MONEY DOESN’T BUY EVERYTHING

MONEY DOESN’T BUY EVERYTHING

He looked very moneyed. His cologne was easily the richest I’d ever perceived; it had to be a mixture of the rarest spices. His house looked like he had successfully robbed a bank and spent his loot on the erection of the structure. It was magnificent.

I knew from the moment we exchanged pictures online that there was a possibility he’d be affluent; it was evident in the luxury of the backdrop of his photos. Having money wasn’t a requirement for me to be interested in a potential hookup, but it was a very welcome attribute.

And Marvin was looking better and better as a potential lover because of his money.

I slowed down my stride as he ushered me into the living room. I would have teared up right then at the intensity of the living room’s beauty and the realisation of what money can do if such an unprovoked behaviour wouldn’t freak him out.

“You live here alone?” I breathed out, my tone almost reverent.

Damn it! The ostentatiousness of his house was taking my breath away.

He chuckled and inclined his head in that way one did when he was aware of his good fortune and had taken it in stride.

So, we were now in his house and I was seated, making myself as comfortable as I could be in the palatial residence of a thirty-four-year-old man who I’d gotten acquainted with on Grindr. After he handed me a glass of water which I’d asked for instead of the wine he offered, we chit-chatted for awhile. Funny how I even decided against my principles to meet this guy in his own home. This is majorly because, staying in Abuja with my aunt, her husband and four kids automatically means I no longer have the kind of privacy I enjoy at home. Another reason is where he stays. Maitama was not marked as a danger zone in the recent kito areas publication made public by the concerted efforts of Grindr, TIERs and Kito Diaries. However, that notwithstanding, I made sure he came to pick me up at a place I picked myself.

Before long, he’d snuggled closer to me and was nuzzling my neck with his lips, eventually moving his mouth up to capture my lips in a kiss. The sudden intimacy was such that I forced myself to remember that this was a hookup and not some fancy date.

With some effort, he stopped his smooching and stood up. The question was obvious. I stood as well, and he led me to his bedroom, yet another opulently decorated area of his house. Once inside, he lifted me like I weighed no more than a sac of feathers and dropped me on the bed. We resumed our kissing, lips melding, tongues dueling, occasionally breaking apart to inhale and exhale.

Then he got up and pulled off his knickers.

No. First he removed his polo shirt before his knickers. I didn’t pay attention. I should have paid attention to his briefs, you know, the crotch area, which is usually a turn-on to view when one is wearing briefs. But I didn’t, seeing as I was busy undressing.

Then he pulled down the briefs, and eyes clapped on to what made my jaw drop open.

WTF!

So there was something money couldn’t buy after all!

I was staring at his manhood, and it looked like…like…

“This was certainly not my dickspectation, Marvin,” I finally croaked out.

He looked down at himself briefly and said, “Sorry?”

I cleared my throat. Probably, my vocal cord was being obstructed by shock. And then I said more clearly, “I wasn’t expecting this as regards your dick.”

“I told you I was small, didn’t I?” He sounded defensive.

I nodded. Acknowledging that he did made me even more annoyed. “Yes, but you didn’t say it was microscopic though,” I snapped. “This is smaller than my nail cutter!”

He winced. I realized that must’ve hurt, but fuck him, I was hurt as well.

“That’s what made me feel lucky to have landed you,” he said. “You made it clear during our chat that you didn’t like big dicks. Why are you being insulting?” His voice had climbed.

Before a hookup, I always let the guy on the other end know about my reservations regarding big dicks. Most people think all gay men (read bottoms) worship at the altar of the Cutler X brand of dicks. Well, I worship them…from a safe distance! And except love is involved, and I mean the Rose and Jack kind of love, I’m not subjecting my sphincters to such strain, thank you very much.

And so, during our chatversation, I told Oga this and he was delighted. Too delighted in fact – and this should have made me suspect something. But I didn’t. He’d gone on to tell me he wasn’t big and was quick to add that he knows how to use his not-big dick well. He’d also said he was versatile, and so, the entire package he’d presented of himself had ended up here, in this moment, with me staring at the stub stretching down between his thighs.

“I’m being insulting?” I retorted, inflamed. “You should have told me you had a pinkie. How’s that for insulting?”

I made to get up, anger and disappointment roiling inside me, and then I sat back down with my face in my hands, mentally calming myself.

He’s a good man, he’s a good man, I was saying to myself, willing myself to be stable and think and not cause irreparable damage.

When I raised my head after some minutes, I saw that he was seated on the settee just opposite the bed, his own resentment scripted on his face.

“Is…was it hard then?” I asked.

“Huh?” He looked at me.

“When you pulled off your briefs earlier, was your dick hard then?”

I saw the reluctance on his face, the unwillingness to answer, which was in itself an answer.

I sighed. Jeez!

“It is okay, Marvin.” I tried smiling, willing my humane side to trump my disappointment. Then I got up from the bed, walked up to him and squatted so that I was looking up at him. “There are things you can do, you know.”

“Dick enlargement?” he said.

I nodded.

“They have side effects.” He looked away from me.

“I don’t know about that but I think you should try out the option. You look like you can afford it. You can go to really good doctors and they’ll advise you on what to do. Because, clearly, living with a dick this small is affecting you, and you can’t go on like this.”

He looked at me again and I held his stare.

He sighed. “It does,” he said. “It really does. No one wants ever wants to fuck…this.” He looked down at his penis with some disdain. Like it was a curse placed on him by his village witches.

“Well, my dear Marvin, everyone wants to feel like they are getting fucked if they agree to bottom. You’ll just be tickling my outer anal ring with that thing, and rather than moan, I’ll be laughing. Is that what you want, for me to be laughing instead of saying your name?” Even as I said the words, I had burst out into laughter.

And a second later, he joined me. And for some moments, we were too seized by mirth to focus on what the issue was. In that moment, it felt like we were friends and it was a good feeling.

Several minutes later…

“So we won’t get to fuck again?”

He was lying on his belly on the bed when he asked me this. I was nursing a glass of white wine. Upon hearing the question, I smiled and dropped the glass.

“Why not? You’re versatile, right?”

He nodded and smiled.

“Well, turn over,” I said.

Written by Delle

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34 Comments

  1. Pags
    June 28, 06:42 Reply

    Delle is wicked can’t stop laughing

  2. Mandy
    June 28, 06:48 Reply

    Was the micro of the penis that bad? Jeez! Pinkie and nail cutter comparisons? Way to wreck the self esteem of an insecure man.

  3. McDuke
    June 28, 07:31 Reply

    Shame on you for having to bring this here. What’s the point of this post again??? Seriously smh for you. You still have a lot of growing up to do…

    • Delle
      June 28, 09:41 Reply

      Who are you again? Yeah, right. Some unknown figure fighting hard to be recognized. One would even think you’re the Marvin in the story.

      You should do more of that “SMH” for your reflection.

  4. McDuke
    June 28, 07:34 Reply

    Shame on you for having to bring this here. What’s the point of this post again??? Seriously smh for you…You still have a lot of growing up to do.

  5. Francis
    June 28, 07:38 Reply

    Hopefully we’d be very good if this is someone’s effete nature being ripped to shreds. With age comes maturity they say. Some things are best approached delicately.

    • Delle
      June 28, 09:46 Reply

      What would have been better read would be me mulching things up, lying about what transpired just so I come off a certain kind of way, right?

      I was disappointed. I was shocked. I expressed anger as to the deceit. It was momentary though, a fact I clearly stated in the story. But of course, we won’t see that. We can’t see that only because we are too focused on the part where Delle made him feel small and reduced him to almost nothing (only because that’s the part that makes you feel good about yourselves).

      You ignored what happened next. How we resolved it. How we still ended up being friends, even fucking! Oh no, that part of the story was jumped by y’all but you know what, I really don’t give a hoot what you think.

      I need a lot of growing up to do because I didn’t try to appear false. How classy!

      • Francis
        June 28, 10:59 Reply

        So because you laughed about it in the end, you’re justified in bringing up the story again like bringing it up won’t open the wound again as he has moved on abi? *sighs* Beware of people who act like all is well ’cause most times it isn’t. It’s just a front even if they tell you it is well.

        Please against a next time, always expect the worse so you don’t become disappointed and lose composure and go off.

        There was no deceit here. He told you he had a small penis. Simple. What is micro penis to you might not be so to another person. I wonder why you didn’t even ask for a pic sef if penis size was really that important to you. After all it’s Grindr

  6. pete
    June 28, 08:35 Reply

    Sigh!

    Category: our story.

    Meaning it’s not fiction. Double Sigh!

  7. monsieur
    June 28, 08:55 Reply

    I really don’t get why this was posted here. From the category, I take it this is non- Fiction, correct me if I’m wrong. So, why the heck would you go for a hook up and rain such insults on the person. Insensitive much? This is not nice at all. Totally immature

  8. Lopez
    June 28, 09:14 Reply

    What is this? If i was the Marvin i’ll throw you out of my house the second you start shaming my dick. How about trying some conversion therapy on your effete nature Delle.

  9. Elvira
    June 28, 15:19 Reply

    We don’t always have to voice every thought,some things are better left unsaid. It’s really wrong to insult him for something he obviously has no control over. Sad

  10. Abi
    June 28, 20:50 Reply

    Still very rude of you to call him out,

  11. Pjay
    June 28, 21:18 Reply

    It’s even the picture of Delle fucking someone that I can’t get over. 😂😂 That must be a sight.

  12. Black Dynasty
    June 29, 00:20 Reply

    That was messy as hell. If you don’t have something nice to say, it’s wise to shut up sometimes. Could have made up an emergency and left if it was not up to your standard.

    Calling out his dick size (like he wasn’t already aware and prob had self esteem issues about) was classless, tacky and down right distasteful.

    The laughter afterwards was very likely not genuine from his side.

    Smh, disappointing.

    • Elvira
      June 29, 13:47 Reply

      I totally agree with you, I was really disappointed when i saw that it wasn’t fiction

    • Malik
      June 30, 07:13 Reply

      Then advising him to go for a dick enlargement procedure… that’s just a no no.

      • Black Dynasty
        June 30, 09:37 Reply

        Worst of all, coming on here to brag about it displays an utter lack of manners and sensitivity.

  13. yazz Soltan
    June 29, 03:54 Reply

    Let’s thank God you didn’t get murdered….
    And he didn’t have psychological issues along with the micro-blokos

  14. Ogb
    June 29, 18:30 Reply

    The Marvin guy handled it pretty well, some people will throw you out of their house in the most embarrassing way.

  15. Lizzy
    June 30, 11:53 Reply

    Why did kito post this story? To what end? What is the point of this story on here? Honestly, this place has become toxic and doesn’t have the essence it’s once had. That kito allowed this story on here shows how insensitive they are as well.

  16. Lizzy
    June 30, 11:56 Reply

    This story is just too insensitive and kito posting it valid this Delle very unacceptable behavior

  17. mike
    July 01, 17:51 Reply

    First, that a very beautiful piece, and if not here then where?, on his Facebook wall or something. I thought the point of kitodiaries was to share experience, gay related experience there is a reason it was posted in the friction section, if not for yhu niggas commenting here, wouldn’t av know this shit happened, only read it cause I saw Delle’s name as the author.
    The writeup comes with alot of humour n sympathy, there is nothing more majored than what delle did there, would yhu av preferred he stayed for the money or pretend what he saw was okay or has expected, he handled the situation very humanly, both first and second response where human.
    Yhu know whats not humane here is the fact that he didn’t settle for what he felt was less, or turn into some money greedy fella.
    In his shoes I wouldn’t have reacted the same way, mainly cause I dnt give a fuck about a person size am all ass, brain n personality second.
    This is an experience in the gay would, pls deal with it happens.

  18. Adichie
    July 02, 09:27 Reply

    Please I don’t mind linking is up. I love a pinkie not a big person per say.

  19. Diii Okpara
    July 02, 20:01 Reply

    Men and brethren, this post is something!. I, as a phlegmatic gay/bi man, conceal my feelings much, out of fear of offending another person…Delle, I think your reaction was very spot on!, even manly. You’ve got guts, bruh, nd you saved that guys life!

    Denial is a vicious, ugly monster 👾 most humans couldn’t deal with! I’d rather be slapped with the bitter truth than fucked raw nd climax with a lie. The guy wasnt honest in the first place! If Penis enlargement works, let him face the truth(with all humility), help himself nd RUN! to see a doctor. Most females can’t stand pinkie cocks, talk more of full blooded gay men. Same way I’m not cool with girly guys period! At least not just yet: One man’s meat, they say, but…

    Oya, Enter, blood thirsty gargoyles 😛😜😝😒

  20. solution
    July 08, 11:37 Reply

    how can I get to reach the blogger pls.
    blogger e-mail address pls!

  21. solution
    July 10, 20:07 Reply

    pls blogger I will love to have a private chat with delle. thanks

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