LETTERS TO MY FUTURE HUSBAND (Entry 4)

LETTERS TO MY FUTURE HUSBAND (Entry 4)

Dear Future Husband,

In my last letter, I wrote about how, after a disastrous attempt at matchmaking me with a narcissistic Top who was obviously looking to hook up, my friends Emeka and Joseph came to my room to talk to me about how they did not believe my dream man existed. Basically, they were telling me to stop looking for you.

As I listened to them, as I felt doubts crowd my mind, I was on the verge of tearing up. I wanted to be alone, to cry myself to sleep, to agonize in solitude at the possibility that everything I’d hoped for in a man was just a dream that never be reality.

Joseph saw the distress on my face and said, “Come with us for brunch in town tomorrow. There’s someone I’d like you to meet.”

I groaned inwardly. Not another one! I looked at Joseph and said, “Just so you know, sex does not bring about a relationship. Your friend” – I turned to Emeka – “is proof of that. And I’m not interested in rebounding from Bernard.”

They both laughed their acquiescence. Then there was no more talk about men. We stayed up the rest of the night, gisting and laughing and shopping online, up until 5am when we fell into an exhausted sleep.

That morning was Saturday. We had breakfast and were ready to go see a movie and tour the town after the brunch.

The brunch was hosted at the rooftop of a club in Uyo. A socialite was introducing his husband to a small gathering made up of friends and friends of friends. The couple are Nigerians who used to live in South Africa. Before then, I’d never seen so many members of the Nigerian gay community in one place in broad daylight. The gathering was mostly made up of professionals and successful experts from different walks of life. There was so much mingling to be done, much interesting people to meet. Like the lesbian couple, Mfon and Eve, who got married in October last year in South Africa, where they are based; Mfon is Nigerian and Eve South African.

And just when I was really enjoying myself in this eclectic company, a friend of Joseph’s, who’d come up to chat with us, turned to me and said cheekily to Joseph, “It will be nice to play your friend’s pitch. His bubble field will be good my Mikel Obi.”

Affront held me instantly still, as I had a Nuel déjà vu moment. What was it with guys and the outright sexual banter after Hello? It wasn’t as if we were on a dating app for chrissakes!

Reacting to the leer on his face, I snapped, “Unfortunately, your Mikel Obi will get lost in my pitch, so there’s no need for you to bother.”

His grin turned cockier as he said, “Well, why don’t we try and see who runs.”

“It’s not happening,” I retorted. “Not in reality, not on your life, and certainly not in your dreams.”

The guy reared back, obviously now picking on my hostility. Then he turned and left, seeking other prospects and leaving me to face my friends’ reproving looks. They stated that they felt I’d been harsh with him. I disagreed. Those kinds of come-ons are for places like Grindr. Right here, in real life, certain courtesies should be observed. How does one not even bother to get to know me, get a feeling of my person, before jumping straight to sex? I’m not engineered to entertain such.

Despite that incidence, the brunch was great, as I took my time to expand my career contacts. I was not going to lose out on both ends; if my future husband was not going to be in the room, then I’d have to make do with future clients. There were a number of them who I talked to, pitching ideas to them, and getting two of them so hooked, they asked for further meets to hear my proposals and quotations.

Eventually, my friends and I, joined by Mfon and Eve, left the party for the cinema, where we saw Assassin’s Creed. From there, at twilight, we joined the lesbians to a homecoming party the lesbian community hosted for the couple. It was such a fabulous party. I danced and drank and for several moments, I wasn’t bothered about anything or anyone. I simply let my hair down for the first time since we made this trip and enjoyed myself. Lesbians do throw the best parties.

By the time we were leaving Uyo on Sunday, I was a rejuvenated man. The insecurity I felt on Friday night when my friends tried to convince me that the perfect man didn’t exist was gone. After observing the love and coupling of our brunch hosts, Kayode and Sammy, and our party hosts, Mfon and Eve, i felt strengthened in my belief that you exist, that you are out there.

All I ask, Future Hubby, is for you to reach out as I am reaching out.

I wait with all my love

Your Bae

Awele

Print Friendly, PDF & Email
Previous The Gay Indian Film, ‘Loev’, Aims to Start a Nuanced Conversation About Rape
Next David McIntosh is the hot gym rat in hilarious new skit

About author

You might also like

Series (Non-Fiction) 36 Comments

THE QUESTION: ARE YOU PREPARED FOR WHAT LIES AHEAD?

I have frequently told my friends that our lives are scripted even before we are born. I am not talking about predestination in the sense of divine influence or anything

Print Friendly, PDF & Email
Series (Non-Fiction) 12 Comments

KIZITO SPEAKS XXIV

I was heading back to Owerri when Kamsi texted me via whatsapp. Kamsi: You don’t take me seriously. Me: How? Kamsi: I want to date you. Me: I already have

Print Friendly, PDF & Email
Series (Non-Fiction) 33 Comments

RANTINGS OF A RANDOM (Gay) NIGERIAN (Entry 43)

I was grabbing a beer with my friends the other day at a bar; we don’t see as often as we used to see (pressures of life, yes?) so some

Print Friendly, PDF & Email

20 Comments

  1. Johnny
    May 08, 06:45 Reply

    You can find husband after shagging Na .
    Ko matter.
    That was how one vexed for me on Grindr bcos I said I am dating. He was trying to talk me into one night stand , I quickly brought his attention to my profile.
    Only few people know being gay is not about fucking.

    • Pink Panther
      May 08, 06:46 Reply

      No offense o, but why are you on Grindr if you’re already seeing someone? #AskingForAFriend

      • Simba
        May 08, 07:14 Reply

        Follow me ask ooooooooo. Na so someone who is dating, answered me that his grinder is just for chatting and meeting. I nodded and agreed as a fool I is……

      • DI-NAVY
        May 08, 07:29 Reply

        Follow me ask oh…..??. Some will say its a harmless flirting ….??

      • ambivalentone
        May 08, 07:50 Reply

        Errr did the developers say it was exclusively an app of sex, for sex and developed by sex crazed individuals who had nothing to think of but where the next shag will come from? #AskingForMySanity

      • Johnny
        May 08, 08:20 Reply

        Was the app only developed for sex?#smh
        I can’t believe this is coming from you.
        I try and find friends I can be chatting with when I am bored.
        PARK well joor

        • Pink Panther
          May 08, 08:27 Reply

          My dear, forget that. There’s the ideal idea behind Grindr, and then there’s the real world. It is called an online DATING app for a reason.

          • Francis
            May 08, 08:30 Reply

            However you put it sha, the koko remains that Grindr is FAMOUS for hookups chikena! It’s about time we look for an app for friendship if that doesn’t exist already.

  2. Delle
    May 08, 07:34 Reply

    With all of these parties and elite social gatherings, future husband might just be intimidated. ?

  3. Francis
    May 08, 08:11 Reply

    Some human beings are just disgusting sha! Well if straight folks can be, so can gay folks. SMH

    Thank God you got to meet peeps that inspired you to continue the search for Mr Right!

  4. Dimkpa
    May 08, 09:37 Reply

    I think this search will continue for a looooooong time… Good thing is the series will last.

    • Francis
      May 08, 12:33 Reply

      Lord of mercy and compassion, look with pity upon Awele. Haba. ???

  5. Mandy
    May 08, 09:42 Reply

    Believe Awele. Just believe. Don’t let the faith in your romance die. After all, Carl and Melvyn is proof right here that there’s the right man for the average gay Nigerian.

  6. Blonde
    May 08, 22:48 Reply

    You went for such a social gathering and you didn’t even get hooked up?…. Future husband might just be farther than you think ?

    • Bryce
      May 08, 23:56 Reply

      SMH

      Y’all just proved it,we’re still stuck in Ezeagu

  7. iAmNotAPerv
    May 09, 08:04 Reply

    Awele, you simply must introduce me to your friends. i want to attend a lesbian party

  8. Pankar
    May 09, 08:39 Reply

    ‘Lesbians do throw the best of parties ”
    Lol

    Keep your dreams alive. Thanks to Kayode and Sammy, Mfon and Eve,

Leave a Reply