RANTINGS OF A RANDOM (Gay) NIGERIAN (Entry 3)

RANTINGS OF A RANDOM (Gay) NIGERIAN (Entry 3)

My cousin is visiting and spending some time with me. When she called to tell me that she was coming, I agreed reluctantly, because I did not want to be the Wizard of Oz. What is funny and weird is that, unlike I would have done in the past, I did not go about clearing ‘evidence’ from my house. I do know that if she looks around closely, she’ll probably find a tube of astroglide (which is way better than KY Jelly, by the way) lying around somewhere, and maybe some condoms too. I just did not care and quite frankly, I felt if she found anything and gave me any stress, I’d kick her out. No time.

Now, I am no Bree Van De Kamp, as my bedroom is usually a chaotic mess. However, I thrive in the chaos, and as disorganized as my room often appears to be, I know where everything is. My sweet cousin however thought it wise to clean up my room, and when I got back from work, I practically had a panic attack when I saw the room. All my post-its which I stuck around the room to remind me of stuff to do were all arranged in one part of the room; my notes from Business School were neatly arranged, even though I had scattered and separated them according to modules; my books were stacked neatly, as opposed to the them lying scattered on my desk in the manner I preferred while reading concurrently from them. I totally freaked out and lashed out on her verbally, which I regret in hindsight, as she was only trying to help. This further reminds me why I cannot share my space with someone for life.

Last week I talked about expatriates that patronize with condescending compliments, which is just sad. I am part of the literary scene in Port Harcourt, so I was involved with the World Book Capital events. One of the nights, I went out with a mix of Nigerians and some expats who had come for the festival. Two of the foreign women and I got chatting, and we talked about everything from Beyoncé’s feminism (which I think is fake though, and just a marketing thing) to fiction and culture and the economy. They kept saying silly things like, “How did you get so progressive?” “Wow, you don’t sound like a Nigerian…” as if to say that all Nigerians are dumb and don’t know what is happening in the world around them.

At a point I got pissed and flipped the script on them; I started dropping names of writers that I am certain they will not have heard of. When they answered in the negative, I would be like, “You mean you don’t know Jude Dibia? That’s surprising for an expert on African fiction.” They now had to keep up as I kept subtly zinging them. I also told them that it is very funny that the West, which is supposed to be progressive and ahead of us, is still having the conversation of whether or not to have female members of the clergy for their major Christian denominations. In Africa however, which is supposedly the backward continent, we had women who were priestesses of deities, and they were respected as they brought the word of the gods to us. Not so backward, are we? I left them struggling to explain as I relished my cold glass of orijin.

As part of this series, there will not be sex stories or sexcapades, not that I am a prude or anything, but because I believe that sex is a private matter between two people. This explains why I don’t engage in threesomes or orgies, and won’t even have sex if there is someone else in my house. The things I do in the bedroom will certainly make Christian Grey look like a saint. However I like to keep it in the bedroom as a private experience and I certainly don’t like guys who kiss and tell. You know how you can be with some guys, and someone walks by, and you admire them, and one of the guys points out that he has fucked the guy. I am always like, Dude, no one cares. Men in the gayborhood should learn not to kiss and tell, or is that a tall order?

Speaking of the gaybourhood, one thing that is not cool is discrimination amongst us, especially of effeminate guys. I have said it on this blog before that gay men come in different shapes, sizes and demeanor, and none is inferior to the other. I do realize that people have a right to their personal and sexual preferences, but being nasty to another gay man just because he is effeminate is just wrong. A friend of mine would invite guys over to his house, ask them to wait at a particular junction and hide somewhere to observe them, and upon seeing any trace of femininity, he would turn off his phone and go back, abandoning any contact with the visitor, not minding if you came from Ibadan. I realize that this fear stems from the homophobic society that we live in and the fear of being suspected or outed because of the “flaming queens”. I myself have stopped caring about such things, and I definitely do not lose sleep over what impression my neighbors have about me, which is simply their cup of tea.

Let me tell you something that happened relating to this issue. I went out with my coworkers to a club after work recently. I am not much of a club person as I always have a bad headache afterwards, but I am fast becoming an office outsider and the last to know unofficial things, so I decided to go with them. Midway into our stay at the club, a guy I know walked in. He is very feminine with a big butt that can give Kim K a run for her money. My first thought was that he would come over and greet me noisily in front of my colleagues, so I thought of going to intercept him midway and not draw the attention of my colleagues. I decided against that almost as soon as I thought it, and stayed put till he spotted me and came over with his dramatic greeting. When he left, one of my guys was like, “Is that guy your friend?” And I said, “Yes, we go way back.” Now the old me would have said he was a school mate or a friend of a friend, but I just did not see the need to lie. They are free to assume whatever.

I have made one simple rule to live by: I will do things my way, no matter how unpopular my way is, and the narrative of my life will surely be mine. *singing My Way by Frank Sinatra*

Have a good week, guys.

OAN: I did not want to talk about this, but PP said I should. Unfortunately my boyfriend and I broke up shortly after the holiday season. I don’t want to go into details, but sometimes you may give someone the sun and the moon, and they’d rather have the stars. I hope he still comes around KD, and I hope he starts commenting with another moniker perhaps.

PP was a great friend through all this, and I am very grateful to him.

XOXO

Dennis Macaulay

Print Friendly
Previous ‘If You Don’t Like Watching Gay Sex On TV, Change The Channel.’ Michael Urie To Billy Crystal
Next ‘The Sex Is Continually Off The Chain.’ – Lee Daniels Dishes On His Relationship With Younger Boo

About author

You might also like

Series (Non-Fiction) 110 Comments

RANTINGS OF A RANDOM (Gay) NIGERIAN (Entry 20)

Today I will be talking about one issue only which has been on my mind for a while and which has formed the crux of many arguments I have had

Print Friendly
Series (Non-Fiction) 29 Comments

Chizzie’s Jukebox (Episode 4)

When all is said and done, the bed sheet and plate smashing rampage over, the blinds are drawn, the lights are out, and it’s just you with flared and aggrieved

Print Friendly
Series (Non-Fiction) 70 Comments

KIZITO SPEAKS VI

Read the prequel to this episode HERE * I settled down and was taking in the details of the living room. I wasn’t very comfortable. Lamar’s friend – who he

Print Friendly

152 Comments

  1. Max
    January 28, 04:03 Reply

    Sleep oh.. Will read this later. Heavy eyes

    • Khristopher B!
      January 28, 07:12 Reply

      Dennis you need to add the sex part to it sir. It’s like the icing on the cake na. Most of us lookrd forward to this write uo because of your adventurous sexual encounters. Please don’t dull us jare. You’ve written about them before through the comment section, why being all tight about it now?

  2. Peak
    January 28, 04:42 Reply

    Dennis let me start by saying that I’m sad that you guys broke up. I love Mrs M and all, but I’m still keeping my fingers crossed and hoping u guys find ur way back to each other in the future.

    Em! Dude about the sex matter, guy u go need to rethink that matter abeg. One of the major reasons we were all looking forward 2 this series was because of the “Koko gist”. Book/work/fashion/party gist are cute and everythingn but its a matter of. Time b4 it gets old and stale. Well all know (most of us anyway) that sex is btw 2 ppl, no one is asking u 2 name drop, wan know as e de sup. we just want our tea served with a different flavour. Aint no one got time to drink top tea repeatedly! The tea needs a lil flavouring. U ve told stories b4 without dropping names or just editting out some details, so why are dragging. Ur feel on this one? I don’t kiss and tell, Hell! I don’t ever! ever!! Mention the name of Whoever I ever. Been involved with even if things don’t go down well, but That doesn’t mean I don’t talk about him/them when asked, or when I feel like venting. So my guy u go try juice up this series biko. We have been hinting that we need u to kick it up a notch, no come change am 4 us because of that one abeg.
    *Safe*

    • chestnut
      January 28, 05:48 Reply

      Noooo! We don’t need sex stories to make the series interesting biko! I like the way it is now…(and maybe he hasn’t had sex in a while?) Dennis, even if u do have sex, u can just mention it in a casual,subtle way, (if that part is pertinent to the story)but no need for full,literary porn biko! Sex really IS meant to be between two people(my opinion),that’s why I too won’t have sex if someone else is in d room, and threesomes are outta the question.
      I’m shocked at d break-up,dennis! I literaly thought u two were gonna last for a looooooooong long time! Chai! Mrs.M, if u’re reading this,pls,don’t run away from KD o; some of us really miss u. Come back plsssss. I’m sure y’all are still friends tho,even after the break-up,yea?

      • Mercury
        January 28, 06:05 Reply

        Thanks Chestie…..my sentiments exactly.

    • Peak
      January 28, 06:51 Reply

      *Leave it to kelly rowland to come charging in beyonce’s defence*.
      As much as I would like to see things from your angle chestnut, you should realise that we all get different things from reading the same piece. Truth be told, dennis’s writtings use to pack a lot of punch, and u know why? It use to ve a lil of everything. The 1st write-up was all random ranting, the second improved cos it was spiced up with a lil “Ode of shade” which ppl liked even more. We were expecting things to get kicked up a notch and if you carefully go through the comments, you would see ppl expressing how they feel dennis is omitting some stuff and particularly leaving out the sexcapades. Fast forward a week later and dennis is saying that, that shit aint gonna fly. How do u expect an ardent reader like me to feel? Duped! Cos in the beginning I was promised that it would be kept “real” and 100% as much as possible. 3 sheets in and my guy de tell me say the good stuff will be edited out! Haba chestie! Don’t go all pure and prude on me.

      • pinkpanthertb
        January 28, 06:53 Reply

        Kelly Rowland.
        Beyonce.
        LMAO!!!

        Chestnut, will you and Dennis waka come inside that shade?!

      • Dennis Macauley
        January 28, 07:01 Reply

        Wait so Chestnut and I are Beyonce and Kelly Rowland? *sigh*

        Anyway thats better than Ebube Nwagbo lol

      • chestnut
        January 28, 07:26 Reply

        Wait…kelly Rowland? Beyonce? *dead* I literally choked with laughter!I did not see that coming!lmao
        But wait o,for all intents and purposes, Dennis was in a monogamous relationship until very recently…then they split not long ago; was he supposed to be detailing his sex-antics with his legitimate boyfriend on KD?it’s possible he wasn’t cheating on Mrs.M, so which sexual adventure would he share? And how sure are u he has had sex since they broke up (presumably dis month)? Some people don’t even get to find a new sexual partner they really like,until months after a break-up!
        Wait o, but I don’t I don’t always come to Dennis’s defence here nau, do I? No,really…do I do that?I hadn’t realised o…

    • Peak
      January 28, 09:24 Reply

      @ chestnus! Yes honey, you are doing it again. Since we are playing the “it possible & how are we sure” game, let me indulge u
      How are we sure DM wasn’t creeping when mrs M was still in the picture?
      How are we sure he hasn’t bagged a couple of cakes after the split cos clearly he has been dating (best actress guy)?
      Its possible that 1 DM’s MGM/other friends who like to use his house as a hotel had a steamy/awkward session (that he has never been afraid to tell us b4).
      Its possible that you are just love being kelly rowland to dennis without u knowing it. Even kelly herself can’t stop herself from defending bey even if her life depends on it.

      • chestnut
        January 28, 12:57 Reply

        @Peak:ok,busted!Lol. I’ll admit I defend people a lot; even in real-life,all my friends accuse me of being “everybody’s lawyer”…I dunno,I guess it’s my nature; I just like to give everyone a chance. #WorldPeace

  3. simba
    January 28, 04:47 Reply

    Dennis, am so sad abt the break up with Mrs M. It was glaring tht there was trouble in paradise. No judgement so I wish u guys happiness as u live indepedent life. And dont shut the door love may still find u..
    Remember, it was ur relationship and Mrs M, tht drew people to u in this blog.. albeit ur overactive imagination and joblessness. Okay cheers people.

    • Mercury
      January 28, 06:07 Reply

      Being shady this morning, I see……y’all be acting like Phaedra.

  4. Chris
    January 28, 04:51 Reply

    i have just discovered this site through a younger friend of mine. I ve been hooked on it for the past72hrs amongst tight schedule. Eternal gratitude to you guy(s) behind this blog. It is informative, entertaining, insightful and an eye opener especially to all the horrendous kito stories ve been reading up here. I am now an ardent reader of your blog…… an EU blog visitor

    • Lord II
      January 29, 17:28 Reply

      Welcome Chris and please don’t be silent about all the gaybourhood at the EU biko…spill just make we know the happenings about….u know the glory holes and gay clubs u guys got there…

  5. Ace
    January 28, 04:52 Reply

    First, what is astroglide?

    Second, I love that you are getting to the stage you don’t care about some shit anymore.

    Third, the gayborhood kiss and tell is a killer! A friend of mine who is about getting into entertainment once told me that the moment he blows, he will delete and block every gay guy on all his social media because gay guys can’t seem to seal their tongue.

    Finally, that bit about Mrs M. I should be expressing some form of emotion but “Yeah right, I believe you.

    • chestnut
      January 28, 05:56 Reply

      Lol…I love that u don’t know what “astroglide” is. I just wanna pour ur innoncence into a chilice and drink it all up! Hehehe…

      • Brian Collins
        January 28, 06:24 Reply

        Now it’s innocence we are drinking up? what happened to tea and coffee? #askingfordennis.

      • chestnut
        January 28, 06:37 Reply

        @brian: innocence is waaaaay sweeter and rarer than tea…(Just ask Dennis; he knows that innocence is very rare…)
        Mercury,u know what I’m talking about nah,don’t u?

        • pinkpanthertb
          January 28, 06:39 Reply

          Hahahahahahahaa! Chestnut, even brackets wont dilute the potency of that shade.

      • Dennis Macauley
        January 28, 06:53 Reply

        Chest! Continu shading me!

        My god will surely answer you!

        I will catch you one day and you will be sore…I meant sorry!

      • chestnut
        January 28, 06:55 Reply

        Oops…I was really hoping those brackets would save me this time.lol

      • chestnut
        January 28, 07:01 Reply

        @dennis:Sore keh? I thought u said u had ‘ass-tro-gliiiiiiide’? Hehehe…*rushes to window and jumps out*

      • Dennis Macauley
        January 28, 07:09 Reply

        @Chestnut
        ***catches you before you jump out of the window***

        You were saying?

      • Ace
        January 28, 13:36 Reply

        Oh honey trust me, you may probably just get one drop of innocence juice and that’s just because I don’t know what astroglide is.

  6. lluvmua
    January 28, 05:49 Reply

    You broke up with mrs m ??????? *screams* Jesu!!!! *Grasp heart and faints* come take a hug jawe!!!! All will b well between you two ijn amen…..

    • Mercury
      January 28, 07:03 Reply

      See this one!!!!, finally an opportunity to chook head. As if we don’t know you’ve been fasting, praying and lighting candles and incense for that to happen.

      • chestnut
        January 28, 07:49 Reply

        Oh Mercury! We were all thinking it but then u had to go and say it! Lol. Iluvmua, dis pipu are trying to spoil ur name here o!

      • Mercury
        January 28, 08:48 Reply

        *grinning and blowing air kisses at Iluvmua*, U know I love you right, I just don’t want you to be that “Girl”.

      • lluvmua
        January 29, 07:26 Reply

        Rotfl jesu!!!! Mecury haba naw calm down joor….

  7. Masked Man
    January 28, 05:59 Reply

    Beyonce’s feminism is fake? Bro, do you listen to her lyrics or just the melody?

    • chestnut
      January 28, 06:10 Reply

      U mean the lyrics everybody in d music industry writes for her?

      • Dennis Macauley
        January 28, 06:22 Reply

        Chestie thankyou!

        First of all, she doesn’t write the songs! Secondly she always talks about women banding together to do good and all, and then she goes on “bow down bitches”? How does it marry?

        This same “feminist” did the song “bills bills bills”. For her feminism is a marketing thing and about political correctness.

        • pinkpanthertb
          January 28, 06:38 Reply

          Dennis be running your mouth about Beyonce and her feminism, you hear? Just be running your mouth. The day the Beygency will remember you…. Nonsense and condiments!

      • Dennis Macauley
        January 28, 07:04 Reply

        Shurrup! Be dietifying beyonce you hear! Nansense!

        ***waits in bullet proof vest for the beygency***

      • Mercury
        January 28, 07:05 Reply

        No mind am, I know a beygency member who won’t hesitate to come for your ass.

  8. Brian Collins
    January 28, 06:12 Reply

    Finally i get the memo. Pinky you brew some very potent Verisetarum. So that is one aso ebi out of the way.

  9. Mercury
    January 28, 06:12 Reply

    This is cool, Smart move Dennis about the withholding of d graphic details of your sexcapades, even though some people kinda get their life from it.

  10. pete
    January 28, 06:25 Reply

    DM, your cousin seeing astroglide & condoms is not conclusive unless you omitted something else *sips coffee*

    • Dennis Macauley
      January 28, 06:41 Reply

      Well when I am not a woman who suffers from vaginal dryness, it will be hard to explain why I have a flavored lubricant to a not so exposed (nigerian) female

      • chestnut
        January 28, 06:49 Reply

        Lol…u might be keeping it for your girlfriend…

      • pete
        January 28, 07:11 Reply

        chestie,my thoughts exactly. so,what did the cousin see that DM omitted?

  11. Masked Man
    January 28, 06:29 Reply

    Is it news that some artist buy songs? Biko give her credit for her vocal ability. 17 grammys no be moimoi. Single ladies and Irreplaceable are flying high the feminist flag.

    • chestnut
      January 28, 06:43 Reply

      Ok, calm down Masked; I’m beyonce’s biggest fan, but she needs to stop claiming she writes ALL her songs. There’s nothing wrong with artistes using song-writers, so why is it so important for her to insist that she writes ALL her songs?

      • pinkpanthertb
        January 28, 06:49 Reply

        She doesn’t do that, chestnut. I remember when she was about to release 4, it was common news that she accepted song entries for the alnum

    • Peak
      January 28, 07:06 Reply

      PP dear! We get it! you love Bey, but its common knowledge that bey is a thief and sneeks in her name in the writting credit just to earn more coin and validate her name as a true artist. I’m glad I am not the only one who see through her smoke and screen career. The babe no even fit speak proper english fluently without sounding ghetto and filling in the gap with a lot of um! Aah, uh. She is a good sing, a moderate dancer (that’s if you consider pussy popping and weave tossing as dancing) but a song writter? No no no!
      She was going around saying she wrote irreplaceable “4 her ladies” b4 neyo got wind of it and shut her ass down. The babe has had more law suits regarding song writing credits, just google. Some writter ve even complained of her just changing a note to a song or just adding a “yeah” or “ooh” and bam! her name is immediately added into the credits.

      • pinkpanthertb
        January 28, 07:32 Reply

        A good singer and a moderate dancer… A theif… Needing to validate her name as a true artiste…
        You know there’s constructive dissent and there’s just plain hate, right Peak?

      • chestnut
        January 28, 07:41 Reply

        Hahahah…but Peak,why are u like dis? “Yeah”? “Ooh”? Hahaha. Pls leave my girl o,biko! I luh beyonce like kilode, even with her lying and stealing…she’s an amazing dancer jor!

    • Peak
      January 28, 09:05 Reply

      @PP, Me? Hate bey? Hahaha I started with her way back in her DC day when No no no the remix was tearing up the airwaves. Was there when she went solo while papa knowles way bleeding to see her get ahead. I got tired of all her theatrics after the “I am era”.
      She is a solid all round entertainer/performer. Arguably the best performer of this generation, but truth be told she is a well trained lil fraud. I mean she learned from the best, just ask papa knowles.

  12. Masked Man
    January 28, 06:53 Reply

    Pls oh, she doesn’t claim to write all her songs. Check again.

    • Peak
      January 28, 07:17 Reply

      Oga go through bey catalogue and find me one hit song where her name no de?
      *i go sidon wait*
      You do realise that these artist make a large portion of their money from royalties, which comes mainly from song writting? And u don arrive when u pen a hit song and ur label even get to pay less ppl and pay u more if u write most of the songs on ur album. That’s why divas like taylor, katy perry, mariah, gaga (top girls who actually write) make a lot of coin.

      • pinkpanthertb
        January 28, 07:35 Reply

        And they’re all better singers and better dancers who don’t need to validate their careers, right?

  13. Chizzie
    January 28, 07:08 Reply

    21st century feminism if anything is too abstract and nebulous, and I don’t buy it. The pioneers of feminism fought for REAL human issues, like suffrage,the right to own property,the right to divorce et al, but what exactly is the average 21st century feminist fighting for pls? talking back at your man, and being sassy and feisty isn’t feminism or women empowerment. Beyonce and all them pseudo-feminists should go have
    a seat.

    and i know its “rambling” but how about u make ur writing a little more coherent and cohesive, maybe pick a note or two from James about how that’s done.

    and maybe for once actually write about something interesting? put that imagination of urs into good use, young man!

    • pinkpanthertb
      January 28, 07:33 Reply

      Chizzie approves of James?!?!?!!! *peering up and catching a glimpse of the blue moon* 😀

      • Max
        January 28, 07:56 Reply

        He thinks James somehow takes cues from him.. That’s why.. don’t be surprised.

    • Ace
      January 28, 13:53 Reply

      Is it weird that even as a ardent fan of Beyonce, I totally agree with Chizzie.

      Or is it just me falling in love with Chizzie that anything he says is agreeable.

  14. Max
    January 28, 07:20 Reply

    Awwww.. Dennis boo.. I knew u guys broke up… But since you didn’t wanna say anything, I didn’t wanna ask.. I’m that kinda friend that likes minding his bidniss.. I broke up too after the holiday season… Guess We r both back in the market.. I miss him sometimes.. But its one of those things that come with breaking up.

    Now I know y’all thirsty hoes are gonna be happy abt this development.. But I’d like to announce that we ain’t taking cv’s at this time.. Thank you.

    About the effeminate thing, I think all gay people are effeminatie.. It all depends on the percentage of the effeminacy.. Some are 5%, some 10% etc…so that makes it silly to call sometime effeminate in the first place.

    • Dennis Macauley
      January 28, 07:24 Reply

      We aint taking CVs? Erm Max love, you may be alone on that count!

      Lol

      • Max
        January 28, 08:05 Reply

        Dennis Nwa Macaulay, you ain’t even gonna wait a while before jumping back on the saddle??

      • Mercury
        January 28, 08:55 Reply

        Jumping back ON the saddle?,…..hmmmm. *Straight face*

    • chestnut
      January 28, 07:36 Reply

      “…guess we’re both in d market…” Who else saw what I saw? *sips tea*#Subtle. lol

      • Max
        January 28, 08:12 Reply

        If it isnt Our biggest mess here in KD.. What r we gonna do with you???

    • Peak
      January 28, 08:49 Reply

      *Froze* Max was dating? Recently broke up during the holiday? Na wa oooo
      I never knew he was getting “Some”! Talk more of being in a relationship. Hmmm Nna! biko pray tell, if u were riding and tapping some, why the dark/foul/cold tone writing 4 2014?(He prolly aint hitting it right *in lil wayne voice). Cos I always pictured u sawing off the dick of any nigga who dares make a pass @ u
      @chestnut, Omo I saw it 2! “We are both back in the market” (translation = we R both free to fuck each other now that the coast is clear). “I’d like to announce that we aint taking cv’s at this time” (translation = basic hoes I need y’all to stand back, I will let you know when I’m done with him).
      Chestnut abeg we not get light 4 my area so my drinks no cold, abeg help me check if u get Cold Orobo pepsi make you help me give my dear Max b4 he dies of dehydration. #TheThirstSikwike

      • Dennis Macauley
        January 28, 08:56 Reply

        Chai see analysis na! Peak and Chestnut, Y’all are messed up!

        Max i got you, meanwhile i may need to speak to you about something. I know where to find you!

      • Mercury
        January 28, 08:59 Reply

        LMAO!!!!!!,Peak youre a mess, a really big one. Hahahahahaaa, no be small clear coast. And yeah, I support the motion, basic hoes can like to chill mbok.

      • Ace
        January 28, 13:56 Reply

        Peak… Oh my gadt!

  15. Masked Man
    January 28, 07:31 Reply

    Taylor and kat making more money than Bey?
    *scoffs*
    Someone’s forgotten who the queen is.
    No time. You win. Case closed.

  16. KyrxxX
    January 28, 07:34 Reply

    *singing*

    this is the day of joy
    the day of joy
    the day of joy

    *screams loudly* Yaaaaaaaaaaay! Mrs M is out of the way! Now I can sink my claws literally on my sweet delicious blog heartrob/boo Dennis Macauley!
    Oh! How I waited for a day like this! A day without that wicked witch from d west being a blocking spirit nd enemy of progress! My trip to Okija worked perfectly nd am unapologetic *evil grin*!

    *wears French maid’s costume* Now Dennis boo, what would u like for breakfast nd how would u like d red room of pain to be?

    • Max
      January 28, 08:13 Reply

      Hoe for Africa…

      • KyrxxX
        January 28, 08:25 Reply

        Na d same boat carry us naa………………

      • Brian Collins
        January 28, 16:28 Reply

        That’s Africa and Asia combined.
        I forgot all about Kryss and his Dennis ‘stalkery’.

    • Mercury
      January 28, 09:04 Reply

      Chai!!!!!!, see evil people wey don succeed to pursue Mrs M go village, una welldone ooooo. Mme Akpara ino abo owo ebe ewak ke itiem. Saaaa mmi ooo.

  17. #TeamKizito
    January 28, 07:34 Reply

    (The Karma story)

    Hmmm.

    *NP: Beyonce – Flawless (Ft. Chimamanda Ngozi Adiche)

  18. Samurai
    January 28, 07:47 Reply

    Nice journal entry.
    That’s all I’ve got to say oo.
    As for astroglide and KY jelly, my lips are sealed tightly.

    All these break-up issues are really heart-wrenching. And both occurring in the last holiday season??

    I know it’s not my place to suggest, but if there is still a chance that it might still work out, even if it is a 1% chance, you guys (DM and Max) should find your ways back to your SO’s.

    If there are 99 reasons to give up but there is just one single reason to hold on and fight for love and for the sustenance of the relationship, I think the fight is worth it.
    Na beg I dey beg o.

    Break-ups are one of the most painful things you can go through especially if you’re as hopelessly emotional as I am.

    • Dennis Macauley
      January 28, 07:59 Reply

      Samurai sometimes things are broken beyond repair, and you also have to find out if the other party wants to stay!

      Just like i said, I can give you the sun and the moon which are both awesome but you would rather have the stars. Not much i can do ei?

      • MacArdry
        January 28, 09:51 Reply

        I really don’t think a good relationship can be broken beyond repair,but what do I know.I’ve only been in this one well nigh on two years and it’s still going strong.
        What Samurai said though,if there’s just that one reason…….I think you should get back together.
        As for asking for the stars…………a Babylon candle or Stormhold’s Ruby can get you some.

  19. Colossus
    January 28, 07:50 Reply

    “Speaking of the gaybourhood, one thing that is not cool is discrimination amongst us, especially of effeminate guys. I have said it on this blog before that gay men come in different shapes, sizes and demeanor, and none is inferior to the other. I do realize that people have a right to their personal and sexual preferences, but being nasty to another gay man just because he is effeminate is just wrong.”

    Hmmmmm!

    • pinkpanthertb
      January 28, 07:55 Reply

      LOL!
      Colossus! Lmao.
      Its funny how you practically said nothing and said so much still.

  20. Constant
    January 28, 08:30 Reply

    Well done Dennis, nice rantings…BTW….i missed Mrs M, even though she is “imaginary” to some. I pray you move on soon….

  21. Khaleesi
    January 28, 09:52 Reply

    Dennis, the bitter truth is that you are unique, an overwhelming number of Nigerians are actually ‘brain dead, no offence to them, but in the struggle to survive in a harsh economy, very little time is left for the pursuit of intellectually uplifting pursuits. To be honest, i can actually identify with what those expats are saying. Its also true that a lot of them have over time developed this irritating condescension that drives me mad every time i see it.
    kissing and telling has become like an incurable disease to a number of gays, especialy tops it seems …
    Nice entry dennis, pls keep more of this coming …

  22. Pearle
    January 28, 09:53 Reply

    “but sometimes you may give someone the sun and the moon, and they’d rather have the stars” I have walked down this path before, we humans are simply the most complex of all puzzles, sometimes no amount of love deposited or insured is just enough. Here I was thinking you guys would getaway with the perfect gay love story, I thought wrong. I wish you guys the best in your pursuit of happiness, nice rantings Dennis, love the interconnectedness in your writing.

  23. Paul
    January 28, 10:04 Reply

    Jst wen I tot I was d dysfunctional one dat ds relationships do realy work out,here’s anoda reason dat fires my unbelief.
    A lot of pple here say-try and fix it,bt I knw pple end up with cuts fixing broken glasses.
    Do relationships as a whole Hetero/homo realy work-by relationships I’m including marriages.
    D stories I hear ds days jst makes me want to run to d zoo and live bcos being a human is becoming very complicated ds days
    Or do we have to test many waters till we find d ryt one and @ d end of d day our body count breaks d scale?
    Wicheva wayz, I may neva get d ansas I truly seek.

    • MacArdry
      January 28, 10:45 Reply

      Relationships do work,Paul.And yes,some broken ones can be fixed.Thing is,for most of those knocking relationships,they fear of vulnerability that comes with relationship is what they’re yet to get beyond.Also,the word compromise still seem a strange tongue for most Nigerians.

    • Gad
      January 29, 06:26 Reply

      It’s quite sad that in even from the environment around you you are not yet sure that relationships works. I’m having a difficult time imagining the type of community where you have existed. The difference between gay relationships and straight marriages (from my observation) is that in the former people come empty handed with a load of expectations while in the later both come determined to give their best,their ALL

  24. Colossus
    January 28, 10:50 Reply

    My condolence on your break up, I’m sure you’re getting emotionally stronger.
    I don’t know you, won’t pretend I do but the persona you ooze out is amazing and it would be sad if it was diminished. I do believe in the power of love, even though I don’t seek it out, it has found me countless of times and it has saved me. Love found you, it made you better and it would continually do so, bumps aside, you shall rise again.
    Relationships are tricky and you come off as a monogamous man so I’m positive you’ll seek it out again. Hopefully next time, it would be better than the last.

    Do I want you telling sex stories? No! That’s my opinion. Would you tell it? Popular opinion might sway you so I never can tell.

    So pinky can be an emotional rock? Hmmm, who knew.

      • Colossus
        January 28, 12:13 Reply

        I beg to differ Biko. I still have the dozens of handkerchief he has cried on. Don’t get me started on his pillow, poor thing has heard enough sobs to last a lifetime

        • pinkpanthertb
          January 28, 12:20 Reply

          Hahahahahahahaa Colossus, so its my nyash you’re blowing (no pun intended) open for the world to see, abi? Diaris God o

      • Max
        January 28, 18:11 Reply

        Pp the mother Theresa…

  25. trystham
    January 28, 11:38 Reply

    It was all about Mrs M 1st,.then I checked back and it became Beyonce. Anyway, I dunno y the 1st sets of commenters wondered at the break-up. We av all seen how big DM’s roving eye is. The man is a Cakes-o-philiac of life.

    Iluvmua, don’t lemme.change my mind on that thing I had said o. I can’t imagine how DM can make all that sense u av take flight likedis. Take water and SIT DOWN

  26. Khaleesi
    January 28, 11:38 Reply

    Dennis, what can i say about your breakup? You and Mrs M were a great match, but then … humans are what they are … you’re obviously a commitment type, you will hurt for a while but then you will in all likelihood find someone else who’ll restore your smiles as well as your belief in love.
    And biko, i personally want/need the explicit graphic sex stories biko! whats life without a bit of raunchy dirtiness encased in layers of hedonism?

  27. KyrxxX
    January 28, 12:21 Reply

    *batting eyelashes* U heard right boo………. Or do u prefer leather or lingeries? Anything for the man behind my wetdreams……. Ooooops! Dreams I meant ***flees***.

  28. Mrs M
    January 28, 15:07 Reply

    I see y’all just be happy Dennis & I are no more.
    I miss you any #enoughsaid

    • Ace
      January 28, 16:05 Reply

      Oh! Here He is! DM finally reactivated your account huh? Hope this isn’t the last we see of you. Good looks.

      • Gad
        January 29, 08:34 Reply

        Hmmmm. Are our minds working together?

    • KyrxxX
      January 28, 17:40 Reply

      Mstcheeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeewwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwww!

  29. A-non
    January 28, 21:25 Reply

    Great rants Dennis!

    Learnt a few things from today’s post – chief of them being to continously live my life for me and not be overtly bothered about what people will say or think. Thanks again and again for reiterating that at every opportunity you have.

    With regards to your relationship with Mrs. M, I can only wish you and him quick recovery and the ability to love again.

    • Gad
      January 29, 08:45 Reply

      I bet you life will be more meaningful when there is a balance. While living it your life for self allow some openings for people around you and I bet you by the time you realize the futility of living exclusively for self, you will be glad that you didn’t because by then you would have escaped the hazards it brings in its ruinous strides.

  30. s_sensei
    January 28, 21:51 Reply

    Sorry about your break up, DM. Loved this entry. Keep it up!

  31. A-non
    January 28, 22:40 Reply

    @Dennis, any idea where I can get Jude Dibia’s books in Lagos?

    Tried looking for it last year in several high brow bookshops here but had no luck.

  32. Gad
    January 29, 05:18 Reply

    The decision not to relay sex scenes honestly earned you my respect. Gay relationships usually don’t last and to me it’s worrisome. Could it be a function of not knowing the real meaning of love or just selfishness? This is yet another wonderful piece however let me use this opportunity to say this. Life becomes more meaningful and beautiful when sometimes we forget about self and give up somethings for others. Be more accommodating and friendly to your cousin while her visit lasts. You told us how you ordered a lady out of your car sometime ago. Well for me that’s a minus. An opportunity lost. Yes, you lost the chance to talk sense into her ignorant head. Anyway,I look forward to your writings. Well done.

    • MacArdry
      January 29, 07:42 Reply

      Why were you hiding this you before,Gad?.

      • Gad
        January 29, 08:37 Reply

        Can you be clearer?

      • MacArdry
        January 29, 10:38 Reply

        I mean I like this incarnation of Gad better than the previous one.You marshal your points better,pass them across in a much better manner.

        • Gad
          January 29, 14:24 Reply

          This place is really living up to its aim of educating through entertainment. The other day it was an improvement on Gad,s lexical structures and now it’s reincarnation of a new Gad that marshals out points better in a more better manner. Guys the fact is that when an opinion don’t agree with yours you think it’s nonsense and unknown to you, your prejudice blinds you to other things

          • pinkpanthertb
            January 29, 17:15 Reply

            Lol. True that, Gad. Just wait until you start disagreeing with them, the new and improved Gad will cease to exist. Lol

    • MacArdry
      January 29, 19:26 Reply

      Actually,have not disagreed with you nor thought your stand or that of any other comment nonsense,excepting that of the man-child Chiz.But yes,I quite like this incarnation of you.Tis far better than what obtained past year.

      • Gad
        January 29, 19:58 Reply

        Thanks but I’m still me. Will always be me.

  33. Absalom
    January 29, 06:25 Reply

    Mrs M and Dennis, I’m sorry about your breakup. Wish you two all the best. Hugs.

  34. Lord II
    January 29, 18:13 Reply

    125 comments and maybe counting….go D. Anyway issorait to break up and that ya line sef wey you write there….em about the sun and moon and stars!!!LMAO! Don’t they all!

    Anyway am so loving your recent ramblings and pls make it more raunchy…Biko I also need some contact to Jude’s books he’s an old acquaintance.

    ION I am at Warri and having lots of fun with…u know who na..KEVIN! Hmm let’s just say this warri is nat buoreen atall o!

    • Gad
      January 29, 19:51 Reply

      Lord, that’s not cool you know

      • Lord II
        January 29, 20:28 Reply

        Eh sorry dear Gad but which of my comments up there ‘don’t u find ‘cool’ biko?

        • Gad
          January 29, 20:51 Reply

          Warri, fun with kelvin. Relaying what you did in the closet might be cool with you but consider how your partner might feel if you he gets to know besides certain things ought to be dropped as one advances with age and experience

      • Lord II
        January 30, 05:57 Reply

        Haba Gad warri is fun don’t mean all out raunchy tins it just might be sight seeing speech giving cinema watching and beach enjoyments…..take your mind outa d gutter biko!

        • pinkpanthertb
          January 30, 06:42 Reply

          Sight seeing… Speech giving… Cinema watching… Beach enjoyment… With Kevin.

          Right.

          And I’m in line to be ordained the next Pope.

        • Gad
          January 30, 09:56 Reply

          Well,its okay. Just that I feel it’s not right to mention names of who you hook up with here,

      • Lord II
        January 30, 08:33 Reply

        Haba Pinky ahhahahhhhaha let a man be jo! Warri looks fyne this wonderful morning….anyone for tea?

        • Gad
          January 30, 10:38 Reply

          It seems we have a new convert to the tea drinking craze. DM, you must be a good evangelist

  35. victor
    January 30, 07:07 Reply

    Lady gaga give us new post oh,its 2 days now

  36. mirage
    January 30, 07:18 Reply

    So the infamous mr&mrs macaulay came crashing?do gay relationships in Nigeria really deserve the shot?*rolls eyes from ph to PP’s bedroom*and the habit of guys turning off their phones when they don’t like the,smh that’s the worst thing ever.Me no matter how much i don’t like the person I stop 4 a chat,then the person can go.

    • Lord II
      January 30, 08:36 Reply

      Ha! Even when the person is flaming rainbows all over the place….hmMm abeg me no go lie u go hold your bodi small abeg

    • Gad
      January 30, 10:22 Reply

      Former Mr and Mrs macaulay infamous? That’s news to me. Gay relationships don’t last for obvious reasons in Nigeria and other climes. Ditto for gay marriages. The irony of the whole thing is that those agitating 4 gay marriages are the same people telling us that they can’t keep faithful relationships.

      • pinkpanthertb
        January 30, 11:12 Reply

        Gay marriages don’t last? What sort of nonsense are you spewing? And in what gay clime are you inferring this?

        • Gad
          January 30, 11:39 Reply

          Which nonsense are you talking about? The one I’m reading or another one?

          • pinkpanthertb
            January 30, 13:20 Reply

            Read your comment on gay marriages again and consider the fact that that comment is the most unintelligent you’ve ever made on this blog.

            • Gad
              January 30, 13:59 Reply

              I have gone through my comments over and over again. I have also given it careful thoughts in relation to your reaction. The only thing I could see was that the opinion I expressed on gay marriage contrasts sharply with yours. If difference in opinion is “nonsense” or “unintelligent”, than you need to introduce me to the publishers of the dictionary you are using.

              • pinkpanthertb
                January 30, 15:47 Reply

                Whatever. I’d delve into that comment in an attempt to educate you but i suspect that would be a waste of my time.

                • Gad
                  January 30, 16:05 Reply

                  Time is priceless. Better don’t waste it

  37. Jace
    January 30, 08:20 Reply

    No new post in 2 days…. And they are wondering why I’m so disoriented.

    • Lord II
      January 30, 08:30 Reply

      Jace calm down bae…you re not the only one whose hooked on KD….ave been staring at my phone for ever waiting for my fix…abeg pinky do ojare..we miss our dose!

      • Jace
        January 30, 09:53 Reply

        @Lord II *In Sam Smith’s Voice* I know I’m not the only one.

  38. MacArdry
    January 30, 09:56 Reply

    Evening came and morning came,the 2nd day.No new post.
    Pinky,what’s happening?.Or has KD been “hacked” like AIT ni?

    • Lord II
      January 30, 10:44 Reply

      AIT has been hacked? Oh goodness now am a lastma in this.

  39. Sinnex
    January 30, 16:15 Reply

    I thought it was my phone or internet network.
    Who knows maybe PP has been Kitoed….

Leave a Reply