Signs She Is Gay And Cheating On You

Signs She Is Gay And Cheating On You

aa-homosexual-man-w-two-femalesSo, in response to the post yesterday about what the womenfolk should look out for in the detection of their men’s gayness, a KDian penned a parody of the list, a sort of humourous rejoinder. Lol. Note: he’s talking to you, the gay man who intends to get married. 😀 Read and share your thoughts.

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1. She has way too many friends. They tend to cluster and talk in loud noises but shut up anytime you step into the room.

2. She spends more time with her “girls” than with you, especially at the salon, market, shopping malls and the occasional bowling alley. Who does that?

3. She is too conscious of her looks every time, even in her dreams.

4. She doesn’t take calls from unknown numbers when she is with you. If she does, it’s always one relative or old friend from secondary school. Did she mention she used to share a bunk with that old friend? What’s her name again – Ngozi?

5. She doesn’t have sex with you on the regular. Headache, her period, fatigue – they are the most common reasons given.

6. She is very free with your male friends, most times its one particular male friend. Or he is even her brother who became your friend later, so it’s OK if they bathe naked together. She takes him to the bowling alley.

7. She might not spend most nights outside but have you asked her where she spends her days? Why does she like to go see Ngozi, a lot?

8. Her friends don’t like you, especially that Ngozi of a girl.

9. She is always on social media. Did you know she is on Snaptu and Wechat? Do you even know what they are? That’s right, you know nothing.

10. Her friend list is more of women than men. If she has more men, don’t be deceived, she must still be a lesbian or a night vigil promoter. They are a sneaky lot. Ngozi is definitely her handler.

11. Her Facebook reads “Interested in Men and Women”. On Badoo, she is open-minded.

12. You cannot have her Facebook password. If and when she eventually gives you, then she has moved the ‘nasty’ to Snaptu and Wechat.

13. Her phone is always locked, or just the gallery is encrypted with an app you can’t even find in Google Playstore.

14. She and her friends speak CODED words around you. Words like bunny boiler, booth babe, Chiquita banana, crockadiallapig and much, much more.

15. When you want to take her out on occasions, she quizzes you continually to know if its somewhere she is already familiar with. She likes to invite that Ngozi of a girl to join.

If she displays all these things, marry her sharp-sharp. You both were made for each other. Now, after all said and done, never ever collect food offered by Ngozi.

Written by Colossus

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49 Comments

  1. gad
    January 06, 03:43 Reply

    It’s good you called this by its name… a joke.

    • pinkpanthertb
      January 06, 03:44 Reply

      Lighten up, dude. Jeez! All you had to do was laugh and move on.

      • Brian Collins
        January 06, 08:14 Reply

        Like everyone laughed about what that Daniel had to say on LIB?

        • pinkpanthertb
          January 06, 08:16 Reply

          This is a parody.
          That was sheer idiocy.
          What is your point?

    • Colossus
      January 06, 15:40 Reply

      This is parody, a joke. I’ve never met a lesbian so I don’t even know how they run things.

  2. simba
    January 06, 04:12 Reply

    Hahahahahahhahahaahah…1st laughter of mine in days… I see u.. u do well… no collect even bottled drink from Ngozi self

  3. chestnut
    January 06, 04:27 Reply

    Hahaha! Thank God u said it’s a parody! Colossus,well done oooo! Lol
    BTW, I’d marry that girl faster than u can say “Carpet-muncher”! I’d even leave the room for she and Ngozi on our wedding night,if they want…hehehe

  4. Lord II
    January 06, 04:36 Reply

    Oooooh. Now why am I wanting to know more suddenly. Colossus thanx but couldn’t we just get some insights from the lesbians in the room biko…

    • Ace
      January 06, 04:50 Reply

      Yeah! I agree. I am very curious about lesbians. Do they go through the labelling and role tagging we go through? What are their fears? Are they the same as ours? Does the Dick nauseate them as the pussy does to me ?(damn! That shit looks disgusting) :'(

      • Williams
        January 06, 07:39 Reply

        Thats the ugliest thing I’ve ever seen!Irritating to say the least.

      • Brian Collins
        January 06, 08:16 Reply

        Why don’t i find pussy irritating? Not that i’m having sex with any gal soon o

        • gad
          January 06, 10:23 Reply

          Caution!!!. I’m sure you don’t want to be called names

      • Ace
        January 06, 11:47 Reply

        Oh gad, you might want to help here. I am really curious. Do you do it with your eyes closed and try to hold off a flood of vomit? Cos trust me, i will definitely vomit like crazy if i put inside that pink multilayered fold thingy called
        Pussy. Or could it be (according to what i heard oh) that it is easier for top guys to switch to pussy because they were always on top in the first place.

        • gad
          January 06, 20:30 Reply

          If you are yet to get in touch with Sensei or his colleagues nearest to you, that’s a serious fatality

  5. Ace
    January 06, 04:47 Reply

    Hahahahahhaha! This is the most creative comeback or should i say parody i have seen in a while. And that bit about coded words and Ngozi. Lol, some people dey write for me abeg.

    P.S: Pinky, i saw what you did with one of my comments oh. You and your delete button diaris a very big God o.

  6. Mercury
    January 06, 05:01 Reply

    This is some really funny shit…..

  7. Dennis Macauley
    January 06, 05:40 Reply

    Okay I laughed really hard!

    I must say I am starting to really like colossus

    ***singing I love with the love of the lord***

    • Colossus
      January 06, 15:43 Reply

      My plan is working.

      Get you to like me, invite you over for tea, poison you, cry at your funeral.

      Would you like some tea?

  8. #TeamKizito
    January 06, 06:42 Reply

    Lmao. Ngozi though.

    When a guy says,”I hung out with my boyfriends, we had a great time…” They’ll be like,

    ‘Huh? Is he gay?
    ‘Homo alert!’

    But when a girl says, “I hung out with my girlfriends, we had fun…” They’ll be like,

    ‘Hmm, she had a great time.’

    Nigeria sha, unfair sha.

    Hmmm.

    • Vhar.
      January 06, 06:58 Reply

      Its a lie!
      #teamKizito actually typed something.

      Miracles of 2015.

    • pinkpanthertb
      January 06, 07:07 Reply

      Kizito said something really long! :O Write this up in the history books!

      • Brian Collins
        January 06, 08:18 Reply

        Yes o, who knew he had it in him. And he still ended with the signature Hmmm. I like it.

  9. trystham
    January 06, 06:58 Reply

    Iono tho. The not collecting food from.Ngo was the high point. Lol

  10. paytong533
    January 06, 07:07 Reply

    I’m lez and I thought that was funny as hell. That was just awesome and an answer to a earlier question from Ace some girls are repulsed by the sight or thought of a dick. I’m repulsed by the thought of any male body part touching me even if it’s just hands. It’s nothing against guys as I’m sure your issues is nothing against girls it’s just the way we are. And some girls are terrified of coming out because of how society will look at them and treat them. It’s something everyone has to take slowly with baby steps and have your love support you through. Some do sort of do role playing though but not always. My current girl that I’m interested in won’t let me dominate but one of my exes took turns with me. It’s different with every couple. Hope that was helpful for you and answered your questions well. Have a nice day 🙂

    • pinkpanthertb
      January 06, 07:12 Reply

      Finally, for the first time in a long time, a sister in the gaybourhood comments. Welcome paytong. I do hope you can be a regular. Because most of our sisters sneak in and out every once in a pink moon. 🙂

      • paytong533
        January 06, 07:14 Reply

        Thanx for welcoming me 🙂 I do plan on sticking around and reading some more. I’d love to chat with you guys. I may not be a guy but I do appreciate some of their insights. It let’s me know more about people and how they feel

    • Dom
      January 06, 15:09 Reply

      Nice to have your insight. A female voice is always a delight. Like Pinky said, please visit often and bring some chips along. You guys have a way to calm some raging nerves on here, even without the p….

  11. Khaleesi
    January 06, 07:23 Reply

    Lmao …. @Colossus, this was so damn funny. Had me choking back laughter!
    @Payton, thanx for coming by and answering questions I’ve wondered about for a while. I dont really know any lesbians and I’ve always been a tad curious about them…

  12. KyrxxX
    January 06, 07:36 Reply

    Lmaoooooo! Colosuss is a huge Mess for this! Who is she meant to hang out with if not her gals? Her Men? Definitely not in naija! Hell would let loose! Lol!
    By the way, I think you should send dis to LIB too! Marriages would b wrecked! *evil laughter*

  13. Ueze
    January 06, 07:39 Reply

    Ngozi is probably her side nigga’s pseudonym.
    LOL.
    Such stupid genius!

  14. lluvmua
    January 06, 07:56 Reply

    OMG!!!!!!!! Rotfl just ccantdeal!!!!! *faints* *waiting for prince charming to kiss me up*

  15. Reverend Hot
    January 06, 08:30 Reply

    HAHAHAHAHA!

    LOL!

    ROTFL!

    LWMKD!

    I haven’t laughed like this since that ‘My dick is bigger than yours’ post

    Hehehehe!

    LOL!

    #okbye

  16. Mr Kassy
    January 06, 08:34 Reply

    Hahahahahahaha colossus ur a genius for this,that Ngozi aspect got me cracking ma ribs with laffter.*Ur dead for this*lol!lesbians v advantages over gay guys,they can freely kiss,bath together,hold hands,call each other sweethrts and all sort of pet names and it will just be tagged as GIRL’S THING;no one will suspect.But let a broda just blush on a sight of his night-in-shining-armour then all HELL will let lose.Paytong ur so welcm gurl.I love ur intelligence bae.On a serious note Dennis Macauley #BringBack our Mrs M!.

      • gad
        January 06, 20:35 Reply

        I will reserve my comments on Mrs D,s disappearance till she reappears

  17. Absalom
    January 06, 09:05 Reply

    LOL. Apt. Now send to Linda Ikeji asap!

  18. Colossus
    January 06, 15:39 Reply

    Glad you guys had a good laugh, that’s clearly the intention. The post of yesterday was funny, some points were true but then it could also apply to a heterosexual man cheating on his wife.
    At least something funny to help some of us who are going through a tough time to have a really good laugh.
    Pinky thanks for sharing, knowing your schedule, I did not know you’ll even post it.

    • Lord II
      January 06, 16:39 Reply

      Now now let’s quickly utilise our darling Paytong and get as much tidbits as we can about the lesbianhood ok.

      Foe starters I hear that just as how gays are gaga about big dicks (and yes I do have a very large one thank u for asking), um it’s BIG BOOBS that rule the world of d LELEs right?…. eh what else..pray tell all Paytong if it’s not too late and if there’s more.

      • Colossus
        January 06, 17:40 Reply

        Easy man, talking about your nauseating big penis would only scare her away. I mean, really? You had to chip in you’ve got a big penis? To a lesbian? Really?

      • pinkpanthertb
        January 06, 23:08 Reply

        Lord, i don’t get how you can be so narcissistic and clueless at the same time. Kinda hard imagining you as any age beyond teenage years, because you keep exhibiting the emotional spectrum of a child.

    • DeadlyDarius
      January 06, 19:54 Reply

      Colossus I don’t think that tidbit was inserted for her benefit… #LowKeyMarketingStrategy

  19. RUDE
    January 06, 18:37 Reply

    LMAO. May the light of bridges burnt illuminate our paths.

  20. Lothario
    January 07, 11:05 Reply

    Lmao! OMG…….Colossus don kolo….. this was good!

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