K’osidim n’obi (Entry 8)

K’osidim n’obi (Entry 8)

I haven’t seen Alor in ages. He’s been mad at me, angry since I started dating Marv. Since, in his own words, I “proved my oddity beyond all doubt by dating a fellow Bottom.” Saying it out loud now makes me see how cringe-worthy his statement was. Incredibly childish. I’d laughed over his remarks when he made them, thinking it was just him being his usual dramatic self. But the drama has dragged on for the three months I’ve been with Marv. And that – not being in contact with my friend – honestly doesn’t bother me as I’d always thought it would. Weirdly enough, very few things bother me these days – those things that I had thought worth dying for before: a flawless body; an ‘all man-man’, as Alor and I used to tag it; the approval of others. All of these seem so stupid when I look back on them now. Amaka calls it maturity. I just think it’s me finally getting my priorities in order. The stability Marv brought in could be credited too.

Awhile ago, Amaka and I were at a video shoot; there, I met a young girl. Let’s call her Faua. Faua is small, beautiful, so beautiful. I enjoyed dressing her; she is bold and has a body that gave my dresses this strong presence. We talked a lot that day, and I noticed the way she kept staring at Amaka, kept smiling at my cousin. I didn’t think anything of it until I got home tired one evening to find Faua lounging and bantering with Amaka.

“Ah Kainene, you remember Faua,” Amaka called out to me.

I smiled at them. I found this association a bit odd. Why, you ask. Well, Amaka hates hanging out with girls, especially those as beautiful as Faua. At 22, she is vain like that. She only ever hangs out with boys, although I remember the discomfort she always felt around her ex, Biola, because she felt he was prettier than her.

I exchanged pleasantries with the beaming Faua, and then left to get something to eat.

After that day, I began to notice a distance start to yawn between Amaka and I. She began getting extremely secretive, I knew something was going on and it ate at me. We never had secrets.

“Give her time, love. She’ll come around,” Marv would tell me whenever I complained to him, but his soothing voice did nothing to calm me.

Then I was home one night last week. My parents were out of the house. I didn’t even know we had company in the house till I heard a loud bang. I rushed out of my room in time to see a teary Faua rush out from the house, Amaka hot on her heels. Amaka then hesitated at the front doorway and came back into the house looking tragic.

“What was that!” I asked, very bewildered.

“Oh shut up, will you!” she shrieked. “And go back to patching pillows or whatever it is you do in your spare time!”

She swept past me and, with a sharp flick of her wrist, she banged her bedroom door shut. I stood there like a statue, stunned by her aggression, confused by what was going on, and determined to find out what was wrong. I went after her and pushed open the door. Something small whizzed past my ear.

“Go away!” Amaka shouted before throwing the second shoe.

My own anger peaked and I leapt at her, grabbing her hand. “Will you fucking tell me what’s wrong!”

She struggled for a while, and then gave up as a sob escaped her. “I kissed her… I kissed her and she ran away…”

Huh? My head began reeling.

Amaka nodded as though in answer to my voicing out my surprise. “It was just different. I knew I felt something for her but it was just odd. I mean, I’ve always, always liked boys. So then, what is this…” Her face twisted with pain.

“It’s fine. It’s fine.” I held her, unable to say anything else as she cried.

“Now my head is clear, I know,” she said in between her sobs. “I mean, she came out to me weeks ago. I thought I was helping her unwind and be free. I mean, she’s heavily closeted…even worse than you used to be –”

“Hey!” I looked at her.

She smiled through her tears. “You know what I mean joor.”

We laughed for a moment.

“So what will you do? What about Hugo…?”

Hugo was her boyfriend.

Amaka’s face twisted with pain again. “I’m confused, Kainene. This is confusing.” She twisted her fingers in her laps. “I love Hugo a lot, but… Faua is…” She trailed off.

I placed a hand on her intertwined fingers, trying to still their agitation.

“We’ll figure this out together,” I said to her.

She looked hopefully at me.

“We will. Just give me time to think.”

She nodded. “Promise you won’t tell anyone though, for now at least.”

I nodded, not voicing the promise. I knew I had to seek help. I am fucking confused on how to help her. Thankfully, because of her lost phone, I’m not sure Amaka will be accessing Kito Diaries for a while, and that’s why I’m bringing it up here. Hopefully, by the time she gets back on here, this entry would have moved on so far away for her to bother.

Amaka has always been interested in boys. She’s been dating Hugo, who I’m friendly with, for five months. But she clearly has deep feelings for Faua, however confusing they are. I want to encourage her to explore her sexuality, to dive in, but I feel very guilty over Hugo in the picture. For the first time in a long time, I find myself at a loss on how to solve a problem. But I can’t let this on to her. She is trusting me to help her figure this out.

Can I get any help for you guys?

Written by Kainene

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9 Comments

  1. WhoIsUgo
    March 20, 08:24 Reply

    Step 1: initiate threesome with fua and hugo
    Step 2: convince Hugo to like fua
    And they can all live happily ever after

    • iAmNotAPerv
      March 20, 08:32 Reply

      why did I see this coming? Hugo will just view Faua as a sexual being after that. It will just solidify the misconception that all queer women ever do is have threesomes

    • shuga chocolata
      March 20, 09:49 Reply

      we have seen you, now shashey away.

      @kainene tell her it is alright to be different,
      it’s okay to love both Hugo and fuan, but she should learn faun better know her well so as to ascertain if what she felt was Love or Lust.

      if it’s Love then I feel Hugo deserves the right to know.

  2. iAmNotAPerv
    March 20, 08:29 Reply

    Hi Kaniene, long time but that’s by the way. Lemme see if I can help Amaka out.
    Hugo is a nice guy, yeah? I suggest you find out his stance on LGBT. Amaka needs space from everyone. at least a day to soak it in and be logical. She needs to realize that she isn’t straight and accept it then she has to question herself and ask 1) Does Hugo make me feel the same way Faua does? 2) Is my attraction to Faua just infatuation or something more? 3) Faua is in the closet, how would I handle the question ‘are you single?’ 4) Does Hugo really deserve to stay with me? 5) Who would I want to spend the rest of my life with? and the last and probably most important question; Am I really monogamous?
    These may seem like hard questions but the truth is they must be answered logically and honestly, she can’t afford to start thinking ‘oh Hugo is a really nice guy’
    Bisexuality is not easy. It is even harder when a million people are telling you what to do. I was dating a ‘nice guy’ when I met Victoria and fell in love with her. I had to choose, it was hard. Amaka must know that it will be hard. She has ask herself ‘who would I regret more?’
    As her friend, I suggest you package your advice well with a bottle of vodka, a box of pizza and a bowl of ice-cream. Best of luck, K!

  3. KikiOpe
    March 20, 08:32 Reply

    This is wow, just wow! Anyways, what I’ll do if I were in your shoes is to first of all get both ladies together and let them talk. It’s gonna be a bit tough, but You have to try, it’s a gradual process. Besides, It’s not like she did anything Faua wouldn’t want (but hey, what do I know?) I maybe wrong though. Things will eventually fall in place. .hopefully.

    That aside, this one that everyone is just making comebacks so, first it was Vhar with a new series, then “Down low” with a new episode, now this. Lawd, I hope this is a sign that “LASITC” is coming back sooner than we expect? Ehn, Pinky??

  4. Delle
    March 20, 09:58 Reply

    What IamNotAPerv said.

    She should be clear on what she feels for Faua before making any decisions.

    Also Kainene, big-ups for breaking borders and damning stereotypes. Your relationship with Marv is inspirational as it is courageous. ???

  5. Mazi
    March 20, 13:11 Reply

    These things are a t more difficult if you’re female. She may not even heed your advice.

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