WHAT WE ARE GETTING WRONG IN THE “MGM” CONVERSATION

WHAT WE ARE GETTING WRONG IN THE “MGM” CONVERSATION

Definition:

MGM (Married Gay Man) /em ’dƷi: em/ (derogatory) A closeted homosexual in a heterosexual marriage. Usually applied to males, but can also describe a lesbian or bisexual whose spouse is unaware of their true sexuality.

* * *

Whenever the “MGM” issue comes up on the blog, it’s always a cockfight between the Married/Soon-to-be-married guys and the self-proclaimed Never-to-be-married ones. At this rate, we will not make progress in this important conversation.

So here goes: 6 things we are doing wrong in the “MGM” conversation.

  1. Calling Married Gay People deceitful and hypocritical

This is from the gay camp that has vowed to not bow to social pressure to marry the opposite sex.

Not only does this reek of self-righteousness, it is a callous thing to say. Given Nigeria’s hostile climate to LGBT persons, calling a gay person in a heterosexual relationship a deceiver makes it seem as though these men deliberately set out to hurt their partners. You don’t even know their story! It’s cute to argue that no one is “forced” to marry, but fact remains: society is powerful. Unless you want to live by yourself in some undiscovered island, you cannot avoid being pressured and/or influenced by the people around you.

  1. Calling Married Gay People hedonistic two-timers

This is similar to calling bisexuals greedy. If you truly think that a man/woman in a relationship that does not fulfil them—so much so that they continually seek happiness outside of that relationship—is “enjoying the best of both worlds”, then you need to think again.  You cannot put a price tag on that kind of suffering.  Again, know the story before judging.

  1. Saying that ALL Married Gay Persons are unhappy in their marriages

How do you know? They told you this? Let’s start by defining “happiness”…

 

  1. Saying that marriage is something you have chosen to do

This one is from the camp of the Married or Soon-to-be-married Gay guys. It is a weak argument—why? When an action or behaviour is normative, it becomes difficult separating who is doing it because they want to from who is doing it because they are expected to.

Nigerian society finds two kinds of people odd: non-heterosexuals and the unmarried. Past a certain age, if you are not married, that becomes how people define you. They will ask why and what’s keeping you? Your achievements can be sidelined just to discuss your unmarried status. Nobody asks you why you want to get married—they’ll simply congratulate you. So “choice” as an argument for being a Married Gay Person proves little. You wanna know what choice is? Try NOT getting married and watch what happens.

  1. Asking “What is wrong with a gay person marrying the opposite sex”?

Nothing! Who said there was?

There’s such a thing as a Mixed-Orientation Marriage (MOM) – two partners with different sexual orientations: homo + bi, hetero + bi, homo + hetero, etc. Remember that scene in The Imitation Game where Keira Knightley slapped Benedict Cumberbatch for wanting to call off their engagement? That was a MOM she was proposing (gay boy, straight girl). There are millions of couples world over in MOMs. While some have been open about it and built happy marriages, others end up divorced, and still others…er, well, one spouse’s skeleton is still in the closet.

The “MGM” debate is not concerned with gay people marrying the opposite sex; it is concerned with gay people marrying the opposite sex IN ORDER to “fit in” and hide their true sexuality.

  1. Saying “There are many things that make a marriage work besides a compatible sexual orientation.”

Of course, we know that! We also know there are several reasons people get married which have nothing to do with “love” or sexual attraction. Some people are married for money, career, companionship, green card. But marriage is, technically, a romantic arrangement. So, marrying for any other reason, or outside of a sexual orientation that’s compatible with yours, should be the exception, not the rule.

How We Can Get This “MGM” Conversation Right

  1. By retiring that term “MGM”. This is not an us-vs.-them
  2. By being honest.
  3. By not daring an “MGM” to out himself to his partner. That is not the point.
  4. By the “MGMs” not trying to justify the secrecy; that, too, defeats the purpose of this conversation.
  5. By not being judgmental.
  6. By remembering that different environments determine how we handle our sexuality. (Even gay couples from tolerant climes are warned not to travel to homophobic countries for their honeymoon, to avoid stories that touch.)
  7. No side in this conversation should condescend to the other. After all, it’s the same 14 years for everybody, if prosecuted for homosexual activity.
  8. Married gay/bi persons should speak up more. Share their experiences, challenges, epiphanies, joys.

The “MGM” conversation is not about individual persons or their marriages and children. It is about an ISSUE, a valid concern of every LGBT person in Nigeria. There are many gay people who do not want to be pressured to marry the opposite sex. There are many gay people who want out of their “heterosexual” marriages. There are many bisexuals who know that if their opposite-sex spouse finds out that they actually swing both ways, there will be blood. And it wouldn’t matter if the said bisexual person had been faithful to that marriage.

We should be having this conversation in a way that addresses the problem. Not looking for who to call a hypocrite, or a career homosexual who doesn’t realise it’s time to quit this “habit” and do as their mates have done. ■

Written by Absalom

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164 Comments

  1. GOld
    May 28, 04:45 Reply

    “And the self proclaimed Never-to-be-married ones.”
    That, in itself, is a very wrong statement to use don’t u think??

    Secondly,I believe if ur married and u having sex with somebody else,male or female, then u are cheating. After all sex is sex.are we not the ones praying that one day we’ll be free to do all that we do in our closets??

    Now I don’t have anything against MGM’s.in fact i have a few as my friends.but I made up my mind long ago not to have anything intimate with any of them.that doesn’t make me a hypocrite.

    • Mandy
      May 28, 04:48 Reply

      Hypocrisy is meant for those who do not practise what they preach. So GOld, just as long as you do not carry on with married gay men in spite of what you say on KD, of course then, you’re not a hypocrite.

    • pinkpanthertb
      May 28, 04:50 Reply

      This question is purely to enlighten me, GOld. I don’t understand… how is Absalom’s use of the words ‘self proclaimed Never-to-be-married ones’ wrong? Do tell please.

      • Max
        May 28, 07:10 Reply

        @Pinky, pls don’t pretend he made that statement out of the goodness of his heart. That statement reeks of “judgement” on the part of the writer.

  2. GOld
    May 28, 04:54 Reply

    PP u don’t get?? Why didn’t he address the MGM’s that way.it’s rude and uncalled for. Not in this piece that u are trying to let people realize that being hypocritical to MGM’s isn’t fair enough.

    • pinkpanthertb
      May 28, 05:03 Reply

      But it wasn’t a derogatory term. Lol. not technically. All of us who speak of never getting married are proclaiming it for selves, are we not?

    • Brian Collins
      May 28, 05:13 Reply

      *singing Taylor Swift* oh, oh, touble trouble trouble.
      To be honest i didnt see anything wrong in what he wrote. I would expect Max to have an issue with this instead.

      • Max
        May 28, 07:13 Reply

        Oh yes Brian, I have several issues with the statement, and while a small part of the article made sense, the rest is just plain excuses for weakness and bad behavior..

  3. KingBey
    May 28, 05:16 Reply

    Preach Absalom ! Getting married as soon as I’m financially stable. And yeah no regrets and I’m happy anytime I’m with her. Doesn’t stop me from chopping small fresh boys anytime I feel like. *winks*

  4. GOld
    May 28, 05:21 Reply

    It’s still rude, in this context.

    KingBey thumbs up to you. Pls do whatever makes u happy. If ur hetero pls be hetero with all manner of happiness. Same with the homo and MGM’s.

  5. keredim69
    May 28, 05:26 Reply

    I agree with GOld, there was a bit of sneer in using the term “And the self-proclaimed Never-to-be-married ones”

    I totally see where Abs is coming from and I understand from a human perspective.

    I have no issues with MGMs, and I cannot proclaim to walk in their shoes or understand what they are going through.

    HOWEVER, I have issues with MGMs, who feel superior to gay guys. And let’s face it there are loads of those around.

    • Francis
      May 28, 06:35 Reply

      @Keredim69 thank you. Some be talking down at gays that have accepted their *fate* like shit just because they are walking the *normal* path endorsed by society. Mschew

    • Max
      May 28, 07:18 Reply

      All of them are just condescending piece of weakness. No matter how good they might appear to be at first, they’re all filthy to me and cowards!!
      If you marry a woman, stop chasing small boys oh…the same boys you left for a gaping hole called pussy. Stop being hypocritical…

      • Jeova Sanctus Unus
        May 28, 11:22 Reply

        Innocent question from the innocent observation of an innocent observer:

        Do hetro MGM’s who partake in extracurricular activities take lessons from fellow MGM’s or from UGM’s??

        If they take lessons from UGM’s, why is it so??

        If all become MGM who would the MGM’s satisfy their knack for learning French with??

        Quite the yansh opener, your writeup Absie. Mr UGM Nigeria, Keredim (god forbid I include those two evil numbers!) simply stated the reason for whatever backlash MGM’s get from UGM’s. Even if I
        marry 20 women na the same akpako go knack all of us.

        Egbe belu, Ugo belu.

        BTW Absalom, the ‘MGM’ phrase & acronym isn’t going anywhere. You don’t have issues with “MSM”, do you??

  6. Brian Collins
    May 28, 05:32 Reply

    As i read this, i thought ‘if Max wrote this then i would die’. If only this came earlier when King/Lord was still here at least he would have learnt a few thing about telling it the way it is and his attackers (they know themselves) would have learnt a few things too.
    I just don’t understand how MGM is derogatory. How else do you describe a gay man who is not in a gay marriage? Wouldnt any other thing be too long to write or say matter-of-factly? Is that saying that MSM (Men who sleep with men) is also derogatory? Personally i think to simply say (a gay man) would be easier than that but MSM can be used to describe Bisexual guys well (i want to believe calling a bisexual man gay would be very wrong).
    Considering i have not gotten to the age when most of my friend would be married (straight or gay), but i really wonder at the kind of pressure these meeting might be under. It may be easy for those of us who have not gotten to that age or have gotten our lives figured out to talk and criticize but like the post said ‘You don’t know their story’. Many people really do have different reasons to get married. MGMs may not be getting married to the right persons but heck striaght people make that mistake all the time too.
    PS: i really think saying MGM is derogatory is serious BULL CRAP.

    • Mandy
      May 28, 05:35 Reply

      Who says the LORD of Lords is not reading KD from his perch in the heavenly KINGdom, hmm? 😀

      • Brian Collins
        May 28, 05:39 Reply

        I want to believe that you actually meant GOD with this comment? And not the LordII i am talking about.

  7. GOld
    May 28, 05:43 Reply

    Keredim u deserve a kiss.A lot of them be feeling fly cos they know they have been ‘accepted’ by society.

    MGM isn’t derogatory. Like Brian has said, it’s a description in the simplest way possible. But if u have any other name in mind do share it with us.our panel of judges will readily scrutinize it and see whether it’s worth using.

  8. Masked Man
    May 28, 05:43 Reply

    I will applaud MGM and people in MOMs for one reason – the struggle they have endured to make their marriages work.

    • Brian Collins
      May 28, 05:52 Reply

      Now that would definitely be a real struggle worthy of commendation beacuse heterosexual people don’t face problems expecially since they don’t have the issue of leading a double life abi? SMH

      • Masked Man
        May 28, 06:00 Reply

        A straight man marrying a straight woman, is enough issues alone. Look around marriages around you. They struggle to make it work. Talk more of a gay man in a marriage with a straight woman. That’s too much work.

      • Max
        May 28, 07:23 Reply

        No one put them in that position @MM.. Humans are naturally weak. Thats why they make such choices and suffer in the end for it. I hold no pity for any MGM, no one tied a rope to their neck and dragged them to the alter..

      • Masked Man
        May 28, 07:54 Reply

        Max honey, will you by any chance, for any reason, find yourself married, to a straight woman?

      • Max
        May 28, 08:03 Reply

        I dont even dream of it… She’ll just be miserable and I’d hate myself for that (and I can’t afford to hate myself.. Becsue I love me way too much..) .. So its not an option. Thank you.

        Humans. Sexuality has been downplayed throughout human history and Thats why this rubbish is happening till today. Imagine after thousands of years humans are still worried about marriage, as if its the only means for procreation. Its time to start taking sexuality into account because its an integral part of sustaining a long lasting relationship.

      • Brian Collins
        May 28, 08:38 Reply

        Max no worry, i dey wait you. Shebi na 35 Chris talk? You own i do add five more years, then i go hear wetin you dey talk that time.

      • Max
        May 28, 08:42 Reply

        If you really know who I am @Brian, you’d know my YES is YES and my No is No. My will isn’t easily broken. The answer I gave you today is what you shld expect in 10 years time.

        • pinkpanthertb
          May 28, 11:50 Reply

          Thankfully I’m your friend. 🙂 Hopefully we’ll remain friends in 10 years time. Lol. *crossing legs and watching the hourglass go*

      • Masked Man
        May 28, 09:03 Reply

        Max, you said your will isn’t easily broken. ‘isn’t easily’, doesn’t translate automatically to ‘NEVER’.
        Maybe constant pressure on you will make you yield. Lol.

  9. Masked Man
    May 28, 05:56 Reply

    My problem with a gay man marrying a lady who does know about his sexuality is the myriad of emotions ranging from devastation to repulsion to guilt and shame, that the woman is likely to face if she later finds out the truth.

  10. Diablo
    May 28, 06:23 Reply

    I agree with most of what was written. I think the self proclaimed never to be married ones, are the hedonistic ones; So concerned with thier own happiness and well being that they fail to compromise and see reason . And like you pointed out, we need to define what happiness is. Some dont get the concept. Hedonism is a flawed concept of happiness because you can’t obtain long term happiness without making others happy too. If in the course of obtaining happiness, you isolate yourself from society and loved ones, can you say you are truly happy in the long run? People that aim to please themselves and themselves only, are never happy.

    When the chips are down, if you do not have the balls to make a commitment as huge and sacred as marriage, more so with a hetero partner, then you have no right whatsoever to scorn those that do. For the Judge Maxines and co, hope u get the memo

    • pinkpanthertb
      May 28, 06:31 Reply

      Diablo, I’ve been meaning to ask you. When you speak of compromise in the issue of a gay man’s desire not to get married, what exactly do you mean? How does compromise work here?

      • Diablo
        May 28, 09:31 Reply

        By compromise I mean marriage if need be, dating a married man, not scorning the MGM, toning it down on the flamboyance, understanding the society one lives in and willing to bare the risk should one dare to be deviant. Cause at the end of the day, its not just all about us.

        • Francis
          May 28, 11:51 Reply

          @Diablo: Please don’t ask anyone to tone down their flamboyance. Do you and allow them do their thing. Without the flamboyant ones, you think gay rights would have advanced? If everybody sat back in the closet and acted all macho and shit, we would still be backwards

    • Max
      May 28, 07:30 Reply

      @Devils’s advocate, everything you’ve been doing Since you were born has been for your own good. Tell me Thats not selfishness. Your incapability of staying in a stable relationship is also an indicator that you’re grossly selfish too. Remember that when next you wave your judgmental devil’s trident on people who want to live happily and not be suffocated by society’s construct.

      • Diablo
        May 28, 09:23 Reply

        lol Maxine u made absolutely no sense, which isn’t surprising. Especially seeing as I happen to be in a relationship, a fairly recent one but stable so far. Is that what this is abt? Is your inherent bitterness, as a result of you not being able to obtain and be in a stable loving relationship with the same sex? That would explain alot. Sha sha, be a good doggie and try not to pee on the carpet.

      • Max
        May 28, 10:40 Reply

        You failed to address the issue of “selfishness” which you brought up. Still sums up what I make out from your constant blabbing. You’re a coward and a witless worm who’ll do whatever society wants. You’re a wild toothless dog who falls in line to avoid being whipped by his master.
        You’re a marionette in a big society, with no will of his own. Even your words aren’t truly yours, it was planted in your skull by those who came before you. Free yourself from mental slavery first before you can have a take on this issue.

      • Diablo
        May 28, 11:22 Reply

        How about u free your self from the confines of stupidity, then maybe we’ll be even.

    • Brian Collins
      May 28, 08:07 Reply

      Diablo this is just wrong. Everyone should strive for their own happiness. Sacrifices are good and fine but that is what they are sacrifices, they take a lot out of you. Why do it when you’d be unhappy for the rest of you life? No one should do anything they dont want to except it is a matter of life and death.

    • Jeova Sanctus Unus
      May 28, 12:01 Reply

      Forgive me but your comment reeks of bitter judgment from someone struggling to justify a habit/lifestyle. Why dig me a grave only to jump in??

      “So concerned with thier own happiness and well being that they fail to compromise and see reason.”

      Biko, what reason?? There’s only one reason for a gay man to marry a woman: to play along with the society. Don’t mistake our acceptance for stupidity. Every other reason being peddled around are just farts.

      I want kids — Enyi a shift!! 2 Face had 4 before he got married. Peter has 2. Abraham had Ishmael. Barack Obama has a father, doesn’t he?? Even Joseph didn’t father Jesus.

      I want my kids to have a mother — Shey na you born them before?? I was raised by a single mother. My stepfather raised his kids alone. Only gay men give this ridiculous excuse.

      The Society — Abegi!! You’re only afraid of your parents, relatives & friends. The Suya man gives no fuck if you have 10 wives. The bank manager doesn’t care, neither does the salesperson, car dealer, palmwine tapper, danfo driver, senator, etc. And the few who care would only talk (mostly behind you) for a while. Hello!! People already talk behind you.

      “When the chips are down, if you do not have the balls to make a commitment as huge and sacred as marriage, more so with a hetero partner, then you have no right whatsoever to scorn those that do”
      So says the man that did nothing but scorn people. This paragraph alone beat you up badly I had to dress your wounds. SACRED AS MARRIAGE my flat ass. Sacred and you fill it up with lies. Enyi chekikwa onwe gi oo.

      That we say don’t bully people with less attractive facial features doesnt give those people the right to turn around and judge the good ones like they are the problem. We tell a cute dog from an ugly one but play politics when it comes to humans.

      You made a choice to get married (to a lady). It’s your life and that affects none of us. Throwing shit in our face makes me wanna go ‘Cookie Lyon’ on your booboo kitty ass.

      • Francis
        May 28, 13:22 Reply

        MGMs in da house, ngwanu make una come debate against Jeova burriful stance. lol

      • Max
        May 28, 14:27 Reply

        Oh honey, I’d love to Pinky, I’d love to. But someone here has spoilt the meaning of that term. Instead I’ll just settle for coffee 🙂

      • Diablo
        May 28, 14:33 Reply

        The only reason why a gay guy gets married is to please society? Wow thats mighty myopic of you. In your inconceivable mind, does it not ever occur to you that there are gay guys out there who genuinely want to marry a woman? and have kids, and have a family? Who yes, might have a bf, yet respect and love their wife and kids?… (I just so happen to be dating one of them 🙂 ).

        So i suppose the only reason why a bi guy would identify as bi would be to please society as well? And in that vein, the only reason why you’re gay would be to displease society? Hope, you’re beginning to see how ridiculous and fallacy ridden your point came across as, even with all the italics and bold highlighting (which by the way is commendable, and suggests you have enough time on your hands) . Someone advised a certain person here to go out more often, I suggest you do same.

        Anyways, anyone that gets an encore from the likes of Maxine and what not, in all fairness, shouldn’t be taken too seriously for obvious reasons

        • keredim69
          May 28, 21:22 Reply

          Yo Diablo…. Not sure what you man is, BI or gay. But out of interest does his wife know he has a boyfriend?

          • wondabuoy
            June 02, 14:02 Reply

            Help me ask am, and see if their relationship will live on.

      • Jeova Sanctus Unus
        May 28, 16:09 Reply

        Poor child. I’m sorry son, it only shows I know HTML (and CSS, HTML5, Java, PHP, etc) and can design a website for you while half asleep.

        You want me to comment with a picture next time??

  11. Francis
    May 28, 06:29 Reply

    Utter rubbish! I’m sure Absalom is one of the intending married gay men. Call a spade a spade biko.

    Marrying an unsuspecting woman or man when your sexuality is otherwise is DECEIT. Abi is marriage not built on trust again?!

    Punto en boca!

    • Brian Collins
      May 28, 07:45 Reply

      Yeah., and i thought family was all about unconditional love and trust. So dearie, why not trust your family and hope that they will love you unconditionally and come out to them. Instead of lying about who you are and not giving your mother what she desires

      • Francis
        May 28, 07:56 Reply

        @Brian you’re not making any sense oh. So because your family lacks unconditional love and trust you want to carry to into your marriage too? Talk about fueling some vicious cycle.

        P.S: My mum already suspects I’m gay as she has approached my sister twice with that question. The day she approaches me with it, I’ll drop it like it’s hot and give her space to make up her mind on how she wants to deal with it. Favorable or unfavorable, I won’t really be affected as I’ve made sure not to attach myself too much to them

      • Brian Collins
        May 28, 08:12 Reply

        It’s you giving the crap about marriage being about trust. If my family is all about trust and unconditional love even, whose business is it if i take the exact opposit into my marriage. The expression self-righteousness does make a lot of SENSE to me when i think of this. You are bordering on being a self-righteous prick.

  12. Francis
    May 28, 06:41 Reply

    Sometimes I marvel at how many people especially Africans have turned marriage into something that’s focused mainly on having dem babies and being accepted in society.

    Some of you need to revise your highly treasured Bible for what marriage is really all about.

    • Brian Collins
      May 28, 07:48 Reply

      Just as some people would required you to revise at the same bible concerning what it think about liers, and cheats and thieves and even hedonistic HYPOCRITES.

      • Chuck
        May 28, 12:07 Reply

        Aren’t the hypocrites, cheats and liars the MGMs?

  13. trystham
    May 28, 06:42 Reply

    All this *waves hand at post* is clearly an attempt at garnering sympathy for the married and BEGGING to approve the License to cheat. As GOld has stated, it is not about who or what u fuck. Its about even fucking at all outside marriage in the 1st place. Don’t u get???
    BTW, call me ‘self proclaimed’ from now till u r blue in the face. It doesn’t change Married men are Cheating, Hedonistic, Two timers *shrugs*. That Pity License is NOT approved. Have a wonderful wjend

      • trystham
        May 28, 08:51 Reply

        No thank you. I still got the horrid taste in my mouth. Gimme water

    • Max
      May 28, 07:40 Reply

      Blows kisses***@Trystham

  14. Max
    May 28, 06:55 Reply

    I don’t agree with several parts of this piece, honestly I thought it was written by someone else. The term MGM and internalized homophobia is here to stay.
    We don’t plan on retiring those anytime soon. Thank you.
    Since you all like categorization (top, bottom, power bottom etc..) MGM/MBM helps with all the confusion. So thanks but no thanks, but we’re keeping it.

    • Masked Man
      May 28, 07:03 Reply

      He has come again, he has come again…….*singing*

    • Max
      May 28, 08:09 Reply

      If you have something to say, say it…
      You’ve been quiet on this matter for too long.

      • Colossus
        May 28, 13:01 Reply

        I’ve not been quiet, I’ve made my opinion known on this issue before. This after all is not the first time this topic has been thrashed out here, it’s actually gotten stale to the extent I now know where most individuals stand, apart from the new commenters of cos.

        I won’t apologise on behalf of the MGM here who have kinda lorded their status over others, I won’t apologise on their behalf for the sense of superiority or entitlement they seemed to shove in other people’s faces. I won’t apologise just as you won’t apologise for the single ones who chose that path.
        I am me, I own my life, I chose my path, I’ll walk on it. My neighbour down the road also did the same. You too have chosen your path.
        There are some men who bowed to societal pressure to marry and there are those who chose to marry. They are some who chose to be single, waiting for the right man and there are those who have chosen to ‘whore’ around, married or single. I can’t correct them, I can’t judge them, I don’t feel it is in my place to judge, it won’t make me feel better about myself.

        Sometimes, we drum up reasons or excuses for the MGM, we try to justify their supposed unhappiness with their marriage, their infidelity to their spouse who they have sworn fidelity to and other problems but I ask, to what end? Why would the MGM feel superior because he is married? I don’t know and I don’t care, he chose that, why let it bother you?

        One person said nobody can make you feel inferior and I agree, nobody can. I am responsible for my life and my choices, I choose what makes me happy, you choose what makes you happy. Isn’t that the ultimate goal? Happiness with your life choices?

        To the person who hates MGM that cheat on their spouses based on what the Bible says. Really? The Bible is your weapon? Really?

        People hide behind the Internet and mount a righteous pulpit, they speak on a lot of evil both groups commit, they do their best to create a divide where there really should be none. I am on the side that quite frankly don’t care.

  15. Absalom
    May 28, 07:10 Reply

    Just to be clear.

    GOld & Trystham: At no point did I say it’s okay for a man to have a wife and fuck boys behind her back.

    KingBey: At no point have I advocated for what you plan to do. But I will leave you to Max; he’ll take care of you!

    Diablo: You may want to be careful about agreeing with me. The #TeamSingle guys are NOT the hedonistic ones, sorry. I belong to that team and we are choosing to write the script of our happiness the way it should go. This is not the kind of issue on which one “compromises” or “sacrifices” – two words that are, again, being used wrongly on KD.

    Francis: Honey, you joined this blog like…last week (?) You don’t know my antecedents here. You might want to catch up on your reading because this – “I’m sure Absalom is one of the intending married gay men.” – is the most RIDICULOUS thing I’ve heard about myself this year.

    And yes, I said “self proclaimed” because a lot of us in #TeamSingle are not at an age where we have proven that we withstood the “marriage pressure”. Some of us will survive it, some won’t. It’s a bitter truth, but I wasn’t going for political correctness today.

    • Diablo
      May 28, 09:54 Reply

      I agree with MOST not all of what you wrote, and like i pointed out, I am of the notion that #TeamNoMarriageGays are hedonistic, of which I may or may not be wrong. You saying u seek to write the script of your happiness the way u dim fit, that sounds straight out of a hedonism text, so again I might be right abt your kind being more hedonistic that the avg MGM

      • Max
        May 28, 10:45 Reply

        Since when has hedonism (seeking happiness/pleasure) become this VERY BAD thing?

        • wondabuoy
          June 02, 14:10 Reply

          …Everyone seeks their own pleasure and happiness whether it comes from making other happy or by you giving it to yourself. I guess everyone is selfish to an extent.

  16. Francis
    May 28, 07:27 Reply

    The only MGMs I have small sympathy for are those that are so tied to family and friends, that they CANNOT function without them!

  17. Brian Collins
    May 28, 07:57 Reply

    Pinky darlingg, can’t we have a lounge on KD where Francis, Max and Trystham can can long seats all by themselves?
    This is what Jesus Christ talked about in the Bible. If these guys were the ones who caught that prostitute, i am almost certain that they would still cast the stones and then some more.

    • Francis
      May 28, 08:03 Reply

      @Brian: I’m not judging anyone and acting a hypocrite. I just have a problem with people not owning up to their fuck ups and looking for lame ass excuses.

      I find great pride in telling myself the absolute truth even when I’m being a hot mess.

      • Max
        May 28, 08:12 Reply

        Thanks Francis… My points exactly.
        Stop blaming society for everything!!!!!
        You made the decision to marry a pussy… Its not the society’s name on the marriage certificate but yours.

      • Brian Collins
        May 28, 08:15 Reply

        I am saying that are you guys that clean and blameless that you’d talk about MGMs in this manner?

        • Francis
          May 28, 08:20 Reply

          @Brian helloooo last I checked they talk about we self righteous pricks like that too. They judge and sneer and we deliver the same attitude right back at them.

      • Max
        May 28, 08:45 Reply

        @Bryan, we aint blameless, n
        We aren’t even close to perfect. But we can’t resist the urge to point judgemental fingers on those who give us a daily dose of it.

    • trystham
      May 28, 08:12 Reply

      Not the prostitute. I would even let that poor poor dear go. I would rain boulders on the man who lay with the prostitute

      • trystham
        May 28, 08:43 Reply

        Perhaps *shrugs* SHE was only doibg her job. He, on the other hand, would be one less bigoted and sanctimonous bastard to worry about

  18. Brian Collins
    May 28, 08:02 Reply

    Ehn ehn, they have come again o: Straight men still cheat on their wives, who are in the dark about it, and still sneer at their single friends, telling them how being married is just full of bliss.

  19. Chris
    May 28, 08:19 Reply

    This article appears straightforward or so it seems but there are attachment of complexities. I take it that this article is directed at Nigerian males for easy comprehension of the subject matter.

    I take it that acronym used here such as MGM, MBM and MOM can all be interchage as for a sole entity. Personally for me to have a constructive argument based on this article, i would’ve prefer contributors to be at least the minimum age of 35, a black male and a nigerian residing in Nigeria.

    The reason why i requested the above is first of all so that emphathy can slide both ways during the discussion of the written artcle. Secondly it is to avoid condescencion on either side of the pro and against (wherein that lies in the article). Thirdly to be able to bridge grounds of mutual respect during this my submission.

    Personally i will stick to MBM/MGM for article sake. A mgm dude can find in the opposite sex a common ground in terms of sexuality, as that they both have the same expectation in sex and the fact thst they have an attraction for each other. There must be an element of sexual compactibility otherwise the marriage is dead on arrival.

    I personally will admire and respect an individual who is minimally 35yrs and above who can dare the society in Nigeria like Mr Chuks in a previous article and being comfortable with it. I mean genuinely happy and not bitter towards society, not judgemental and can stand and tell the society, ‘hey am not getting married’. Being all of these and not withdrawn from the mainstream society or turn a recluse, yesi will doff my hat.

    Human sexuality is very fluid as most will agree, i have seen a gay dude in his thirties who started contemplating developing a relationship with the opposite sex. A straight dude that started experimenting with guys, when he got into his thirties or the recent case of Bruce Jenner that waited till sixty years to initiate gender transformation.

    What am trying to say here being an mgm. mbm or mom thing is not engraved in marble, humans change their sexuality platform from time to time. I want to say life as a whole is all about compromises, oh yes, every adpevt of life. Straight dudes aint finding it easy in marriage too, it is not all hunky dory for them. If any thing i believe it is the same for all nigerian married men, my observation though. Live and lets live. Carpe diem.

    • Francis
      May 28, 08:23 Reply

      @Chris ermmm, sorry Brucer has always known he was trans. He just wasn’t ready to face it head on until now

      • Brian Collins
        May 28, 08:34 Reply

        Yeah, his point exactly. Do you not see it? Bruce still went ahead and got married to different women and had wonderful and not so wonderful kids. All i see and hear now is how he is being true to himself now which is very rich. I’d rather have two gay dads or moms from the start and have dealt with all the jeers and sneers people would have had, than have what Kris Jenner has.
        *Remembering Superman * It’s a man, no it’s a woman, no it’s Bruce Jenner.
        Anyone care to bite me? Feel free.

      • trystham
        May 28, 09:34 Reply

        The jury is still out on what caused the break-up of Bruce’s prev marriages as far as I am concerned but what are you actually saying? That all transvestites want to be females/males so they can have sex? I have no idea what the psychology of a trans may be, but comparing that ‘I want to be a woman’ with a cheating spouse??? Darling, stop it. Thats like saying ‘I want to be a doctor/thief when I grow up’ with ‘I am a murderer’.

      • Max
        May 28, 08:53 Reply

        Old enough to think rationally, make my own decisions and not be pushed around based on what I want and not based on status quo. Thank you.

    • keredim69
      May 28, 11:25 Reply

      Chris. Is Bruce Jenner Gay? Has he had sex with a man yet?!? Biologically he is still a man and he has so much as said he wants the male pronoun to be used for him. And if he does eventually transform to a woman, who will he be having sex with?

      • Chris
        May 28, 11:51 Reply

        The fact remains that Bruce waited that long to alter his gender. Whom Bruce will be getting intimate with,nwe dont know yet, it could be with a male, female or a tranny, we dont know yet.

    • alex
      May 28, 22:17 Reply

      You took the words out of my mouth Chris.Live and let live.

    • Gad
      May 28, 14:52 Reply

      Gad is watching how humans can be so out with their ignorance.

  20. Absalom
    May 28, 09:27 Reply

    Max, can you point out specific points the article made excuses for “bad behaviour”?

  21. pete
    May 28, 09:28 Reply

    ‘MGMs who feel superior to gay guys’ I see/ hear this statement a lot. nobody can make you feel inferior without your consent. next time, check who has the complex.

  22. REVEREND HOT
    May 28, 10:47 Reply

    I don’t wanna get on anyone’s bad side so I’ll just say this. I respect the authors thoughts on the matter, but I strongly disagree
    …#TeamBeYourself #DeceitIsAnEvenGreaterSin

    • JamesJemima
      May 28, 11:00 Reply

      RH.. Are you perhaps out of the closet? Have you ever denied it when people accused you of being gay? Have you perhaps never told a lie just to protect someone even if it was yourself?

      • pinkpanthertb
        May 28, 11:57 Reply

        Good questions, James. Is Team Be Yourself really you being yourself?

  23. JamesJemima
    May 28, 10:55 Reply

    MGM have no love here.. Lolz.
    I hope I don’t get married to a female.. Meaning I have to grow a tough skin to my mum’s emotional blackmail.
    But if I do get married to a female I’ll find it highly amusing that the way I’m living my life is getting some people’s tits in a bunch especially when those people don’t matter.
    Not everyone is strong enough to make what you deem as right choices. It’s also cute how some of us act so fucking perfect with our high and mighty opinions. God has nothing in these people when it comes to judgement.
    I’m still chilling for the day we learn to live and let live instead of taking panadol for another person’s headache. So dramatic.

    • Chuck
      May 28, 12:14 Reply

      Relativism is self – refuting. If other people don’t matter why do you obey your mom’s emotional blackmail? Why do all these MGMs feel social pressure to marry?

      • JamesJemima
        May 28, 12:40 Reply

        Dear chuck, please note that I said “especially when those people don’t matter” so I’m allowed to have a headache over what mum dearest, my brothers, my dad, my boyfriend think but not some random internet personas or church members or colleagues. Shey you get? Do me a favour and stop nitpicking my words..Thank you!

      • Chuck
        May 28, 15:01 Reply

        @James, my point stands. Who decides the people that matter? Some MGM clearly don’t think their wives matter, for example, or they would be honest with them.

      • JamesJemima
        May 28, 16:12 Reply

        my point is that I don’t think I will be having sleepless nights if someone I really couldn’t care about is happy about my life choices and the fact that we are reacting so violently to other people’s life choices is annoying. Live and let live. That’s always been my motto..

  24. Chris
    May 28, 11:10 Reply

    95% of my straight friends cheat on their wives/partners and they will not hesitate to judge their peers who are single to the extend of, mockingly asking them ‘or are you gay?’ Not judging, just saying.

  25. Sinnex
    May 28, 11:12 Reply

    I am not surprised by the kind of comments I am reading here. This blog has always been filled with hypocrites. Most people create the impression that they have all got it figured out…even Max who at the age of 27 is claiming to be all knowing when it comes to gay sexuality when we all know how shy and quiet he is in reality, he just creates a fake personae on the internet. Some people would create the false impression of who they are not just to make a not so important point
    The excuse most people give against gay marraige sis that they don’t want to cheat on their wives, my question is, how many of you did not cheat on your gay partners while you were dating? Or do you think that if and when you marry a gay guy that you would automatically become faithful. I shake my head in shame reading most of the myopic statements here.

    If you have your life all figured out and have decided not to marry a female and no one has any issue with it, then why don’t you leave the MGM/MBM alone. They want to marry women and it is not your cup of tea. If you feel that they think they are better than you, that means they are actually better than you, you need to check yourself and not go around blaming someone else for your shortcomings, and claiming that it is because they were able to get married.

    Some people breath, eat and live by their sexuality. There is nothing else about them than sex. Most don’t even know their left from their right, all they do know is to look for the next fuck buddy.

    Marrying a gay man or straight woman would not make you happy. It all depends on your personality and nothing else. It is up to you to make yourself happy.

    Marrying a gay man won’t stop you from cheating on him, that’s a fact.

    If you don’t want to marry a woman, good for you, but leave us who have decided to marry straight women.

    Nothing is going to stop me from doing that. I can’t even imagine getting married to a guy like me. It is just so not possible. I grew up in a happy family and I don’t want my kids to grow up asking questions.

    If you say i have internalized homophobia, fine by me…or maybe i am succumbing to societal pressure, you are right.

    We need to realise that we are all different. We grew up in different environments. We have different perceptions of life. The only thing we have in common is just our sexuality with is just a minute part of our lives.

    • Max
      May 28, 11:32 Reply

      Hahahahahahahahah. 27 really? Is that how old I sound here?? And also about being shy in real life- Honey, you need to sack your news source. If you were a TV station, you’d be shut down by now for carrying fake news. I would like to reply most of other things you wrote here, but it’ll be just repeating myself.
      Nothing about you or your desire to wife a pussy interests me, honestly I couldn’t care less if you decide to marry a pig.
      You’ve never failed to display your lack of wit, naivety and cowardice here, so I’ll just sit back, relax and enjoy reading through the comments section.

    • REVEREND HOT
      May 28, 11:40 Reply

      I’m sorry if I sounded hypocritical. But I just feel gay guys shouldn’t complain about being gay or being ostracized if at the end, they conform to society and get marrie to women

      Again, sorry.

    • Chris
      May 28, 12:09 Reply

      Insightful points noted as follows -:
      A cheat is a cheat regardless of sexuality preference.
      We all wants different things, we’re all from different enviroments.
      A bitter person is always bitter and discontented .
      To think that someone is better than oneself, the comple lie with one.
      Live and lets live.

    • Chuck
      May 28, 12:19 Reply

      See the sociopathic tendencies of these MGMs and their supporters. You know that someone who makes up all their moral rules based on themselves alone is a sociopath right? That’s the definition. You’ve decided to marry a straight woman, lie to her, and betray her trust. I will judge you for being a terrible person, sexuality not withstanding. Go forth and lie.

      • Brian Collins
        May 28, 15:24 Reply

        Rubbish Chuck, RUBBISH!!!!! People should just stop being self righteous here please. Do you not live a lie? Are you really true to yourself? Do you tell anyone who is willing to know that you are gay? Do you do some things people will call wrong? Don’t be judgemental here abeg.
        This marra af taya me sef?

      • Chuck
        May 28, 15:43 Reply

        @Brian Collins, I see that you equate not telling strangers that you are gay with not telling your wife that your marriage is a sham. I do not. I am open to my family and friends.

        • Francis
          May 28, 15:48 Reply

          @Chuck abeg your coming out story dey here? I’m interested. 🙂

  26. Chris
    May 28, 11:24 Reply

    How do we cut this into perspective, dudes that are mgm or mbm but are muslims or traditionalist
    and their faith accommodate multiple partners? Does that include and justify the side dude/bobo/ nicca?
    #Askingforpeaceofmind.

    • Francis
      May 28, 12:23 Reply

      @Chris: Hmmm, make we wait for hausa person to come answer. lol

      • Chris
        May 28, 14:00 Reply

        Evidently i have seen dudes in the SW/Middlebelt juggling the lifestyle above conveniently,
        so what say you Francis:)?

        • Francis
          May 28, 14:20 Reply

          @Chris: as long as the madam no send as par na part of dem old culture, i no send oh!

    • trystham
      May 28, 18:43 Reply

      Lemme not even start on how very sexist such religions are. It cool for the man to marry many wives, but nasty for a pussy to have multiple choice dicks abi? Una doh!!! Nonsense and Ingredients

  27. Chuck
    May 28, 12:36 Reply

    This ties into the hypocritical Christianity that many Nigerians profess. When you say you love Jesus and obey his laws, but you are ok with gay sex and lying, it’s no wonder you’re ok with cheating, stealing and betraying trust.

    You’re only Christian until it’s time to lie, cheat or steal to get an advantage.

    Shior!

    • Max
      May 28, 13:00 Reply

      Love is all I have for your comments today. 🙂

  28. D-boy
    May 28, 13:05 Reply

    Just so you know there are tons of heterosexual men in unsuspecting relationships with gay women.

    P. S Forcing your personal values or opinions is not the same as having an intellectual discussion / argument.

  29. pinkpanthertb
    May 28, 13:12 Reply

    What? That’s it? You’re not going to ask JSU out for lunch?

  30. Jeova Sanctus Unus
    May 28, 13:22 Reply

    I’ve never said to no gay man “Do not get married to a lady”. On the other hand, I’ll have 3 sets of apostles and some if I line up gay men who have admonished me to get married to a woman (and added that I’m just stupid and naive for effect).

    Isn’t it amusing we keep saying “Wait until you’re 30 (seems it’s now 35) and let’s see if you’ll still say that” to the #TeamNoStraightMarriage? Like the guys on the other side can’t also change their minds when they get to that age?? If that’s the case, it’s clear which party is condescending here.

    Gay men have been getting married to women even before Abraham knew Sarah. If there’s anything I know about persecution, the old system is always the persecutor. UGM’s are relatively new here. Just the same way we keep hearing nonsensical statements like:
    “Tone down the flamboyance”,
    “Try not to be effeminate”, etc. No effeminate man has ever asked them machos to ‘woman up’ and act effeminately.

    No man should be trashed for his decision to/not get married to anyone. But if at the end of the day 99% of gay men get married to the opposite gender you certainly can’t tell me some small Max somewhere is making life unbearable for these folks. Talk about crackheads blaming gay people for natural occurrences.

    Obi married Ada. Chike married Chidi. Chika refused to get married. None of their decisions concern anyone, not even their twins.

    Now a lecture on compromise:

    Compromise is to meet someone halfway. It takes 2 to compromise. Saying you made a compromise by marrying a lady is false. You simply gave up. Or never fought at all. What compromise did the other side make?? Who’s the other side even?? Does/did the supposed other side even know there was a battle??

    Also, you didn’t make your family happy, you made them satisfied. What happiness does your family get from your marriage?? How happy are your parents about your uncle’s marriage/family??

    We throw up evey manner of reason/blame but the truth is we get married because we WANT to. Leave the BS to the sewer cleaners papi.

    *************************************
    Konga signs an exclusive deal with Samsung on the Galaxy S6/Edge. Samsung secretly supplies same gizmos to Jumia at a breach of contract.
    What would you say of Samsung??

    Alexander McQueen has a talent formaking beautiful female clothing. Suddenly on his 35th birthday, Alexander decides to switch to making male clothing (of which he has little to no talent) beause some of his neighbors mock him.
    Now add a little twist of Alexander making & selling female pieces in secret.
    What would you think of him??

    • Max
      May 28, 14:34 Reply

      Standing Ovation…

  31. Chris
    May 28, 14:15 Reply

    Some commentators up here are so vexed and i wonder why? Some commentators are beginning to manoeuvre their comments into personal attack. A lot of blog visitors today have got no chilll. There are so much painment emitting from some commentators today.

    • Max
      May 28, 14:33 Reply

      You do realize we’re not watching soccer, right?

        • keredim69
          May 28, 18:25 Reply

          I think what Max is trying to say is, Stop the running commentary

      • Chris
        May 28, 19:02 Reply

        I will rather you let Max speak of his own volition Keredim69, thanks much.
        However if you have something to say to my comments, pls come correct.

        • keredim69
          May 28, 19:52 Reply

          You summarise walking the middle ground. Emphasising points of both sides of the argument. Which is fine, for a TV/radio debate

      • Chris
        May 28, 20:01 Reply

        If you are referring to my 2:15pm entry, it is not a summary, it is apparently an observation. You need to elucidate and be specific, which of my comments you on about that led to ‘running commentary’?

  32. Absalom
    May 28, 14:16 Reply

    It’s interesting how a lot of strawman arguments are cropping up. Some commenters have me wondering when I said what they said I said. Hian!

    What a lot of people in #TeamSingle are finding difficult to swallow is the fact that part of this article clipped their wings. And here’s why that had to happen:

    1. No debate and activism is devoid of context. This is simple social science, not rocket science. You cannot work for change about the choices LGBT people make in Nigeria without factoring in the surrounding homophobia. Are you even for real? Do you know that Pinky is committing a crime by running this blog? Please go to LIB and read the cruel comments under that Bisi Alimi story about a Nigerian gay guy who probably committed suicide…then come back let’s talk.

    2. Your stand on any issue can be right but your APPROACH or method wrong. And if your approach is wrong, you can kiss success goodbye.

    3. I still insist that the conversation about gay/bi people in heterosexual marriages NEVER took off on this blog. It has just been one crazy fest of people fighting and cussing each other out from dawn till nightfall. Even as a bona fide #TeamSingle person, I can’t be a part of that, and if it hurts anyone that there are some lies I refuse to tell, well, I am NOT sorry. 🙂 *rolling my eyes*

    • trystham
      May 28, 16:57 Reply

      Its not even Social Science. Its plaint HUMANITY. Your 1st point SIR; is contradictory. Thats like saying you want change and then you want corruption in the same breath. Oh now KD is against the law? During the whole military era where speaking against the govt’s atrocities were a crime, did it change that THEY WERE atrocities? Quoting the homophobia Bisi encounters online, what really should be the basis for enacting laws, motives for carrying out actions? Religion, Culture or EMPATHY? I’m still yet to understand how Bisi’s being gay hurts homophobes. Long term or Short term. (isn’t that the aim of empathy?)

      My dear, as to ur 2nd point, taking things lying down is enough time to be a doormat for the rest of yr life. Think about that

      As for our MGMs and soon to be MGMs, nobody, definitely not me anyways, would av noticed them if they hadn’t been loud in their lifestyle of filth. I would av even deigned to not notice their shortcomings. But for fuck sake, steal the cookie. Don’t be proud of being a thief. Acting remorse once in a while sef for pay u.
      And like I am reiterating, this is NOT about ur ‘oh-so-victimised’ MGMs. This about EVERY married man/woman, ppl in exclusive relationships who are cheats. Do you know how VERY IRRITATING it is to know a guy who cheats and brags about it and tells you ‘I pay the bills’, ‘I satisfy her’, ‘I’m a good father’ like that automatically erases everything??? I guess not.

      • Chuck
        May 28, 17:20 Reply

        Trystham, I second your point. Live and yet live is ok. Applauding lies and disrespect
        (cheating) is a bridge too far. Thanks!

      • Absalom
        May 28, 17:51 Reply

        Trystham and Chuck: You’re holding on to infidelity, condescension and all the other crimes your MGMs commit against you because demonising MGMs is the only way your points will hold any water. Drop those and you see that your argument wobbles. Do ALL MGMs cheat on their wives? Like, can we confirm this? Do ALL MGMs condescend to unmarried gay men?

        Where, in this article, did I celebrate or endorse infidelity? Biko, show me.

        Where did I make a case for an MGM lifestyle? As a matter of fact, I criticised them when I stated CLEARLY that this debate is not about who you choose to marry but who you are HIDING things from.

        So, Mr. Chuck, where did I say it is okay to contract a marriage based on falsehood? Didn’t I state CLEARLY that some of those marriages fail?

        This is the kind of black-and-white simplification that kills debates on this blog.

      • Chuck
        May 28, 18:30 Reply

        Are MGMs people like Lord/Gad who are married to women yet still sleeping with men, or men who had sex with men and “quit” when they decided to marry women? If you are married to a woman and you are faithful I think you are “ex gay”/bi etc rather than MGM (as defined by Dennis and used on this blog). If your article is about gay men who have given it up to marry, the comments clearly show that the arguments are tangential – they are about the “married and still fucking men” lifestyle. I have restricted myself to arguments about cheating men. All of my points today address that situation.

      • trystham
        May 28, 20:21 Reply

        When are you going to learn that my stand is not limited to the whole sexuality issue? Its about changing the mindset of Nigerians where it is the ‘norm’. What is unfair is unfair. Shunting queues, Bribery, taking things forcefully, bullying, blackmail, homophobia, infidelity, slavery…and I don’t need to be christian to know all this pains the person on the recieving end. Doesn’t it even stand against the whole equality factor we are fighting for.
        Make no mistake, I am not a crusader and I can be guilty, but there are some things one should not just be proud of. Sadly those things are the very ones our nonsense religions and cultures tend to rate as acceptable. SMH. I have said too much. I hope I will be able to see further discussions on this matter and just sneer and not comment.

  33. Sinnex
    May 28, 15:06 Reply

    Isn’t it strange how when a gay guy wants to argue against a gay man marrying a straight woman, he remembers that the bible is against lying, adultery and fornication, but when it is time to defend his sexuality, he would remember that the same Bible was written by men and that it was Paul who wrote against homosexuality. That is when the gay men would remember that they are atheist or even agnostic. If that is not hypocritical, I wonder what that is.

    You say that unfaithfulness is wrong and against all the laws of nature, but when your neighbour tells you that homosexuality is against the law of nature and that no one is born gay and that even if you have gay tendencies, that doesn’t mean you should act on it, just like murder, theft, kidnapping and other social ills, then you’d go ballistic and start defending yourself.

    If you claim that you can’t worship a God who hates you and you are against the society, then what is wrong with a man who marries a woman and cheats on her?

    Or if a man decides to marry 4 wives what will you call that?

    I still stand on the fact that most people here are hypocrites.

    They climb on their high horses and speak ill of others. You are not better than the rest. You have just decided to hide your head under the sand and pretend like no one can see you just like the ostrich.
    It is nobody’s fault that you can’t have sex with a girl. It is nobody fault that you think that marrying a girl would make you miserable. If it nobody’s fault that the vagina of a girl repulses you. It’s all on you. So, don’t go around spreading your venom and making others feel bad for what
    you can or can’t do.
    So, if you find it strange that a gay man decides to marry a straight woman, then I think you need to have your head checked.

    This is a community of men who have something in common and decided to share it, there are different ways of achieving the same thing. We all are looking for happiness. It is up to you to decide the one that suits you. If you feel that marrying a man would make you happy, then do it. If you feel that marrying a dog or cat or even snake would make you happy, why not do it. If you feel that marrying a girl would make you happy, be my guest. If you feel that living with your pets in a house covered with cobwebs and giant rats, why not do it. Whatever you feel like doing, go ahead, but if you feel that because you decided to do something, that means that you are better than the guy next door, then you are sitting on a very long thing.

    There are some men who are genuinely happy when they get married to women.

    • Chuck
      May 28, 15:18 Reply

      @Sinnex, I’m not a Christian. That doesn’t mean I don’t have ethics – it means my ethics follow another ideology. That ideology is humanism.

      This ideology explains why marrying a woman under false pretences is unethical to me. By lying/betraying trust, you are disrespecting that woman. You are stripping her of dignity.

      I hope this makes things clearer for you.

      P.S. If your belief in God/ your Pastor’s teaching is all that is keeping you from crime/sociopathy I fear what happens when people like you become a majority. Once your Pastor asks you to start Christian BH what will happen? After all the Crusades happened in Medieval times based on Papal mandates.

    • Brian Collins
      May 28, 15:39 Reply

      APPLAUSE Sinnex. You could have done without all the fifty shades but applause all the same especially that first three paragraphs.
      Chuck you could have ethics and being a hypocrite could be one of them ,without you even realizing it ,and that is just bull crap.
      It is obvious that everyone cannot be the same or conform with what society or some specific people think is write. Isn’t that what we preach to homophobes these days? There is so much lying and cheating going on in the world right now and in marriages too straight or gay or whatever you wanna call it. Everyone should stop acting a saint is all i am saying on this matter.

      • trystham
        May 28, 17:35 Reply

        Shame. You missed out on the ‘humanism’ part. How convenient.

        Sinnex, deep indoctrination will not let me say that the bible passage 1stCorith 6:9 is wrong, but as it affects me personally nko? I am effeminate and even if I weren’t gay, I would av bin damned before I took my 1st breath. So, is Uncle Paul right to av said that because he didn’t know I’d be coming along 2000yrs later? That makes me ask the question over and over and over again. Who the fuck determines what is right? Religion, Culture, Ethics, Morals??? I have decided to live by the rule “If it aint gonna hurt you long term or short term, my conscience allows me to do it”. Where does the limit to that mantra come in? No limits. Just gray areas depending on the degree of my relationship with u. I wonder what caused a review in the new Testament about killing non-Jews in the old testament because they weren’t chosen of God. No be common sense and humanity?

        Brian, hypocrisy is NOT ethics. Its a human failing which should be done away with AND you don’t need to ‘conform’ with what someone says or how it affects u. Ur conscience tells you when you have done wrong. That niggling feeling you keep suppressing? Thats your conscience. Its gonna keep asking you how u wud av felt if u had been the victim of ur own action. Because you may av murdered yours doesn’t mean its not there.

    • Jeova Sanctus Unus
      May 28, 15:48 Reply

      In the case the “vagina” part of your comment was for me, sorry, I’m bisexual. I’ve had enough pussy than you’d have a dick.

      Now, excluding bisexuals (this debate is never about them), how will a man attracted to men be genuinely happy in a relationship with a woman?? I honestly wanna know.

      Why has no straight man married a gay man if they can be happy??

      PS: I’m not attacking you. I really don’t care what anyone does with their live. I only have issues with people insinuating that all single men are attacking married men. So not true.

    • JamesJemima
      May 28, 16:20 Reply

      If I had seen this comment before I made mine I wouldn’t have written anything. You put my thoughts down and much more accurately if I may add.

    • Francis
      May 28, 15:51 Reply

      @Brian the ogbonge Bottoms wey dey plan become MGM for here fit help you with tips. Lol

  34. JamesJemima
    May 28, 16:14 Reply

    Some arguments are just unnecessary cause people have different moral compasses that can even be adjusted to fit their current situation. If you’re strong enough to withstand the pressure then please do. Leave the weak ones to do what they need to do. All this talk of right and wrong some of y’all starting to sound like the pharisees.
    He’s married to a woman who doesn’t know he’s gay..is this the first time? Is she your sister? Is he making her unhappy? Biko how does it concern anybody here who is team married or team single..
    are we also forgetting that people Marry for other reasons except from love whether gay or straight. Some do it for financial security, they got the girl pregnant, they just want a woman at home, to have children, etc.
    and about the deceit please let he who has never sinned or even just deceived someone cast the first stone. We are in Nigeria for fuck’s same. We gay people lie like there’s no tomorrow. I’m not saying it’s right but it offers some forms of protection even though it’s a shaky one sometimes.
    you’re free to immensely dislike MGM but don’t think for a moment that you’re better than them just cause you are able to make one choice that they couldn’t make. Your battle is not theirs.
    I’m talking more than I’d like to.

  35. Mirage
    May 28, 17:06 Reply

    MGM blah blah is such a cliché that I wanna poke a carrot in my eyes, it’s a matter of choice and b4 you go judging you don’t know what they have been through and some do it just to help their mother’s aching out, they sacrifice for the love of family. For Christ’s sake we in Nigeria and let’s face reality and stop forming just “me and my bunch of dogs” it’s like applying EU laws in Nigeria, they do it for reasons best known to them. If you choose to remain single, then good for you, I have an uncle who is in his 60’s and very well to do and he never got married and is still not married and I remember how often my granny would cry and lament over the issue, so it’s a matter of choice if you believe you can withstand the pressure and cry from your parents and siblings then remain single. It’s one bridge we would have to decide to cross or not cross one day, it’s a personal issue. The only issue I think I have with the MGM I have seen it’s some of them carrying the air of superiority thinking they superior just cos they are married and thinking of UGM as inferior, have met a view like that and thank God for delete button on BBM. Wait PP is it only the issue of MGM and UGM you would discuss? what about the issue of age, met someone who said “am versatile but if am older than you, you can’t top me” I almost went ablaze with laughter! well for me, if you coming to my doorstep even if you are 80, drop your age cloak at home cos am not your sibling or son!*goes back to studying*

  36. Dimkpa
    May 28, 17:19 Reply

    Interesting article Absalom. I’ve always felt you have wisdom beyond your years.
    That said, I think some people on this blog need reality checks.
    Some comments here reek of ‘external homophobia’. Like seriously. I would have thought we would have learnt to live and let live.
    If some comments here are posted on LIB it would be hard to tell it was written by a ‘gay man’
    Man up?! That’s an advice of someone to gay effeminate men? What extra would a homophobe out there add. FYI we all here were effeminate and only learned to be ‘straight-acting’ a term which in itself acknowledges that fact.
    Please to all the brave fabulous men put there, keep doing you. I salute your courage. You are sun spots on the surface of the earth.

    • Brian Collins
      May 28, 18:22 Reply

      I swear that first paragraph came across as condenscending to me. And i see that here a lot. This is the kind of thing that some ‘older’ people say that riles me. I may be reading it wrong but that’s just it.

      • Dimkpa
        May 28, 18:33 Reply

        You know Brian it wasn’t meant for you. But you can relax though, I would never say that about you.

  37. trystham
    May 28, 20:28 Reply

    Don’t worry sweetheart. Them friends of yours, the likes of Gad, Lord and you (I think u r married, no?), y’all are scum. There’s enough to go round.

    • Gad
      May 29, 07:39 Reply

      Any rat can type anything online. No thanks to cheap data but please concentrate on your job(prostitution) and stop seeking Gad,s attention. He doesn’t patronize your likes. I know that market has been bad in Enugu for sometime but remove your mind from the possibility of me being your customer. I don’t waste money on urchins. OAN: Pinky, please anytime you allow the insults of any of your foot soldiers on my person don’t delete my response to them no matter how raw your biased mind tells you it is.

      • pinkpanthertb
        May 29, 07:48 Reply

        Gad, kindly do not reel me into the mess you’ve become these days. Anytime I see insults, whether from u or anyone else, if I see it in time, I delete it. So please keep your barbed comments to the people who have time for you around here. I don’t.

    • pinkpanthertb
      May 29, 07:54 Reply

      And trystham, I believe I’ve told u this in private before. I don’t appreciate unprovoked attacks like this. I’ve accorded u the respect of a friend by telling u this in private. And yet u still can’t seem to rein in your bad temper. Perhaps you’d prefer i publicly say what I think of these bitter opinions.

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