July 26

I went to get myself tested for HIV. I told some people this and was surprised when they said “Why?” By people I mean my gay friends and acquaintances. First of all, why not? Secondly, things may be worse than I thought when it comes to being responsible. The fact that there has to be a reason to go get yourself checked apart from the reason of “it’s a duty I owe to myself” is a bit appalling. Honestly I don’t think you need to have unprotected sex before you check for HIV. Or doesn’t anyone remember that you can get it in other ways besides sex? At least, do it once a year if you’re the most careful of people, because you can never be too sure.

However there was a reason I went to check. I had unprotected sex about three months ago, and a condom tore around that time. Honestly, the idea of “no condom” seemed exciting at the time, but the months of worry and anxiety that followed was not beans. I’d fall sick and begin to wonder, or I’d read all the HIV propaganda and my heart would beat fast. I don’t think a few minutes of pleasure is worth a few months of worry. I’m going to buy packs of durex as soon as I have extra money to waste… I don’t want excuses for next time. I normally avoid asking people I’m chatting with or interested in whether they use condoms because I think the talk of condoms and STIs is unsexy, but to avoid things getting out of hand, I’ll also have to start doing that. Better to cut things short before we reach the bedroom and testosterone clouds my judgment.

I’ve also been wondering about gay rape. I don’t mean the rape of a young boy and an older man or anything along those lines. I mean two gay adults. Does it ever happen? If it has happened to you or someone you know, I’d like to know in the comment section.

Speaking of rape, I’m thinking of buying a pen knife. Lol. Just to be on the safe side of things and have some protection against people who will not let a person’s No be No. It might also help me in a kito situation. Not that I intend on going to meet anyone in their houses when I’ve got mine. But you know, just in case.

A friend of mine came visiting with another friend of mine. Let’s call ‘em Daniel and Lolu.  Daniel is a narcissistic creature who considers himself perfect and is looking for the perfect man. He’s in limbo with his sexuality and religion and has made the compromise of not having sex (it’s been seven months, according to him. I CHOOSE to give him the benefit of the doubt), but he watches gay porn a helluva lot. Lol.

Anyway, me, Daniel and Lolu were gisting when Daniel brought up a chat when I was defending two Queens. The thing is that those Queens are my friends and he sent a message saying:  “Don’t you ever try and get me in the same room with those falsetto-singing faggot bitches” or something of that nature, and I flared up but politely asked him not to insult my friends again.

I asked what he has against them, and what it boils down to was that they are obvious. “And I’m not obviously gay,” he said smugly, sprawling in his seat in what he probably considered a macho manner.

If I had a brick, I would have tossed it at his face to snap him out of his daydream. Not that obvious, my sweet behind! If he’s not that obvious, then the sun is the colour purple and pigs can fly. So I’ve added another trait to him… delusional. Chai! Such internalized homophobia. Sure, to the clueless straight person, he might seem straight, but to people who know, he stands out like a white man at Obalende bus stop. Fool. I didn’t bother trying to snap him back to reality sha… Ain’t nobody got time for that.

Ahem! I am broke, by the way. And me is looking for a nice handsome sugar daddy to cater to my every whim with the perks of awesome sex and my awesome personality. Lol.

On a more serious note though, at this point in my life, I can see why some people sell their bodies. Not like I’m starving, but I can’t get what I WANT and it’s frustrating. To make things worse, I can’t get a part-time job because of the tedious nature of my course. I was actually a bit ashamed at the thought of wanting someone to take care of me, but a friend of mine told me that it’s not bad… we all feel like that once in a while.

Anyways I’ll just hold on and be patient and try to be content with garri for breakfast, eba for lunch and cornflakes that I’m managing for dinner.

As if I wasn’t already skinny enough.

Written by James

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