14 responses

  1. Ken
    February 8, 2020

    Dear Net,
    Sorry but this pestering would hardly stop. It’s the cross of almost every LGBT to either face the ignorant hateful society or confront an overbearing family who want u to marry.
    Even if u come out to them, the pestering is unlikely to stop cos they will always feel they can change u with prayers and good advice. Not blaming them tho, cos if u look at it from your parents point of view they are mostly just looking out for their daughter. All parents want their children to be settled down in a happy home. Consider that if ur parents knew about and supported LGBT, they would be doing the same pestering for u to settle with a nice lady. Lol

    You won’t win this battle with might or anger. You just have to weigh all your terrible options and choose which is least painful. Either u pick a nice straight gentleman and count the stars while he’s in there, or cut off from your family and never look bank, or run abroad and keep making excuses why u can’t marry, or u simply join the convent and become a Reverend sister of the strictest order of chastity. Lol. Not funny, but this is the reality. Think and choose well, clock is ticking!

    Reply

    • Black Dynasty
      February 8, 2020

      This.

      It’s a bridge every queer Nigerian must cross one way or the other. At the end of the day, if you have the luxury of choice, then make one with consequences you can live with.

      Reply

    • Pete
      February 8, 2020

      “Either u pick a nice straight gentleman and count the stars while he’s in there,”

      On KD? Is it now okay to marry unsuspecting straight people or is this particular ire reserved for MGMs?

      Reply

      • Pink Panther
        February 8, 2020

        Lol. 😂😂😂😂😂

        Reply

      • Higwe
        February 8, 2020

        To be fair though – not everyone here has openly disapproved of MGMs .
        If Kenny has never castigated the men for marrying straight women , he’s well within his rights to recommend selfsame to women .

        I know of a buzzing male celebrity that his name starts with a vowel letter .
        He plays for our team and his wife is very comfortable with it .
        According to folks that have had interactions with her , she said he’s a wonderful husband and an amazing father and she really doesn’t give a hoot as long as he’s not cheating with women .

        Life is complicated dear …you’d be surprised with what people have to make due with.

        Reality is harsh…. unfortunately , that’s all we got .🤷🏼‍♂️

        ************
        Just to be limpid , I don’t support gay people marrying straight people, but we all sooner or later are forced to make compromises .
        It’s not up to me to tell people the ones they should pick .

        Reply

      • ken
        February 10, 2020

        Personally i dont think anybody has the right to criticize MGM. Especially when you have lived your entire existence deep in the closet. Besides as far as the law is concerned,y’all are still going in together for 14yrs. Anyhoo, pple marry for different reasons, not always all about sex, sexuality or even love.

        Reply

  2. BRYAN PETERS
    February 8, 2020

    Na wa o. What will Adele not see on the other side?

    Net dear, you do not need to come out to anyone cos of the pressure being mounted upon you. Coming out is something you should do because you want to. Not because you feel pressured to.

    The whole “when are you getting married” bit can be really exhausting though. My heart goes out to you.

    I feel it’s just to keep keeping on and reiterating you stance each time thenissue comes up. Hopefully, they would eventually get the message.

    Reply

  3. BRYAN PETERS
    February 8, 2020

    Na wa o. What will Adele not see on the other side?

    Net dear, you do not need to come out to anyone cos of the pressure being mounted on you. Coming out is something you should do because you want to. Not because you feel pressured to.

    The whole “when are you getting married” bit can be really exhausting though. My heart goes out to you.

    I feel it’s just to keep keeping on and reiterating you stance each time the issue comes up. Hopefully, they would eventually get the message.

    Reply

  4. Delle
    February 8, 2020

    For me, do not lead that man on (he might be an ass but I know what it’s like to be led on especially when you’ve been in the dark since the inception). So you might have to make a decision fast.

    I just know how I’ll face my family once they start their ‘you need to get married and save the world talks’ cos the good Lord knows, I won’t hear it!

    Ugh!

    Why is marriage so important to the average African parent? Why? And I used to think it’s children they want but no, it’s not JUST kids they’re seeking, they want the whole thing. That silly, overly flamboyant wedding with the cliché words and plastic flowers, the entitled priest and hungry congregation, they want you to be coupled up, whether you care for the person or not, I’ll never understand and I’m not bothering.

    But Net, you sef…you didn’t let him make an impression, you just slammed him with the LGBT stance question, I cracked a rib joyfully reading that 😂😂😂😂. Don’t worry, y’all will be fine. I don’t even know who has the more manipulative family: you or PP 😩

    Reply

  5. Michael
    February 8, 2020

    About five years ago, I started drumming it into the ears of my family and relations whom may have a say in my marriage that I won’t lift a finger on getting married until I’m in my 40s. I kept telling them that the blackmail of me being an only child won’t work jack on me.

    Now, my family especially mom have changed from wanting it all-marriage, daughter-in-law and grandchildren to just being OK with one or two grand kids. She no longer care about marriage. Now, all I have to do is make money and find a grandchild for mother.

    Dear Net, happiness and peace of mind must always come first. Never compromise on those.

    Reply

  6. Rudy
    February 8, 2020

    Dear Net,
    I feel you. I feel your pain and I feel the anguish all this could build up within. Because I happen to find myself in the same boat as you are, the only difference is that I’m out to parts of my family and I live in the Western world, however that still haven’t changed the subtle hope and wishes to the point of disappointment (at times) family and family friends put on you to succumb to their notion of an ideal life(their ideal life).
    Coming out to African parents “usually” isn’t a game changer for the better, if anything it bolsters them on to do more to change who they think you’ve become and propels them to search harder for suitors on your behalf in hopes to cover up your “new” identity.
    Coming out is for you. And if you have gotten to that point where you are at peace with your identity let no one mess it up for you by allowing them in on your truth only for them to discredit it.
    Albeit it would have been way easier if our loved ones knew the real us however the pain and heartache that comes with such revelation on both sides usually isn’t worth the struggle especially if you live in close proximity with your family.
    So I advice you move away from them. Change cities if you can and enjoy your peace whiles you listen keenly and stay mindful about who in your family you think could be receptive to your truth eventually.
    If you find that single person in your family you think is open minded enough to accept it, you could bring them on board the ship of your truth(it makes your journey less harder) but if you do not find that person in your family, do not shudder. Invest your time in making quality friends who at the end will become family.
    After all is said and done never trade your peace and happiness for the temporal joy of others. You deserve to live a fulfilling life regardless your geographical location and being in Africa isn’t an exception!
    Love & light I send to you this morning Net.

    Reply

  7. bamidele
    February 8, 2020

    Dear Net,
    I admire your intelligence and strength to handle to whole issue so far. It’s quite unfortunately that people, especially families impose on you what they feel is good, thereby paying extremely limited attention to your feelings. Sexuality apart, one can imagine how many people marriage pressure has led to destruction, even death. Anyway, just be careful and stay safe.

    Reply

  8. Mafioso
    February 8, 2020

    Are there no eligible bachelors in the house, honestly it is better to strike an understanding with your ilks than getting involved with straight guys. At least, a guy man will always understand the situation and never pester you with sex.

    The internet has made things easier than before, so we should leverage on it. My humble opinion.

    Reply

    • slender
      February 9, 2020

      ***THIS

      Reply

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