KARMA 2.0

KARMA 2.0

There are those days when everything just goes south and you have a very shitty day. But just when you think it’s the worst day possible, something happens that makes you smile that evil grin. I had one of those days recently, but before I tell you the story, please journey with me down memory lane.

I was posted to Rivers State for my NYSC (scratch that, I got myself posted to Rivers State), and I was in for a fun year. I was young and I wanted to explore the “deep, round riches” of the Garden City. There was this weekend someone buzzed me on Badoo, I looked up his profile and he was this cute, young guy. I responded, we took it to BBM, and four hours later, I was in a cab going to his uncle’s house where he was staying. (Shut up, don’t judge me)

We had the best night ever (or so I thought); we went out for drinks, came home drunk and horny, and then we did the nasty over and over. In the morning, it was great waking up to entwined arms and the feeling of satiation, and I reluctantly got up to get dressed and leave. An hour later, I got home, sank into bed and retrieved my Blackberry to ping him.

“Thanks for a good time,” I pinged. My message didn’t deliver. Alas, he was no longer on my BBM. Bitch had deleted me!

I did not have his number, seeing as we went from Badoo to BBM. I felt like I’d been hit by a truck, not because I was really into him, but because the rejection really stung. I swallowed it and forgot about him, but not before making a quick supplication to my very dear goddess of karma to strike back.

Fast forward five years (2014), just a few weeks ago, I came to work in the morning and I was instructed to get to the head office in Lagos to pick up something. I was peeved because sometimes they tell you it’s a one-day trip and you end up staying more than a day. My company treats single people like puppets that they can pull and dump at will.

I got to Lagos that morning and passed some people wearing suits at the reception, sitting uncomfortably (clearly people who had come for an interview). I went to the cold storage, picked up what I came for and made a dash for the stairs, when the head of HR stopped me. They were having interviews and she needed one more person to make the panel odd-numbered, and she said she would like someone not high up the ladder. I agreed after she promised that I would leave that day.

I got into the interview room and took a seat. And we got started.

And then, the door opened to admit the sixth person. Lo and behold, it was the guy from 2009 who I fucked, and who deleted me afterwards. Karma must have thought the day was my birthday, because this was indeed a pleasant surprise. When he saw me in the panel, he looked like he’d seen a ghost, but I kept my cool as I fired questions away at him during the interview. At a point, I was the only one interviewing him while the others just watched me, probably wondering where the passion was coming from.

A small voice said to me: “Make sure he fails, that way you can teach him a lesson.” But before I could decide what to do, another voice said: “If you are his supervisor, you can torment him to your heart’s content.” So I went with the second voice. I even scored him high in the interview. Shortly before leaving Lagos, I pulled a few strings to ensure he would be posted to Port Harcourt in the event that he makes it through.

I later got confirmation that he was successful and that he is to resume in PHC as an intern, directly under my supervision for six months. I will grade his log books and I will score his appraisals. This will be a very long stretch of six months for him.

The drama has just started, I will keep you all updated.

*loud evil laughter in the dark*

Written by Dennis Macaulay

Print Friendly, PDF & Email
Previous How To Be Better At Topping
Next Photo Of The Day V

About author

You might also like

Our Stories 29 Comments

The Phrase Gay People Need To Stop Using

Originally published on huffingtonpost.com “I’m not defined by being gay.” It’s time we retired this phrase.  There are a few reasons why it’s said, and a few (and much stronger)

Print Friendly, PDF & Email
Our Stories 22 Comments

He And I

Being queer was not something I became one with until late in my teen year. There had always been tiny random feelings for other boys but not enough to make

Print Friendly, PDF & Email
Our Stories 4 Comments

THAT’S MICHAEL

That’s Michael. Splashed on the front page of the dailies, he’s the first in a queue of 42 gay men who were arrested by the police in Nigeria last week.

Print Friendly, PDF & Email

86 Comments

  1. Constant
    October 29, 04:25 Reply

    Wrong Title…. It should have been Karma 4.4.2 Kitkat…. I had same experience and boi was it awkward.. It was beyond that. Like we Modern Yoruba will say”Olorun atijo lo npe ko to mu ni, Olorun asiko yi kia kia ni” English -“The Godof the Old era takes time before catching up with you, but the God of this Era.. The guy na sharp sharp God”.

  2. enigmous
    October 29, 04:35 Reply

    Hehehe…abeg, DM have pity on him o. Tho am 100% against what he did, only assholes treats people like that

  3. daniel
    October 29, 04:37 Reply

    Lmao!! O’boy I’ll just resign before starting work.. I can imagine what u’ll put him through..

    Dennis biko do u hv Karma’s pin? Pls share with a Bruh.

    • pinkpanthertb
      October 29, 04:41 Reply

      Aswearigod. I need that goddess’s number. There’s a few people I’d like her to pay a visit to.

  4. simba
    October 29, 05:12 Reply

    Mr Dennis,.. plz leave the young man alone. Don’t take up the role, u were not assigned. He has his reasons for what he did.. me would simply ask for his reason. Obviously he moved on likewise u.. be grateful for tht. Cus u met Mrs Macauley.

    • Dennis Macauley
      October 29, 05:16 Reply

      I am not doing anything wrong here! I won’t victimize anybody (I don’t even have the power to do that), I will just ensure that job descriptions are followed RELIGIOUSLY and that every kobo paid is EARNED.

      *Maleficient smile while sipping coffee*

      • pinkpanthertb
        October 29, 05:17 Reply

        No karma than the one carried out while following due diligence. lol

      • Dennis Macauley
        October 29, 05:19 Reply

        Thankyou Pink Panther

        DUE DILIGENCE

        *hands you a cup of coffee*

    • trystham
      October 29, 07:06 Reply

      And I had weird fantasies about a SECOND sexual harrassment case. Karma is beginni.g to seem a clingy bitch

  5. Obatala
    October 29, 05:33 Reply

    hahahahahahaha. and to think he would have gone to do Thanksgiving for a new job. evil you Dennis.

  6. xpressivejboy
    October 29, 05:39 Reply

    Wow!!!

    *on my knees*

    Dede Karma, AdaNmiri, OyoyoAgbara, AgbaraNwanyioma, Idemili…please bluetooth me ya contact details; I can do more with the opportunity than Nwanne’m DM would *batting lashes @ DM*…thanks for your anticipated swift response.

    #MePatientlyWaiting

      • xpressivejboy
        October 29, 05:59 Reply

        DM, did I lie? My Brother, do all that needs to be done garnished with professionalism…all na part of the job experience noni; and experience, they say, is the best teacher.

        #TheWorkHasToBeDone

  7. Lothario
    October 29, 05:52 Reply

    Hahahahaha….JBoy you’re crazy. Dennis, I feel you on this. Do what you have to….shikena!

    • xpressivejboy
      October 29, 06:20 Reply

      Lothario, ayaf not do anything yet ooO…*me still awaiting Karma’s response*

  8. Paul
    October 29, 05:57 Reply

    N wat if by a stroke of chance he is on ds blog? #jstasking

    • xpressivejboy
      October 29, 06:18 Reply

      That would make it much fun…he would have a full knowledge of why his JD and deadlines to his deliverables are the way they are…he would long for the 6months and thoughts of the likely recommendation(s) after the 6th month of his internship will make 6months seem 6years.

      #HeBetterSignsTheAcceptanceOfOfferForm/Letter

  9. Mr Bassey
    October 29, 06:06 Reply

    Hahahahahaha!!!, Karma can be such a sweetheart sometimes…..I mean font we just love her.

  10. Samaurai
    October 29, 06:07 Reply

    LMAO
    Dennis!
    Dennis!!
    Dennis!!!
    How many times did I call you?
    Repent oo! You maleficient man. 😀 🙂

    But wait oo!
    I really need Karma’s hotline for immediate response.
    Cos the retribution I’m planning doesn’t need 5 years to mature.
    It needs immediate execution.
    And I hope she can multitask well well.
    She has to simultaneously deal with some people for me.

    • Dennis Macauley
      October 29, 06:51 Reply

      Lol

      You have to be patient with karma! She is always busy, but she always does her job!

  11. Stickysly
    October 29, 06:21 Reply

    This is going to be a really cool series to follow.
    DM, we await salacious details.

    Make lé boi thoroughly enjoy his internship. After all, its supposed to be a learning phase.

    The life lessons he will pick up will be etched prominently in his mind forever.

    Karma us sweet jare. Jst serve it nicely.

  12. Mr Bassey
    October 29, 06:27 Reply

    Lol….see all of them….vindictive people…..what happened to forgive and forget.

    • pinkpanthertb
      October 29, 06:29 Reply

      I have checked and checked for the definition of ‘forgive and forget’ in the gay dictionary. I just can’t seem to find it. 🙂

      • Mr Bassey
        October 29, 06:56 Reply

        LMAO!!!!, lemme see that dictionary myself.

      • Stickysly
        October 29, 07:04 Reply

        The one I know of is “Forgive your enemies; never forget their names”

      • Peak
        October 29, 08:31 Reply

        Hahahahha pinky u know u are wrong for that line???? Lol

        • king
          October 29, 08:38 Reply

          No wonder some pipo believe in KARMA instead of LOVE!!

      • Mr Bassey
        October 29, 07:00 Reply

        Uhhhhh Dennis its big and black huh!, i’d like a sneak peek, yeah that’s all i’d do.

      • Samaurai
        October 29, 08:26 Reply

        LOL 🙂
        I can’t just help liking this Mrs Macaulay more and more.
        Always trust him (or better still, her 😉 ) to step in at the exact right moment.

      • Khaleesi
        October 29, 09:19 Reply

        Yum yum … did I just hear ‘big black ***’ … ****takes off heels gently and tiptoes into room, Mrs M is frying plantain in the kitchen … the oil is hot*** ***rushes to Dennis and checks out his package****

      • king
        October 29, 06:57 Reply

        Oh no! I didn’t just agree with u.ooo.dennis.i was agreeing with Bassey jo! Seriously!!! You won’t forgive him??? Anyway am happy your KARMA must swing both ways so you don’t forgive him D luv someone else’s KARMA gonna cum right back at ya!

  13. Dimkpa
    October 29, 06:45 Reply

    Dear Dennis, I don’t presume to know why he deleted you, he alone knows why. However I would like you to consider that he may have deleted you not out of malice but rather of guilt at indulging in something he wants but has been made to believe is wrong. It is like the battle between flesh and spirite. He gives in to the overwhelming natural need but then feels remorse afterwards for doing a ‘bad’ deed. Part of his atonement would then be turning away from wrongdoing which would inclue the person he did the act with.
    Just consider this in your future dealings with him.
    All the best…

    • Samaurai
      October 29, 08:32 Reply

      LOL.
      Dimkpa, you’re trying to reason with Dennis when his arsenal is already fully equiped and ready to deploy.
      Good luck with that.
      I doubt if even Mrs Macaulay would be able to steer him off the war-path.

      • king
        October 29, 08:42 Reply

        OK so even if SHE can’t am sure GOD can…. abi Dennis or NOT EVEN GOD would SOFTEN that precious heart of yours to totally forgive him and EVEN help him out in doing his job SO well that even he would wonder if YOU Dennis is a mere man….or a God!!

  14. king
    October 29, 06:49 Reply

    Woooooow!! Dennis you mean you could not satisfy SOMEONE!???? Woooow!! This guy’s no i must get! Lol!!! How bad WAS the sex that deletions happened in split seconds!!!

    • Mr Bassey
      October 29, 07:26 Reply

      Kai, that couldn’t have been d reason jhor…..didn’t u hear Dennis….. They did it over and over.. U can like to be feeling like Topzilla abi……if I catch you ehn you go talk true.

      • king
        October 29, 07:59 Reply

        Haba na wetin I see na! And it looks like Dats why Dennis is seeing it as karma coming back if not he would been curious to just find out why?

  15. chestnut
    October 29, 06:51 Reply

    Dennis, nwanem nwoke, pls don’t do anytin to dat boy o! Its been 4 years…*in Elsa’s voice from ‘Frozen’* “Let it goooooo…” Lol. Thank God u didn’t make him lose d job…anyway,I know u’re really a sweetheart inside,and u will forget abt his foolishness…(Or wisdom…I dunno; he had reasons for what he did back then…)

    • Dennis Macauley
      October 29, 06:55 Reply

      Sweetheart you say?

      There are two sides to me darling! Y’all have only seen the sweet side. There is another side! Ask Pinky, he knows

      • king
        October 29, 07:00 Reply

        Awwwww common Dennis biko temper justice with mercy now haba! Also don’t forget that He Has seen YOUR GLASS HOUSE…..so let stones not be thrown abeg oooo!!

      • chestnut
        October 29, 07:05 Reply

        Choi! Bikozienu,nna! Have mercy…maybe he had a bf back then?

      • Peak
        October 29, 08:43 Reply

        Brotherly@dennis forget all these churchie talk! Take ur sweet time, no rush the matter at all, make it a slow and painful experience. Sisi karma gave u 6months instead of five, make every month seem like a year of frustration overload. karma gave u one month extra as a bonus (one year extra).
        Y’all singing 2face’s “Forgive and forget, do you know the emotional trauma that comes with ppl drop-kicking ur ass without so much as a Goodbye handshake??? Abeg miss me with that FnF bull

        • king
          October 29, 09:01 Reply

          Shuo! Am shocked to say the least…..spewing hatred and vengeance isn’t good oooo! Abeg ooo Dennis..hmmm and don’t say we didn’t give our 1cent in this!!!

  16. dadiva
    October 29, 07:06 Reply

    Haha nd he might not even delet u….av had cases like dhat like d maybe network or just dnt knw….or prehaps he lost his fone…..cuz its tops dhat i knw dhat do such deleting……*btms av a soft nd tender heart*

    • Chuck
      October 29, 11:07 Reply

      Deleting people is not restricted to tops. It’s a demand and supply thing. If you have more or better options you won’t be tender/invested. Be careful of stereotypes, especially subliminal ones. If you expect someone to be rough or rude towards you, then you wont be able to observe them with a clear head and perceptive mind.

  17. JustJames
    October 29, 07:21 Reply

    Revenge is a double edged sword… Just be careful how you wield it.

    • king
      October 29, 11:42 Reply

      Exactly! So get ready for its second swing after your first!!

  18. #TeamKizito
    October 29, 07:24 Reply

    Sweet side? Where? Did you come with any? (I haven’t seen any sweetness from your person..) Dennis.

      • Paul
        October 29, 07:54 Reply

        Sometimes d best way not to punish myself is to break away from somtin I knw I cn neva have and dat sometimes warrants me breakin away all ties.
        Trust me dude may hv done it painfully
        Bt wat do I know?
        Anywayz I like amebor
        So let d story n series begin

  19. lexus
    October 29, 07:37 Reply

    Dennis Macaulay you better don’t be a bitch when doing it

  20. Mrs Macaulay
    October 29, 07:56 Reply

    Let go?

    *sarcastic laugh*

    You people don’t know this man Dennis. If you checked the dictionary for the word VINDICTIVE, you will see a picture of him beside it smiling in his underwear.

    I pity this intern, because I know what’s coming to him.

  21. Absalom
    October 29, 08:19 Reply

    Maybe the guy just did not like you and didn’t know how to tell you. Happens all the time. It’s better than having your pings ignored or receiving attitude.

    I’d rather you don’t acknowledge, in any way, the past you two had; last thing you want is your colleagues catching on to a “strange vibe” between you two or – worse – the guy getting it into his head that you’re after him. You knew him for just 24 hours, not long enough to assess his character; if it turns out he’s capable of what that other guy did to you in the office, two near-kito cases on your resume won’t look too good, talk less of you supervising anybody else in the future. #OkBye #SermonOver. #EnjoyYourIntern #StopPhotographingCakes

    • Dennis Macauley
      October 29, 08:39 Reply

      Near Kito story you say?

      I don’t know him, he doesn’t know me! We have never met before! That is my story and I am keeping it that way!

      Photographing cakes is therapeutic! You should try it

    • Samaurai
      October 29, 08:45 Reply

      Wow!!
      Who are you really, Absalom?

      Dennis should just strap you to his mind.
      You will be as good as his conscience or even better.
      You just made all the right points

      • Dennis Macauley
        October 29, 08:50 Reply

        Erm there is somewhere else I would love to strap him to!

        #OkBye

  22. Immanuel
    October 29, 09:00 Reply

    Its been long I laughed this HARD. TBH, that guy was probably horny in da moment and needed a quick fuck with no strings attached. But I know it does not justify his actions. But seeking revenge might just make you look like the hurt one, and you def don’t want that. So I lyk your plan of not being lenient with him. Fair and justified.

  23. Khaleesi
    October 29, 09:25 Reply

    @all the sanctimonious ‘forgive and forget’ crew members … bitches puhleeeezzeeee!!! dropping someone like that is a huge blow to self esteem and confidence. Dennis hun, revenge is a dish best served stone cold …. heat the knife tilll its sizzling red-hot and then stick it to him slowly, twisting it gently as it goes in … all the time with a huge plastic innocent, wide eyed smile on your face …
    #teamkarma# yelzzz

    • Dennis Macauley
      October 29, 09:49 Reply

      This is why I love you my Khaleesi!

      Couldn’t have said it better

      *mwah*

    • Peak
      October 29, 10:44 Reply

      Khaleesi, I wouldn’t mind planting a cold kiss to drown out the anguish groan of pain while the knife slowly slides in all the way to its stealth

      Haaaaa!!!!!! Karma is one helleva bitch
      *sing* Aliicia keys Karma song
      “What goes around. Comes around
      What goes up must come down………..its called karma baby and it comes around

  24. Bobby
    October 29, 11:13 Reply

    Well…my man mr Dennis just forgive and forget about d shit d guy committed and dont give him any face or do as if u’ve known him before….just so it wont look like anyone is trying to throw a stone on each others glass house…*winks*

    • king
      October 29, 11:30 Reply

      Shebi…! Dennis and other voice of reason and not of Karma biko!

  25. Brian Collins
    October 29, 13:14 Reply

    This revenge plan could really just go south. Dennis might have had some hidden feelings that just might surface in about two months and we’d be discussing a terrible home wreck. # direct supervisor.
    Mrs M pls meet khaleesi for evil ideas incase that ever happens.
    * ok i have said too much*

  26. lluvmua
    October 29, 13:16 Reply

    Lol, rotfl , lmao hehehehehehehehehe hahahahahahahahahahahahhaa dennis u re so evul lolz . I can imagine d look n his face !

  27. Nani
    October 30, 14:52 Reply

    Every mornin i luk 4wrd to d comments not the posts sef….But jst in case dude is reading this…phew

  28. PrudeBloke
    November 09, 15:16 Reply

    Lol …. I love karma and I also try my best not to get in her file … I recently filed a case to our dear mrs karma and I’m sure she will do justice to it .. It might take long but I know I will eventually get a VIP invitation just Like Dennis to witness the drama unfold ***laughs in maleficent tone*** … Gbam!!

Leave a Reply