After the US Supreme Court made the landmark decision to legalize gay marriage across the 50 states of America, there were lots of reactions across the world. Nigeria in its true fashion went ballistic, mostly with people condemning the ruling and saying all manner of horrible things about the country. The hate that was spewed online could actually bake a cake. America was called godless, satanic and all, even by people who had applied for American visas several times and would move to America in a heartbeat.

I went on the attack, hacking down any hateful comment that made its way to my timeline on all my social media accounts. I did not care whatever impression these commenters had about me. I just attacked and hacked at every homophobic post that I saw till I got exhausted and realized it was really no use. Just as Khaleesi has often pointed out, homophobia is entwined in the DNA of Nigeria as a nation. So I gave up and resorted to blocking/deleting. If I saw any hateful comment or post, I either unfollowed its owner or blocked him. And by the middle of the day, I had deleted over 12 contacts on BBM alone and was looking forward to a no-negativity internet experience.

However, what I find very puzzling is that gay men are involved in spewing this hate, like your head has to be really messed up for you to get online and vigorously condemn homosexuality whilst being gay. I remember my first job, when I lived in mortal fear of people perceiving my homosexuality. Whenever the LGBT issue came up in conversations, I’d remain totally quiet and vigorously focused on my computer, giving off the air of one who would join the discussion if he wasn’t so busy. So while I don’t expect you to defend gay rights (closets, anyone?), I don’t get how you shit on the very couch that you sit on. I don’t even know what goes on in your head for you to be gay and still join the opium-ed Nigerians to diss gay rights.

I woke up the day after the gay marriage ruling to see my friend’s boyfriend’s DP, which was a meme saying that God created Adam and Eve, and not Adam and Steve…yada, yada, yada. My first thought was to delete him of course, but I buzzed him and called him a hypocrite.

He responded: “Dennis, leave that thing. Let us tell ourselves the truth, you no go fuck man forever. You go still marry. Find a girl you will use and be covering body while you do your gay stuffs by the side. We are in Nigeria after all…”

I deleted him while he was still typing and refused to answer his calls afterwards. Everybody is entitled to their bullshit. I just will not be a part of it.

To the gay men who are part of the hate-spewing bigoted crowd – SHAME ON YOU!

On a similar note, I have resolved not to get into certain discussions with gay folk except they are close friends of mine. Sexual identity is a very personal journey that people should embark on their own, something they should figure out their own way and at their own pace. I will no longer play daddy cock (pun intended) to anyone. I was at a wedding recently and I sat at a table with other gay men (two of whom are married, and I did not know). The conversation soon drifted, of course, to sexuality and being gay and Nigerian. All of a sudden, I was getting accused of being “in your face with your gay attitude and forcing the rainbow flag down people’s throats.” One of them said that “maybe not everyone wants to evolve like you.” (What does that even mean?) My feelings were a bit hurt by the things said to me that day. And thereafter, I resolved not to bother to steer anybody anymore. Everyone ought to figure life out the way they want to.

Deep down, a lot of Nigerian gay men believe that this – this thing is just a brief stop along the way to eternal pussyville. After all someone once said here that we must end up like our ancestors. This ultimately is why many gay Nigerians oppose gay marriage, because they mostly do not believe that two men or two women can (or should) end up together. I argued with a dear friend recently, who said he did not believe in marriage and I told him that he did not believe in marriage mostly because he is gay. I know straight people who do not believe in marriage, but there are very many more gay men who throw around that phrase and it’s simply because on a subconscious level, it has been ingrained into them that two men cannot end up together. It is after all against the plan of God, so they resent the idea of marriage in its entirety. This is just my opinion.

This is why someone will tell me to “just do your gay stuffs by the side”, and I wondered briefly if heterosexual relations are also called “stuffs”. But I let that slide.

At the end of the day, ladies and gentlemen, you only have to do what makes you happy, what makes you feel alive. Set your own rules and define your existence.

*

I am not a fan of roles. *ignoring the blank stares from PP and Chestnut* And one of the reasons why I do not endorse roles is that it often breeds stereotypes, and these stereotypes are not even left in the bedroom. People bring them to everyday living.

My friend met up with a guy recently and they went out. When he came back the following morning and was talking about how great the sex was, I was curious because I know the guy he met lives with his folks. So being the busybody that I have always been, I asked where they had sex. And my friend called the name of a hotel which I knew was not exactly cheap. Rooms go for up to 13k there. Still driven by curiosity, I asked who paid for the hotel.

And his response was typical: “He is the man na, he gotta pay. I like when men show me that they are men and give me a good time, treat me like a lady…”

Now I don’t have an issue with gay men referring to themselves as women, lady, nne etc. Sometimes I find it funny because it is often a cheesy joke. However the kind of philosophy that my friend was postulating is exactly why I don’t support roles and their definitions, because it rarely ever stays in the bedroom. Being Bottom now means you sponge off Tops – who are supposed to take care of you and treat you like a princess? Being Top means someone cleans up after you, cooks for you and dares not talk back at you?

Odiegwu!

This is just messed up. My friend, who earns a decent salary, refused to spend a dime on a night out, because a Top took him out, and was therefore obligated to spend money on him. I have seen where Bottoms are teased because they maybe dated below their social strata and their friends say to them, “You dey spend money on man, when na man suppose dey spend money on you.”

These roles even get in the way of fun as people spend enormous amounts of energy trying to classify you before deciding whether to have sex with you. I have heard of people who became distressed to the point of tears when they discovered that they were topped by someone who had bottomed in the past, irrespective of how great the sex was. lol. We be having roles like Top, Bottom, Versatile Top, Versatile Bottom, Masculine Bottom, Feminine Top, Power Bottom, Top-quality Top (hello Trystham), Closeted Bottom (someone called me that recently lol) etc.

This shit is extremely hilarious! Ndi roles, dalu nu o! *walks away with big mug of coffee*

*

On a final note, please, please, two people are impersonating me on grindr, using the pseudonym ‘Dennis Macaulay’ to defraud people. I hear they are asking for airtime to send nudes, as well as small cash and data plans. I want to believe that nobody is really dumb enough to fall for this. But in any case, it is not me. If I use the name to make money, I would understand why they do this. As it is, it makes no sense to me.

Anyways, yes I am on grindr. But no, I do not use Dennis Macaulay. And yes, I have addressed this issue before, but I hear they are sending nude photos and all in exchange for airtime. *sigh* Don’t fall for it.

Adios

DM

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