply

        don’t be silly. if i’ve “slammed” you on kd, it’s because of your behaviour not your age.

  6. Stranger
    May 15, 08:19 Reply

    Skipped the first part because it was clearly a reply to an issue that I don’t really care so much about.

    “He accused me of trying to out him because I WAS CONSTANTLY IN HIS ROOM.”

    Well, he had a point.

  7. ambivalentone
    May 15, 08:37 Reply

    ‘John’ probably grew out of his fear of being outed by association or saw opportunity. I wanna stick with one tho, because telling a mentally unstable sumbody who cuts himself (its not like u r stable too. Unwarranted bawling can be scary) ‘I love u’ knowing u have signed a death warrant if u ‘unlove’ is just opportunistic. You are better off, but the heart will always behave stupidly sha wanting what it shudnt

  8. Simba
    May 15, 11:07 Reply

    In my fake British accent… Beautiful Sunday, innit….

  9. Rapum
    May 15, 11:19 Reply

    Nice one, James. You just showed that one doesn’t have to be over twenty-five to be wise, to take a stand.

    Keep being your awesome self. Someone will see it, and love you.

    Happy Sunday.

  10. Max 10
    May 15, 11:25 Reply

    We’ve all had a John once upon a time in our lives.
    The one that tells you that you love them too much and that your love is choking them, that you need to loosen it up a bit. Yes, we’ve had those. The ones that tell you to stop crossing your legs in public because you’re attracting unwanted attention towards them. The ones that make you feel there’s something wrong with loving someone. The ones that manipulate you into thinking that you need them, like they’re your savior, like you’re fragile and needy.

    Eventually they all become history.

    Nice Read.

  11. Tiercel de Claron
    May 15, 11:41 Reply

    Since the dawn of time,man have been marrying for all sort of reason.All relatively valid,even societal pressure.None should be condemned for running with the curveball life threw at them,what they need from those concerned/affected is understanding,though they may not approve of choices made.
    We’ve thrashed this issue long enough,let’s give it a rest now.

  12. Sensei
    May 15, 12:13 Reply

    Thank you Brainiac for your perspective. I appreciate your intelligent, assertive yet non-aggressive approach to this contentious issue. You raise many valid points, but I would like to point out the following.
    1. “as this fight needs cunning and stealth, it also requires bravery and sacrifice”.
    In the LGBT struggle, there are and will be many kinds of sacrifice. A person could stay unmarried, live in the closet all his life and never speak up on LGBT issue. What bravery and sacrifice has such a person given to the cause? Simply staying unmarried will not do anything whatsoever for the cause. What we need is visibility (people coming out of the closet), initiation and sustenance of real conversations in the public domain, in government etc. Political power, lobbying, financial commitment and sacrifice…the list goes on. Any and every struggle has several essential components. Some appear little but like every mechanism, even the little components are needed for the whole to work efficiently. A short circuit of just two little wires can set your house on fire. Most real life problems are complex and every leader/group must understand and embrace the complexity of situations and we willing to adapt accordingly for change.
    2. “It however sometimes borders along the line of cowardice, selfishness and apathy.”
    While I appreciate your empathic phrasing of this statement, I have this to say.
    All of us in the closet understand what cowardice means and we do understand why we have chosen to live in the closet. One would expect understanding and not condemnation when one coward is appraising another.
    And selfishness is not a simple matter. Sometimes the survival instinct makes people do things that are apparently stupid. In order to elevate ourselves above selfishness, we must try to look at things not just from our perspective but also from the other persons perspective. We ascend from the personal point of view to the panoramic view point.
    3. “That’s personally why I think it shouldn’t be encouraged.”
    Concerning this matter, I think it would be simplistic to just say that the issue here is whether it should be encouraged or discouraged. There is what you think (hypothetically) but there is also the human being in front of you, in despair and at crossroads, depressed and suicidal. At such a point, you cannot just climb a stage and scream what you think the person should do or not do. Those who have some training in counselling understand that as a counsellor, it is not right to just tell the person listening to you what you think is the best way they should live their lives. Rather, you should lead them in a discussion of pros and cons, make them see the issues clearly, and then let them choose. This is generally the best way to help people solve problems.
    4. “But it is OUR fight, not theirs”
    While on the surface this perspective seems accurate, it is quite problematic. When the HIV pandemic started among homosexuals in New York, the attitude of the world was “it is the problem of homosexuals not ours”. Because of this, the fight against HIV was delayed and started quite late. Later, it spread not just to the heterosexual community but all over the world. You see, this attitude of “its their problem not my problem” or even “ it is their fight not ours” lies at the very heart of every societal evil our world is currently facing. I cannot say that because im a man, the gender equality is not my problem because you see, I have sisters, aunts, female friends e.t.c. What I am really trying to say is this, until humanity reaches the understanding of ALL FOR ONE AND ONE FOR ALL”, our social evolution will not only halt but also retrogress. I don’t have to be part of a group before I can own their problems. So their fight is our fight and our fight is their fight, because we are one race, one large human family and we are one.
    5. Finally, we think we believe people should be true to their own ideals and live their dreams. But we cannot just conclude that we know the details of what is the ideal of every single person in the community. You could sit a person down and ask him to tell u about his desires and ideals, and you’d be surprised to find that what this person wants for himself is so so far from what YOU THINK they should want. But you see, just as you are entitled to wanting whatever you want for yourself and the community, the other person is entitled to what they want. Making some members of any group feel less or denigrated was never helpful to any association of people with similar interests. Notice how these arguments have harmed and sometimes destroyed friendships and bonds even in this group. We must learn to express our disagreements on any issue without making the other person feel they are not needed or unwanted. What we don’t realise is that our ability to unite and form a strong force, united in spite of our difference, is far more important to the cause than fighting each other all day because of differences in opinion. We wish the world understood and accepted the LGBT community but we have demonstrated without a doubt that we are incapable giving what we demand from the world. This does show that we are really one, doesn’t it?

  13. Francis
    May 15, 14:40 Reply

    Hmmm. Eku gbadun *continues battle with weekend insomnia*

  14. Dickson Clement
    May 15, 15:53 Reply

    Mehn! So much pain you felt @ James! You did a good job writing it but sincerely love is an emotion and it’s good that we learn to master and control it

  15. Mitch
    May 15, 17:56 Reply

    And once again, it is proven that wisdom isn’t age-specific.

    I admire your mind James. You don’t have to be anything other than your awesome self to be happy. The right one will come.

  16. Chizzie
    May 15, 18:01 Reply

    This is precisely how it starts off being gay in Nigeria.

    At first you are naive, and sincere and just an innocent child of God. And then suddenly the “Johns” of society show up. They twist and smash your heart to smithereens. Soon, you realize that being the nice guy never pays off, so you delve into the world of bitchcraft.

    You soon learn how to not let them know how you really feel, how to treat them like the trash that they ( most of them) are.

    And then you grow old, and menopausal and die all alone or end up marrying a woman and wank to gay porn while she’s asleep.

    And is it just me or are there like ALOT of tops in this country? Where are all the bottoms? All I keep meeting are tops and you know those ones can’t hold a conversation or spell properly, or vers ppl. Even some of the few bottom friends I have have suddenly become vers.

    Bottoms can we get in formation please?

    • Mitch
      May 15, 18:13 Reply

      Okay, this comment just cracked me up. Real hard!

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