RANTINGS OF A RANDOM (Gay) NIGERIAN (Entry 8)

RANTINGS OF A RANDOM (Gay) NIGERIAN (Entry 8)

As a child, my nickname was Konan The Destroyer (Did anyone watch that movie as a child?), because I had a tendency to break stuff that were previously working – toys, remote controls, watches etc. I would either rip an item apart myself to figure out how it works and what’s inside, or I would most likely step on it one day without knowing and break it. My folks always endeavoured to keep valuable stuff out of my reach. And I got more than a few spanks for this, no matter the fact that they were subconscious deeds.

I am a grown ass man now, but that characteristic hasn’t quite gone away. I am still somewhat clumsy. Figurines fall off my hands all the time and break. I always have a pouch for my smartphones, otherwise they could get broken in less than a week of purchase. I visit some of my close friends and they kind of stalk me around the house while we chat, and if they see I am getting too close to something expensive and breakable, they will step in between me and the stuff.

I did not realize how bad it was until I began to notice at work that whenever I walk too close to somebody’s desk, they would hold their computers down with two hands; apparently I have tripped on wires a few times before and sent printers and computers crashing down to the floor, so they kind of protect their stuff. I am wondering if it is a real thing, as in something I can see Sensei about.

*

I live in Port Harcourt, a city that I absolutely love (besides the traffic of course), and some of my friends call me the Mayor of Port Harcourt. lol. There is of course a mayor of this city.

However, today, I shall accept this title, albeit honorary, and give you guys a few pointers on cruising in Port Harcourt. If you are new in this town and looking to meet guys or at least just cruise without going through the hassles of Grindr, 2go (*shudder*) and Manjam (creep mall), let me give you a rundown of what you should do.

  1. On the weekend, go to Gifty’s Daughter (a spa on Khana Street in D-Line), and you will most likely find a few gay men getting facials. (You may or may not find me there too, depending on my financial situation *sigh*) If any Nollywood celebrity is in town, you are likely going to see them there, getting ‘something’ done.
  2. If twinks are your thing, then head to Mr Price at the Port Harcourt mall; it is almost an annex of the University of Port Harcourt. Cheap, casual clothing brings the boys to the yard, plus there are changing rooms where you can spy a live feed (JUDGE NUT).
  3. Head on down to Kusina in the evening of a weekend. This is a karaoke place on Woji Road in GRA Phase Two, and I can bet you that you will certainly find a few divas fighting over the microphone to prove that Adele has nothing on them. If karaoke is not your thing and you prefer a live band, then move down to Cheers Bar, where you will most likely find me and my gang on a Friday night. Just chill till the music comes on, and the masks will come off along with the hair pins. Lol.
  4. If all of this fails and you are really desperate (bless me father for I am about to sin), head down to Christ Embassy on Sunday morning. Don’t go to any small neighborhood branch, move straight to the regional headquarters along Psychiatric Hospital Road, and take your pick from the sea of young men in shiny suits and jerry-curled hair, and thank me later.

Don’t ask me how I know these things; I just know them. *blowing air gently on my coffee and taking a sip*

*

My coworkers are trying to match-make me with yet another girl, and it is all too funny.

This time, they picked a new employee at another branch who I must admit is ravishingly beautiful, but I admire her the way you would admire a painting, not really with anything sexual going on in my mind. She has been getting too close for comfort to me, and I am trying to find a way to curve her (that’s the pop culture word, right?) without hurting her feelings.

We were on a work trip to Lagos recently, and when I arrived with my own people at the hotel we were to stay, the new girl had already arrived and was sitting at the reception (stalker much?). She hugged and greeted me with excitement, a gesture I did not reciprocate. And when I was headed upstairs, she asked for my room number. I responded with a lie, reeling out a room number I’d picked out of thin air. Thirty minutes later, she was at my room; of course, my nosy female colleague, who thinks we are a good match, had given her the right number. We were supposed to go out to grab a bite, but the rest of the group intentionally bailed on us. Eventually I found myself sitting alone with her in Cold-Stone Creamery, forcing awkward conversation. (For the first time, the ice cream in that place did not taste good; I felt stifled).

The following day, just before the session started, one of my married female colleagues brought up the girl’s matter again, and while we were on it, another swooped in on us with the same topic. The first one exclaimed: “Oh Dennis, we did not plan it ooo… This is God speaking to you, the voice of man is the voice of God… That girl fits you perfectly and you are not exactly getting younger…” I just listened out of respect, as they are older than me by more than a few years. Inwardly however, I berated myself, as this is the result of getting too close to people; they begin to poke their noses into your affairs.

I put an end to the matter by telling them that marriage is not in my cards at the moment, and that at this age that we are in, no girl wants a boyfriend; their sights are set firmly on the altar, wedding band in tow. So seeing as I am not ready for marriage, there is no point starting a relationship now. That ended the subject temporarily while I ogled the new male intern. (Again, Judge Nut)

*

Amongst my friends and some folk here on KD, I have a reputation for being a twink lover (*plugs in Korede Bello’s music*). And while I’ll admit that I have robbed a cradle or two in the past (all over 18, please), I am not exactly a twink-ho. The truth is that I like me a slim man – well toned body, flat abs, lean and waiflike muscle frame (no akpans, please), high cheekbones and strong jaw line (Hello, Max). However I am 28 years old, and the sad reality is that many men around my age don’t come that way. I was telling a friend the other day that slim men without a pot belly and over 30 are an endangered species. (Except, you consider vampires like Bisi Alimi) And I will not be attracted to you if you cannot take care of your body – the greatest gift you own.

I will probably get some flak for this here, but let me just share my opinion on this matter. I agree that genetics has a big role to play on body issues, but I also expect that we put in some effort. In my experience, I have found that exercise is not that hard if you can find something you can enjoy, and the options are limitless; dancing, running, tennis, cycling, basketball, swimming, football etc. Find something that you enjoy doing and get into shape doing it. Do it for your health, but also importantly, do it to love the body that you see when the clothes come off.

The young men that I often like do come pre-baked, according to specifications. But as we get older, your body begins to change, which is why you should take responsibility for it and put things in shape; if you so desire, that is.

Have a great week guys.

OAN: I had dinner with Mercury over the weekend. Nothing fancy, we just stuffed our faces with French fries and gulped glasses of Orijin while we talked about love, life and all things in between. I think it is the start of a mutually beneficial (*cough*) friendship.

I would also like to clarify that he has the sexiest lips ever and cakes of eternity. Anyway the evening ended late in the night, and I may or may not have dropped him off where he was staying. Pardon me, but my memory is a bit hazy from all that beer.

XOXO

DM

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174 Comments

  1. Masked Man
    March 04, 05:22 Reply

    I have hot vigorous sex 3 times every fucking week. That’s enough exercise, papi.

    Last time, Pinky’s ass was sexy after some cans of beer.
    Now it’s Mecury’s, after some orijin.
    Can’t wait to see Chizzie on this list.

  2. Pete
    March 04, 05:30 Reply

    Is somebody dining with KDians?

    • pinkpanthertb
      March 04, 05:32 Reply

      Yea, lunch with me. Dinner with Mercury. DM appears to be on a roll. What’s next, breakfast in bed with Chizzie? 😀

      • Samurai
        March 04, 05:58 Reply

        He is single and searching. I think he should be pardoned. No?

      • R.A
        March 04, 06:02 Reply

        Lmao! That I would so love to read about. The tension between them, phew!

        Cakes, lips, jawline….this house is packed

  3. Masked Man
    March 04, 05:41 Reply

    I can’t bite you oh! Don want o get infected with the destroying virus.

  4. Max
    March 04, 05:56 Reply

    About “getting fat at 30”, I just hate it when people feel helpless about the situation.. But here’s a fix— STOP EATING MORE THAN YOU NEED!!!!!.
    You can’t get fat if you don’t eat…
    Good morning everyone.

    • chestnut
      March 04, 08:04 Reply

      Lol@ “YOU CAN’T GET FAT IF YOU DON’T EAT”… So harsh,but so true!LMAO

      • Gad
        March 04, 08:47 Reply

        Am I weird? I hardly eat except fruits and small vegetables occasionally and I have been adding weight inspite of my exercises. Colleagues and friends says it’s as a result of peace of mind but…Been thinking

    • Peak
      March 04, 08:20 Reply

      Are we encouraging ppl develop a eating disorder just to get a chance to fill ur bed for 5 to 15 minutes, after which they get kicked out and I worse case, u forget they ever exist afterwards? Come on ppl! Sorry but I’m not buying into ur brand of pollution.

      After una go say ppl no love themselves enough, thanks for making ppl feel extra happy with themselves and their body

      • pinkpanthertb
        March 04, 08:23 Reply

        I’ve deliberately stayed away from Max’s rant because of my reservations. Thin is not the going syllable for attractive.

      • chestnut
        March 04, 08:30 Reply

        Hahaha…peak,sweetie,calm down. We’re not telling anyone to become anorexic; heck,I personally have a very healthy appetite,and I’d like to believe I don’t eat less than my body actually NEEDS(not “wants”). We’re just saying, don’t make a constant habit of eating more than what ur body needs,as an adult. Even from a medical stand-point, an adult should, at least,aim for a balance btwn caloric-intake and caloric-output,daily (a SMALL deficit is actually ideal,for an adult, but where u can’t reach a small deficit,at least strive for a balance)

      • Dennis Macaulay
        March 04, 08:33 Reply

        Peak that was all max! I am a foodie which is why I work out constantly else I will be very fat now.
        I believe in eating very well, at least I have three good meals day. The trick is to balance the rate at which you consume them with the rate at which you burn them but I’m sure you already know this.

    • Peak
      March 04, 08:46 Reply

      Chestnut de there de speack big big grammer and scientific gbogbo e! Una no try 4 the above statement! This ur back tracking and damage control grammar way u de blow, me I no see am.

      • chestnut
        March 04, 11:48 Reply

        Hahaha. Peak oooo! I’m sorry if my earlier comment seemed like it didn’t represent my true views on the issue at hand: I am NOT an advocate of eating disorders o, or any other harmful lifestyle practice that sacrifices good health at the altar of vanity. Personally, I can (and frequently do) eat for Africa, but I try to control myself and make sure that I don’t go overboard. I definitely don’t deprive my body of what it needs though,and I don’t advise anyone to do so.I just think ppl should try to figure out their own individual needs (as can be seen below):
        @Gad: different ppl have different metabolic rates and thus, different caloric needs. Fruits and veggies are generally fine and can aid in weight management,but they are not a bullet-proof vest. If u eat only fruits and veggies (like u claim) and still put on weight,then obviously,the fruits u eat are providing more than what ur body needs/burns.u need to cut down on the fruits and veggies then. “Starvation” is sometimes a relative term; most ppl would say a person that eats only 3 apples a day,and nothing else,is starving himself, but if those 3 apples are making him add weight,would u still call that starvation? It would seem the 3 apples are sufficient (and even excessive) enough to meet (and surpass) his specific caloric needs and BMR.

        • Gad
          March 04, 13:15 Reply

          @ chestnut, thanks a lot

    • Max
      March 04, 12:28 Reply

      I see ya’ll have been in my bidniss!!!
      I say it again, for all the fatso’s here, starvation is the quickest way to shed the weight.. I’m not encouraging anorexia or anything, but if you want quick results, work out and eat less.. And @Pinky, does the “fat” thing strike a cord or two??
      And you too peak..
      Any grown man who weighs more than 80Kg is already overweight… If that weight isn’t muscle mass.
      I’m not here to fat shame anyone, just saying its time to stop feeling sorry for yourself and do the right thing.
      I see fat people who run every morning.. They’ve been doing so for quite a while without any results. Why??
      They still consume more than they need. You can actually calculate it mathematically.. Its that straightforward.
      If you’re fat, any carb is your enemy.. That includes coldstone ice cream(**looks @pinky with side eye), bread, biscuit, burger, pizza, etc..
      Focus more on eating more protein and vitamins, as your body already have enough energy stored up(hello fat).
      The difficult road is always the one less taken.
      If you don’t give a damn about your looks or you don’t care about the constant fat shaming you get, then eat away… Fried chicken and all..

      • chestnut
        March 04, 12:51 Reply

        Hahaha. Max,anyone above 80kg is overweight? Even a (non-muscular) man who is 6ft 6inches tall? I’m 85kg (been 85kg for over 10 years now) and 6ft 2 or 3…some ppl have actually called me “too skinny for my taste”!

      • Max
        March 04, 13:10 Reply

        That’s science speaking, not me @Chestnut. And 6″ 2? Wow. I had a shorter image of you in my head. You know the chestnut thingy and your mischievousness. Mischievous people are usually short. Got me fooled, just like Khallie. Dude doesn’t look anything like his online persona..

        How old are you again?? **coughs
        And again, I said “over weight” @85.. Not fat. Fat starts when you can’t feel your bones anymore. Nigerians had a thing for fat in the past, but I think its changing. Maybe that’s why they say you’re skinny. In the past anyone that wasn’t fat was termed unhealthy and poor.

    • Peak
      March 04, 13:54 Reply

      Ok! Which version of Max woke up to day?
      Cos the version that is typing all these BS sounds like a BIMBO!
      Dude its all about being comfortable with urself. DM de talk about him preference. Just cos he likes skinny bitches doesn’t mean the rest of the world has to tow that line.
      Starve? Really? Ur boyfriend go try well well ooooooo. I for like answer u, but pipo like u, una matter na face to face matter.

      • Max
        March 04, 14:41 Reply

        I’m gonna a assume that you’ve not lost your mind. I get that you feel a Lil uneasy when issues about self image are raised here. Maybe you have a few you need to go sort out yourself. You sound vindictive for no reason. Too much Fat is bad(obesity), no matter what you wanna say about it. I repeat again, no one is trying to fat shame anyone here, its good to encourage fat people about self image, but don’t encourage them to keep stuffing them self with unhealthy diet.
        And also, no one is saying everyone should be skinny just because they like skinny people, I’m not attracted to white people generally, doesn’t mean I hate them, or say everyone should be black.
        Get your head straight before commenting on certain things here.
        And as for boyfriend, I don’t have one and I’m not searching.
        As for the face to face talk, I don’t think you can handle it. I can be just as annoying as I can be friendly.. All depends on your behavior.

  5. Samurai
    March 04, 06:01 Reply

    And Dennis, stuffing your face with French fries, after advising us to be slim and trim…
    What was it Jesus said about the pharisees? Anyone?
    I’m judging NUT, by the way. 😉

    • Dennis Macauley
      March 04, 06:03 Reply

      Samurai I see whay you did there! I did a 15km run the next morning as penance!

  6. A-non
    March 04, 06:11 Reply

    About the guys at Christ Embassy, I have heard enough stories from the grape vine to last me a year…COZA seems to be picking up from where it left off. Daystar ones are very coded but if you look well, you go see wetin you wan see…ditto Convenant Christian Centre.

    As for the body thing, remember people like different flavours o! Some guys love their guys as round as possible feeding on their man boobs and all…so in this case na one man’s meat is another man’s poison.

    Overall, great entire. Love the way you have separated each new line of thought with a paragraph and an asterisk., makes it more coherent and makes for an easier read.

    Thanks for sharing and have you a Wonderful Wednesday!!!

    • Max
      March 04, 06:17 Reply

      “Feeding on man boobs”.. Kinda brought grotesque images to my head.. **ewww

      • A-non
        March 04, 06:22 Reply

        Lool…different things sail people’s boats joor!

        Get on with the programme!

      • JArch
        March 04, 08:07 Reply

        I love me a bit of man boobs tho

        The kind of Forest Whitaker man boobs. I could do anything to cuddle up to that man even for a day

      • trystham
        March 04, 08:56 Reply

        *retch* Man boobs bawo? That thing is like another fold on fat ppl. CHEST ppl. Work with me!!!

    • Dennis Macauley
      March 04, 06:21 Reply

      Anon i just talked about my own personal preferences and opinions na

    • Peak
      March 04, 08:31 Reply

      I ve done man boobs b4! And ppl who ve them don’t joke with it at all, some consider it as their sexiest asset and are afraid of losing them to weight loss.
      Now that I think of it, I loved the feel of it in my hand when I grabbed then from the back.lol
      @Max u can now puke ur intestine now *smiling*

      • Max
        March 04, 09:22 Reply

        **Barfs on coffee table**
        Someone get me a towel pls!!

      • chestnut
        March 04, 11:58 Reply

        Wait peak, some men don’t want to lose their “moobs”? Really? U’re joking, right? That’s like saying some ppl are scared of losing a pot-belly. Meeeehn, except if ur bf is freaky like that,or if ur jazz is in ur moobs, I don’t see why u should be protecting it o! It’s not like they give out prizes for being as busty as Nicki Minaj.

      • Pete
        March 04, 12:50 Reply

        Chestnut, I have moobs & I don’t wanna lose it. Perfectly happy with my weight

      • Max
        March 04, 13:14 Reply

        You too @Pete??,maybe you both should meet up and do nasty things to yourselves.

        As for me, any skinny bishes in the house???

    • Peak
      March 04, 15:11 Reply

      @chestnut, those ppl do exist ooooo! Just as some ppl are uncomforble losing weight cos they don’t want to lose their butt, some are scared of losing their tits. To each his own.

      @Max I try not to do the whole body image thing. One thing is for sure 6packs and firm butt will fade away, but a good heart and great personality will always remain.
      But truth be told, skinny bixshes can put it down shaaaaa!!! @ least the few I ve seen. And they can easily be lifted and positioned around. U know, allow u make good use of the room …..or apartment lol. *lights a cigarette while waiting for maX to come after me. *flashes big grin*

  7. Brian Collins
    March 04, 06:16 Reply

    So Mercury is a PH resident too? Interesting.
    Today’s post was definitely exciting. Dennis, i don’t wanna go to hell with you but i gotta say this. The Garrison branch of Christ Embassy is also a sure bet for a sea of fine twinks with jheri curled hair. Lemme not forget to mention Hilltop Christian Centre.
    Also, can someone pls tell oga that he is not so old o. I saw Konan the destroyer as a kid too.

    • Dennis Macauley
      March 04, 06:20 Reply

      Lol! Garrison is a zonal headquaters na, so twinks are in plenty supply. The suits are usually a bit tight and glossy then the gel packed glistening hair.

  8. Samurai
    March 04, 06:25 Reply

    As for me, I don’t kmow any Konan the Destroyer. Never even heard of it before today. What I know is Conan the Barbarian.
    So maybe, just maybe, you guys should be sporting white beards now.

  9. A-non
    March 04, 06:42 Reply

    Bia Dennis, okwa isi na idighi aga ulo uka?

    Kedu ka isi were mara nke bu zonal na nke bu regional headquarters ndi Christ Embassy?

    Ejim odu anya na ele gi anya!

    • Dennis Macauley
      March 04, 06:44 Reply

      Thatnused to be my church na! They served the strongest opium in Nigeria. You will be so high you cant think straight *pun intended*

      • A-non
        March 04, 07:03 Reply

        Aha!

        Ekwurum ya ekwu!

        Asi kwam!

    • Peak
      March 04, 08:58 Reply

      Lol A non u no well @ all!

      Una de force me read igbo by force 4 here! Sometimes I endup with serious headaches! Wait sef shey una grow up 4 village ni? U, Max, Dennis (sometimes) and our in house igbo lecturer KryxXx

      • Max
        March 04, 09:19 Reply

        Arches eyebrow @Peak..

      • chestnut
        March 04, 12:10 Reply

        …And me o! Peak how could u forget to add my name to d list of “Igbo” Professors? Do u know what I made in igbo language in my WAEC and GCE? Dianyi,kpachara anya gi o! Be very kiaful! This kind of oversight is will not be tolerated next time!

    • Peak
      March 04, 10:03 Reply

      Honey! Only eyebrows? Why na ? was hoping u would arch that back a lil too *grinning mischievously*

      • Max
        March 04, 12:35 Reply

        That hoe skl you’re attending is finally paying off..
        Your lecturer will be proud @Peak

  10. wazzosgrotto
    March 04, 07:06 Reply

    Hilarious Dennis ;D Who knew PH was this colourful? Keep on ranting on baby!

  11. Gad
    March 04, 07:22 Reply

    When it has got to the level where hosts and colleagues stay on guard to fore stall your imminent damage to items around you,one can,t help but be concerned about your mental health.seek help without further delay.thank God that apart from sensei,you have a psychiatric facility near your hang-out.i was in PH last weekend and i will agree with you that its a fine city.cities like PH,Lag,Aba,Osha are no go areas for me.i hate ghettos.I will rather choose Abuja,Enugu,uyo,my village or any other Nigerian village

    • Chizzie
      March 04, 07:32 Reply

      any other Nigerian village? really…k come pay the village I am in a visit… you’ll have a nervous breakdown after a few minutes

    • Max
      March 04, 07:38 Reply

      So I’m guessing you’re not in any if these places you mentioned..meaning you’re in a village @Gad.

      • Gad
        March 04, 08:04 Reply

        Why do you wanna know? Hope you are not planning a visit because I wont want that.

      • Max
        March 04, 08:35 Reply

        The only reason I’d pay you a visit(Even though I don’t care abt you that much), is to help confine you into a rehab.

        • Gad
          March 04, 09:10 Reply

          @ Max, hahaha,your trick won’t work on me. You want to lure me into the cult of idemili deity. #holyghost……….fire.#

      • Max
        March 04, 09:26 Reply

        You’re from Anambra state(Educated guess) , that’s why you know know the spelling of the deity..
        Is there something you’re not telling us?

        • Gad
          March 04, 09:55 Reply

          Educated guess indeed

      • chestnut
        March 04, 12:04 Reply

        Max and Gad…**smiling softly to myself and playing with rose-petals**

      • MacArdry
        March 04, 18:52 Reply

        @chestnut,that ought to read Max,Gad and grey pubes.Still watching those two in 3D.
        Back to my #Nnodumene mode

      • Gad
        March 04, 08:13 Reply

        I hate traffic. Any where with constant heavy traffic to me is a ghetto. Can you imagine children spending 3hours in the traffic to and from school? What will you have, African china,tuface idibia,dbang,N.U.R.T.W members etc in the making. Have I looked for trouble?

        • pinkpanthertb
          March 04, 08:17 Reply

          Hehehehee. Gad, biko leave me. If traffic is your definition of a ghetto, then you’re forgiven.

          • Gad
            March 04, 08:58 Reply

            Thanks. That’s generous

  12. Chizzie
    March 04, 07:29 Reply

    any girl or guy and this is fact…that finds you attractive is either blind or desperate, cus you are a walking caricature of the antonym of
    that very word itself. And who exactly are you kidding that u are 28? Negro, pls dont. And you arent slim! you are skinny and malpropotioned with a head and teeth larger than every other part of ur body.

    I kunt deal with your delusions…I can -not!

    • Max
      March 04, 07:48 Reply

      I see they’ve paid allowee… #NewBandWidthPurchase

      • Gad
        March 04, 08:16 Reply

        Talking from experience?

      • Chizzie
        March 04, 08:42 Reply

        funny. but they haven’t actually.

      • Ace
        March 04, 13:38 Reply

        Max! Bitch!!! Hahahhahahahaha no!!!!!!! No!!!!! Hahahahahhahahahahha I can’t! I am laughing crazy!

    • posh666
      March 04, 16:10 Reply

      Lmaoooo gosh here i was tinkin am mean.hi chizzie how u doin in *wendys*voice

  13. Pete
    March 04, 07:39 Reply

    Is PH as fine as you made it sound. I did my MSc there & hated every bit of it. Traffic, unplanned city,exorbitant cost of living, ikwerre estates etc.

    • Dennis Macaulay
      March 04, 07:43 Reply

      Traffic is crazy as hell, the cost of living is also high because of local inflation. Ikwerre estates? No! You can live in the more cosmopolitan areas and be fine, in my experience living with the locals is a big Kito waiting to happen.

      I think ultimately what makes a city fun is the people you know there and the friends you have there.

      I love my pitakwa city❤

  14. JArch
    March 04, 07:54 Reply

    Konan- it’s been long I heard that name. I think you and my older brothers share that in common. They would destroy their toys and try to see what makes them tick and one of them would try to make some of his own modifications. I was the more careful one and my toys lasted more than theirs.

    As for the whole keeping in shape bit. I hated being a twink and wanted to snap out of that phase as quickly as possible. Thankfully I have, but now I am ever conscious of not going over the line and I like the same in a man. You can be an akpan but please have a bit meat too, twinks do absolutely nothing for me. Bisi Alimi is definitely a gorgeous man at 40, he’s an akpan but without being too overwhelming like Kenny Brandmuse *side eye to pinky*

    It’s all a matter of preference really. Some like it meaty some like it beefy and muscly and others like it slim and vegan.

    This your meeting with Mercury reminds me of the awesome time I had with Khaleesi in February. We had lunch with some friends of mine. He brought some friends of his as well and it was amaazzzzing.

    Lunch turned to dinner and dinner turned to mini party. Khaleesi can be described as a swiss army knife. He’s handsome (I could see why James was swooning over him haha), really smart and keeps up a lively convo, he can dance (and is an awesome DJ)…. Give him a bit of champagne then a delicious meal with white wine, the queen mother is put to sleep and the inner party girl is unleashed hahaha…. We’re definitely planning another lunch/dinner/party again in the coming weeks.

    • Dennis Macaulay
      March 04, 07:59 Reply

      The Khaleesi? If i say what I want to do with him I will be sued for sexual harassment and seeing as Khaleesi is another Ms Keating let me just shut up

      • JArch
        March 04, 08:05 Reply

        Hahaha he’s definitely a head turner for sure. The boy is fynnnnn. So its not surprise you’re having thoughts about him. I haven’t seen him in the same sexual light as you DM but I know people are dreaming of doing things from naughty to nice with him cos of his sexiness

        • Gad
          March 04, 08:52 Reply

          Khalessi is fine? No wonder. Handsome guys are usually noble in character

      • JArch
        March 04, 09:13 Reply

        Gad c’mon…. Khaleesi is noble in character you can quote me on that any day. The reason you think and feel otherwise is because both of you have refused to see things from each other’s point of view. I feel if the opportunity presented itself for you guys to sit face to face and have a chat, it would become clear that there has been tons miscommunication and therefore misunderstood where the other was coming from.

        You and I would both agree that there are countless number of times where written words have been lost in translation and therefore no projecting its intended thought. Leading the reader to see and understand differently.

        • pinkpanthertb
          March 04, 09:16 Reply

          Jarch, you honestly didn’t need to fight that battle for Khaleesi. Lol. He’s the mother of dragons, no? 🙂

          • Gad
            March 04, 09:53 Reply

            Battle? Pp, even you. Well, for the avoidance of doubts, I said I’m not surprised that Khaaly is handsome because handsome dudes are usually noble in character. I thought it’s only poems that are usually not too easy to comprehend

            • pinkpanthertb
              March 04, 10:06 Reply

              Yes. Poems. And remarks made by querulous elderly man with a struggling penchant for sarcasm.

        • Gad
          March 04, 09:50 Reply

          Jarch,ironically, this comment of yours is a true representation of the misinterpretation you talked about because I clearly haven’t said or thought of what you implied. Read my comments again and effect the necessary corrections. No wonder people rejoice after writing an exams only to cry when results are out.

      • JArch
        March 04, 09:26 Reply

        Very true Pinky but I believe these two can see eye to eye on certain “heavy” issues without necessarily drawing blood.

        • pinkpanthertb
          March 04, 09:29 Reply

          There’s such a KING-sized wealth of meaning in that comment.

      • JArch
        March 04, 10:27 Reply

        Well then Gad you truly need to work on your separation of sarcasm from seriousness techniques. You’ve been sarcastic all day, naturally I (and hopefully other people) who read your comment about Khaleesi being nobel in character thought you were being sarcastic and referring to a previous article about hot guys being douche bags.

        Which is why pinky made use of the word battle. Cos apparently it came off as if you were throwing shade at Khaleesi. Hence my mini thesis about seeing things from each other’s perspective. Which pinky cautioned not to fight someone else’s battles

    • pinkpanthertb
      March 04, 08:14 Reply

      I want to be there ooooo!!! Jarch, so this is what you Abuja hussies have been up to, ei?

      • JArch
        March 04, 08:23 Reply

        Hahaha but Pinky i thought you were already in know about these friends of mine na. I’ll definitely keep you posted sha

        • pinkpanthertb
          March 04, 08:26 Reply

          I know, I know. And when you told me, did you not know how much I wished I had a leave coming soon so I’d skip and hop over to the capital city for some national cake fun? (No pun intended)

      • JArch
        March 04, 08:39 Reply

        Hahaha national cake fun…. you’re just a mess for this. Besides you don’t need to apply for leave you know it’s usually a Friday to Sunday thing. So you could jump in on the 7pm friday and bail out with the 12pm Sunday.

      • Max
        March 04, 09:01 Reply

        Bia Pinky, channel your inner proper lady… And put the hoe to sleep..

        • pinkpanthertb
          March 04, 09:10 Reply

          Why, Maxie, cos you want to be the only recognised hoe on KD this morning? *sweet smile*

      • JArch
        March 04, 09:20 Reply

        Lol DM we haven’t even fixed a date for the next one. Everyone here is going through a transition period professionally. So we haven’t put that much thought into it yet. But it’s definitely somthing that will happen again for sure when everyone is settled.

      • Max
        March 04, 09:38 Reply

        Wipe that smile from your face…

    • Khaleesi
      March 04, 10:48 Reply

      hehehehe @Jarch, yes bae, CANT WAIT!!!

      • Max
        March 04, 12:37 Reply

        So this is why u don’t wanna come to Lag again @Khallie

  15. chestnut
    March 04, 07:58 Reply

    Dennis, so u’re one of those terrors in whose hands no item is safe,ehn? I have one in my office,but his own is misplacement; my greatest fear is any day I’ll have to submit an important document to him; anything he touches disappears…FOREVER! (That’s not a mental illness tho…any excuse to lie on Sensei’s couch, aye? *side-eye*)
    U DO know ph sha! And those christ embassy boys…are some ppl really able to overlook the greasy,slimy jerry curls?really? No bueno! I can’t
    My dear,watching u weight wen u’re over 26 becomes harder…it takes a whole lot of discipline and self-deprivation *sigh*

    Oh,and yes; “Curve” IS the pop-culture term,lol.

    • Dennis Macaulay
      March 04, 08:03 Reply

      Lying on sensei’s couch
      *sigh*
      A boy can only dream.

      Some of the curly haired boys are cute no?

      • chestnut
        March 04, 08:17 Reply

        No. I’m sorry,I just can’t look past the grease… I know we’re not allowed to make “hair-jokes” anymore (#PatchouliOilAndWeed), but I feel like my pillows would end up with streaks of “ororo”…

        • pinkpanthertb
          March 04, 08:19 Reply

          Hahahahahahahaa. Chestnut, I’m saying a prayer for you. Just like I said for Giuliana Rancid…erm, sorry Rancic.

      • chestnut
        March 04, 08:38 Reply

        Hehehe…you pipu should leave my Guliana for me,biko! She did nothing wrong. I was going to answer that Zendaya on twitter,but I decided to respect my old age.

      • Max
        March 04, 09:04 Reply

        Joan boo would’ve gotten away with that comment.. Jiuliana wanted to jump ranks and bitch put her down.

      • Mercury
        March 04, 13:44 Reply

        Really Chestnut, Patchouli oil and weeds????, youre so messy, an Arny of cleaners can’t save you.

  16. Paul
    March 04, 08:49 Reply

    How can u mention PH churches and skip King’s Assembly on stadium road?
    Even d slogan of d church is U’d meet a friend here.there are some good peeps there I hear.
    Dose BLW guys irritate me
    Its d wannabes dat curl dia hair, wear shiny jackets, tight pants n den ds feminine carved shoes dat dey hawk 3 for 250.
    For your own good don’t try engaging them in a discussion- d fake accent will keep u comatose b4 d grammer puts d final nails to d coffin!

    • Gad
      March 04, 09:15 Reply

      How can such wickedness dwell in one man? Paul, you wicked ghan

    • Khaleesi
      March 04, 10:53 Reply

      Jisossss!!! LMAO!!!! Evill …. hahahahhaa

    • Mercury
      March 04, 13:46 Reply

      Oh my goodness, clutching my stomach…..Paul eyaff finish me.

  17. mirage
    March 04, 09:30 Reply

    DM that Christ Embassy Branch is where I worship,so you come there to hunt!have to tell pastor joy to hammer on when it comes to altar call. And yes, come in all your gayness pple cos christ is love*dancing 2 idi ebube by frank edward ft sinach,wearing heels too*

    • Dennis Macaulay
      March 04, 09:35 Reply

      Mirage I know your type! You are in the choir belting high notes and checking out the guys in the congregation. Hell awaits you! Lol

      • mirage
        March 04, 10:13 Reply

        Funny enough when people go about saying,slim,high cheek bone blah blah that’s a turn off for me.Like my dudes with flesh oh lord the softness just like teddies and I like ehm middle aged opposite to DM’s preference,so it’s really a matter of choice, so leave the chubby dudes alone*staight face*

      • mirage
        March 04, 10:15 Reply

        Funny enough when people go about saying,slim,high cheek bone blah blah that’s a turn off for me.Like my dudes with flesh oh lord the softness just like teddies and I like ehm middle aged opposite to DM’s preference,so it’s really a matter of choice, so leave the chubby dudes alone*straight face*

  18. Peak
    March 04, 10:08 Reply

    Abeg when are we getting a run down of the cool pick up/hook up spots in lagos? Me and PP wanna check it out so we can do a review of these places! Abi PP?

  19. Khaleesi
    March 04, 10:38 Reply

    muah!!! Dennis, another titillating piece, biko let me comment on a section by section basis …
    ***groans*** I dont know how anyone can love PH ooo, each time i have to visit there (never for more than few days at a time), every fiber of my being roils with an intense dislike for that city, other than the few OK – looking men i see walking by randomly on the street, there doesnt seem to be much going on there that would catch my fancy, and then … the endless horror stories i hear about the antics of gays there reinforce my dislike of the trash – Garden city .. No thank you!!
    yes, you’re right, Manjam and 2go are the Principal municipalities of Creep – Ville, just log onto 2go and enter the men’s lounge; you’ll be repulsed from head to foot @ the kind of brainless and inane commentary that goes down there ***shudders***. Grindr; i think is a lil bit better.
    and for your tendency to imbibe the live twink feeds @ Mr Price, hmmm …. Ashawo … akwuna …. ***Pulls out my Mountain of Fire tambourine and claps it rythmically over your head***
    Matchmaking colleagues are a major reason I prefer to maintain a friendly and cordial but DISTANT relationship with colleagues, i will be nice to you and all, but i’d prefer that we dont socialise not fraternice much outside of the office … if we bump into each other @ the mall or elsewhere, a simple smile and “hi” is sufficient and we should both be on our ways cos chances are i’ll either be alone or with person(s), i feel more comfortable around and hence wont be needing your presence for long that it takes to say “hi” … i often find the whole “you’re not getting any younger” line a bit weird, like is marriage some kind of magic wand that suddenly changes the fact that no – one, not even a new born baby gets younger, married or unmarried, the moment you’re born, you start to age – its a fact of life for as long as manking has been around!
    and taking care of the body; i could write an entire thesis on the topic. Like i said earlier, the gaybourhood is one huge meat market, only the best meat gets taken. That you’re in your 30s or 40s even is no excuse to stop taking care of your body, indeed, the older you get, the more effort you need to put into caring for your body – the greatest gift you’ve got and the only body you’ll ever have. Yes, you’re busy with work and cant find time for the gym, we get that! but do you realise that there are smaller steps you can take to fit some exercise into your daily routine? you can take a brisk walk around your office neighbourhood during your break time, you can do some vigourous exercises quickly after work is done for the day or early in the morning, right there in your bedroom, equally as important is your diet, do you really need to eat so many sugary, fatty and starchy foods? small changes one step at a time, can make a world of difference …
    Great enriching piece Dennis, stay awesome!!

  20. Oluwadamilare Okoro
    March 04, 10:42 Reply

    Well that trip to PH during my leave later in the year just became certain…

    Btw DM Baseje! Shior

  21. Samurai
    March 04, 10:48 Reply

    Gad, the way you express yourself at times baffles me.
    most times, I wonder if you need to be taught how to use words.
    is it that ur brain processes these words u use much differently than our own brains process them?
    or you’re sort of handicapped with the proper use of English?

    • Dennis Macaulay
      March 04, 11:12 Reply

      Samurai you know how they often associate wisdom with age? Well Rapum and Gad always strike down that myth in their own ways.

      • Khaleesi
        March 04, 11:52 Reply

        dials 911 to rush over to Gad before he passes out from massive shock and trauma … eishhh Dennis,… Chi m oooo

    • chestnut
      March 04, 11:22 Reply

      Muahahahahahahahahahaha! Samurai oooooo!!! What is d meaning of this? What prompted this roasting biko? What happend? LWKM

    • Paul
      March 04, 13:00 Reply

      Now this is utterly not acceptable!
      There’s a huge divide between u guys age wise or isn’t it u who couldn’t remember Konan d destroyer bcos u weren’t born den?
      u cnt stand near him in d real world n jst bcos we all wanna share life on KD n act as an entity u decide to go extremely rude on him. Na wa o.
      There r jst somtins I’d never get.
      Yes u got d much attention u wanted
      Stew in it.
      But u owe dt man some appology!
      I never intended to tk on voltron’s work 4anybody but u sort of touched my wrong nerve endings with ur comment.

    • Gad
      March 04, 13:03 Reply

      This is a classical display of idiocy

    • Peak
      March 04, 14:06 Reply

      Paul come take a hug! There is still hope after all

  22. olima
    March 04, 10:58 Reply

    Dennis!!!! Am I missing Somfin here? Where’s Mrs. DM in all this?

    • Khaleesi
      March 04, 11:19 Reply

      @Olima, Hian!! better go back to the concrete and lead lined underground bunker where you’ve been hibernating …

    • Max
      March 04, 13:00 Reply

      @Olima, apocalypse ended 5yrs ago.. Such a bunker you’ve been in.
      If you take the road to your left, youll see where the remnants of the wreckage was dumped.

  23. chestnut
    March 04, 12:21 Reply

    Wait, are u being serious right now? Is it something with the moniker ,”king”? U have “Had” Mercury…not cool bro.

    • King Mufasa
      March 04, 12:36 Reply

      Ouch … chestnut.
      Looking back … I typed that comment without thinking.
      Too bad, there’s no way I can take my words back.

    • Max
      March 04, 13:01 Reply

      Papa Simba, we need to talk.

  24. Kosi
    March 04, 12:30 Reply

    Mecury i see you u r now wining n dining… See you soon

    • Mercury
      March 04, 13:55 Reply

      Yeah Buddy, get your sexy self back here.

  25. chestnut
    March 04, 12:36 Reply

    But come o, where’s the Mercury in question sef? Hin don pick race!Mercury,I know u’re reading dis, u can run o,but u can’t run forever. When u finish running u wee still come back here and meet us…continoo. *spreads mat,lying in wait for Mercury*

      • chestnut
        March 04, 13:08 Reply

        …because I’m waiting for Mercury! *tongue out*

      • Dennis Macauley
        March 04, 13:35 Reply

        You at 6.2? 85kg waiting for a fine guy like mercury on a mat in an obscure location? If this doesnt have rape written all over it i dont know what does

        ****Dials Nigerian Police force****

      • Mercury
        March 04, 14:04 Reply

        Wait what!!!!, 6.2, 85kg?????, do I have to bring my tazer???

    • Paul
      March 04, 13:16 Reply

      His absence is only a clincher bro!

      • Dennis Macauley
        March 04, 13:33 Reply

        Paul I said may or may not. You chose your own interpretation
        ***hugs***

    • Mercury
      March 04, 14:02 Reply

      I’m not running jhor had a bit of a busy morning. Why are y’all lying in wait, wetin I do biko?

      • JArch
        March 04, 17:20 Reply

        Mercury!!! Nsuk use, nko asuk asanga adia uwem

    • Peak
      March 04, 14:19 Reply

      Mercury, no mind them half of KD were thinking that maybe u were soar after going of with D. Aaaaah I meant sorry. Typo error biko! Please forgive me

  26. Mercury
    March 04, 13:59 Reply

    @ Mufasa, sweetheart, me ashewo me?, don’t make me summon you ohhh, I’m your maker remember. Ping me jhor!!!, I need updates on whatever is going on up der.

  27. Paul
    March 04, 14:58 Reply

    Suddenly mercury chose to b busy today n shows up only after being called out. Issorai wat do I know?
    #i need more bitterleaf (unugbu) in ds orijin its not bitter enof.

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