LETTERS TO MY FUTURE HUSBAND

LETTERS TO MY FUTURE HUSBAND

Dear Future Husband,

My name is Awele, in my early thirties, a middle-class professional, 5ft 11” tall, with toned skin. I consider my straight long legs that hold up my bubble cakes one of my many outstanding qualities. If you find my ‘no definition’ flat tummy sexy, maybe you can place your head on it as we talk about how our days went. My head, on the other hand, is something that creeps me out sometimes. It’s round-ish, and the hair on it has decided to grow on some parts while leaving some other parts bald. This I don’t like. My eyes are too pronounced, so much so they almost like security lights to me. Just imagine the seriousness of my eye balls and the head that’s housing them… Not as sexy as I would like. I have promised to get that scalp fixed if I ever visit Los Angeles. Doctors Dubrow and Nasif will have a field time restructuring my scalp. I’d also like a little face-lift, fuller eye lashes and small pussycat eyes. And only then will I declare myself Perfect.

You should also know that I work with a foremost media house in Nigeria. I’ve acquired lots of experience, certifications and awards. I used to pride myself as a fulfilled person, but lately, I don’t feel so fulfilled anymore. I feel so alone, underachieving, underappreciated and unsatisfied. I know what you are thinking. It has crossed my mind, believe me. I sometimes imagine slashing my wrists or tossing back some pills and letting the housekeeper discover the gruesome sight of what’s left when she comes in the next morning. Sometimes, I think these things. But hey, no cause for alarm; I am coming out of it. That’s why I have decided to start talking to you about how things are going with me. My thinking is that by talking to you, I can get it all off my chest, all the while hoping that someday, wherever you are, you might consider reaching back to me.

My week started with so much adrenaline pumping in my system. I had amazing analysts on my personality show, and their insights were able to cement my intention of talking to you about my days. One of the topics I anchored on my show was on the rising cases of suicide and dealing with depression. Isn’t it ironic how my audience look up to me for answers when I don’t feel so hot myself?

So the rainy season is inching its way over Nigeria, attempting to oust the unbearable heat that’s been causing us to worry about the welfare of the ozone layer. Because of the rains however, lots of horny men are roaming, seeking human bed warmers. The social media is swarming with hook-ups; not like it’s ever not swarming with hook-ups. Hooking up for sex is something Nigerian gay men can accomplish, much to the detriment of the realness of relationships. If you’re one of them, Future Husband, I do so hope you get it all out of your system by the time we meet, because the walk down the aisle should come with as minimal drama as possible. Don’t you think?

This past week, I attended two of my friends’ birthday parties; one was on Monday and the other was on the weekend. Birthday parties are the best, especially when it’s a brother who’s hosting one. I mean, free drinks and hot men – what better way to start and end the week.

The first party was Okosisi’s, a grad student and lecturer. Just as his name suggests, he is 6ft 5” tall, and moonlights as an editor for some literary blog. He speaks pop culture, even though his sense of style says the exact opposite. But hey, I’m not judging. Over the period that I’ve known him, I have come to classify him as asexual. Seriously! I’ve never seen him with anyone. But he classifies himself as a Top who likes other Tops. I don’t even know what that means. All he does is crush on hot guys from a distance; I doubt if he’s ever even had sex.

At the second party on Saturday, which was hosted by Emeka, the ‘maternal’ one in my group of friends, there were eighteen guests over. Among them was this couple, who were striking in looks and in the way they so unabashedly doted on each other. One of them was like 6ft 2”, had a toned skin and wore this sexy smile that can drop your pants right off your hips, while the other had this lilting voice that made it look like he was singing every time he spoke.

What struck me about their coupling was how free and yet secure they seemed in each other’s company, how so apparently in sync they were – the link of two souls that understand each other even when distant. Every look they shared seemed like a strong communication as bold as words spoken. It was such an enviable connection.

And it gives me hope too. For a gay clime that has community members not believing in the validity of gay relationships, the fact that two such people exist reassures me of your existence, Future Husband. My friends think I’m a hopeless romantic whenever I voice my optimism. They’re such cynics. They think I see too many Hollywood films. They say the love between a man and a woman is a struggle, how much more the love of a man for a man.

But I don’t let them faze me. You exist. I know you do. I mean, there has to be a point of this letter I’m writing to you, right? Right! When the time is right, I know you will make yourself known to me. But don’t take too long, okay? There may be an eternity of romance waiting for us, but we have to start on time to enjoy.

All my love

Your Bae

Awele

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25 Comments

  1. iAmNotAPerv
    April 18, 05:44 Reply

    This is cute really. I love forward to when you find this man you will call yours for an eternity.

  2. Johnny
    April 18, 08:02 Reply

    while the other had this lilting voice that made it look like he was singing every time he spoke.- lol. I can’t just stop laughing, bigot.
    Love is beautiful but can be crazy at times.
    Pink panther well-done o. You didn’t post my story , it has no meaning Abi?

  3. Delle
    April 18, 08:03 Reply

    Na wa o. Seems almost every gay man has attempted suicide or thought about it. You are fulfilled as a young man but having no partner leaves you unsatisfied so you want to take your life? I guess I may never understand the intricacies of suicides.

    Is this like a series? If it is, I’m holding my breath as regards the man you finally call your husband.

    OAN, baldness at 30 is quite scary o. *crosses self*

    • Bryce
      April 18, 10:09 Reply

      No use crossing,you’re on your way there already

      • Delle
        April 18, 14:27 Reply

        That’s a fat lie from Hades.

        • Bryce
          April 20, 00:31 Reply

          D,don’t deny.

          Stand before your mirror,fact is right there staring you in the face.

          What’s wrong in going bald,sef?.
          Would you rather go gray?

  4. Jidenna
    April 18, 08:36 Reply

    This is delicious. I feel I just had breakfast. May your husband is reading this. And at a time it will stop being “Future husband” to “My husband”. Also about depression, hmmmmmph! It seems we are all in it together.

  5. dizzyboy
    April 18, 09:21 Reply

    This is my own version of letter to my future husband…. Biko do and come jor… time is going, being single sucks… especially in dis raining season… I can’t be cuddling my pillow every night…
    sign
    ur single and searching boo

  6. simba
    April 18, 11:21 Reply

    Am feeling all low today, sad, moody, and crying secretly…and i cant pin point what is wrong.. i even wept reading this..

    • Brian Collins
      April 18, 12:38 Reply

      It’s possible you’re feeling moody because you can relate to being lonely.

  7. INDIGENE
    April 18, 13:25 Reply

    Delle.. I am a gay man and I have never attempted suicide. I deal with depression but never considered suicide.

    Nice one awelle.. He would comfort soon.

    • Delle
      April 18, 14:21 Reply

      Thats why ‘almost’ was included. ?

  8. Jerry
    April 18, 13:50 Reply

    Beautifully written! I hope he crosses your path someday. The case of hook-up among Nigerian LGBTQ people is so alarming and disheartening. It sure makes one hopeless at times, but I am glad that people like you Awele truly exist. The most hardest part is the waiting, so keep strong and do not give up.

  9. gabriella
    April 19, 09:02 Reply

    An Applause to you dear Awele, this is something people can relate to and I hope you find that dream guy of yours.?

  10. cedar
    April 19, 10:48 Reply

    Don’t just sit there and hope he finds you; go out there and do some searching. Who knows, he may be standing just outside ur radius waiting 4 ur 1st move.

  11. UC TheMisfit
    April 19, 19:16 Reply

    Nice! This letter reads beautifully. I hope love finds you soon.

    On your feelings of underachievement, do try to remind yourself often of what you’ve accomplished. It would help. Being married or in a relationship isn’t the bow that ties the package. Its just part of the package. Be well, brother.

  12. Hilanzok
    April 19, 20:41 Reply

    Yes, Awele we do exist. we aren’t Utopic, we are existential. We believe in romance, we believe in love, we believe in singularity and monogamy in relationship. people call us hopeless romantic, people say we live in fantasy. But no,we are actually three-dimensional, we live, breath, eat and fuck. we believe that one day that Mr. right will come, we go into every relationship. hoping he is the one, and when we discover he isn’t, we pick up from where we stopped and live on. Awele, we really do exist. and reading your post fortifies my belief, that he is out there waiting diligently and patiently for me, the way I am waiting for him. my prince charming.

    • Ziti
      April 21, 18:47 Reply

      This comment right here gave me life and brought meaning to it! And even the story! Knowing I’m not the only one seen as abnormal…I believe in love and everything in between.
      Like I tell people I meet this is who I am and what I want!you believe join the bandwagon
      I ain’t doing any friend Zone thing and giving you the benefit of a lover no mehn it’s not going to happen…
      A friend remains a friend and a lover is a lover nothing more nothing less!
      I’m an hopeless romantic yes I agree and own the crown nothing more.
      We ok
      We alright.

  13. Dee
    April 21, 00:30 Reply

    I still CANNOT believe there is an active LGBT community in Nigeria
    Where have y’all been all my goddam life

    • Pink Panther
      April 21, 02:43 Reply

      Lol. We’ve been here all along. Now do spread the word of Kito Diaries so others can find out about us too.

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