Tops are men. Bottoms are women.

Tops are masculine. Bottoms are effeminate.

Tops are dominant. Bottoms are submissive.

Tops are strong and steady as a rock. Bottoms are soft and dramatic.

Tops are the bigger, huskier ones in a relationship. Bottoms are those smaller ones by their sides.

Gender stereotypes have crossed the train tracks into the LGBT lane, and they weren’t driven here by the straight people even. No. It is fellow gay men that perpetuate these ludicrous myths.

When an accepting and curious straight person asks a gay person the question, “So who’s the man and who’s the woman in your relationship?”, it is offensive yet mildly amusing. However, when it’s a fellow gay, it’s downright blasphemous and must be set straight (pun intended). There are two penises involved in man-on-man action, so what’s the deal with people thrusting vaginas into the mix?

Check out below the chatversation that a KDian sent to me, one which he had with a friend of his who is apparently a Top. (This KDian is Bottom and in a relationship, and sought his friend out to talk to about his relationship troubles) Check on it.PicturesPictures1Pictures2Pictures3Pictures4

I read a piece awhile ago where the writer, Donovan Thompson, penned down his scathing objection to the idea of heteronormativity and its applications to the gaybourhood. While writing his piece, he had asked some of his friends about the idea of male-female gender roles being imposed onto homosexual relationships. He learned in these conversations that the formula by which masculinity is determined in relationships resembles one of the primary school math teacher’s indecipherable equations: If fashionable + emotional x Beyoncé = bottom, then football + boot-cut jeans x dirty finger nails = top.

When then happens if you like Britney Spears and booty or football and dick? Now who is the man, and who is the woman? Does the top/bottom role supersede all the other important shit? I don’t know; my head is spinning. Sometimes I feel that the gay community is stuck in some terrible, badly lit porno, written and directed by a closeted married preacher, from which we can’t escape. I don’t like it!

I do know, however, that the decision to be safe and one-dimensional is entirely personal. The need to be tethered to society’s patriarchal norms is a contradiction that limits the ability to just be! Besides, by now everyone knows that the gays are like society’s paintbrushes, bringing color to an otherwise dull existence. What’s the point in being a rainbow and covering up in camouflage to fit in?

But hey, let’s hear your thoughts on this. Let’s discuss genders and what they have to do with gay sex roles.