The Bottom Chronicles

The Bottom Chronicles

Recently, there have been a slew of conversations and misconceptions pushed by stereotypes surrounding Bottoms that I’ve encountered amongst friends on the social media. During one conversation about rape and the stereotype-driven opinion that Bottoms are far more susceptible to male assault than Tops, I realized that perhaps a platform should be provided which gives gay men who play bottom sex roles the opportunity to address these stereotypes.

So this is a call to KDians to send in whatever write-ups, opinion pieces or stories they’d like to share for the benefit of the conversation surrounding the Bottom Gay Man.

To kick this new series off, I have decided to recycle this humour piece, which is one of the earliest write-ups published on Kito Diaries. It was penned by Absalom and titled…

AN OPEN LETTER TO TOPS

5 ATTITUDES TOPS NEED TO DROP…LIKE LAST CENTURY

Dear Tops,

This letter is not for all of you, but many-enough of you. I do not presume to speak for every bottom, but at least I speak for myself, and as I am very important to myself, you’d better listen up if you want that second round…date.

Attitude #1: Pounding my ass 0.000000000000001 seconds after you ram in

Sounds painful, right? Well, guess what: It is! I know you watch loads of porn. I do too. And, trust me, there’s nothing as horny as watching some ripped ‘n’ inked guy slamming his hard meat into a splayed-legs bottom, wishing it was me under that guy – without the cameras, yeah? But porn is not real life. So many shots are cut out, including where the bottom guy douched, or how the top’s dick kept slipping out for three hours, how the condom got worn, etc. A quick Google of the anatomy of the anus will tell you that it is nothing like the vagina. It’s not elastic enough or self-lubricating. It needs time to relax around your girth and accommodate it. Momentum is best build up gradually… So you can’t just plunge in and begin hammering away like we are picking up from where we left off 0.000000000000003 seconds ago. You’ll be ejected and shown your clothes. Then the door!

Attitude #2: It’s all about penetration.

No, it’s not. Eat the ass out. Finger it. Load ice-cubes down the chutes. Sip hot chocolate then wrap your warm tongue around the nips. Make things shiverous-quiverous, make things rock! Penetration is just ONE of many sexual activities and not THE sexual activity.

Attitude #3: Size is a big deal.

It ain’t. And here, I’m not talking to the brothers on the small side, fighting self-consciousness every time they have to whip it out. I’m talking to the horse-schlong guys. (Wait first, how do I pronounce “horse-schlong” without biting my tongue?) Yeah, you are big, extra-elephant-leg-large and all that, but if you do not know how to use it to pleasure us, there’s no point us going further than one…drink with you. Don’t brag about your size; most of us bottoms pack mouth-watering lengths and girths down there. Focus instead on how you can use your skilled waist moves to make us cum thrice in 10 minutes – until we are cross-eyed.

Attitude #4: “I’m not that gay”/“I’m actually bi”.

We get it. Clinging tenaciously to the Top label as if it might make you less gay is so… I dunno. You like to shag guys, right? Like really, really, really love, love, love to shag guys, and guys alone? And you are top? You’re still gay! (This point excludes bi-guys.)

Attitude #5: That you are top makes you the “man” (and me the… “woman”).

This stinks of thinly-veiled misogyny and chauvinism and denial and internalized homophobia all rolled into a ball of your clothes and flung out the door after you. In case it slipped from your notice, we are physiologically alike: flat chest, dew-drop nipples, testicles, penis…sans uterus. One reason same-sex relationships are frowned upon is because we are a bundle of taboos. We have broken gender conventions as the world knows it. Now men can be “submissive”, can “be fucked”, can be recipients of chivalry; women can “fuck” (with strap-on dildos), can attain maximum pleasure without a man in sight (I don’t need a man, yeah?). It sends shivers of revulsion down the spines of most of the straight population who’d rather not see such… tarnished images of their genders. So, you Top, when we are doing whatever it is we do, don’t – except I kinkily permit – tamper with our genders to suit some hetero-normative model. It’s still a same-fucking-sex relationship. I – I’m your man. And you are my man too.

 

Print Friendly, PDF & Email
Previous US Supreme Court Rejects California Gay-Conversion Therapy Ban Case
Next TAKING ON THE OFFENSIVE

About author

You might also like

Editor's Desk 29 Comments

Morning Humour XX: No OLX Needed

All gay men looking to get married to their fellow man, this one is for you. Need a husband? There’s a number on your screen to call. 😀 Related

Print Friendly, PDF & Email
Series (Non-Fiction) 36 Comments

THE DIARY OF A NIGERIAN FUCKBOY (Entry 5)

Dear Diary This past couple of weeks has been very horrible. Just horrible. When a message popped up on my Grindr app asking users to hit the message to know

Print Friendly, PDF & Email
Editor's Desk 28 Comments

Top Benchmark LGBT Films That Got People Talking

In the ongoing struggle for equality, LGBT rights have inspired some amazing fictional and documentary films over the years. Here are the top benchmark LGBT films that got people talking

Print Friendly, PDF & Email

9 Comments

  1. Quinn
    May 02, 08:28 Reply

    Oh I really like this! cum thrice in 10 minutes? with all my self pleasure do I still have enough sperm for that? Great write up. Reminds me of a guy I was chatting…insulting with on grindr, coz I refused to send a nude. He fucking called me “a woman with a dick”. I laughed hard at this. the fragility of masculinity! I’ve personally resolved to ditch the labels. I want the best of both worlds!

  2. KryxxX
    May 02, 08:57 Reply

    No. 1 and 3, Jesus needs to take the whole car and the highway on that one not just the wheel. Like they know nothing more beyond their size! It is annoying!

    Gentleness? Lai lai !

    Usage? Mbanu !

    Foreplay? Eziokwu!

    Pleasuring you to cum nko? Ka m nụkwa!

    That it is how one ewu nearly wanted to rape his ancestors and not me! Oga you are big, let’s prepare nau! Oga said no oh! On top my own bumbum! Inukwa! And With the way he was begging eh, in my mind I was like I need to flee B4 I wee die and oga wee comman rape my corpse. I can’t shout! ?? ? ? ? ?

    And ndị “I don’t kiss”, Una Goodmorning oh! Unu àsálà chi? ? ? ? ? ? ? ? ? ?

  3. Delle
    May 02, 10:39 Reply

    Well about time someone wrote this!

    No 2. Best solution so far for me has been hooking up with versatiles. Those ones, those ones… *staring dreamily at the sky*.

    The horse schlong aspect though. Such annoying stereotype.
    Not all bottoms are even after big dicks not to talk of entering my chute and pounding a nanosecond after.
    Woe betide you! Personally, that can’t happen to me. Over the years, I’ve trained my hole so much, it obeys MY every command so an anti-body can’t just invade however form it takes.

    No 5. I don’t even want to talk about this. Too stupid.

    P. S: This post has to be taken seriously and it’s a tad annoying no supposed top is commenting.

  4. bruno
    May 02, 10:53 Reply

    your ? sex ? role ? is ? not ? an ? identity

    • Chuck
      May 03, 23:51 Reply

      Exactly. How is bottom an identity? Where is the Union of People Who Buy Brown Shoes/ Union of People who Liked Kukere?

Leave a Reply