LIVING THE TRUTH

LIVING THE TRUTH

I have decided to put these thoughts down as writing things down helps me clear my head and I have the comfort of knowing they are safe somewhere. Right off the bat, I would like to state that I understand we all have different stories, different lives to live and different circumstances/ motives especially as it has to do with decisions in life like coming out or the very hot button issue of getting married to members of the opposite sex. What unites us basically is our difference in being sexual minorities. What we do with that reality or how we let it affect our lives is entirely up to us. My intention here is to present a different perspective on some dilemmas we face. What I am about to relate, I have lived firsthand, so I am talking from experience. I have however not conducted or read any studies on the subject; therefore I am not speaking from the point of expertise.

It wasn’t so long ago when the former UK prime minister called Nigeria fantastically corrupt and our president agreed with him. I have also read a viral post written by an expat on his experience working in Nigeria. One of the things that struck me was his conclusion that Nigeria is a truly classless society. According to him, given the same situation, both the elite and the rogue will behave in the same manner when it comes to cutting corners to get ahead or using one’s position for gain. I was reminded of a situation in which I was involved in a debate with colleagues about corruption in Nigeria, the gist of which was if we would take our chunk of the national cake should we attain a position of power. To my dismay that day, everyone, a group of 15 to 20 persons, all accepted that it was inevitable that they would loot albeit to a lesser degree than the crop of politicians at the time were doing. Not only that; they insisted I would do the same when I tried to go against this popular position. As a nation, there exists due to constant exposure this level of acceptance to bending the rules even in the most well intentioned individual.

I have been reminded of these in our recent debates on MGMs. It seems that everything is being done to justify this course of action.  From the societal expectations, family pressures, religious inclinations and more recently, to be better heard when it comes to advocating for gay rights. These are fine and good, given the predicament we find ourselves in. However I feel the discussion needs to be pushed further. I feel that if anyone truly believes himself to be gay, or if one is attracted to members of the same sex, then a decision to marry someone of the opposite sex should be one reached with regret and discussed with a bit of foreboding for the future. However what I have witnessed here seems to be the opposite. People vociferously defending the decision to marry and get into deceitful unions all for the sake of putting up appearances without much thought to the consequence of such actions.

I was and am still being plagued by the issue of marriage. It was a huge worry for me, though not any longer. While in the university, I never had a girlfriend. However few eyes, if any at all, were raised because I was considered one of the good (churchy/bookie) ones. I knew I had a secret but I was safe in that perception of me, because it helped me hide and provided an explanation for my indifference to the opposite sex.  As time wore on however and my fellow brethren also began to pair up, I knew that I could not hide for much longer. I persevered, but the questions started. “When you go call us?” “How come I have never seen you with a girl?” We all know the questions that come from all and sundry: from parents, parents’ agents, friends, colleagues to the ‘who the hell are you people’. I even tried to give in to make my parents happy. I accepted to meet a girl, recommended by them, a girl who was more than willing to make my acquaintance. We went out on a few dates which were okay. It all fell apart when she got perplexed one day and asked why I had not made any move or shown any interest in touching her. I ran for dear life.

I didn’t give in because for one, I had given a lot of thought to getting married and I had decided that the only way I would do it is if I was completely honest to my would-be wife about my sexuality and she still decides to go ahead with it. My reasons for this were many. I felt that for whoever it is I would marry, it would be a huge part of her life too. Women start dreaming of marriage as young girls. They envisage the wedding, the husband, kids and a living family. It is an important decision they have to make and none of them dream of marrying a man who likes someone else let alone a fellow man. I knew I would never have feelings for a wife the way that they would like and I didn’t want to be responsible for ruining someone else’s life except of course I had their permission.

My reasons were not altruistic altogether. I had tried to imagine what my life would be like. I had led what I felt was already a miserable life till then, not being able to be myself and express myself like I wanted. I knew getting married would drive me further away from that. I would have to constantly watch my back, play hide and seek, endure my existence in that union rather than enjoy it. I wouldn’t be able to keep friends who are like-minded or pursue my interests. I would be trapped and in a prison, and this would be till death do us part. I even entertained notions of getting married and then, if I am lucky, she would die in childbirth or a car accident. In my darker moments, I even imagined if it would be possible for me to commit murder and get away with it, and then afterwards, feign that the process of losing my spouse was so traumatic that I wouldn’t do it again. This is twisted, I know it, but it was how much I dreaded the prospect of a marriage to a woman.

Furthermore I felt that if I did get married, despite all that just to please my parents or fit in with society, then I would be living for them not me. The problem I had with that situation was that though they are my parents, they were people just like me. They lived their lives like they wanted and I had every right to do the same. They deserve respect for raising me but not at the cost of my happiness. Besides, they were raised by someone else who I am sure they didn’t always obey. I also imagined how I would feel if I got married just to please them and they eventually died and I would still be burdened with a wife I never wanted in the first place. I would hate myself and loathe her, and treat her with disdain and indifference. I foresaw a situation where I would become mean-spirited and act out just because of the conflict I would feel within me. It was a possibility I could not risk. I felt I deserved better. These have been the main reasons for my decision to remain single or at least only marry a man I love.

Part of what worries me in this debate is that the arguments put forward in defence of MGM are not ideals I believe anyone should aspire to. When confronted with the requisite cheating that goes with MGM, the response is usually “Straight people do it too”. That statement in itself sort of screams being straight is the gold standard and therefore anything a straight person does is what we should aspire to. What immediately comes to mind is the injunction popular with parents: ‘So if he decides to put his hand in fire, you will do likewise?’ Is there no better standard we can hold ourselves to rather than what straight people do. The risks of cheating are well known, and although I am not a fan of monogamy, people should keep the promises they make. And if you vow to forsake all others, please have enough integrity to do just that.

The new one is the recent absurd position that MGM can better speak for gay rights. Firstly, it is a stretch of things to believe that someone who goes into marriage to disguise who he is would then put himself in a position where that facade would be called into question. He or she in my opinion would be more interested in maintaining appearances and avoid anything that would put the slightest suspicion on the image he is projecting. How could that ever be a platform for activism? However, let us assume that this is indeed the case and an MGM does in fact become an advocate for gay rights and the scrutiny that brings exposes the fact that he is gay or he is found to be gay, the effect would be inimical to the gay cause. It would invalidate all progress made by such activism and would make it highly unlikely that any other MGM would enter the fray for fear of meeting the same fate. Where then would that leave us? The greatest activism any of us can do is to come out to people, anyone you feel you are comfortable with. Have one-on-one discussions, ‘evangelise’ with your personality and conduct. Let them see you as a gay guy who is the best person they know. That is how we can change minds, not by engaging in hypocrisy. There is the story of gay men who helped the hyper-masculine, heterosexual men during a strike in the era when Margaret Thatcher was the prime minister of UK. These gay men helped the families of the striking workers by giving them food when they were not being paid, and so an alliance was formed between the gay men and the striking workers. I don’t know this but I can bet that only a few, if any at all, of those miners ever uttered the word “faggot” from that day onwards.

I also feel that we overlook what happens after such a marital union is formed. Then what? We go about our cheating ways? Marriage is not easy. I say this, not from firsthand experience but, from observations of married family and friends. In this situation, we would not have even the opportunity of enjoying make-up sex when things go wrong. There would also be the apprehension of what happens when she finds out. Women are not daft or stupid; they know when their husband is up to tricks and once their suspicion is aroused, they will investigate. Now that homosexuality is no longer a hidden subject, male friends will be scrutinised as well as the female ones. All the technology around will help this inquiry – browser history, activities on all sorts of accounts for example, and even when one is careful, the actions you take to hide your tracks will also be suspect. That text you read during dinner and your face looks as guilty as that of a child caught with his hand in the cookie jar, or suddenly putting your phone face-down when before it was facing up, or always having your phone under lock and key, to mention but a few. Even if you manage to evade all these, what of when you fall asleep and your phone happens to be unlocked or unbeknownst to you, she already knows your password (I have heard a story of a guy who was found out because his wife asked his children for his password), or even less innocuously, a notification comes up on your locked phone screen and she sees it. The possibilities are endless and these are for people who are not tech savvy. Is putting up appearances worth living a life constantly plagued by anxiety of being found out? Who better to find out than the constant companion you’ve acquired for yourself? I once heard a straight guy’s remark during his wedding that he had gone and acquired a referee for himself. It will not be different for a gay man and the stakes are higher. Marriage is serious business and if we complain that we are being stifled by society, how much worse would it be if there is an agent of the society that is constantly by our side.

I bet some imagine that being married would somehow put the conflict within to rest. However, if the stories of Caitlyn Jenner and Ray Boltz are anything to go by, it just doesn’t stop. These are men way beyond their golden years who have not been at peace because they did what was expected of them and not what they wanted. For those who may be wondering, Ray Boltz is a gospel artiste who won awards for writing some really inspiring gospel songs, one of which I remember murdering on one occasion. He was married and had children, but at 52, he left his wife and subsequently came out as gay and now lives with his partner.

It is true that there are pressures all around and it is difficult to cope. However, I feel we should hold ourselves to higher ideals than that we find around. Honesty and courage to live our truths in the face of adversity. It is possible to shun the path of least resistance and decide to live on our terms. Common wisdom says ‘if you can’t beat them, join them’; I would rather say ‘If we can’t, we can stand alone or come together to help each other.’ Let us buck this trend of cheating and lying and doing anything that goes just to achieve what goals we have been conditioned to think we should achieve. I think we should aspire to nobility and live authentic lives fuelled by our knowledge of what we know to be true, just and good. We can hold ourselves to higher standards than we find around us, and even if no one else appreciates it, we should – like the proverbial lizard who fell from a tree and survived – do so ourselves. We’ve only got one life to live and when it is done, who do you think would be happier and more content: the man who lived his truth or the man who lived in misery for the benefit of others?

One of the gems of truth in the bible is the injunction to do unto others as we would like them to do unto us. Going by that, how many of us would be happy if a gay man married our sister? Yet that is the same fate we want to inflict on other people’s sisters or relations. I think we should look beyond ourselves in this argument and do what is right. I must say that it has not failed to escape my notice that it is the people who vehemently defend their religion that are the ones most in support of getting married, saying the oaths involved before their God and then go ahead to break such oaths without the slightest guilt.

Come on people, we can do better than this! We can’t keep blaming society and what-not for decisions we make because it is ultimately our decision, no matter the pressures.

Some, I believe, may think they are not strong enough, which is true. It will have its costs in terms of relationships with family, friends, careers and what-have-you. But I believe happiness will lie in being true to oneself. A lot of songs have been written about living life on one’s terms. However it is a poem that comes to my mind anytime I consider how best to live my life in the face of all the challenges being gay brings. It is titled Invictus, written by William Ernest Henley, and is one many of us might already know.

Out of the night that covers me

Black as the pit from pole to pole

I thank whatever gods may be

For my unconquerable soul.

*

In the fell clutch of circumstance

I have not winced nor cried aloud.

Under the bludgeoning of chance

My head is bloody, but unbowed.

*

Beyond this place of wrath and tears

Looms but the Horror of the shade

And yet the menace of the years

Finds, and shall find me, unafraid.

*

It matters not how strait the gate

How charged with punishments the scroll

I am the master of my fate:

I am the captain of my soul.

Let us be our own masters, live according to our own rules and make our own special type of music.

Written by Dimkpa

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63 Comments

  1. Jo
    September 10, 06:40 Reply

    This is one long piece. Oya, the leader of the opposition may speak now…

  2. wytem
    September 10, 07:12 Reply

    Some people genuinely want to marry women….. Don’t take it away from them. You voiced YOUR truth not theirs. Yea I know some people marry to cover up and I am not in their defence but pls understand that your truth isn’t everybody else’s.

  3. McGray
    September 10, 07:18 Reply

    Long. I have nothing against marriage personally. I have been dreaming about marriage since 15 sef, lol.

  4. Kenny
    September 10, 07:37 Reply

    Gay people should be able to choose to marry whether it’s right or not. They’ll be the one to bear the ‘consequences’ if there’s any. To each his own. Your truth may not be another person’s truth.

    Dennis, come and defend your advocacy stand…. again!

    • Delle
      September 10, 11:35 Reply

      Sorry, what truth exactly? The truth that a GAY man (a man sexually attracted to the same sex) should get married to a woman? Is that the truth?
      You are saying they should be allowed to get married to women whether it’s right or NOT? Did you read this after you typed it down? How can you want to justify something that’s screaming WRONG and INCORRECT? If everyone is having this notion, then what’s the use of fighting for our cause? Let’s all relax and bury the rainbow flag then, whether it’s right or not…

      The things we say just to defend our stance sometimes

  5. Arabian Princess
    September 10, 07:59 Reply

    I even entertained notions of getting married and then, if I am lucky, she would die in childbirth or a car accident. In my darker moments, I even imagined if it would be possible for me to commit murder and get away with it, and then afterwards, feign that the process of losing my spouse was so traumatic that I wouldn’t do it again.

    I sometimes think like this too…

    That statement in itself sort of screams being straight is the gold standard and therefore anything a straight person does is what we should aspire to. (I just had to quote this cos it sounded Chimamanda-ish)

  6. pagxy
    September 10, 09:05 Reply

    Hmmmm to each his own o.

  7. Mike
    September 10, 09:49 Reply

    #Changebeginswiththem.

    Let them (the SUPREME COURT OF NIGERIA [THE 21 JUDGES {INCLUDING THAT WOMAN-JUDGE THAT KNOWS HER HUSBAND LIKES MR. PENNISES} OF THE APEX COURT]) review the GAOL THE GAY LAW, LEGALISE CIVIL UNION &DOMESTIC PARTNERSHIP…AND WAIT…AND SEE…EKO HOTEL AND SUITES WILL HAVE A GAY MARRIAGE RECEPTION EVERY 72 HOURS.

    WHAT AM I TYPING SEF?

    • Pink Panther
      September 11, 00:53 Reply

      Lol. Yes please, what are you saying? Woman judge who knows her husband likes penis? 😀 Tell me more.

  8. Nel
    September 10, 09:54 Reply

    The thought of “marriage” gives me creeps.

    This piece is enlightening. It could very well be a standard for self reevaluation. However, the choice of a “personal” truth might not mirror your (Dimkpa) opinion. The best personal decision will be made though.
    One thing I agree with though is that if I’ll ever marry a person of the opposite sex, she has to know and come to terms with it. Then we’ll work out our “monogamy”.

  9. IBK
    September 10, 09:56 Reply

    It’s like dimkpa just dumped everything on my mind into this piece from not being happy while being married to the thinking that married gay men hold the key to and/or are sacrificing something for lgbt freedom.

    But still some people still hold on to what I think is the delusion that they want to get married to females.. And you’re gay? The amount of mental gymnastics it will take to reach this state of mind I’m not ready to perform.

    • Justme
      September 10, 12:43 Reply

      Women look for many things in a spouse and often the most important is not love. Many want a good father for their children. Security is another big one and it you find a woman for whom these things are more important, your sexuality might not matter as much. It wasn’t a deal breaker in my case and I’m sure I can’t be the only one.

      Past a certain age (45+) gay life can be very lonely indeed especially as ‘fun’ becomes less fun and we begin to desire a greater meaning to life. Parenthood can be a very fulfilling part of ones life at that stage. It has been for me and it’s THE reason the mother of my children and I got together. She has, or should have, no expectations out of the relationship beyond companionship and coparenting – since she knew going into this that I’m a gay man – and this is working out ok for us so far.

      For those that want to marry for children, I encourage you to do so in honesty and save yourself the anguish and ‘mental gymnastics’ that comes with pretending to be which you are not.

      • ambivalentone
        September 10, 14:06 Reply

        The only truth, that didn’t make women out as weak-willed, emotionally desperate and dependent beings, I saw in the whole of this comment is the part where loneliness gets acute with age. Other than that…I reserve my other comments

      • Delle
        September 10, 14:29 Reply

        “Women look for many things in a spouse and often the most important is not love. Many want a good father for their children. Security is another big one and it you find a woman for whom these things are more important, your sexuality might not matter as much. It wasn’t a deal breaker in my case and I’m sure I can’t be the only one.”

        Sorry, what are you saying? You sit and generalise that most women do not want love? Sigh. In changing times like this where feminism is taking the reins in most discussions, where women are out there becoming individuals and people that matter, you think she needs your security over your love and affection? Puhleeze, don’t think you are talking to nursery school children. I’ve seen what a loveless marriage is like. It’s all around me. Men getting married for children and not love, that’s not marriage. Except the woman is the one who gave you the go-ahead to lure her into the Institute of Endurance (nd not marriage, clearly like in your case), don’t go about spewing gibberish. Good for you to have found a woman who knows you’re gay (that’s if you told the truth), but they are hard to find. Not in Nigeria where majority is against homosexuality.
        That a woman is looking for just someone to be the ‘father of her children’ and not looking for a good husband? What is she? The MGM scape-goat? In an attempt to voice your opinion, you typed a lot of ludicrous things.
        Smh.

        Then you say after the age of 45, ‘gay life’ becomes a bore. The ‘fun’ stops being fun? Wtf! Who says this? Are you shitting me right now, Justme?
        So there’s ‘gay life?’ ‘Straight life?’ Is that what you view your sexuality as? A temporal life that would soon fizzle away and then you stumble into the ‘real life’ where you want something genuine? Jeez, I can’t believe this. So much IH dancing around.
        Just letting you know: Being gay isn’t a phase. You CANNOT get tired of being who you are except of course, you were always confused on who you are from the get-go. There’s no ingenuity in being gay. In being what you are. There’s no such thing as fun! One’s lifestyle is a conglomeration of all sorts; fun, highs, lows, turbulences and triumphs. You are not a gay man to have fun. This is no party. Being gay isn’t an occasion.
        What’s the genuine life you speak of? Living a lie? Telling yourself a lie for the rest of your life? Many gay men are great parents, so much more than the regular straight parents. So much more than you think!

        Marriages are failing these days because people are coming to realise that having the notion that children are the only prerequisite for getting married is a wrong one. What happens when they finally grow up and leave you? Then it’s just you and your spouse (wife)? What happens when the one thing that kept you two together isn’t there anymore? Do you think being married has ‘cured’ you of your gayness? Pls, let’s try to be rational in our thinking. Don’t just say things because they suit you and your predicament.

        • Kenny
          September 10, 14:34 Reply

          Before you come out guns a blazing try to read and understand people’s comments/pov.

        • Edo
          September 10, 16:42 Reply

          Mr Delle, must you insult people? how old are you? can you not pass your opinion without insulting people? repulsive.

          • Delle
            September 10, 20:24 Reply

            @Mr Edo…firstly, I do not understand how my age came to be in this. Also, where did I insult his person? If attacking his comment is now insulting (something that’s been ongoing for God knows how long in this blog), then I’ve got nothing to say to you.
            Y’all should just face issues and leave DELLE ALONE!

            • Edo
              September 10, 21:32 Reply

              Well, Delle you sound immature and dramatic honestly. The fact that people have cat fight does not make it right. be the change you want to see in the world.

        • Justme
          September 11, 01:32 Reply

          Mr. Delle, the jury is still out but so far it appears that despite all the ‘love’ and ‘truthful living’ gay marriages are not lasting any longer than straight ones ?. Like the author said, marriage is hard and I imagine we shall all learn pretty soon that gay marriages are no different in this regard.

        • Brian Collins
          September 11, 18:09 Reply

          Delle, sit your silly ass down and shut up!!! I have said it before that you try too hard, and this just confirms it. Just shut up!!! Get to 45 and come back and talk, maybe I’ll listen then.

      • IBK
        September 10, 16:57 Reply

        At least we can agree that you didn’t marry because you wanted the woman. You wanted kids. You were just lucky(?) to find someone who didn’t mind.

      • Pink Panther
        September 11, 00:56 Reply

        Werreminute, Justme is an MGM? 🙂 Broda, you no talk since. Care to supply us with any stories? 😀

        • Justme
          September 11, 04:34 Reply

          Broda, I don’t think I fit neatly in that box. If I had to choose, it would probably be the ‘it’s complicted’ one ?. In a way, we are all making it up as we go through this thing called life so let’s learn from and not trash each other’s choices.

          • Pink Panther
            September 11, 05:41 Reply

            Hey, I’m just here for the stories that narrate the different experiences of individuals in the Nigerian LGBT community. 😀 Can I send you a mail on this one attached to your pseudonym?

  10. Canis VY Majoris
    September 10, 09:59 Reply

    *Bookmarking this article for the days Gay Marriage is reconsidered to be Legalized in Nigeria*

    • Pink Panther
      September 11, 00:59 Reply

      How many years do you think that bookmark will survive? 😀

  11. Francis
    September 10, 10:03 Reply

    ??????

    These your dark thoughts have me reconsidering my stance on the matter.

    • Pink Panther
      September 11, 00:58 Reply

      To be honest, me too. After reading this piece, Dimkpa had me swaying on my fence. lol. But he tried it.

  12. pete
    September 10, 10:17 Reply

    This came from a deep personal space. Live YOUR truth, it’s the best gift you can give to yourself.

  13. pete
    September 10, 10:23 Reply

    “The new one is the recent absurd position that MGM can better speak for gay rights. ”

    I want to believe that this came as a result of DM’s rantings. Doubt that was what DM intended. He said what harm will come out of it if married heterosexuals and/or MGMs joined in the advocacy for the recognition & decriminalisation of same-sex unions in Nigeria?

    • Absalom
      September 10, 12:01 Reply

      There are already many heterosexual people who support LGBT rights; they are called straight allies.

      What do we call members of our community who present as straight to fight for our dignity? Straight allies too? They are not straight! And that’s where Dennis’s proposition doesn’t work. The examples Dennis gave are equivalent to the Bronte sisters writing under MALE pseudonyms to prove to the publishing world that WOMEN can think and write and be taken seriously.

      I don’t think anyone gets married to prove an activist point. What then happens after your point is made? You break up the marriage? Well, that might work if your opposite-sex partner was aware of this plan from the beginning – but as we’ve come to see, this is hardly the case.

  14. bruno
    September 10, 10:28 Reply

    i was reading this article and hoping it was not written by dimpka. or chuck. or ambivla…. hoping that there is at least someone else who feels strongly about these things besides the usual suspects…

  15. Delle
    September 10, 11:30 Reply

    Oh my God, this is IT. I had a smile on my face while reading this. Every point raised, on point. All premises in sync with one another.
    Dimkpa, you said it all! God, I love your brain.

    P.S: I’m sure this post is for MGMs and not MBMs.

  16. Kamal
    September 10, 13:34 Reply

    Damn! Dude ain’t got chills… This is one of the few, Truest pieces I have read or heard. Every sentence mattered, every line cutting deep and the message and theme(s)- timely.

  17. Sinnex
    September 10, 14:23 Reply

    … another long piece of crap.

    If you don’t want to get married to a lady, nobody cares! I don’t know why you guys keep hitting on this issue repeatedly.

    It is okay for one to be gay, suck dicks, screw asses, despite the fact that the society frowns at it. Yet, when it comes to gay or Bi men getting married to ladies, ndi KD would be the first to cast the stone.

    The hypocrisy of people who comments on this blog stinks to high heavens. If only some people would practice what they preach, then the world would have been a better place.

    I might have taken some of the comments here serious…if it was this time last year…now I know better!

    If you don’t want to get married to a lady, what is your business if someone decides to marry one? Are you the lady? Or are you the one doing the marrying? Sometimes I just don’t understand how some people think.

    Some people make it seem as if getting married to a guy is the ultimate, as if the marriage would be to cure to their depressed state or maybe it would be Uhuru when one gets married a guy. Or maybe the partners would be faithful.

    Once again, this is a long piece of crap and it would be wonderful if you would invest your time and energy in contributing to the myriad of challenges facing the LGBT community and the Nigerian state at large.

    • Delle
      September 10, 15:05 Reply

      Umm Sinnex, you do know this whole thing you typed is just as crappy as you summed the post up, right?

      You are bisexual so I do not even know why you come in here and try to put the gays in your canoe also. You wanna get married to a woman because you feel something for them. This post talks on gay men getting married to the opposite sex. The two are so uninclined.

      And what’s all that about sucking dicks and asses? So now you compare the sex life of gay men to their every day lives as humans? You think being gay is all about dicks and asses? For someone who’s been here for a long time, that’s disappointing. How small-minded of you.

      “If you don’t want to get married to a lady, what is your
      business if someone decides to marry one? Are you
      the lady? Or are you the one doing the marrying?
      Sometimes I just don’t understand how some people
      think.”…
      I don’t want to believe you were clear-eyed whilst typing this joined sentences of bullshit. Sweetheart, that doesn’t even make any sense. So because we aren’t the women, we should justify a lie? Because I’m not the one putting on a black tuxedo on that altar, I should nod my head to a lifetime of untruth? This speaks so much of what you think marriage is.

      Your whole comment shows that even as you’re a bisexual man, you aren’t getting married for the right reasons. And don’t play the ‘it’s not your business’ card here. If you keep playing that card, I wonder why you succumb to society’s whims then. I just wonder…

      • Sinnex
        September 10, 15:33 Reply

        Young man, go and suck a dick or sit on something.

        You have succeeded in confusing yourself. Can you direct me to a link where someone differentiated between a MBM and MGM. Even if one wants to differentiate, how are they going to know which is which. How will you know who is MBM or MGM. I don’teven have time to argue about the differences. All I know is that MGM and MBM are all the same. So, stop trying to be politically correct.

        Also, for you small mind you are now Voltron, Defender of the bottoms and women in pain. I hope you know just did what you were accusing me of doing.

        You said this “You are bisexual so I do not even know why you come in here and try to put the gays in your canoe also. You wanna get married to a woman because you feel something for them. This post talks on gay men getting married to the opposite sex. The two are so uninclined”.

        Then you said this “I don’t want to believe you were clear-eyed whilst typing this joined sentences of bullshit. Sweetheart, that doesn’t even make any sense. So because we aren’t the women, we should justify a lie? Because I’m not the one putting on a black tuxedo on that altar, I should nod my head to a lifetime of untruth? This speaks so much of what you think marriage is.”

        Let me break it down for you, you want me to keep silent because I am ‘Bisexual’ and this post is just for the gay guys, then in a few lines you say that you won’t keep quiet because you are not a woman and bla bla bla. Guy, or should I call you Princess Fiona, Mehn, you just gave me a massive migraine.

        My last words for you is to, sit down, wear your glasses, then read the post and my comment again, this time, read is slowly, I guess you would understand by then.

        • Delle
          September 10, 15:48 Reply

          Sigh. For one thing, this comment just made me laugh. Defender of bottoms? Really Sinnex, really? Smh.

        • Delle
          September 10, 20:21 Reply

          “You have succeeded in confusing yourself. Can
          you direct me to a link where someone
          differentiated between a MBM and MGM. Even if
          one wants to differentiate, how are they going to
          know which is which. How will you know who is
          MBM or MGM. I don’teven have time to argue
          about the differences. All I know is that MGM
          and MBM are all the same. So, stop trying to be
          politically correct.”

          MGM- Married Gay Man
          MBM- Married Bisexual Man
          Are you saying, from your above statements, that being gay and being bisexual are the same? Are you saying that a man who is attracted to just men and a man who swings BOTH ways are one and the same thing? Lol.
          This is interesting.

          • Keredim
            September 10, 20:36 Reply

            Delle, look at it this way…..

            An angry mob of Nigerians looking for some “sexual deviant” to slap around and set alight in the street. Do you think they will stop for a second and consider if the person about to be suya-ed, is MGM or MBM?

            I think that is what Sinnex is saying….They are all about to be skewered. Now is not the time to be splitting hairs.?

      • IBK
        September 10, 17:14 Reply

        “It is okay for one to be gay, suck dicks, screw asses, despite the fact that the society frowns at it. Yet, when it comes to gay or Bi men getting married to ladies, ndi KD would be the first to cast the stone.”

        Almost all gay men doing the sucking and all are doing it consensual unlike those who don’t let their intending brides be aware of what they are getting into.

        “If you don’t want to get married to a lady, what is your business if someone decides to marry one?”

        Let’s use this anology: if you dont want to be a terrorist What’s your business if someone decides to be one?
        There is nothing wrong with seeing something wrong and speaking up. And pray tell What’s the point of all this if in the end we are going to end up with brides and extra fortify our closets?

        I will forever advocate pointing out that there’s a road less travelled; that there is another option. Keeping quiet isn’t an option if progress is to be made in any way. That’s why I feel this is something that should be discussed over and over again. Not because of trying to claim moral high ground cause I’m in no position to do so but because People need to know that there is another way and that they aren’t alone in feeling trapped by society’s standards. That there are others out there willing to fight for their truth.

        • Peak
          September 11, 06:01 Reply

          “That’s why I feel this is something that should be discussed over and over again. Not because of trying to claim moral high ground cause I’m in no position to do so but because People need to know that there is another way and that they aren’t alone in feeling trapped by society’s standards. That there are others out there willing to fight for their truth.”
          ——————————————————————————-
          This is the only thing that made sense to me in all of comments I have read so far.

          • Keredim
            September 11, 11:10 Reply

            Correct.

            But its hardly ever a discussion is it? Just an opportunity for MGMs to be raked over the coals, without a shred of willingness to listen to, or understand the reasons for the choices they made.

    • Brian Collins
      September 11, 18:13 Reply

      Uncle Sinnex cool down fes na. He did say it was his own truth. Delle, shut up still.

  18. Osas
    September 10, 23:23 Reply

    Dimkpa, you did a good job, you were awesome with your piece, attentive to details and connected ideas, you told your story right and clearly. For Simmex, Edo and Justme, you have a duty to walk your talk, sincerly bisexuals are still the most confusing thing on earth. My own is that after this piece of the most sublime gay truth, a gay man should know his has no business dating or having sex with either an MGM/MBM.
    You Dimkpa, proved you are worth your name today!

    • Brian Collins
      September 11, 18:21 Reply

      And then the dumbest of dumb and dumber strolls in. After everything on KD, you can still type rubbish that “sincerly bisexuals are still the most confusing thing on earth.” Abasha!!!

      • Osas
        September 12, 16:06 Reply

        Mr Collins I accept that am dumb, maybe its because I don’t understand bisexual, I never said that statement in generalization, I meant that to myself personally that’s bisexuality is the most confusing thing to me, but then thanks for the insult, you must know am young am still learning, its in your place as an elder to correct and reprove if necessary, but if you want to insult people, go on then we will get an elder another day.

  19. Truth
    September 11, 17:33 Reply

    ????????????????????????????????

  20. Dim
    September 12, 13:12 Reply

    Nobody is perfect and nobody deserves to be perfect. Nobody has it easy, everybody has issues. You never know what are going through. So pause before you start judging, criticising or mocking others. Everybody is fighting their own unique war.

    Open minded people do not impose their beliefs on others. They just accept all of life’s perspectives and realities doing their own thing in peace without judging anyone.

    Anonymous.

  21. Lord Naughtiness
    September 13, 02:58 Reply

    Sometimes I just see comments on KD and I just laff, a while ago someone told us that being gay has taught him to put himself in people’s shoes before judging and everybody agreed with him.. Not everyone is as brave as u, u think it’s easy when people start asking y u are 40 and unmarried.. Its not easy, other people get really lonely and decide to marry.. I don’t think its fair to be judgy when it comes to MGM or MBM as the case may be…. Being a gay man in Nigeria is not easy and it just sucks when people who u think u share something important with can’t and won’t understand u… If u can’t understand a gay man how do u expect the heterosexual community to understand u… And I find it very immature to insult or call people’s post crab… With that being said, if a gay man cannot take the pressure anymore and get married, be understanding, don’t come here and crusify him…???

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