Straight guy accidentally visits the filthiest gay sex club in Berlin, writes a must-read Yelp review on his experience

Straight guy accidentally visits the filthiest gay sex club in Berlin, writes a must-read Yelp review on his experience

Berlin’s Berghain is often cited as the world’s best club – but for a straight guy from San Antonio, it turned out to be opposite.

Kyle, a (presumably) straight guy who was on holiday in Berlin, didn’t seem to have a clue what he was getting into when two newly-made friends took him along to the club.

The famous club, said to have the hardest door in Berlin, operates a strict no-pictures policy and is known for its gay sex parties, usually held in the basement, and the general ‘anything goes’ attitude of partygoers, whether drugs or sex.

What happens in Berghain stays in Berghain – unless you’re Kyle, and work through your nightly adventures in a hilariously honest and slightly shocked Yelp review.

It all started comparatively harmless, he said, with the guys cutting the queue and cussing Kyle out because he was checking his phone. You don’t just check your phone while waiting to get into Berghain, because if you do, you might not get in.Berghain_1

But once they were in, things got real and very much NSFW. And Kyle really, really wasn’t prepared.Berghain_2

Trying to soothe his initial shock with a beer, Kyle would soon learn that there really are no boundaries inside Berghain.Berghain_3

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22 Comments

  1. Kenny
    November 02, 06:33 Reply

    Lmao!!! How didn’t he know those guys were gay and how come he didn’t suspect it was a gay gathering before getting in?

    P.S: I’ll be scarred for life if i witness half of what he witnessed.

    • Pink Panther
      November 02, 06:43 Reply

      I swear. LOL! Even reading his review had my jaw dropping.

  2. Mandy
    November 02, 06:47 Reply

    ????????????
    This is fucking hilarious! And mehn! I’d totally LOVE to visit this club.

  3. ambivalentone
    November 02, 06:53 Reply

    “…they seemed ‘normal’…”??? “…the smell of feaces and sweat…??? Is that how he thinls shit flies when gay guys av sex? How very insulting. Everything he said sounded pretty disgusting except the comical part about the plugged anus

    • Dennis Macaulay
      November 02, 07:04 Reply

      I thought he was just being honest and saying exactly what he saw. He didn’t come across to me as condescending.

      If I myself witnessed what he saw, I’m sure I would have fled that club screaming ???

      • ambivalentone
        November 02, 07:33 Reply

        The guy is an extreme homophobe. He dropped derogatory words for those guys, AND made gay sex to involve shit flying everywhere like we are coprophiliacs and not homosexuals.

        • Dennis Macaulay
          November 02, 07:42 Reply

          But he did see faeces no? Especially seeing as fisting was involved which is one sexual act I haven’t been able to wrap my head around, but to each his own!!!

        • Promise4all
          November 02, 14:24 Reply

          Let’s say, you are exclusively gay and attended a lesbian only party, what will be your review if you saw the relative lesbian activities happening.Sentiments apart.

          • ambivalentone
            November 02, 18:19 Reply

            There were boobs everywhere. I could sight a cucumber snug in some streaming vagina *shudders* I am definitely never eating cucumbers anymore.

      • Tee
        November 02, 11:52 Reply

        Screaming is better!

        Can sure bet i will pass out and be brought back to life with plenty CUM.

        • Terra
          November 03, 12:03 Reply

          You really want to lose consciousness in a place like that?

  4. posh6666
    November 02, 08:48 Reply

    Even me that is gay had to beg for us to stop few yrs ago when a white guy kept nudging me on to insert the whole of my arm into his asshole.I freaked out and told him pls enough is enough

    For some reasons I just kept thinking this would be a perfect day for God to punish me for all my sins by getting my hand stuck in his ass lool.

    The funny thing is this guy told me several times on BBM that he actually preffered getting fisted than getting ffuckd sef.Aswer he had all the required stuffs lIke gloves,some sticky lube etc…I was scarred for life!

    Tho I miss those years when white guys were really much in abj,they are freaks and the best to have fun with.

    • Delle
      November 02, 18:06 Reply

      Oh church Biko! Posh which one you dey na? One time you are irritated at these white folks and the next, you are craving them.
      Hian!

      By the way, big ups o. So you aff fisted someone and did not faint the minute you saw that your hand has been ‘swallowed’ by a tiny hole?
      ?

  5. Brian Collins
    November 02, 08:57 Reply

    Ewoooooo, I have not even been able to handle a simple party. I would simple die if I entered that club. Was laughing all through this read. That guy is scarred for life.

    • posh666
      November 02, 09:03 Reply

      My dear gay parties are alway extra etxra!Gays do the absolute most even in this our Nigeria the number of parties I have attended and what I have seen ehn.

      The crazy sex you see guys having in the dark corners,toilets,the smelly bodies,those who are over dressed with painted faces looking like freaks and oh God the fights! Hardly can you go for a party and a fight doesn’t break out.

  6. Bain
    November 02, 09:42 Reply

    I don’t know how I can handle such scenario, I’ll be puking all over…chai…those guy that can take fist n arms up there tush….omo dem don pass power bottom ooh….maybe turbo-bioengine super powered bottom… I fear them.

  7. .•*Sugaar.•*
    November 02, 13:08 Reply

    ???????????
    This how I’ve been reading this through the end.
    Hmmm life o!!!
    Where are those tops that like claim ing they don’t masturbate… It means you can’t be part of the party o,,, cos it’s just get those cum on the fucking floor to mek area sticky…
    Lmao
    The cum there would be so wow wow wow

  8. Delle
    November 02, 18:00 Reply

    ??????????
    Jesus o! Ochimo. ‘…i thought it was magic or some illusion”

    But boy is that club raunchy! I almost barfed when I came across that part where they all ejaculate on the floor and guys glide through. Somebody should just shoot me!

  9. BlurryFace
    November 03, 17:08 Reply

    where’s that invisibility cloak when you need it.

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