So, I’d been chatting on and off with this man on Badoo for close to two years and we had never met. The reason or this was that anytime he is in town, I’d be out of town. The last time we chatted and had our schedules cross off yet again was when I was in Accra and he was in Lagos.

So then, some two weeks ago, I was on Badoo, hunting for wank material, when his message popped up asking where I was. I told him I was in Lagos. And he immediately got excited, wanting to know if we could meet up the next day. At first I was reluctant, and so, I didn’t give him a definitive answer. The thing about me is that I have more than a fair amount of paranoia, which puts me in a position of perpetual hesitancy whenever any market I have is about to mature.

The next day, he called in the morning to know if I was still coming. I was bored (and maybe horny), so I said yes. I got dressed up in my favourite white shirt over sky blue pants, hair and makeup done, and I was off to Apapa.

I got to the bus stop he asked me to stop at and called him. He told me he was taking his bath and asked me to wait. I waited for about twenty minutes, and he still hadn’t shown up.

Then, another number called and an unfamiliar voice was asking me where I was. I told him I was at the bus stop, and he kept saying he couldn’t see me. This was understandable, because I’d positioned myself in a strategic position where I could see whoever was coming to get me first, a hideout of sorts where I could easily fade out into the crowd if I wasn’t sure of the hookup. The guy kept asking me where I was, saying he couldn’t see me at the bus stop, and I kept assuring him I was within sight while I looked around, hoping to spot whoever it was I was on the phone with.

And then, I saw him. He was gesturing in exasperation, and so I knew he was the one I was on the phone with. Seeing as his voice wasn’t familiar, it didn’t come as a surprise when I saw he wasn’t the man I’d been in touch with on Badoo. As I watched him, my mind was settled. This hookup was going to have to be a bust. He hadn’t seen me, so, my brothers and sisters, I did what any self-respecting Nigerian gay man would do. I jumped into an oncoming bus headed for Mile 2 so fast, I could have passed an interview to be the conductor based solely on that skill.

Once I got settled in the bus, I headed straight to Badoo and went on the attack. I lashed out at the man (he was online), slinging threatening messages at him like: “…I will deal with you… You want to set me up abi… I will come back for you with my uncle in the army…” Stuff like that. lol. My fingers were racing over my keypad as I vented my anger at him, heaving insult after insult at him.

It was indicated that my messages were getting read, but he never once interrupted my tirade. When it was clear to him that I was done, his first response was to tell me how immature I was. Then he went on to say how insulted he felt that I would write him off as a set-up guy.

I scoffed and typed back: “Oga, no be today. I refuse to be your victim.”

He replied with an explanation of who he is, telling me he is an honourable member of the PDP. He sent several pictures of him to support his claim, and explained that he’d sent one of his boys to come pick me up. Then he told me to pick another meeting place of my choice right then and he would drive over himself to meet me. Clearly, he still intended for us to see that day.

But I was too spent from my vexation. And I was already too far gone from Apapa. I told him there was no need to meet. And our chat ended.

I got back home and armed with the information he’d given me by way of his explanation, I began asking questions, digging further for some verification. A guy’s gotta have sources for situations like this. I used my sources, both off- and online. And eventually, he turned up clean. He was who he claimed to be.

My paranoia had gotten the best of me.

However, I couldn’t let myself feel like a fool for my exaggerated reaction to the hookup that never happened. I stomped out my regret with the question: What if things had gone the other way?

Written by Jimmy

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