RANTINGS OF A RANDOM (Gay) NIGERIAN (Entry 11)

RANTINGS OF A RANDOM (Gay) NIGERIAN (Entry 11)

Ben: Dennis baby

Me: Excuse me?

Ben: Dennis baby

Me: Since when did that one start?

Ben: Rest please, not like this will be the first time that a man will be calling you baby

Me: Excuse the hell out of me, what are you talking about?

Ben: Dee, rest o! I know what team you play for, it’s not a secret na.

Now Ben (not real name) is my friend from university and we did NYSC in the same place. So even though I kind of hate his guts, I am kind of stuck with him because he really is a good friend. He lives in Port Harcourt with his brother, and getting a job has been a bit of a challenge for him – a situation that I empathize with and help out where I can.

Me: I don’t know what you are talking about

Ben: Dennis, I figured it out in 2013, and it is not a big deal, oga. Whatever floats your boat.

Me: I do not wish to discuss this matter further. Whatever it is that you know, please keep knowing it.

Ben: I have seen the way you look at me, Dee (sends tongue-out smiley)

Me: Don’t flatter yourself. There is no special way I look at you. Like I said, I do not wish to discuss this further.

Ben: Not until you consider my proposition

Me: I am listening

Ben: You know I am a ladies’ man, and I have a lot of chicks. But my sister-in-law is a housewife and she always constitutes herself to be a stumbling block to my hustle. You also know I cannot afford to be using hotels on a regular basis.

Me: What is my own in this matter?

Ben: Allow me use your flat whenever you go to work. I will be asking girls to meet me there as if it’s my house. I will ensure nothing is missing, and when you take work trips out of town, I will hold forte at home. Plus you won’t need to take your boys to the vet.

Me: What is in it for me?

Ben: I will allow you do anything you want to or with me. On the condition however that it stays between us. Dude, nobody should know.

Me: And here was I thinking you are straight

Ben: Dude, I am not gay. This is just a business transaction and a mutually beneficial one at that. What say you?

Me: lol. Of course you are not gay. Dude, whatever helps you sleep at night. Your offer is very tempting, but no, thank you very much, I will pass. My house will not become a whorehouse…

This conversation happened some weeks ago and I found it very funny. Some of our kind, of course, will insist that this guy is a latent gay man, not a straight man. And I may be leaning towards agreeing with them. However it is absolutely funny when straight guys think that you want to jump on them given the slightest chance, even when they are ugly AF! Dudes need to chill. There is another straight guy story which I will save for later.

*

I will get some flak for what I am about to write next, but please go easy on me (lol) as I want to address the issue of recycled men.

I met someone not too recently – a young guy who has a lot going for him at twenty-four. I was impressed and I did gush about him to a few pals of mine. He is smart, very well read, slim, with a jaw that can cut glass. My friends were eager to meet him after all the hyping I did, and so we decided to meet up on a particular weekend evening.

We all arrived before my new friend; he was supposed to join us from work at the karaoke place. When he arrived, all the bursts of laughter ceased; the atmosphere became awkward. Let me spare you the long story; I later discovered that in that circle of eight guys, my new friend had slept with four in the past, and two others know people he has slept with. Orgies were even mentioned. Guys talk a lot and my heart sank as I learned of his sexcapades, which came as a surprise to me in all honesty. When I confirmed that they were true, I slowly began to detach myself from him until he read the handwriting on the wall too.

I know some of you will judge me, and you would be justified in doing so. But can’t a dude find a man that is (in Peak’s words) fresh off the runway? My last boyfriend was educated abroad and he lived there for sometime before he returned, so very few people knew him. I used to love entering gay gatherings with him and watch the other guys wonder who he was. Can’t I have that again? I don’t want a dude quoted on the stock exchange.

*

I have noticed a recent trend amongst gay men; quite a few of my friends are getting older and they are beginning to seek some stability and commitment. These are guys who just a few years ago swore by random hookups and would tell you that ‘ain’t nobody got time for love.’ Now come and see the way they are hustling for boyfriends now. Even online, if you chat with someone and meet up with them a few times, they will subtly drop hints that they are looking for a boyfriend and not just random sex.

I have always been a traditional man (yes, me) and at the end of the day, there is only so much sex you can have, and sometimes, there is this void that all the sex in Vegas cannot fill. Hooking up with men you don’t even bother to ask their names is fun and exciting, but eventually you may begin to crave more, and after he leaves your flat, your bed feels empty, your house feels empty, and your soul feels empty.

So, sometimes I can understand this hustle to land a good man – which is far and in-between by the way. Because at the end of the day, it comes down to companionship and the human need to feel that.

*

My MGM friend brought a guy to my house recently and I let them use my bedroom. I have two close pals who are MGMs, and I have stated here before that I don’t dislike MGMs as long as they don’t condescend to me. Anyway, so my friend came over with this guy (boy, more like) whom I found very wise beyond his years and also totally enjoyed chatting with. I ended up crashing on the couch and let them use my bedroom (after I removed my white sheets of course), drowning out their sounds with my music player.

I got up early in the morning around 5am to make coffee when I heard it.

“She ba ba she ba ba kiri ba ba kiri ba ba sheba She ba ba she ba ba kiri ba ba kiri ba ba sheba…!!!”

The young boy was praying and speaking in tongues.

“Father, I come against any destroyer of my destiny…!! She ba ba she ba ba kiri ba kiri ba ba sheba…!!!”

I suppressed a laugh and went into the kitchen to go about my coffee business, and my friend joined me there. At some point, he looked at me and we both burst into laughter, even as the boy continued blasting away in his tongues. I asked my friend what position they were in when the Holy Ghost descended on them, doggy or missionary. It had to be missionary alright lol. My friend ignored me lol.

I don’t know if I am being insensitive; if that is the case, I apologize. But it was awkward for me to hear you moaning and begging for the D one minute, and six hours later, you are calling upon the heavens in tongues. It was all too funny to me. I certainly cannot play Judge Judy here, but this was funny in a weird way.

*trying to stifle laughter*

*failing woefully*

HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAA!

See you guys next week.

OAN: While responding to my rants today, kindly indulge my curiosity about something. If your life was a movie, what song would be the soundtrack?

XOXO

DM

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138 Comments

  1. Jaiice
    March 25, 04:44 Reply

    First to Comment!!!

    Ok… That was a nice read… Believe me, there are many of us fresh off the runway…

    Commitment and Stability are essential ingredients in any heterosexual relationship. Why can’t same be said of Homosexual relationships. I have always been of the opinion that being “gay” isn’t just about sex with a guy. I believe in love and heartbreaks (one of the reasons I don’t do random sex hookups).

    And about the guy speaking in tongues, I really don’t find that funny or unusual. Religion is about your personal relationship with God. It goes beyond the Sunday church activities. I may be having sex now and the next minute I’m praying to God. I’ve made my peace with him.

    • pinkpanthertb
      March 25, 04:46 Reply

      Someone who actually READ before being the first to comment. Lol.
      Good morning Jaiice

    • MacArdry
      March 25, 05:19 Reply

      If you’re in your early to mid-twenties and have this mindset,then there’s still hope for the gaybourhood.I pray there be many like you.

  2. Bongo
    March 25, 04:56 Reply

    Biko, bongo is a first time commenter, and he wants to say that the guy praying understands God. Sex is a natural thing. I can finish praying this minute and masturbate the next. That doesn’t mean I am a sinner. I have given to God, and Ceaser demands his share. (It’s a ritual).
    As for my life movie soundtrack, Some Gozie Okeke won’t be bad though *Tongues out*

  3. Khristopher B!
    March 25, 05:08 Reply

    Dennis permit me to ask… Are you fresh off the runway yourself?

    • Mandy
      March 25, 05:14 Reply

      Kris, I love your question.
      Dennis, your friends slut-shamed a gay man and that was your basis for snuffing out what might have been a good thing between you two? Not cool. Not cool at all.

        • pinkpanthertb
          March 25, 05:30 Reply

          Nwokem, stop always looking to me for endorsement. 🙂 *sipping my early morning chamomile tea* Tear rubber indeed. Mff!

      • Mandy
        March 25, 05:33 Reply

        @Dennis, are you not the one who said in one of your rantings that you are a pitakwa lord? I’m guessing that means you’ve being around yourself, no?

      • Dennis Macaulay
        March 25, 05:41 Reply

        @Mandy what has being Pitakwa lord got to do with this matter?

        #AskingForMyCuriosity

    • MacArdry
      March 25, 05:28 Reply

      Not being fresh off the runway is a whole lot different from being Keziah,Donatus.
      A whole lot of young guys can’t even account for how many beds they’ve shared.They lost count long ago

      • pinkpanthertb
        March 25, 05:31 Reply

        Does being sexually active now translate to being a thing to be ashamed of?

      • MacArdry
        March 25, 05:36 Reply

        There’s being active and there’s having an unwholesome rep,you ought to know the difference.

        • pinkpanthertb
          March 25, 05:44 Reply

          Does that make him a bad person? Un-dateable? Someone not worth having something meaningful with? what if that was a past he was trying to shut out, get over? Does your cutting him out help that in any way?

          Of course you’re allowed to want that kind of guy you want. But I sense a certain heterosexual gender stereotype translating itself to this situation. Where the brilliant, beautiful woman who has slept around in the past and is getting shunned is equated to the bottom with the same story.

      • Dennis Macaulay
        March 25, 05:48 Reply

        PP I get your point and I knew a lot of people will call me out for that. You know me very well and you know I dont buy into obnoxious steretypes and gender archetypes.

        Its just a personal preference, I dont want to be the guy who is the boyfriend of “that guy”

      • MacArdry
        March 25, 05:53 Reply

        It is no stereotype anything,PP.It is the way of things,but if he’s in any wise trying to turn a new leaf then I’ll give him benefit of the doubt,were I in Dennis’ shoes.
        Weren’t no indication in the post that was in the cards,were it?.Dennis would have said so.

        • pinkpanthertb
          March 25, 06:00 Reply

          Dennis didn’t say anything about the guy’s current disposition, one way or the other.

      • MacArdry
        March 25, 05:55 Reply

        None would find it funny being the man of the one who’s slept with the known community,hetero or homo.

      • . Pete
        March 25, 06:31 Reply

        Pinky’s defense seem to be coming from a personal place *flees*

        • pinkpanthertb
          March 25, 06:35 Reply

          It’s the kind of lame comment that is synonymous with expecting all gay activists to be gay.

    • Khaleesi
      March 25, 06:18 Reply

      Gbam!!! Will come back later when i finish my facials & yoga ….

    • Max
      March 25, 07:07 Reply

      @Dennis,you know I love you, but youre not fresh off the run way… You’re far from that. Someone who has slept with 7 people isn’t very different from someone who have slept with 15. I use to have tha ideology before, until I stopped for a second to ask myself a question, “just because not many have seen your nakedness, doesn’t mean you’re fresh”. So I stopped judging people. But I occasionally do sha..**looks at Pinky with side eye** >> your own case eh…**lips sealed**

      • Dennis Macaulay
        March 25, 07:16 Reply

        Max I am a tear rubber vehicle that just rolled outta the factory! You know this na!

      • Max
        March 25, 07:37 Reply

        Tear rubber?? **stiffled giggle*
        And you know everything that happens in Pitakwa.

      • Dennis Macaulay
        March 25, 07:42 Reply

        How do I put this, Amanpour knows the news but she is not in the news!

        Kapishe?

  4. simba
    March 25, 05:20 Reply

    In gaybourhood, u don’t always get wht u give.. Dennis wants a relatively unknown person.,. Hmmmmmm and who u wan give those ones u don spoil finish. Abeg me will consider tht biz proposition, but will bail after xx xx cus my apartment na my sanctuary…

  5. Gad
    March 25, 05:44 Reply

    Rant, rants and more rants…

  6. A-non
    March 25, 05:48 Reply

    Dennis, can I date you for one year and not be identified by at least 10 gay guys if they see me?

  7. #TeamKizito
    March 25, 05:56 Reply

    Ugly straight guys & ‘I cover my nyash with the Blood Of Jesus’. Tsk.

    Kissing and telling are they, no?

    Guys can exaggerate and make up stories about someone who’s denied them access to assets and… *blinks*

    I do say silent prayers before and after sex na, lol, just like saying prayers before and after meal.

    • #TeamKizito
      March 25, 06:08 Reply

      Oh, and the soundtrack..

      Jemima (Aka: JustJames) & I would work something(s) out.

      (Fifty Shades Of Grey soundtracks are the shii’, btw)

      • JustJames
        March 25, 06:37 Reply

        Dafuq!! When did I turn to Jemima?

        Kizito! Kizito!! Kizito!!! How many times did I call your name. Okay. Continoo.

  8. mirage
    March 25, 06:13 Reply

    @keistopher B, you have my blessings, good question! after they done ruining and deceiving all the lil boys they be looking for fresh off the runway. Though I may not be the saint but if I were the dude do I care?” am the sticks and stones don’t break me type, so don’t give a fuck” sex is a two way thing, even if you are bottom, at the same time the guy was f**king you, you were as well f**king him. Most of the top guys see the bottoms as sluts as if they are saints. This doesn’t apply to me before someone here says am exonerating myself and as for the guy blasting in tongues after moaning split seconds back, he should be thankful for Christ else he would probably have been smitten, shebi he didn’t well know he was gonna have sex b4 going there #yimz. Anyway nice write up, as for your friend him dey mad, mtchweeee! that’s how a young recently married guy in my office keeps buying me lunch and bringing to my table, we not even friends and in same department at work and those my heels wearing nosey colleagues already saying stuff, me I care less, God help him the day he spits out nonsense! shebi make I refuse a good meal from jevinik?nah!

    • Dennis Macaulay
      March 25, 06:18 Reply

      Jevinik soup is the ish my brother! Those people can drown you with soup! Eat your lunch ojare!

      As per the shildren i have “spoiled”? Yimu

    • . Pete
      March 25, 06:34 Reply

      Did somebody mention Jevinik?

    • Law
      March 25, 12:48 Reply

      jevinik garki 2…. hmmmm okay ohh

  9. Absalom
    March 25, 06:21 Reply

    How do you gauge “slutting”?

    How many partners should a guy have been with in, say, a month to hit the Slut mark? Who gets to define this?

    And why is sex stigmatised? Why is it a shameful thing?

    There is no excuse for slut-shaming and no one gets to play police on other people’s sex life. Sex is a perfectly normal human need. If a person is uncomfortable with it, they may join the seminary so they can wake up daily surrounded by young men with repressed desires. People should not have unsavoury conclusions drawn on their persons because of their sexual appetite.

    • Dennis Macaulay
      March 25, 06:28 Reply

      Absalom I was dreading your appearance cos I knew this would be your response! I still love you, but you also realize that people are entitled to their individual preferences?

      • pinkpanthertb
        March 25, 06:31 Reply

        I knew you’d run and hide under that umbrella. Sort of like those who scamper off to the canopy of Personal Opinion when the issue of freedom of expression is bashed.

      • Absalom
        March 25, 06:45 Reply

        Preference is when I say I’m not turned on by skinny men (which is actually the case, and is neither my fault nor theirs).

        Prejudice is when I think all skinny men are narcissistic and dumb. On what premises am I drawing that conclusion?

      • Dennis Macaulay
        March 25, 06:52 Reply

        @Absalom, true that!

        But I also avoid men who tell lies and men who kiss and tell plus men who like to sponge off me! These are choices premised upon behaviors i do not like (keyword being I) and they can control.

        It comes down to my choice and preferences honey

      • Absalom
        March 25, 07:17 Reply

        Having a sexual appetite in whatever degree is not a crime and I find it interesting that you equate it with lying, gossiping and fraud.

        Is there anyone you know who sets out to date a liar, gossip or sponger?

      • Dennis Macaulay
        March 25, 07:25 Reply

        Okay Absie lets take a breather! I am not equating it with fraud or lying. I merely gave an example where a choice can be premised upon facts. Now whether it is obnoxious or not is open to different PERSONAL interpretations.

      • Absalom
        March 25, 07:45 Reply

        Dennis, isn’t your defence similar to Dolce and Gabbana’s when they made that comment about gay people being unideal parents and some children being chemical contraptions?

      • Dennis Macaulay
        March 25, 07:58 Reply

        Yes absie I agree that it is similar and that day i did say it; its an obnoxious opinion which they were entitled to. My quarrel dat day was with calling the children synthetic and saying gays cannot be good parents.

        I will never win with you on this matter and i did acknowledge that i will get some flak for this. I wasnt slut shaming (or maybe i was) i was merely stating my preferences.

        On a lighter note, you dont like slim guys? So no hope for me with you abi? There goes all the twisted fantasies I had about you

        Lol

      • Absalom
        March 25, 09:13 Reply

        Ain’t no one’s fault, Dennis, ain’t no one’s fault. (Hehe)

    • Gad
      March 25, 07:43 Reply

      Absie, I agree with you. To think that the proponents of this are the self acclaimed rebels against societal dictates and demands makes one wonder if they know that it’s society that influenced them to consider one who has slept with “many” guys a whore and un-datable

  10. JustJames
    March 25, 06:51 Reply

    Soundtrack to my life?

    All of Ed Sheeran and Taylor Swift music but presently one last time by Ariana.

    Dennis is allowed to like his boys shiny and new. Not sure why he is letting it is become a deal breaker tho. Sometimes the rules we set up in our lives prevent us from truly enjoying what life has to offer. Also pretty sure you didn’t like that guy very much cause I doubt his body count would have mattered so you didn’t lose anything.

    I also firmly agree with him on the relationship part. There’s only so much sex can do. I know that emptiness that comes after you’ve got your rocks off. Some people however know how to not feel it or don’t even feel it at all.

  11. obatala
    March 25, 07:00 Reply

    your story brings to mind a certain sister in a certain church where speaking in tongues and curling the hair are top priorities. she was assigned to follow up a close friend and as is usual with most follow ups, ended up in bed. well, the funny part wasn’t that this sister knew a whole lot of back spraining positions apart from the missionary, no. right after d unholy rump, the first words that escaped her dick sucking mouth were…”ehen brother dayo, are you born again?”. hmmm.
    my point is this simply. if u claim to be a christian, then follow what your Christianity teaches in its entirety. your bible obviously hates fornication and gay men and a host of other things you claim you have found peace with god about.
    which peace?
    hian.
    you don’t get to pick the one that suits you and d one that doesn’t.
    look at this young man speaking in tongues against destiny destroyers. no words for that one. foolishness on level 10.

    • trystham
      March 25, 07:51 Reply

      I am way too guilty of this but can’t help it

      • trystham
        March 25, 08:14 Reply

        biko, I mean the “… you don’t get to pick the one that suits you and d one that doesn’t…” part o. It ends up making one very judgemental and fights-prone cos what part I av picked may not be the part someone else has.

  12. Jamie
    March 25, 07:15 Reply

    Funny…but some end up jumping around because you people came into their lives and walked out!! It’s a mutual affair, and rarely differs…lol
    I am proud of how far I have gone. I can hold ma head up when I see anybody… And if anybody says anything, I will have good reasons to back it all up… About that soundtrack issue…I love rnb. My soundtrack would be…Freedom by Nicki Minaj!! Lolz.

  13. Max
    March 25, 07:18 Reply

    Christianity is against fornication of any sort and frowns even more on gay sex. So its perfectly normal to feel bewildered when a supposed Christian hops on a D this minute and start speaking in tongues the next. I don’t associate with such people. If you want to be a Christian, be a christian, if you want to be a hoe, be a hoe. Don’t be a ‘selective’ christian, don’t be a hypocrite.
    As for being fresh off the runway, I use to condescend a lot on people considered to be everyone’s man up until recently. When I asked myself the question-“are you fresh off the runway “?. After I couldn’t answer that question, I stopped. Its easy to pass off judgment on people when they’re having more sex than you do.
    Everyone is someone’s ex.. So fresh off the run way is a myth.
    That said, I won’t be giving any friend of mine the key to my house in future to whore around.. Especially when that friend is an MGM(yes)…

    • Dennis Macaulay
      March 25, 07:30 Reply

      If you want to be a christian, be a christian and if you want to be a hoe be a hoe

      iDied

      • Max
        March 25, 07:40 Reply

        You can’t be christian and a hoe @ the same time. You cant be a “hoely” Christian..

      • trystham
        March 25, 08:16 Reply

        HOELY christian??? Max is a wreck LWKMD

  14. handle
    March 25, 07:22 Reply

    Making this a personal preference ish is just totally wrong and inexcusable. There is always that chance that you have had just as many if not more sexual partners than the guy you just met or seeing. Does it make sense to bother yourself when you know that you might have smashed more people than they have? No. Does that mean it won’t bother you knowing that they don’t know their body count? If you care about the guy at all then it will bother you. They call it jealousy. We have all done things in the past that we are either not proud of or regret entirely, looking for someone with a complete clean slate in this small hood is a no brainer; we all have baggage. We all know society expects men to be slutty and women to be virginal, and we’ve been brainwashed by that idea and translating that to being top or bottom too. It’s hard to escape from that paradigm.

    I get DM’s point, who wants to date a guy that has been with the whole Super Eagles Squad? Nobody, on a serious note, if he slept with anyone on the Super Eagles, you should let him go. The Super Eagles? Really? Anyway, I digress. Sometimes it not because of their sexcapades only but because it hit so close to home. Everyone wants to show off something shiny.

  15. MaisonMartinMargiela
    March 25, 07:25 Reply

    If my life was a movie, one song in the soundtrack would be Jhené Aiko- Spotless Mind.

  16. D-boy
    March 25, 07:26 Reply

    LMAOOO…But DM what makes you think you’d be considered by someone ‘fresh off the runway’, given your notorious reputation??? Sex means different things for people. For some, it really is just an exchange of bodily fluids. While for others, there has to be an emotional connection.

    PP definitely taking panadol on this matter, meanhwile in the asexual post y’all were playing the ‘Grow up’ card. No one should be slut shamed/ ridiculed for their preferences, but alas the world we live in.

    Even though i kinda understand where DM is coming from. You might not like to admit it, but there’s the issue of insecurity. Knowing they have been around a lot, and if you are going to be enough and not just a body count. Exclusivity is also sexy. Just the curiosity of the gaybourhood alone. But you cant eat your cake and have it.

  17. trystham
    March 25, 07:33 Reply

    After being outed to some members of my fam, the next worst thing is having the rest of Lagos gay society know who I am. That shit is SCARY. I start to hyperventilate thinking about it. Less is more abeg.

    A lot of times, I really cannot fathom linking all that pre-marital sex with ‘skaboshing’. Initially it used to be about ‘my homosexuality and my religion’ but I realised deep within, I turn down my nose subsconsciously at heterosexual couples who do that shit. Its worse these days sef. Young church workers will be encouraging you to not be celibate. Hian!!! Oh that judgement morning…. *singing*

    • Dennis Macaulay
      March 25, 07:44 Reply

      Lol looking forward to judgement morning are we? It will be like having front row on Jerry Springer lol

  18. Colossus
    March 25, 08:09 Reply

    So many issues with this rant but if I talk now you’ll say it’s your personal preference abi na opinion. Besides I still have a bottle of chilled Guinness with my name on it waiting for me in PH, I’ll keep quiet so as not to lose that.

  19. Mitch
    March 25, 09:29 Reply

    Soundtrack of my life? I believe Rihanna’s Complicated, Cry and What Now adequately summarize my life alongside the Crazy In Love theme from 50 shades of Grey!

    As for Christianity, I still am a christian and it always poses a major problem for my sexuality. I’ll be writing about how my journey so far pretty soon.

    And DM, you were wrong for shaming and cutting off that guy. Everyone can’t be fresh off the runway. There is no actual standard for measuring ‘slutiness’ as different people have different ways of viewing things.

    All the same, good piece today.

  20. Teflondon
    March 25, 09:58 Reply

    **badges into kito dairies**
    All these rants and my kito story isn’t posted yet?
    PP we don’t have to get to the levels of weave removing, pants and bra tearing?? Before my story is told.. Would we??

    **evil look and sneering at PP**

    that said..
    A lot of issues to discuss here but I’ll keep it short and simple.
    1. If my Str8 frnd offered me that business proposal, I’ll jump at it without any hesitation. (I have this thing for str8 guys). It’s a situation I am too familiar with.. Its a tatics I have used to get my share of the “national cake” from a lot of my str8 Frnd’s. (Judge me not) funny even after we stopped doing it and go about our normal business it hasn’t afftectes our frndship in anyway.

    2. I have noticed a certian trend about the writer of this article.. He seems to flirt a lot with a lot of people on here.. Yesterday I was reading through the past kito stories that has being posted here and I can’t but notice how our dear writer has either fucked or knows almost all tbs in the eastern part of this Nigeria.. (Fresh off the run way in deed) That said I’ll totally ignore “YOUR OPinion” on recycled men.
    3. As an MGM I have promised myself not act on my feelings. (Something I am already practicing as I am in my mid 20’s) so I don’t think I’ll be bothered about looking for gay love when I get older or not.
    4. As for the young man that was speaking in tongue Lmao! **rolls eye from Las Vegas to the very pit of hell**
    Really?? I kind of don’t want to believe this story.. Is it possible? To be speaking in tongues so loudly in a strangers house that you had sex all night? **awkward** I can’t comprehend it but if it’s true.. The boy needs deliverance. Speaking in tongues are for those that have the Holy Spirit… (you can’t be living in sin) and claim to have the holy spirit.. It’s written in the bible, this goes beyond personal relationship with God. You can have perosonal relationship with God and not be able to speak in tongues.. There is no crime in that (a lot of doctrines don’t even beleive in it) but to speak in tongues you HAVE to have the Holy Spirit. Having sex regularly is living in sin so I can proudly say that the boy doesn’t have the Holy Spirit. Maybe he was just speaking in another language about how he enjoyed the sex and yall translated it to speaking in tongues Lol the whole scenerio is just stupid and funny.. He said something about “Those fighting his destiny?” Lmfao! Nigga needs some serious spiritual whopping.. All these cele broom flogging kinda deliverance.

    • Teflondon
      March 25, 10:04 Reply

      As for the sound track for my life.. I think ill just go with the sound track of “pretty woman” very old Classic movie.

      Something like “pretty woman.. Walking on the street. Pretty woman… Blah blah”

      Mean while I see our life as a journey.. And I am walking on the streets of life as a guy in every respect but deep down I know what I am..

      **chuckles**

    • Max
      March 25, 11:51 Reply

      Oh you have a Kito story, can’t say I’m surprised..
      It should be a fun read… **evil grin*

      • Max
        March 25, 12:39 Reply

        @Pinky why Na? Not showing up anytime soon? Or not interesting?

      • trystham
        March 25, 12:48 Reply

        Pinky??? This guy has a story yet unpublished??? #sigh I imagine correcting all that terrible spelling is the reason for the delay. Do quick biko. I am anxious too

      • Teflondon
        March 25, 13:41 Reply

        Actually I do have quite a lot of Kito stories.. Say 5! Or more. And I am ready for you slander Max… Or evil remarks and what not… I prepared myself well. Before I decided to start commenting on KD.

        PP I think we need a heart to heart talk? I am confused as to why you said my story would not be told anytime soon… My story not good enough? What exactly is the problem. I feel you should have told me this. So I won’t have been UNNECCESSARYLY expectant.

        And to think as at just last year you were begging every Tom, Dick and Harry for kito stories. Oh? Your blog is now too big for kito stories? No?
        Am very sure you can’t be undermining the importance of this stories? Far more important than some “I’m too good for recycled men” rants I am seeing lately. Or could my writing be so poor? What exactly is the issue? I want to know in the open.. I want to wash my dirty laundry in the open.

        As for ‘that’ last thing who commented.. I have nothing to say to you.. Asides; Am very sure if you used “Expensive” smart phones with Autocorrect that changes your words and you are a very busy successful person That understand the principle of “time is money”
        So I don’t have all day to read proof my very long comments.. Then! Just then! You won’t have made such comments to me.

        • pinkpanthertb
          March 25, 14:53 Reply

          Teflondon, I publish stories on a first come first served basis. I’ve been ignoring all these loud complaints of yours because I expected you to do the reasonable thing and enquire from me via email. But apparently you love the drama to talking about your business to an audience. When its time for your story to run, it will run.

    • Gad
      March 25, 12:27 Reply

      @ Tef, if you read past posts very well you will see that this is not the first time DM is having a guest who speaks in tongues after a sex romp. The first was a rhapsody reading tongue speaker. I don’t know how he makes his selections

      • Teflondon
        March 25, 13:47 Reply

        That’s why I pointed Gad.. I didn’t want to believe that was possible.
        “The speaking in tongues debacle”
        Beleive Me Gad you are one intelligent fellow. **i admire you** (through your realness from your comments)

        • Gad
          March 25, 15:07 Reply

          #Headswells# in a primary 2 pupil,s voice, thank you,sir.

    • trystham
      March 25, 15:55 Reply

      #sigh ‘asides’ becomes ‘besides’. ‘am’ is ‘I’m’, ‘read proof’ changed to ‘read through’. Pinky dear, I feel ur pains jare.
      My dear Teflondon, I will flay that thick skin u ‘think’ u av and salt the wounds after. I only pointed out ONE flaw, u don dey call me ‘that’…looool…I hope u survive this sha.

    • iamcoy
      March 25, 22:20 Reply

      We now have a substitute to Lord II ladies and gents

  21. DeadlyDarius
    March 25, 10:04 Reply

    This is sort of like those dudes who want to marry a girl only if she’s a virgin (while ‘disvirgining’ other girls…who will now marry those I wonder). Anyways, I feel so ashamed of dating or even been seen on the road with a chubby/fat guy……it almost disgusts me. Why can’t they just be slim….its all their fault

    Its just my OPINION/PREFERENCE tho so I’m in the clear *walking off under my opinion umbrella*

    • pinkpanthertb
      March 25, 10:07 Reply

      Hahahahahahahaa. DD, your brand of sarcasm is one I thoroughly enjoy next to Colossus’s.

      • DeadlyDarius
        March 25, 10:32 Reply

        Someone’s obviously missed the sarcasm train departure time….

    • Teflondon
      March 25, 10:22 Reply

      DeadlyDarius
      “May the rain of fire fall on you and burn through that umbrella of yours.. And burn you to bits” **in Chizzies voice**

      Some people are fat for some reason.. (Tho it’s not an excuse nt to do something) Depression anyone? People are battling all sorts out there and it’s showing on there body in different ways.. Just as how not ALL thin people have HIV.. Not ALL fat people just woke up one morning and chose to be the way they are ( tho they can do something about it) but until they do something MR “PERFECTLY SLIM or WELL BUILT” DeadlyDarius it’s not in your place for you strt judging them. It’s your preference quite alright but for you to feel so much hate to have the need to post it here you just as disgusting. (It’s all thier fault?? Really??)
      Let me just add this “MR PERFECT”
      that someone is fat doesn’t mean he is not healthier than you.. (Tho the chances of fat people being prone to disease are higher in some cases NOT all cases) You could be slim with rippled muscle and you would have some sort of terminal disease in you.

      Shame on you for your comments.. Expect you to apologize to all the fat people that reads this blog.

      Encourage them to do some exercise not birage them with insults.
      I don’t have issues with your preference (it’s obviously your your choice) your statement of “it’s all thier fault and they are disgusting” is what I have problems with.

      **snaps finger at your face**
      Tsk tsk!

      • pinkpanthertb
        March 25, 11:03 Reply

        In your haste to fly off the handle, Tef, you totally missed the sarcasm in that comment. Jeez. Sensitive much?

      • Max
        March 25, 12:00 Reply

        For someone who thinks the sun rises through his ass, I’m quite disappointed at your total lack of comprehension of DD’s comment..

        @Tef

      • Dennis Macaulay
        March 25, 12:18 Reply

        Teflondon you see how much of a hypocrite you are? Someone made a jibe about fat people not even directed at you and you are screaming blue murder and demanding an apology.
        It is the same you who was justifying all the vitriol and personal attacks someone was throwing at me and the others.

        Did the fat comment hit a nerve? Now you know how it feels. I thought you were a champion of free speech? Why are you demanding an apology?

        Dude please!!!

      • Teflondon
        March 25, 14:17 Reply

        @Max
        Your comments actually made me laugh “for some that think the sun rises from his ass”

        I have studied you for awhile.. And the way you make your comments.. You have a disillusioned clog of “I am not your next door guy” or “I am not common”
        **come down from your high horses** will you? yes horses Cuz I think you have several…

        As for Dennis, I refrain from giving you your needed reply today.. Today is not your day. But don’t get me wrong, your day will come.. And I’ll speak some much needed sense to you.. Whether you accept it or not it’s left you.
        This your second or third time you are coming directly after me (with your rejoinders) I am yet to do same to you.
        Concerning your matter I’ll take the high roads today. Just today Darling! Just today!

      • Max
        March 25, 14:32 Reply

        You’re failing to address the issue of you possibly being a bimbo , instead you’re attacking people.
        You’re one funny human being(and I don’t mean that in a positive way).

      • iamcoy
        March 25, 22:31 Reply

        Kai… KD has turned from educational to pure comedy. No need for anti hypertensives again

        • Gad
          March 26, 05:55 Reply

          Free comedy I tell you

          • wondabuoy
            April 03, 06:56 Reply

            Gad, it’s not free comedy. You have to have MB to get this. I am usually careful when reading KD in the office lest I’ll be seen as “the guy that laughs to himself”

    • pinkpanthertb
      March 25, 10:10 Reply

      *over sabi mode activated*
      I believe Nicki featured Rihanna in that track, not the other way round.
      *over sabi mode deactivated*
      🙂

      • Mitch
        March 25, 10:57 Reply

        In your over-sabi mode, you forgot to mention that the title of the song is ‘Fly’ not ‘I Came To Win’. *tongue out*

        • pinkpanthertb
          March 25, 11:04 Reply

          I was correcting the misplacement of artistes. *glaring at Mr. ITK*

  22. Sinnex
    March 25, 11:34 Reply

    When I saw 107 comments, I knew that this was going to be good….

    Now, for the guy that was praying after sex, I really don’t see anything wrong with it. The only issue I have with it, is that he prayed loudly. Now, those Christians that are here, do they pray after wanking? I sometimes wank after my devotion or even before. So, what is the issue here. I wonder why you should be a judge in this case.

    If you think it is wrong for him to pray after having gay sex, that means being gay is a sin and you all are sinners.

    Or, are you trying to tell us that for one to be gay, the person must be an atheist. I am really confused. What is the difference between you all and those homophobic peeps who say that Homosexuality is a sin against God and nature.

    Anyway, there is something wrong with the post….

    What is wrong with having sex? It just doesn’t make sense. Your friends are immature if I must say. You said the guy was intelligent and you really liked him, so, what changed? Even if he is a slut, that did not stop him from being who he is.

    I personally believe that gays are the most hypocritical set of people in Nigeria. You want the general public to accept you for who you are, yet, you refuse to accept someone because of some issues…what do you want me to call you now.

    Anyway, if my life was a movie, the soundtrack would be ‘Boulevard of Broken Dreams’ by GreenDay.

    • Ace
      March 25, 11:49 Reply

      Sinnex not only did you say the most burning thing on my mind, you also picked one of my all time favorite songs.

    • pinkpanthertb
      March 25, 12:41 Reply

      Sinnex, take away the fact that its gay sex. Let’s presume Homosexuality is not such a bone of contention in Christianity. In the real sense of it, does the Christian God look favourably on fornication? Let’s say gay marriage is blessed by Christianity. Wouldn’t it be laughable for one who has just fornicated to wake up the following morning to speak in tongues?

      • Gad
        March 25, 14:47 Reply

        Think on these and march it with your above comments. During holy communion service the Priest says: ” holy things to holy people,if anyone is holy let him come…”. The congregation responds thus: ” there is only one holy and righteous Lord,Jesus Christ the righteous,…” Again, the Bible says “if any one says he has no sin,he deceives himself and the truth is not in him…” I don’t need to say more than this

        • wondabuoy
          April 03, 06:59 Reply

          @Gad, “match” actually; not “march”. **hides**

    • Gad
      March 25, 13:05 Reply

      Good one Sinnex. Well done

    • Teflondon
      March 25, 14:28 Reply

      @Sinnex Like you said earlier I think our accounts should just be joined… You couldn’t have spoken my mind any better…
      It’s funny how we got about crying and barking that we are not accepted.. We are this and we are that.. Yet amongst us the minority there is so much phobia and hatred.. Just by the comments you read daily. Did you see the way D&G were torn into shreds? (Not that they were right but people couldnt wait to judge and crucify them) do you see the way Gad is being insulted daily just because he views his opinions differently? All this on just this small community.. Now look at the bigger picture of LGBT. We mirror on here on KD how the LGBT community is… We are so fast to judge and criticize when we are not accustomed to another persons ideas, values, way of life.. Yet we seek acceptance from the majority.

      I think we need to sort ourselves first.

      God willing or in this case PP willing we should meet and have lunch soon… We have a lot to talk about… **bills on me**

      • wondabuoy
        April 03, 07:03 Reply

        @Tef, you have to have in mind that we are all gays, yes. But we are all different human beings. Human beings are diverse. Being gay is diversified as well. Now a gay human being … there has to be a very wide rainbow of opinions. Rights and wrongs depending on which side you are.

  23. Ace
    March 25, 11:58 Reply

    The hypocrisy! The outrageous in-your-face hypocrisy! Wait, so you DM: The “I do not like kiss and tell” allowed your friends kissing and telling to ruin what may have been an awesome relationship between you both. The Nigerian gay community and its one-track minded way of thinking.

    Who sets the rules? Does your supposed desire for fresh-of-the-runway as a top make you superior over a bottom? Who wrote the rule book that made bottoms responsible to tops? While tops are free the hop around and keep trophies, bottoms should have as little as possible simply because they are bottoms?

    And you guys are fighting for gay rights…

    • Dennis Macaulay
      March 25, 12:09 Reply

      Okay easy there tiger! This is not about tops and bottoms, I haven’t used any labels in the series why are you using top/bottom dichotomy?

      That is not the issue here biko.

      Oya calm down small

      • Khaleesi
        March 25, 12:47 Reply

        Dennis, i wont support you on this one ooo, its easy to infer that you were put off because he’s a bottom. If he was top or vers-top, i strongly doubt you’d have detached yourself nor referred to him as used goods … this our naija gaybourhood tho ***throws hands up jn despair***

  24. D-boy
    March 25, 12:27 Reply

    so funny how i am actually sipping tea reading these comments….*resumes sipping*

  25. Khaleesi
    March 25, 12:39 Reply

    ‘Excuse the hell lut of me’ lmao…. that line had me in stitches. .. Ben is such a mess! Ain’t nobody got time for such twisted screwed up fellas … i shall never be able to understand why every straight man especially ugly, obnoxious, totally unattractive ones would get the notion in their heads that gay guys want to fuck them ***pukes***
    Judge NUT!!!! Are you a virgin? Abeg the boy is entitled to his body count. I know the craving for fresh meat and all, its just like straight men in the past expected their women to be virgins on their wedding night – crap if you ask me! Whatever that guy did in the past shouldnt matter too much to you, its what he does after the both of you become an item that should truly concern you. That said; I’ve never had an orgy, probably never will, the thought of it makes me slightly sick but then a deep adventurous part of me sometimes wonders what it’d be like to be in the midst of a raunchy sweaty throng ***pukes***
    The void is real! And all the sex in Phuket and Mombasa and Benue and Vegas and LA put together cant even begin to scratch at the surface. After a few years gallivanting around the gaybourhood and after a few dozen or a few hundred dicks and asses later, you come to the realization that they aren’t all that much different and that there’s more to life than planning and setting the next shag. You crave a deeper and meaningful bond with a special person.
    Great awesome piece DM ***muah***

      • wazzosgrotto
        March 25, 13:47 Reply

        Dennis you know we’ve got to make this into a series right? Can’t let African City take all the shine now can we 🙂

        But on a serious note. Who really is fresh out of the G.A.Y academy and hasn’t had a few laps around the town?Hmm? Let’s face it. Most men are dogs especially at that age. I’ve had my fair share of serving vogue and body internationally 🙂 Circa 2007..Oh Chile.. * brings out map of the word*

        The most important thing is about the relationship you guys have now. Not the past. Trust me. There are some guys out there who are relatively new to the scene but are just a hot mess emotionally. Would you still want to date them? I don’t think so.

        Finding a good relationship in general is a minefield everywhere in the world. Unfortunately its a bid more difficult here cause of the DL culture.The older I get the more I crave for an emotional connection with a guy. Sex is easy but emotions are an expensive commodity. You can imagine when you apply this scenario to the Nigerian setting. I’m sure there are many guys out there that feel the same way but are afraid of making themselves emotionally vulnerable so they just take the sex.

        It still hurts and no matter how much money you earn or what cars you drive. That void will still remain.

        We all deserve a chance of being loved by someone other then our family.

        So give the brother a chance. You never know. He might be worth it.

        Wazzos.

    • wazzosgrotto
      March 25, 13:24 Reply

      Because Khaleesi, these gorillas think that every gay man wants to dog a straight guy. It seems to be a goddamn fetish for some of the brothers in the gaybourhood to convert to coerce straight guys into gay sex. Y’all need to stop that mess ASAP. You are only giving these homophobic neanderthals the ammo to bad mouth gay men.

      So please. Cease and desist!

  26. DeadlyDarius
    March 25, 13:25 Reply

    Oshey! Gay rights activists (except when you find out a bottom has a healthy sex life)

  27. Gad
    March 25, 14:30 Reply

    Cold or hot tea? #askingformypeaceofmind#

  28. Oluwadamilare Okoro
    March 26, 07:08 Reply

    Yaaaay. I can now comment.

    Nice rant DM… and pls u need to hook me up with ur jazz man.

  29. wondabuoy
    April 03, 06:19 Reply

    I thought it’s only me that so much value relationships. Hookups make you over-desiring and I think, that wears out in little time.

    The problem is that these men that start seeking committed relationships find it hard to get because of their inits.

  30. kelvin clarke
    June 10, 23:11 Reply

    Dis story is very funny…i need to av a word dis guy who writes dis pls …asap

  31. kelvin clarke
    June 10, 23:16 Reply

    I had such encounter wif a senior in my sec school i will like to share plsss..my life is full of storys…lonely heart in strive for love get …heart breaks and rest

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