KD’s Fashion Police Officially Debuts With The AMVCAs

KD’s Fashion Police Officially Debuts With The AMVCAs

Hello my name is John Oceans (very distant relative of Joan Rivers), and today I will be playing judge and jury and serve you my hits and misses from the AMVCA red carpet. This is my first time writing, enjoy and feel free to disagree.

HITS

Screenshot - 3_10_2015 , 8_01_22 AMGenevieve Nnaji: If anyone doubted who the queen of Nollywood is, this picture laid rest such dissension. This lady is a star and is proof that even if you are not born with class, you can acquire it.

Screenshot - 3_10_2015 , 8_03_28 AMKate Henshaw: This is a woman in her 40s giving the 20-year-olds a run for their money. She knocked it out of the park.

Screenshot - 3_10_2015 , 8_04_21 AMTemi Dollface: Only she can pull off such a quirky look. She always makes it work!

Screenshot - 3_10_2015 , 8_05_34 AMEku Edewor: One word – SLAY!

Screenshot - 3_10_2015 , 8_07_06 AMJeremiah Ogbodo: Listen up, men. This is how to do color and not making a jacket out of ludo. This is a man after my fashion heart.

Screenshot - 3_10_2015 , 8_08_14 AMMrs. Dakolo: This lady picked an amazing dress. The color is great for her, the embellishments are just okay and she did not put on too many accessories. She nailed it.

Screenshot - 3_10_2015 , 8_09_15 AMOsas Ighodaro: Okay, I hate this chick because she broke my heart when she snagged Gbenro, who is my boo, off the market. However, Osas brings it on every red carpet, and this dress is perfection. She looked like a mermaid and she had the ultimate accessory – a hot, well-dressed man. Some women do have it all.

Screenshot - 3_10_2015 , 8_10_59 AMFunke Akindele: I am reluctantly including her on the hit list. This is a beautiful dress for a woman in her 40s, and not for a young woman like Funke. The dress ages her, and so does the hair. She is a pretty girl; she should just hire a good stylist, or get a gay best friend.

Screenshot - 3_10_2015 , 8_12_46 AMBetty Irabor: This woman is like wine; she gets better with age. This is a very tasteful look; she doesn’t try to dress young, she dresses her age and manages to ooze class each time.

Screenshot - 3_10_2015 , 8_13_44 AMOC Ukeje: This is the best dressed man at this event! I want to control my thirst, but I can’t, so let me just shut up! OC, please retain the services of whoever put you in this suit.

Screenshot - 3_10_2015 , 8_14_32 AMIyabo Ojo: I don’t even know who this girl is or what she does, but she was my best dressed girl at this event. This is a simple tasteful dress with just enough embellishments. She should have skipped the dropping earrings of course, and gone for stud diamonds, and allow the dress do all the talking. I am sorry, Genny baby, but this girl gave me life.

 

MISSES

Screenshot - 3_10_2015 , 8_15_43 AMNkiru Anumudu: *sigh* With all the money this woman has, she always looks like she fell out of a Harry Potter set. I think this picture can be used to scare children into eating their vegetables, you know, Eat your veggies, kids, otherwise the woman in the picture will come visit them at night.

Screenshot - 3_10_2015 , 8_17_13 AMEucharia Anunobi: I hear she is now a pastor, abi? Surely her congregation can contribute money to buy her a mirror. From the hair to the hideous dress to the make up – Epic fail! It looks like a wild animal will jump out of her clothes any minute!

Screenshot - 3_10_2015 , 8_18_18 AMEniola Badmus: *holds laugh* All the spanx in the world cannot save this one lol. She should learn how to dress as a fat woman, otherwise she will always end up looking like a plate of amala.

Screenshot - 3_10_2015 , 8_19_37 AMKorede Bello: These are the cheapest satin pants I have ever seen. Where does he shop? Under bridge? And Dennis Macaulay, yes I love you, but surely you can buy your boy an iron. If he has to wear cheap satin pants, at least tell him to iron it. That is what daddies do, no?

Screenshot - 3_10_2015 , 8_20_50 AMDenola Grey: Another Dennis’ boy in ‘Akwa oche inspired.” This is an epic fail, it looks like he robbed someone and ripped off their furniture to make this jacket. Dennis, do something about this biko!

Screenshot - 3_10_2015 , 8_22_00 AMDakore Akande: This is a beautiful princess dress, but unfortunately she looks like ice cream served at Cold Stone Creamery; the top is strawberry flavor while the bottom is pineapple flavor. Nne, mbanu!

Screenshot - 3_10_2015 , 8_23_01 AMDenrele Edun: This guy is just an attention seeker so I don’t take him seriously. He likes being in the news, and this is one of his antics. Neeeeeeexxxxxxxxxxt!!!!

Screenshot - 3_10_2015 , 8_23_46 AMDa Prince: Alaba boys, oye! He looks like those rich nna-bobos men who live in Festac, travel to China often, and talk loudly on the phone. This looks like something Kcee would wear; they now shop at the same store?

Screenshot - 3_10_2015 , 8_25_02 AMYvonne Ekwere: Hey look y’all, its RuPaul . . . or not.

Screenshot - 3_10_2015 , 8_25_45 AMBelinda Effah: Somebody must have thought it wise to invite the Yoruba goddess, Yemoja. Oya, let us bow before her o, else you will be childless.

Screenshot - 3_10_2015 , 8_27_09 AMSusan Peters: She is the biggest miss of the night! She looks like a drag queen going to a Halloween party as big bird from Sesame Street. I even read yesterday that she said this was “high fashion”. *holds laugh* She even wore a tiara? #DiarisGodInEverythingWeDo

I had to keep it short, guys, so you don’t burn all your data! I would like to know your best and worst picks each!

This is it until the next time our celebrities play dress-up, and KD’s Fashion Police can storm that red carpet with arrest warrants. Ciao Bella!

Print Friendly, PDF & Email
Previous Empire's Jussie Smollett Comes Out, Says ‘There Is No Closet.’
Next BEFORE I DIE: 7 (The Doctor’s Appointment)

About author

You might also like

Editor's Desk 2 Comments

Lessons Learned From ‘She Called Me Woman’ (Entry 6)

[Click here for LESSON 5] LESSON 6 From the chapter, ‘If You Want Lesbian, Go To Room 24’, RD says: “It has to be an agreement between both of us,

Print Friendly, PDF & Email
Editor's Desk 41 Comments

That Piece About U.S. Support of Gay Rights in Africa Possibly Doing More Harm Than Good

Originally published on New York Times Suspicious neighbors and landlords pry into their private lives. Blackmailers hunt for victims on the social media sites they use to meet others of

Print Friendly, PDF & Email
Editor's Desk 5 Comments

A Crossover Here Comes

If you’ve been a fan of Vhar’s fictional series, then you are family with the different characters in his series, 890 and Pure Black Grey. You know how 890’s Morris

Print Friendly, PDF & Email

53 Comments

  1. Dubem
    March 10, 08:15 Reply

    ‘Dressed like ice cream served in coldstone creamery… Dressed like Yoruba goddess, yemoja…’
    ROTFLMAO!!! This John Oceans, you’re just as bad as your ‘distant relative’ Joan Rivers.

  2. #TeamKizito
    March 10, 08:20 Reply

    Damn! I’d drop my views later (hides KDFP ID card)

    As at now, I can’t! I just can’t!

    Lmsfao!! Rotb!!

  3. Weirdo
    March 10, 08:23 Reply

    OK, am in a public place but I just can’t help it, I can’t!

    lmaooooooooooooooooooooooooo!

    Jisox! Who wrote this abeg! Thanks for making ppl give me he is crazy look!

    I think the best dressed is Mrs Dakolo! Check her out naa! Genny was good but her popularity made everyone notice her!
    Did someone fuck Swanky the night b4 d show? He looks like………never mind.
    Korede and Denola Grey, Like father like Sons!
    Susan Peters……….smh @ you!
    *Singing* Belinda bsby…… Belinda.
    D’Prince……….. Hit and miss artist.
    As for Nkiru, Woman is d queen of d coast that got washed up on a stoners beach!

    • pinkpanthertb
      March 10, 08:24 Reply

      ‘d queen of d coast that got washed up on a stoners beach!’ Hahahahahahahaa!!! Jisox! KDians!

  4. Chizzie
    March 10, 08:23 Reply

    LOOOOOOL!!! Almost dropped my phone cus I was laughing so hard! ur analysis was spot on for the most part, my igbo brothers and sisters were living up to expectations as usual…ndi prince na Eucharia, igbo kwenu! Although I liked Denola’s jacket, and the bitchy look on his face and I thought Funke’s outfit was nice as was her hair. And that Temi -Kini’s outfit was my fave…if I did drag I’d wear that! and the only problem with Betty’s was har face. it looks like its molded from cement- botox much?

    Korede Bello…sigh I mean guurrl? the bitch is clearly still a newbie so she’s forgiven.

    meanwhile Denrele’s case…im sorry, I love him and all but why does he constantly make a buffoonery of not just himslef but gay guys in general. his outfit caused a serious debate at work yst and for once I couldnt defend our gay folk cus of this man. I want to smack some sense into her.

    anyways I hope this FP thing becomes a main stay! PP make it happen!

  5. trystham
    March 10, 08:29 Reply

    Yvonne Ekwere’s cape tho. She shud av left it to the male super heroes

    Frankly, I do think Eniola Badmus wasn’t a miss. She wouldn’t stand out on either extremes. She’s ok.

    Belinda Affah looks divine. The fabric pattern and design is great and it was daring enough to impress me. Hey, I love things African…not so much the porcupine hairstyle buyt it fits d theme

    Susan Peters looks like the angel that got lost bearing the news of Jesus’ birth. She looks right at home at a Deeper Life Retreat

    • pinkpanthertb
      March 10, 08:34 Reply

      LMAO @ the angel that got lost bearing the news of Jesus’ birth. Chai! you mean God sent her first and when she couldn’t find her way, He sent Angel Gabriel instead?

      • trystham
        March 10, 09:34 Reply

        I mean just look at her na. First thing I thot was ‘snow angel’. That white…’thing’ hanging over her shoulders, is that the sleeves or her own version of Mink wrap or what?

    • Ace
      March 10, 12:14 Reply

      Hahahahhahahahahaha! Angel? News of Jesus? Oh no!!!!

    • Verified
      March 10, 17:41 Reply

      And I went back to check on Susan Peters and thinks she really looks like an angel that got lost bearing the great news. Rotflmao… U’re jst so evil…

  6. kendigin
    March 10, 08:32 Reply

    i love eku’s outfit. its amazing what makeup can do. i travelled to uk with her in december- lets jst say this is definitely not the real eku. lol

    Denrele outfit is just disturbing…..

    • Max
      March 10, 09:50 Reply

      She came around the other day in my office… Doesn’t look half as good as she does on red carpet in real life..
      I agree..

  7. #TeamKizito
    March 10, 08:41 Reply

    Oh, God! The analysis from K’Dians ehn…

    Still LMAO!! …

  8. Bobby
    March 10, 08:42 Reply

    Hahahhaha…I just cant ! ..am saving that lady’s pic tho, my kids have to eat their vegetables.

    • Chizzie
      March 10, 09:07 Reply

      u know seeing as u are arguably one of our oldest commenters age-wise, you should excersie some common sense when its required. you mustnt comment, you aren’t compelled to in all cases. So Instead of being curt and downright annoying w this ur “seen” thing uve got going on, do the sensible thing and just not comment. being curt when it isn’t necessary doesn’t make u cool or witty, it makes u look like ur tryin too hard.

      Google “Curt” for better understanding, old man.

      • pinkpanthertb
        March 10, 09:10 Reply

        I said let me ignore all that curtness of his, before i will talk and he’ll retort with something condescending about my admin duties. If you see, you are not compelled to comment, especially when you clearly have nothing worthwhile to say. I’m glad Chizzie brought this up, becos it gives me the mind to say that such curt comments will no longer see the light of day here. If you don’t have any words to string along, don’t comment.

      • Max
        March 10, 09:51 Reply

        Thanx Chizzie.. I thought I was the only one who found it annoying..

      • Khaleesi
        March 10, 10:49 Reply

        Chizzie, you remain my favourite bitch! Thanks for checking that geriatric jungle bunny, @Gad, it’s not compulsory to comment on everything! ! Please act your shoe size!

      • Gad
        March 10, 22:42 Reply

        @ chizzie, I understand the fact that you have the liberty to make any meaning you want out of anybody,s comments or actions. So I give it to you,your assumption that when I say “seen” it was out of want of what to say is understandable. What I find pitiful is that it annoys you and Max. I’m yet to understand how your minds work. Well, I must admit that the you have the right to anger too. However, I find it disturbing that you attribute my one word comment as indiscretion or as you put it ” lack of common sense”. I’m still trying to figure if that’s one of your inalienable rights too. @ Pinky, your response to Chizzie,s outburst and your “decree” that henceforth all “seen” comments will not see the light of the day was shocking and unfortunate in my opinion. Do you prefer comments like “lol”, “hmmmmm”, ” just passing”, “goes back to sleep”, etc. Could you clear my doubts and explain in what ways the expression “seen” hurts you or other members of this forum? Please remember to draw a distinction between “seen,lol,hmmmm, and other one word responses. You will be surprised at the action I will take towards restitution if you convince me that the use of the word “seen” is offensive.

      • Jamie
        March 10, 23:03 Reply

        NB: my failure to explain the reasons for just saying “seen” the times i used them was deliberate.i do not feel obliged to but should the need arise,i will surely give it a thought.

  9. Deola
    March 10, 08:54 Reply

    I’m probably in the minority here but i think Kate Henshaw’s dress was off. It seems like it was made in a haste or something, it doesn’t fit her properly, and the lower part of the gown is just a mess. This dress does that her gorgeous age defying fit body, no justice. Fail.

    Belinda Effah, I think your dress is different and that doesnt always mean terrible, it was a welcome difference, as for that chukuchuku hair that your carrying, fire your hair stylist and get new friends because, people that will allow you to leave the house like this can poison you.

    I thought Dakore Akande was gorgeous. Didn’t see anything wrong with the outfit.
    Korede Bello…do something about that mushroom cloud hair. As for the suit. The less said the better.

    As for Denrele, Susan peters and that chick in the pink cape, y’all realise this isn’t Carnival right?? Okay.

    • pinkpanthertb
      March 10, 09:05 Reply

      LMAO! No, Dee, I don’t think they got the memo.

      Chukuchuku hair… Chai! Hahahaa

    • trystham
      March 10, 09:45 Reply

      Isnor only you o. Nothing’s wrong with the dress but when I saw Katie and I was like “Gurl, dose shoulders are too broad and fleshy for that dress. U working out?” She’d av pulled it off 15 yrs ago

      • Max
        March 10, 09:54 Reply

        I saw the shoulders too..

  10. Eros
    March 10, 08:58 Reply

    Nice work. But when criticizing fashion, you should always try to add corrections. Belinda Effa gave a traditional look in a contemporary way which was quite lovely. Eucharia Anunobi gave this english wicked step-mother look that is divine. Eku Edebor had a Taylor Swift Grammy look. Who better to wear a vintage print jacket if not Denola Grey (With the cheekbones that cut glass). Kate Henshaw looked so masculine! The dress was lovely though. As for Jeremiah Ogbodo, monochromatic is the word you are looking for, the hue is perfect for the red carpet. Temi Dollface gave a classy goth look with the shoes and bag. As much as I love Korede Bello (that child is do gay, he spittle is rainbow coloured) He lacks originality, DM please hire a fashion stylist for your bomboy.

  11. Dennis Macauley
    March 10, 09:16 Reply

    Bia John Streams abi John Lakes your head there! Korede and Denola are loves of my life and they can do no wrong. Nansense
    ***singing godwin***

    • Max
      March 10, 09:56 Reply

      I thought you’ve never listened to it?

  12. saúde
    March 10, 09:22 Reply

    Guess denrele didn’t get d memo, he thought it was Halloween …..bitch be looking like a shekere with mask. he needs Gayvention seriously.
    love funke’s dress…….but she seriously needs a new hair stylist.
    Miss dakolo dress is just splendid……the kind of dress that can change a woman from d kind a man cheat on to the kind a man cheats with.

    • pinkpanthertb
      March 10, 09:24 Reply

      Lol. So true, that last line. The dress gave her a sort of curious mix of classy and slutty at the same time.

  13. JArch
    March 10, 09:24 Reply

    Sweet baby jesus in the gay unicorn… John Ocean you’re just a hot mess for this… Everything you said was spot on

    Me thinks Eniola Baggage oops I mean Badmus and Susan Peters should have swapped clothes. By the way who was Eniola vexing for on the red carpet biko. She looked like she was about to (sweetly) bitch slap someone

    Dakore Akande looked gorgeous, yes it looks like a prom dress and wasn’t really “out there” like Genny et al. But I still think she nailed the look.

    As for Eucharia and Belinda, they would have looked good as part of the cast for Katy Perry’s Dark Horse video…

  14. KingBey
    March 10, 09:42 Reply

    I laughed uncontrollably at this post….I just hope this series or section will continue….but wairraminit ! how come my ever classy Rita Dominic was not on the HITS list? She looked so sweet and classy at the awards. Biko edit this post and include my Rita before I get angry….

  15. Dennis Macauley
    March 10, 10:04 Reply

    But Korede why did you do me like this eh? You have reduced your daddy to an object of ridicule! You shall be punished!!!

  16. iamcoy
    March 10, 10:30 Reply

    I am wondering why Rita Dominic wasn’t included.. absolutely loved the fabric and it did fit her well.
    Dakore looks cool IMO and yea I concur that Busola Dakolo is best on the array.

  17. MaisonMartinMargiela
    March 10, 10:39 Reply

    Something for the fashion enthusiasts who read this blog…Nice! Hope it becomes a thing.
    wish I knew half of these people. This blog reaches an international platform and it’s really entertaining, and I bet the poster meant no foul, but for women like Miss Eniola, plus-sized/curvy or thick would be more politically correct.

  18. Metrosexual
    March 10, 10:55 Reply

    Dear John Oceans,
    If you are an ardent follower of fashion and style, you would understand that fashion revolves..(Things seen in previous years make a comeback)., and then if you are current, the 70s trend are back. This trend was noted with a lot of prints of different textures, cuts, style, and geometry.

    With this said, I think Denola Grey isn’t wrong about his outfit. In actual sense, its one you’d see around anytime soon…

    I saw Yvonne’s dress, and i shook my head. that wasn’t cool atall…

    I think we are all judging Kate Henshaw’s look based on this picture. If you had seen the awards, especially when she came to present an award., I think the dress was just amazing.

    For Denrele, extra-terrestrial is not enough a term to describe what he looks like..

    • Metrosexual
      March 10, 11:11 Reply

      And please someone shld tell Don Jazzy to hire a stylist for his signees, especially korede Bello.

  19. Khaleesi
    March 10, 11:26 Reply

    Lmao John ocean!! You’re amazing and spot on!! Well here goes:
    Genevieve: you oozed and dripped class and sophistication like always! ! **applause****
    Eku Edewor: if you dont look this flawless in real life, then it means you’re blessed with amazing photogenics or you’re damn lucky to have an awesome makeup artist, whichever it is, you rocked!
    Jeremy Ogbodo – looks like one of those hotties i fantasise about way laying when he goes to the bathroom and going all slutty cougar on him …
    Mrs Dakolo: sweet and radiant, amazing dress, great skin, gorgeous babe!!
    Funke Akindele’s dress: respectable, decent uber conventional to the point of being boring.
    OC Ukeje: boy nextdoor-ish look, nothing spectacular.
    Nkiru Anumudu: **clapping*** Grandmaaaa, you should be home sitting in your rocking chair and tucking the grandkids into bed and not vying for the spotlight you shoulda left 25years ago!! Smh
    Eucharia Anunobi: ***sigh*** Nne, stick to thr pulpit , preferably in a cold drab British city…
    Eniola Badmus: Kders have said it all so i wont shoot a single barb@ her besides i have a soft spot for phat girls ***hugs***
    **Korede Bello,hopefully your still growing into a suitable sense of style. Dennis, you have lots of work to do in this boy’s life!
    Denola Grey: cute kid, cant wait to see how he blossoms into a heart throbbing gorgeous specimen of male sexiness.
    Dakore Egbuson: smh, i expected more from you! That baggy/bagsey dress does nothing for the banging body we know you’ve got.
    Denrele: gurlllllllll, ***blows moist rainbow air-kisses**** you was fierce!!! Yasss boo! I admire the guts and courage, but wouldn’t hurt to tone things down a bit, no need ruffling too many feathers, leave these homophobes to stew in their homophobic juices abeg …. we still dey Naija ooo
    D’prince: yup, Chizzie and Max were right! You ooze str8 up Onitsha main market swag! Importa Exporta!! Nwoke m, you HAS the moni!!! ***anticipating a shower of N1000 bills****

  20. kendigin
    March 10, 11:37 Reply

    I like that belinde lady. I don’t know her, but I love her outfit.
    Her stylist is genius. This is what you do when nobody knows you and you wanna break into more popularity. Very African.

  21. Ace
    March 10, 12:35 Reply

    Fashion has got everyone on KD pulling out their gavel. I am dying here!!! God! Someone needs to see me now, I am already misty eyed with tears! Oh Lawd! The post was killing, the comments? Straight out of rainbow hell.

  22. Blue Spice
    March 10, 12:43 Reply

    I’m at work and couldn’t hold my laughter in. But biko, who is Dennis Macaulay?

      • JArch
        March 10, 18:04 Reply

        *hold laff* blue spice he’s that naija boy who has refused to follow his distant relative Jide Macaulay to settle down in the UK and get a decent job, rather than being so jobless with his data and writing a ( supposed Harry potter inspired) diary on KD. Watch out for him tomorrow and see the upheaval that will abound

  23. Sure
    March 10, 12:58 Reply

    I thought Dakore looked beautiful and i love that dress

  24. #TeamKizito
    March 10, 13:53 Reply

    And I am still laughing.. Oh, God..

    Max. Aka ndi Christian mothers? Lmao.

    Chei.. (I miss my mum and her amazing sense of humour.)

  25. s_sensei
    March 10, 15:32 Reply

    Omg! You guyz are just useless. Haba! Not really into fashion but the comments were hilarious! Lol!

  26. posh666
    March 10, 19:41 Reply

    Susana peters really do need a gay best frnd..lmao what a joke beesh is serving ya’ll real housewives of atlanta realnezz..high fashion oshi.

  27. Lothario
    March 11, 13:42 Reply

    Oh gosh! These comments killed me…..Lmao!

    Seriously though, is Susan Peters for real? She always tries too hard every year, But the spotlight is so fleeting. The other time it was that huge flower She called a dress……Chai!

    Nice post John Ocean

  28. Guru
    March 11, 23:26 Reply

    Are you kidding me?!!! Belinda Effah looks amaaaaaazing!!!!!! She’s my best dressed… The person who wrote this doesn’t know jack about fashion ooooo…..or maybe he is too west-centric to appreciate a piece of art she is in that dress. BTW, I think its time people start accessing denrele as a drag queen he is, and not always judge him as the black sheep and condemn him outrightly!

    On a side note our musicians generally suck at looking corporate! Tcheew.

Leave a Reply