The past.

Umoh.

“You have to stop associating with all those people in your life. You’re going to leave all your gay friends if you want to be my pal. You’re going to stop seeing them. You’re going to stop.”

These were the words that came out of Umoh’s mouth. The jerk!

“What?!” I said.

“Yeah, I’m serious. You can’t be friends with me and still be doing this thing.”

“Are you okay?”

“I’ve told you.”

“That’s fine. Keep your friendship na. Do you think there’s an on-and-off switch to this thing?” I sneered around the last two words.

“Kizito, I know you can let go –”

“Yeah, bye.”

Background: We know he’s Umoh and he’s a major jerk. He and I go way back. And in all that time, no atom of pomposity has left this guy. Is he gay? Well, he’s confused.

Internalized homophobia, I believe.

His level of this disease is on a level I can’t describe. He’s the type that thinks there’s a switch to ‘this thing’, and that by dating girls, the gay factor in any man could be reduced to zero.

But I like Umoh – because he’s hardworking, ambitious, focused, successful, sophisticated, smart. Of course you’d like anyone who has these qualities, no?

But that disease – his internalized homophobia sha! Chai! You just can’t overlook the fact that the disease is real in his life.

We had gone on a couple of dates and it was clear we couldn’t have a relationship. Heck, the nigga cannot date any guy. He’d die!

So we made out a couple of times. His scent was intoxicating and his perfectly-tailored suit and… Well, we only made out. What else could we do anyway? That was all.

But one can only stand so much from Umoh. Tch! After that ‘you have to leave all your gay friends and drop the lifestyle’ episode, I dropped his pompous ass.

Umoh always wanted to know about whom I was or wasn’t seeing, the sex I was having and all that. But the same Umoh wanted me to stop seeing these people when he was practically living on my relationships and sex life. So sad.

The past.

Bassey.

It’s not every time you see what you like and somehow what you like likes you back. So when such a time comes, you grab it!

Bassey was dark. I don’t mean dark in complexion. Y’all should know the kind of darkness I’m talking about biko. And that was the attraction for me. His attraction to me? C’mon, who wouldn’t be attracted to me? I mean, really, have you seen me? I was hot then. I’m still hot now. (I know what you’re thinking, stop it!)

Anyway, I just want to gist you about the first and last encounter I had with Bassey Long-face. I call him ‘Long-face’ because I realized he had one and he wasn’t even cute. *tears* I was truly so blinded by the darkness, I couldn’t see jack.

It was a bright sunny day. Visiting day. It wasn’t close at all – his place, I mean. But I got there. Boo-boo was home alone.

I still couldn’t see anything aside the darkness. He looked so good in that dark shade. Everything he said was music to my ears. When the darkness took me in his arms, whoa! Yes, Bassey!

But then things seemed like they were going too fast. Too fast! Some light from nowhere was breaking through the darkness. Chai.

From the parlour to the room, the kissing and touching, more light seeping in. And then, when he pulled down my pants, it was as if someone had pulled down the curtains! Ah! Like I said, things were going too fast. I mean, with my pants down, bare butt showing and dick getting thick, I was thinking: Haba, Bassey, am I a plaything? He didn’t even have the decency to be naked right along with me. And I’m here, doing Amber Rose in your house. Tch!

Ok. Boy, I’m leaving. I have seen the light! First time and last time.

I said to myself, I won’t let things go as fast as that anymore.

But did I stick to that? Did I stick to that?

Written by Kizito

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