THE CHILD FROM YESTERDAY

THE CHILD FROM YESTERDAY

Ome ka nwanyi, ome ka nwanyi…!”(Girly boy or sissy), a voice screamed through the window of the towering building.

This is a voice I was so familiar with. It’s one of the many voices that always reminded me of what an abomination I was and how I should be ashamed of even waking up from sleep, a voice that reminded me of how damaged and how useless I was.

That phrase began as a whisper and then grew into a wind, a wind of torment, a wind of despair, a wind of agony, served daily in multiple doses. A wind which I had no control over and no shelter to weather from. I started dying before I could live. Anywhere I went to, whenever people looked at me, I already knew why. I’ve never liked being the center of attention, but I always managed to get everyone’s attention by just existing in the same time and place with them.

At night, I’d cry myself to sleep after saying a prayer to God, begging him to change me, to make me more like Emeka, the well built classmate of mine whose unofficial duty was ‘protecting the weak’ from bullies. I always felt safe around Emeka; he was one of those guys that you could count on. Whenever he was around, ain’t no bully gon come your way.

The bullies weren’t limited to boys. While a majority of the girls in my class liked playing oga (that children’s play which involves clapping hands and snapping open and close the legs) with me, a good number of them made it part of their daily routine to torment me. They often said hurtful things to me while in a group of four or five, laughing and encouraging each other, tearing my soul apart piece by piece. They would often threaten to beat me up if I made too much noise or resisted, often citing my lack of physical strength as a reason I wouldn’t be able to defend myself. They’d push me around and smack the back of my head, while some others would mimic my gait and hand gestures.

This made me develop fear and hate for people in general, and I often found it strange when someone tried to be nice to me. I often felt they were pretending, because at the time, I didn’t believe I was worth being nice to. I had a dangerously low self esteem coupled with self hatred and depression. I’d have considered suicide back then, but I was only a child and didn’t know what it was.

After the early years of playing the ‘damsel in distress,’ my sense of self-preservation finally kicked in. I began to retaliate. My hack-saw tongue became my greatest weapon and threatening people became my second best. I’d often threaten to visit them at night while they were sleeping and do unspeakable things to them, diabolical things, threats that worked to deter them most of the time.

Finally, I began getting some peace in school. I was in Primary 5, but I was still horrified when I see two or three boys gathered. I often felt threatened and always sure they were going to make a snide comment about me, something which they always did.

In the coming months, I decided to re-strategize. So I thought of changing the way I walk. It wasn’t easy, and it took months of work and brain conditioning to eradicate most of the hip swaying. After that came the hand gesture modification.

I was trying so hard to fit in and become a ‘man’ that I was meant to be, instead of being such a damaged sissy, so I started playing football with the boys and joined the track and field team. For the first time in my life, it felt amazing to be in school, with people who didn’t make fun of me, people who smiled and meant it. I felt like I was finally a part of something.

At last, I was finally happy.

And then, the worst happened. Primary School came to an end.

The thought of going to Secondary School with a bunch of strangers I didn’t know, who might start judging me, was horrifying and downright depressing. I simply didn’t like the change. It was too sudden. Time flies too quickly when you’re happy.

JSS1 came, and I was already prepared for the journey of pretence I was going to embark on. However, the bullying continued, albeit more subtle. The ‘girl in me’ wasn’t going to give up without a fight; it kept poking out its head once in a while, and the sharks in my school only needed to smell a drop of blood from the victim before they’d move in for the kill.

It was hard from JS1 to 3, and by SS1, I decided to be rid of the bullying once and for all. I joined the self-proclaimed bad boys in school, started being rugged, vulgar and making supposed adult statements without fear (because that’s what men are supposed to do). I joined the league of “happening boys” and started doing horrible things. I joined the homo-shaming team in school to take the attention away from me, and we made fun of anyone who was effeminate. I’d often come up with female names to give them, which later became the unofficial name they were known as. I often thought they were silly and weak for not putting in much work as I did to get rid of the girl in them.

One day in school, news spread about two guys who were expelled because they were caught doing “homo”. Some student had been monitoring their alleged clandestine night activities, and finally caught them red-handed. I was shocked because I’d never heard of such before, never even knew it was possible for a dick to slide into an asshole without the person dying from agonizing pain.

That was when it dawned on me that I’d been rolling with the wrong team, people who would throw me under the bus if they knew I was just as different, people who wouldn’t give it a second thought before racing over to the principal’s office to alter my destiny.

From then onwards, I started detaching myself slowly…

I often identify with movies like X-Men and Divergent, where people are considered to be outcast and consequently bullied by the general population. I’ve sort of become an anti-bully activist.

This is not my story. This is our story. The experiences of several gay people put together.

I wrote this because of a comment written here by someone who doesn’t believe there’s gay-shaming and bullying in Nigeria. I didn’t write this because his comment struck a chord or meant anything to me. I wrote it because I realized there is still ignorance out there, people who do not know what gay children of various ages go through during their childhood in this toxic, homophobic country.

This is a story about the child from yesterday.

What about you? Won’t you tell us about your child from yesterday?

Written by Max

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152 Comments

  1. MacArdry
    March 21, 05:50 Reply

    Such things happen,I trow,but I never experienced such.Had a straight-up,boring childhood,with the exception I was a bit of a loner by choice.And though I love sports,I would rather curl up in a corner with a good book than spend all that time kicking up dust and working up sweat.
    You turned out alright now,I’ll say.You did good,though you still have lots to work on as concern your attitude.

    • Peak
      March 21, 08:55 Reply

      Lol @MacArDry, I’m totally with you! Max turned out alright but needs to clean up in the attitude department.

      @Max! Sorry love, the above might hurt, but I just speaking the honest truth. Although I get its a defensive mechanism u subconsciously developed, I still think it has to go, or tonned down. Sorry, but butt kissing has never really been my thing.

      • Max
        March 21, 09:14 Reply

        I have bad attitude, really?

      • MacArdry
        March 21, 09:25 Reply

        Yes Max,you do.
        And you took it up like 3 notches since you got admitted to and was made an officer of the Sheeple Clan.
        Not pecking a fight here,you ken.Just saying it as I see it.

    • Peak
      March 21, 10:12 Reply

      @Macardry, Dude I’ma need you to kick it down a couple of notches! You and I know, that there is away to get ur message across without an aggressive tone.

      @Max! Yes bruh! We (Macardry and I) aren’t calling you out or anything, just being good friends. I’d like to think I understand why you are constantly in attack or defence mode, but I’d also like to believe that the positive and sweet Max who make rare appearances on KD can take on a regular shift.

      • Max
        March 21, 11:30 Reply

        @Macardry & Peak, I get your point. However, “sometimes” eyes need to be poked out and blood needs to be drawn.
        And @Mac, I’m gonna pretend I didn’t see the subtle shade there.
        And I’m not in any group whatsoever and I don’t lick asses(both real and virtual). I comment based on my assesment of a variety of factors. I’ve been neck to neck with plenty people here- Dennis, Pinky, Chestnut etc when our opinions weren’t aligned.
        So you and everyone else who think we have a clique or something else are clearly wrong.

      • MacArdry
        March 21, 11:45 Reply

        @Max and Peak,I threw no shade nor did I mean to come across as aggressive.If I appeared to be,I apologize.Absous moi.
        You are wrong on one count tho,Max.There is a clique,but that’s not for this thread now.Sorry I brought it up in the first place.
        I didn’t pass through this vale you did,but your story touched a nerve.My mate went through this too.

  2. Prince Ifesi
    March 21, 05:57 Reply

    Me? Am A No go area,No One Dares with me in Primary, who Born you ,Lash words on Me am gona give the person a double dose,With my Mouth,ready to fight,#nodulling

  3. . Pete
    March 21, 05:58 Reply

    Almost described my growing up

    • Gad
      March 21, 16:33 Reply

      @ Pete,since you “suffered the same” ,Why are you not bitter and vindictive?

      • MacArdry
        March 21, 16:39 Reply

        That’s enough,Gad.
        You and Max have issues,we get.Go settle it elsewhere,please.

      • . Pete
        March 21, 21:48 Reply

        People react to events in different ways. I threw myself into my academics, I was pretty good at it. Success is the best therapy/revenge.

  4. #TeamKizito
    March 21, 06:43 Reply

    *singing: you gotta act like a woman and think like a man..

    *sigh*

    …I don’t want to talk about it!

  5. justoohot
    March 21, 06:58 Reply

    anyway. i grew up when sisy were loved by evryone. they loved d fact dat i was difrnt from others. doing things meticulously,always neat and smart,best rated dancer(i dey even shake waist pass women …)etc. but that was den. wen d homo story was nt in wide spread. wen sisy has not been aclaimed a major factor to detect tbs.

    • Gad
      March 21, 17:26 Reply

      Justoohot,dont say that again lest you annoy Max. He doesnt like to hear that gays were loved at all

      • pinkpanthertb
        March 21, 19:34 Reply

        that’s your grand interpretation of this piece? That it is Max’s determination to convince everyone that gays aren’t loved? This is the wisdom you have to impart? I’ve never really thought much of you before, but on some level, I had a healthy respect for your opinions. Today, inexplicably, I am disappointed. I expected some wisdom from you, something encouraging passed down from your perch as an older gay man. But that’s a tall order for a small man, it would seem.

      • . Pete
        March 21, 21:50 Reply

        Pinky, chill. I know where Gad is coming with that statement. Gad,it wasn’t only Max that made that comment that day. I did too

  6. McGray
    March 21, 07:54 Reply

    This is exactly one thing that attracts me to girly guys than the manly ones, i always feel they need someone to protect them and rely upon. I encourage them to dare anyone who dares them. I love to be around them to help them especially when they are being called homo. I’m not a bouncer though.

  7. Mitch
    March 21, 07:57 Reply

    Max, your story described me perfectly! The struggle to kill the sissy, to be more manly and the depression were my daily companion. The only difference was I was a loner-by choice and very intelligent. My hatred for sports has evolved into a hatred for humanity in general. I just can’t stand people up in my face.
    That said, I believe its time we all stop fighting ourselves and live happily, like we were created to.

    • trystham
      March 21, 09:17 Reply

      I wud av loved tracks sports. I got scarred psychiologically when the games master sidelined me in a race against boys older and more built than I was. I FUCKING CAME FOURTH O!!! That shit still rankles.
      Anyway, seems its better seeing dem play soccer or B-ball shirtless than be involved. Things I imagine they cud do to me instead of the hoop

      • Mitch
        March 21, 10:46 Reply

        “Imagine what they could do to me instead of the hoops”

        LMAO. You’re one thirsty dude, you know that?

  8. DarkChild
    March 21, 07:57 Reply

    The hurtful jabs started in secondary school, I did a complete 180 with my physical appearance, kept my hands permanently in my pocket. Turns out half of this pricks who tormented me were closet cases

  9. mike daemon
    March 21, 08:13 Reply

    @Max, this story couldn’t have been told better, anyway, see my interview with John Adewoye, its almost similar but with depth! It’s here.

  10. Peak
    March 21, 08:18 Reply

    Hold up! This was written by Bae!

    Come get ur hug love!

    We have a lot 2 talk about you this boy ooo
    X-Men?lol, (storm is my bish!!!! Even though the managed to ruin here character in the films 4 me) Joining the Hip crowd in school (ok, I never did the crazy stuff or bully anyone, that’s why it always sound as if I’m defending everyone here), Being on the receiving end of bullies!

    I can smell ur dark energy from miles away bruh! That’s why I always try to look away whenever u are in ur “Attack Mode”, cos I know where its coming from. I ve been there, we have been there. I identify with you this morning bro. Well said

    ***Bear Hug***

    • Max
      March 21, 08:24 Reply

      **hugs…
      OAN: Pinky is the one delaying us…**looks @Pinky with oduanya

      • Dennis Macaulay
        March 21, 10:56 Reply

        Peak! Peak! Peak!

        How many times did i call you? MAX IS PROMISED TO ME!

        P-R-O-M-I-S-E-D

        Do i have to speak another language before you will back off?

        Dude!!!

      • Max
        March 21, 11:09 Reply

        @Dennis, so you connived with PP abi… Continue.
        Boyz, calm dwn.. I could almost hear you singing Brandy&Monica’s “the boy is mine”
        You once said its “free market economy” so the highest bidder wins.

        So here are my terms- Who’s got the bigger D? That’s the winner.

      • Vhar.
        March 21, 11:13 Reply

        Dennis Macaulay, you wee just kill yourself.
        And I’ll inherit your Bold 5.

      • Max
        March 21, 11:33 Reply

        How did you know he has a bold 5?
        #AskingForMyPeaceOfMind

      • Vhar.
        March 21, 11:58 Reply

        Loooooooooooooooool DhgaiureTsx9?bS856/,,:r.

        I laugh in rigged elections.
        You’d better sip GreyGoose Vodka and chew peanuts if you need peace of mind.
        Boya its not on this KD that we learnt of Dennis’ “Bold 5”.
        O wan bi mi ni Jamb kwesion!

      • Dennis Macaulay
        March 21, 12:10 Reply

        @Max, Bigger D? I have won na! Ask PP, he can write a review for you

        @Vhar you are a mess! After all I am an “unemployed man with a bold 5”

        • pinkpanthertb
          March 21, 12:16 Reply

          Eh-eh! Holitdia! Just holit! Don’t just drag me into you people’s mess! I have no first hand knowledge of any Ds in this triangle and I shall be writing no reviews, thank you very much!

    • Peak
      March 21, 12:34 Reply

      Enh! Ogbeni Dennis! See make I tell you! Commot eye 4 Max body! At least until I say otherwise (I for say forever, but clearly Max is running game. Can u imagine! We ve both been reduced to Brandy and Monica?lol izzok)

      If u no wan commot hand! Then I will visit you in PH with my custom made “GO TO HELL” knife! It was specially made and distributed in the north, incase “se baba” no win election. So I place an order to test on you 1st. Max will be coming along to clean up any trace once I’m done with u.

      @PP! U and ur innocentie face! So u de sabi how ppl prick de be abi? I never get wetin I wan tell now.

      @Max! U de for Badoooo and Game Master abi? Keep running ur game oooo! Tot we finalized the initial paper work? Clearly, u ve a hand that you are still waiting to play.

      @Vhar. Guy that bold 5 might get to you sooner than you think.

      • Max
        March 21, 13:14 Reply

        @Peak, I’ve signed the papers oh.. Waiting on Reverend PP to officiate.

    • Vhar.
      March 21, 12:48 Reply

      Dennis Macaulay, you’re sure its eerm…Pinki you want to mention abi Deola?

      Because all those Hard Dicks and reviews both of you have been sharing and smearing up and down KD is very glaring.

      *Disc – is otto-correct o.

      Lemme clam up before that one rushes in do review on top my head.

      • Deola
        March 21, 13:46 Reply

        Biko how did my innocent name manage and enta this marra??

      • Vhar.
        March 21, 14:21 Reply

        Oh HELLO Deola…
        How are you this cake-baking-butt-rising Saturday?

  11. A-non
    March 21, 08:25 Reply

    @Max, it took a lot from me to finish this post. It unearthed emotions I have spent a good amount of years burying, it exhumed memories that I almost thought weren’t there anymore, it brought tears and also reminded me of a few areas of my life I have kept for later to deal with…perhaps this is my wake up call.

    Memory won’t allow me fully regurgitate the emotional trauma I have gone through most of my life for being different but they did strengthen my resolve to be better.

    The experiences left scars, but I have tried as much as I can with the help of psychologists, psychiatrists, anti depressants and friends to overcome those challenges. I think I have relatively enjoyed my life in the past 5 years but still recognise I am work in progress.

    The most difficult parts I have left in the cooler but by this post of yours and some events that have occurred around me in the past few weeks, it’s obvious it’s time to deal with them to allow me move on to the next great things in my life.

    Thanks for the reminder…thanks for sharing…thanks for being a voice.

    • Peak
      March 21, 08:48 Reply

      Aaaaaaw A-non! Come get ur hug ****Bear Hugs A-non***

      You are stronger than you realise bro. I mean Duh!!! You made it this far!!! You are still standing regardless of all the turmoils u had to go through to get here. Its not easy or ever going to be. All you need to do is keep one foot in front of the other, make sure you are moving regardless of what happens. Surround yourself with happy ppl, ppl who love life and love to live it to the fullest, even if they are not the class of ppl that you consider as “approprite” for ur person to hang with.

      Our journey is not and will never be similar. Some have it easy and all sorted out while the rest of us are a collection of beautiful mess. The will to show strenght at all times and prove ppl who see me as weak wrong is why I’m still standing. We are all strong together boo. Its ur turn to draw strenght from someone today, someone else WILL need you to draw strenght tomorrow. So stand tall, and Hold-The-fuck-On!!! For you, for Max, For KD, for All of Us, cos We “ALL” need you. ***Hug****

      • MacArdry
        March 21, 09:39 Reply

        Okay Peak,when did you turn all sage on us?.Loving you this morning.
        *thumbs-up*

      • Max
        March 21, 11:12 Reply

        @A-non, bear hug..
        Looks like I’m gonna be sharing plenty of hugs today.

      • Andrevn
        March 21, 12:03 Reply

        @MacArdry…..it’s called reversed psychoanalytical empathy…….that’s wat @Peak is doing trying to console others off their pain and plight while taking solace in the knowledge that his is being dealt with.

        @Peak….i know you might be acting all sagey becos of you not wanting to get all emotional and face those lil daemons that may have plagued you……but guess what shedding that tear and breaking down like a hopeless child and maybe becoming vulnerable actually heals faster than if you act all super-manly and let it eat deep into your very core…..#Letthepainshow #MyOpinion #MyPrognosis.

      • MacArdry
        March 21, 12:50 Reply

        Erm….Prof Andrevn,I do know what it’s called and I understood what Peak was about.He’s in a better place now than you think him tho.

    • Peak
      March 21, 13:09 Reply

      @Andrenv! or Maybe ur over-sabi-koko syndrome is kicking into overdrive!

      Contrary to ur prognosis! I ve suffered emotional turmoil all my life, and still do. somedays its easy, other days, they aren’t funny at all, that’s why its easy to identify and feel ppls pain when they express it. Either directly or indirectly. There is no way you can’t pick it up, unless u ve been through such situation, no matter how little they tell u. Someone who has been raped and overcame the trauma that follows, doesn’t need a fancy degree to see the symptoms in other or help guide them through it. We go through different things in life and react differently! I’m making peace with my life and my journey through it. Its not been easy but I forge on. I know what its like, how hard it is, which is why I’m always quick to aid a fellow traveller, cos that’s the only way we would make it through alive with our sanity still intact! Its my turn to help him today, but I will be needing him to draw strenght tomorrow, its called friendship, its called canaraderie. Being a family even if u aren’t linked by blood. I don’t need a fancy degree to know that chizzie has been through some unflattering shit! Nor do I when Max! Neither do I need it to feel the depth of A-non’s pain when something remotely close to home is mentioned here. Its called IDENTIFYING!!!!!!!!!! Maybe if you pay a lil more attention you would Notice too.

      To say I feel insulted with ur comment, is an understatement and its taking some serious will power and control not rip you and ur prognosis into shreds! How dare you undermine my progress! Just cos I’m not falling apart on some fancy couch doesn’t mean I’m weak! I was raised to suck it up and move on! It works for me so why should I change it now? It would be a cold day in hell before the World would see me fall apart! That sight is reserved strictly for my friends, and my true friends alone. So don’t act like u know, cos u are beyond clueless.

      How many of us can bost of having access to some fancy psycologist? I deal with my shit everyday! All by myself. So don’t come here and be spitting some fancy words, thinking u know!!! Cos dude you don’t know!

      Damn this boy bout to make me lose my cool.

      • MacArdry
        March 21, 13:16 Reply

        Awe,koolu temper jo.Re b’omi suuru mu.Ko ti to yen rara.

      • Max
        March 21, 13:28 Reply

        Peak dear, ozugo.. Chai.. One minute youre chaperoning and the next, you fall off the wagon. I know where you’re coming from and I also know where Andreven is coming from. Just chill ok.
        **hugs you tighly*

      • Peak
        March 21, 14:02 Reply

        Lol!@Macardry! O’gather rara!lol

        Abi eri mi ri nkan? Awon omo KD ma mo’nkan ju arawon lo n’gba imi.

        Moti gbo ma ko suru je. E shey, te fi bawa dasi oroyi!

      • Max
        March 21, 14:45 Reply

        Ummm, why are ya’ll speaking Latin?
        Someone pls translate.

      • MacArdry
        March 21, 15:24 Reply

        Hehehehehe
        You think that Latin,Max?.Wait till you hear my Gaelic.
        That’s just your everyday yoruba jor

      • Max
        March 21, 15:45 Reply

        @Mac Of course it’s Yoruba.. But you can t expect me to keep mute while you’re having some kinda talk with my fiance. Oh yes we re getting married next Saturday. Ya’ll are invited. If you’re interested, I could squeeze you in as one of the flower girls..
        Cc-Pink Panther- Officiating priest
        RSVP- Dennis nwa Macaulay -best man
        Khaleesi- Glam queen (In charge of decour & Make up etc..)
        Who else am I forgetting?

      • MacArdry
        March 21, 16:26 Reply

        Hehehehe,nothing to fear on my account Max.
        My best wishes on you two coming together,that is if you are serious.Been in that state a few years myself,best place to be.

  12. Teflondon
    March 21, 08:31 Reply

    @”I didn’t write this because his comment struck a chord or meant anything to me.”
    You clearly did darling, you clearly did!

    That said…
    I do feel your pain, I can only imagine how though it would have been for the so-called girly boys.(it’s only best imagined as I don’t have any atom of girly genes in me) I love sports, I love Rick Ross, Eminem, Jay Z and the likes. I am a crazy football fan.. I do drink out with guys and talk abt women and all that… And I am suppose to be bottom. (Tho i hate labels, I just don’t know how to deceive myself. I know what I am) as opposed to liking romantic novels and watching romantic series, regarding Beyoncé and Rihanna as Role models.. Etc This are traits of most (not all bottoms)
    I’ll just say growing up was a bit easy for me even till now.. Cuz I fit in well into the environment without the fear of being outted with the way I do things and how I behave.
    I can only imagine what it feels like to be girly.. It’s enough to be gay already (in this country) but to be easily judge by who I am (i.e girly) it’s another burden to the already full package on ground to deal with.
    I can only imagine.. The bitterness some of this lots go through.. Can’t or won’t do things thier same gender can do.. Even can’t do things their same fellow gay guys (that are not girly) can do.
    I can only imagine.. The hurt of being rediculed even by some gays that don’t even want to be seen with them. Even tho there is a possibility the girly guys are not even gay. I can only imagine the quickness to which they are tagged names.. I can only imagine.
    I can only imagine.. The fear they go through daily when the bill against gays were passed in this country.. Because they could be easily spotted and tagged gay and be arrested. They had to comport, they had to deprive themselves of who they are just to be safe.. I can only imagine

    We need to stick up for eachother, we need to stop the ridiculing of this lots. We need encourage them and love them always.. Infact give them preferential treatment if you will.. because we the LGBT are the closest to knowing how they feel.
    To all the girly guys we have on here.. Those I have called drag queens or bitchy because I couldn’t adjust to your ways of thinking.. I attacked you cause you dare to be emotional.. Not knowing how it feels to be you… All I can is I AM TRULY SORRY!

    **big hugs**

    • Peak
      March 21, 09:15 Reply

      Tef! Tef!!

      Chop knuckle!!! I get u angle and where u are coming form! Nice one! Nice to get a different perspective of things here. it can be quite refreshing, when one read/hear different accounts of a similar journey but Different experiences.

      And about being emotional, you do realise that u ve been emotional urself too on KD recently?

      • Teflondon
        March 21, 10:18 Reply

        @Peak
        Thanks a lot. Lol about being emotional.. Yea yea! I could be emotional at times, just as I was reading and writing on this piece by Max.. Unlike “Chizzie” that I am being unfairly compared with, I do have a heart and I do have feelings for the depressed and the minority.(am somewhat obsessed with Minority group) hence my opinions always seem to oppose the majority on here..
        But this is not about me, this about the writer of this article and the people he speaks for. I was really touched by this, I had a little peek of how it felt to be effiminate by reading this.. And I thought to myself, what if it was me? Would my actions and thinking be any different? I knew I have being dramatic over time not being able to reason the way they do. But now I know better with this piece.

        But I don’t want us to treat this issue with pity or sadness! No! This is not about pitying or saying how sad we are for them.. I am sure they don’t even want our pity. They have all the strength they need from years of growing up like they did. I can only imagine… All they need is our support not pity.
        I urge everyone to treat every effiminate guys they have close to them with respect and love. Support them all the way.. Go shopping with them, invite them to your gathering of str8 frnds. Little things like this I bet you will go along way in reducing but may NOT totally eradicate the pressures of being eiffiminate in this country. I wish you could know how much this article this morning touched me.. Touched me in several ways I didn’t expect.. I’ve being guilty over years of not being totally nice with effiminate guys.. But with this piece I hope, I’ve learnt to be more tolerant… And understanding with the way they feel and think. For fucks sake they were “born this way” so they know no other way.. So who am I to judge them, who am I to be harsh to them. I am so emotional right now.. I wish I could just just call a gathering of all the effiminate guys I’ve done wrong to surround me with Koboko and flog the living day light out of me and I won’t still feel By that I have done enough
        Apologizing…
        Am so so……. Sorry!
        @peak Thank you once again for letting me pour out more of my of mind..

        **tries not to be emotional right bow** *but cleans a drop of tear off my eye**

    • Max
      March 21, 11:49 Reply

      This Teflondon sef… Your comment is quite vivid.>>”The So called girly boys” << That's condescending
      "(it’s only best imagined as I don’t have any atom of girly genes in me) I love sports, I love Rick Ross, Eminem, Jay Z and the likes. I am a crazy football fan.. I do drink out with guys and talk abt women and all that"<<>> I’m not buying that.

      I composed a different response to this, but I decided not to post it because of your half-hearted response. You tried to be nice for once, but still managed to be condescending at the same time.
      Clearly your ” high horse ” is still soaring high above the mesosphere.. It needs altitude adjustment.

      • Sinnex
        March 21, 14:54 Reply

        See my small wife sef. Na wa oooo….always ready with knives and machetes….

      • Teflondon
        March 21, 15:18 Reply

        @Max if I could pour out my heart.. And you still find some cynical things to say about my comments.. Biko! Na wa for you. That was me being honest and emotional (something Ill rarely show on this blog).. I everything i wrote about myself there are true.. Loving Rick Ross and all that I don’t know why you would say you don’t buy. **confused**
        Nways forced to write to that.. That was me trying to apologize.. Pls encourage me not continue to have cynical views about me trying to be a better person.. That statement of “high horses” really got me.. You think I am trying to look down on any one about this? Nways just take the good things from my comments and forget abt the once you think I said frm my “high horses” that was me apologizing and that was the best I could do..

        Cheers!

        @peak did you feel the same Max feel about my comments? That I still feel I am on some “high horse” and what not?! Cuz I tot we were really beginning to be on the same page. Am asking you honestly?

        #AskingForMyPeaceOfMind

      • Teflondon
        March 21, 15:41 Reply

        @Sinnex **throws you disturbing look**
        your small wife? And when did Max become your wife…

        She’s taken o! Lol

        **Dennis and peak are the front runners**
        If you don’t want daggers flying your way.. Better find yourself another person to call wife.
        Max is one naughty person, always ready with knives and Matchet.. But she will make a good house wife I believe. Lol

    • Peak
      March 21, 12:17 Reply

      This Max sef!

      Oni ijangban ma ni omoyi ke! Why can’t you do like me enh! Just pretend you understood his rant and ignore all the condescending elements that was sprinkled all over the 1st comment and ignore the second comment altogether.

      Its like u no wan live long u this boy! You want make awon AYE kill you before your time abi?
      Issorite

  13. Vhar.
    March 21, 08:47 Reply

    Can a person who has been brought up in the heart of a thick dark forest, where one has to beat a path through multiple layers of trees just to take a letter to the post office, have any conception of what it’s like to spend one’s entire childhood waiting for a single tree to grow?

    I grew. It was hard but I did.
    I was so into myself that I became a pretty little wrapped up box.
    And in that box, I found light, blank sheets, pens and books.

    Max, thank you.

    • Peak
      March 21, 09:05 Reply

      Vhar!!! that’s some Deep level shit of reasoning man!
      I felt that.

  14. trystham
    March 21, 09:07 Reply

    “I often found it strange when someone tried to be nice to me. I often felt they were pretending…”
    Wonderful!!! Worse, up till date, I think they are being patronising even after I have asked d favor, my folks inclusive. It has taught me longsuffering n contentment.
    I never joined any bad gang and I had loads of scrapes with d idiots n bullies. I had my protectors, chiefly my mouth. It was razor sharp. Room 7 boys too. They always helped their own. Lemme stop b4 this thing turn to Dedication and Request show.

    Max, if we had schooled together, I may av hated ur guts. I love this tho

    • MacArdry
      March 21, 09:36 Reply

      Your mouth is still laser sharp,razor don’t describe it well.

    • Max
      March 21, 11:16 Reply

      Lol@Trystham, I’m sure you would’ve.
      Your tongue is still sharp though. I think its necessary, to be used when appropriate.

    • trystham
      March 21, 12:50 Reply

      It really worries me how and why you guys think so.
      @Max It IS oooo

      • MacArdry
        March 21, 12:58 Reply

        How and why?.You’ve savaged me enough with it for me not to know.Thankfully,skin be thick as a tortoise’ shell

  15. Sinnex
    March 21, 09:28 Reply

    I can relate with everything you wrote. I attended a single sex school and I know the attacks effeminate guys faced. Although I was a little bit effeminate, but no one really called me names. In fact one guy told me that I had everything a normal guy had, the body, the beards and the rest but I was still behaving like a woman. I was bullied, but I wasn’t the only one, even straight guys were also bullied. The funniest thing is that I was very quiet but also a fighter. There was a time someone slapped me in class and I beat the guy up.

    Anyway, this is not about me but about a guy called A in my class/school. The guy was very effeminate and was always bullied. There was a time about 8 guys surrounded him in a class and wanted to rape him. The touched him in sensitive places. The guy was very angry but he couldn’t fight back. The thing only thing that helped him in school was his intelligence and the friends he had.

    I am still confused why those homophobic guys would be begging one to kiss them or touch their dicks. A lot of them begged me in school but I was actually disgusted.

    I feel for effeminate guys a lot. I was able to outgrow my effeminate side and I can fit into the straight world and all, but there are sometimes that I won’t be able to hide the signs. Anyway, I don’t really care because I can take care of myself. I am on the big side and I have my mouth. No one can win me in an argument. Now, what about those who cannot help themselves….

  16. mirage
    March 21, 09:40 Reply

    Yea had that experience too especially in secondary school,they would call me “ngozi” and all would laugh and I would ignore them and wait for the time they would warm up to me cos they wanna copy my assignment cos I was known for always doing exceptional “oversabi” they called it. Even in my university days,the “it” guys would throw words about me always hanging with gals and warm up to me in the exam hall and I throw back my mean look as an answer they so much begged for. What I have to say is, as a gay man strive for the best cos that’s the power you have to stand in this jungle called nigeria, that reminds me on my way from work yesta ran into an old school mate at rumuola bridge, how he screamed and marvelled and I smiled, yes that guy you taunted way back in school didn’t give up on his dreams, he was all over me and asking for my contacts and all, a friend was with me and my friend chipped in and said to me “would he have stopped and say hi if he saw you hawking on the street?” We both laughed and I silently prayed to olorun mi for being so merciful.#stand against bullying,be helpful and not hurtful!

  17. Eros
    March 21, 09:42 Reply

    For me it all started in primary 3 when I climbed the desk and sang Spice Girls’ “Wannabe” on my desk. Since that day nasty whispers trailed me till now.
    They complained about my love for Whitney Houston.
    They complained about the way I use fork and knife to eat ordinary jollof rice.
    They complained about my sashaying hips, hand movements, the seductive eyes I give to my male friends.
    They cornered me in a toilet at age 13 and beat the living daylights out of me.
    My elder cousins once had an intervention on how they will kick the homo away from me.
    It was awful and it still is. But like you Max I grew a tough skin and a sharper tongue.
    It is without doubt that the average Nigerian gay man is a survivor.

  18. trystham
    March 21, 09:48 Reply

    Oh btw, if there is still any sense of justice or karma or whatever in this world, we shud be churning out more ‘girly guys’ in subsequent generations. In times when I had been particularly frustrated, I wept, prayed and cursed ppl with the whole of my being. I do not remember ever asking God to make me more manly, I was that stubborn n determined and even enjoyed being me. I wished they would av children who would be like me. So I’m just crossing my legs and waiting for it to play out.

  19. posh666
    March 21, 10:05 Reply

    Really deep n dark episode thanks for sharing.most of these happened to me to it was so crazy i was always anxious n scared coupled with being girly i had a pretty face am fulani duh!lol so it made it harder they will describe me as “that boy wey fine like girl” i will walk past some and they will say “fine girl i like d way u walk”chai i suffered o especially being the 1st son who was suppose to becum his dad’s bestie for were me n mumsy are 5 n 6.infact its too long n dark i prefer to leave sumtinz unsaid but it actually made me who i am today i felt the best way to be accepted and liked will be to be academically good how i cherish those speech n prize giving days in pri/secondary skul,down to gaining admission to uni on 1st sitting and graduating on time before my dad passed away he couldnt apologise but from his actions i knew he was sorry for the mean things he did to me my younger broda became his bestie.Today my flaming has drastically reduced,stopped the hair jerry curling,the rings,the pretty face remains though.which am grateful for in the end i think being succesful at whatever you are doing makes the girly gay boy become more acceptable.its well

    • posh666
      March 21, 10:33 Reply

      In the end my dad died from stroke due to the numerous wahala his so called manly boy/bestie my younger broda killed him.gay boys are mostly sympathetic and respectful to their parents

      • trystham
        March 21, 12:57 Reply

        I smell bitterness and resentment all the way from here. I hope u and ur bro are good

        Be that as it may, my own family av abused my ‘niceness’ so many times, it comes as a shock to all of them that I can be as uncaring as much as I used to care.

    • Gad
      March 21, 15:19 Reply

      @ Posh,Lawyers are always mindful of “little” things like puntuations. They understand what it can do to a sentence

      • Max
        March 21, 15:38 Reply

        You mean “punctuation”?? And youre supposed to be a teacher right?
        God help those poor kids…

      • Deola
        March 21, 16:02 Reply

        ***stifled laughter***
        Max, Hell. Dazzal

      • posh666
        March 21, 16:15 Reply

        For the last tym this isnt skul and have tried as much as possible to write legibly d way u guys wanted as long as u get d message why cant u just leave me alone and back d fuck off or just scroll away without reading my comments?final warning back off from me and leave me alone bfore i get rude with u respect ur age!

  20. Andrevn
    March 21, 10:07 Reply

    Maxie!?
    You had to go such lengths and unearthen emotions deep buried in the very heart of mount Kilimanjaro……*wipes tears from eyes while trying to control emotion laden spasms*

    My growing up was filled with name callings,tauntings from classmates,friends and even siblings…..like boi-girl,10 letter word,my wife,sis (my real name)ria,all becos i was a hand flinging,hip swaying,songbirdie young man……..*sobbing*.
    So i read books and developed a passion for The Arts so i could escape to worlds far away from this bedeviled terrestrial ball and grew skin so thick and impervious i was tagged ”wierd” by Dad.

    Two years spent in the business district of Benin city hauling cartons of ceramics and kitchen utensils gave me the abs & packs which creates such hilarious irony becos i’m more masculine than they would ever be(except for my voice which could be ”termed” a give away)and how i so just love it when they caw at my feet in admiration of the strong hearted,cheerfull,intelligent person i have turned out to be siblings and detractors alike.
    It’s all gone and over now cos i grew to accept that nothing can change me and i am as perfect as perfection can be grasped.

    But then Max you had to go dig out graphic photos of the child i was yesterday and making my emotions a turbulent messy combo!

  21. Dennis Macaulay
    March 21, 11:00 Reply

    One day I will write about this place!

    I had demons growing up, but another set of demons way different from these ones!

    One day

  22. KryxxX
    March 21, 11:40 Reply

    Don’t look at me

    Everyday is so wonderful
    Then suddenly
    It’s hard to breathe
    Now and then I get insecure
    From all the pain
    I’m so ashamed

    I am beautiful
    No matter what they say
    Words can’t bring me down
    I am beautiful
    In every single way
    Yes words can’t bring me down
    Oh no
    So don’t you bring me down today

    To all your friends you’re delirious
    So consumed
    In all your doom, ooh
    Trying hard to fill the emptiness
    The pieces gone
    Left the puzzle undone
    Ain’t that the way it is

    You’re beautiful
    No matter what they say
    Words can’t bring you down
    Oh no
    You’re beautiful
    In every single way
    Yes words can’t bring you down
    Oh no
    So don’t you bring me down today

    No matter what we do (no matter what we do)
    No matter what we say (no matter what we say)
    We’re the song inside the tune (yeah, oh yeah)
    Full of beautiful mistakes
    And everywhere we go (and everywhere we go)
    The sun will always shine (the sun will always, always, shine)
    And tomorrow we might awake
    On the other side

    We’re beautiful
    No matter what they say
    Yes words won’t bring us down
    Oh no
    We are beautiful
    In every single way
    Yes words can’t bring us down
    Oh no
    So don’t you bring me down today
    Oh, oh
    Don’t you bring me down today
    Don’t you bring me down, ooh
    Today.

    #NP Christina Aguilara – Beautiful

    *Heavy sigh* Wished I knew, understood nd let this song sink better while growing up……………………………
    Lot of things I do now which I hate just to avoid wagging tongues.

  23. Khaleesi
    March 21, 13:05 Reply

    Wow!!! ***shudders*** this brought back deeply buried and painful memories. Just like u Max, from an early age i knew i was different; while the other boys kicked balls around all dau, i was more interested in playing with my sisters; sports never held much interest for me. I also got a bit of the name calling as well as tactless comments from relatives who remarked on my feminine features and mannerisms – it hurt but somehow i soldiered on and in boarding secondary school i perfected the art of acting all manly and buff but after a few years i was frankly tired of the pretense – the older i got the more i threw off the false mask, now i frankly don’t give a hoot. Am just gonna be me the best i can be and pay no heed to those who would scrutinise and gossip. After all, they really don’t matter!
    This was a beautiful one Max!!!

  24. Gad
    March 21, 14:47 Reply

    No wonder!!! I have always known that so much bitterness and vindictiveness can’t be ordinary.One out. One remaining.Anyway,let me read the comments first

      • Max
        March 21, 15:35 Reply

        Isn’t he a Lil old for you? @Sinnex

    • Max
      March 21, 15:29 Reply

      Look who decided to join us.. Not back from couple’s retreat are you?
      You once said on this blog that gay people don’t get bullied! Check out the comments and see how wrong you are.

      • Teflondon
        March 21, 15:33 Reply

        So in essence this whole article was a just response to Gad… (What some stakeholders of this blog can do still marvels me)

        But that none of my business

        **sips vodka sprinkled with lime**

        • pinkpanthertb
          March 21, 19:40 Reply

          Gad says there are cliques on KD.
          And you say there are stakeholders.
          This ‘poor masses’ complex y’all relentlessly project on KD is getting really really old.

      • Mitch
        March 21, 17:52 Reply

        Stakeholders this! Stakeholders that! Seriously man, do something about your self esteem problem. Don’t come up here rubbing your inferiority complex in our faces. Its disgusting

    • Teflondon
      March 21, 15:29 Reply

      @Gad LMAO!! BroS Can’t you go a few seconds without throwing a few shades and Jab here and there… Bros can’t you even pretend to care? Biko.. You got me on this one o! I can’t lie

      Lol

  25. Teflondon
    March 21, 15:24 Reply

    @keredim69 my comments or the article itself?

    #AskingForMySanitysSake

  26. simba
    March 21, 15:28 Reply

    Thanks max for writing this.. can’t say enough thanks..

    • Max
      March 21, 15:36 Reply

      You’re welcome.

  27. Gad
    March 21, 16:15 Reply

    My initial reaction was not to comment due to the antecedents of the writer but on a second thought I decided to drop my ‘condescending”comment.max the things I want to say would have been better done one on one but since that’s not posible,I will do what I can.I still stand by my position that effeminate boys were not bullied while growing up.yes effeminate guys were called names like ome ka nwanyi,agbara nwanyi,ijele nwanyi,electric umu nwanyi etc while the muscled- manly ones got names like onye akpu obi,panel beater,barrow pusher ,dick tiger etc.other were called names based on their family situation eg nwa ote nkwu (son of palm wine tapper due to the dads occupation,though the intention was to ridicule in most cases its not the exclusive preserve of effeminate guys alone.What is important is how one handles these name callings.There are 2 main ways to handle it.The first is the African method which is to stand up and fight or develop a thick skin and the second is the western method which is to sulk,be withdrawn,go into self pity,solicite pity from society etc.I can’t even remember the frist name I was called in school becuse when I got home I told my dad and he gave me a lecture which I applied the next day in school and the name died.I still use the African method though sometime I use a later one I got I go from the liturgy of the church for kids.Derogatory name calling is common among peers while growing up.The way to deal with bullying is to retaliate with an equally degrading name or give blows for a blow and the bully backs off but when you recoil into your shell they get emboldened to do more.That’s what my Dad told me.It worked and still works.These bullies most times are forced into secret negociations with you for end of all hostilities.so I don’t believe its a crime against the effeminates alone.You clearly groomed yourself into a bitter and vindictive youngman due to inner conflicts within you.Its not the fault of society nor church.The solutions to your inner struggles lies in your hands.Have faith in yourself so that you can have faith in God and mankind.God is all in all to us but we have to let Him.

    • Vhar.
      March 21, 16:28 Reply

      Hello Gad..
      I understand your point. I do.
      Sometimes we need to stand up to bullies and fight for our voices.

      But here, We’re Gays, Bisexuals.
      I couldn’t stand up to guys who called me gay at a very tender age.
      It was a sin to me at age 8.
      I thought myself an outcast.

      Do you think there are children say between ages 8-10 who can boldly say I’m gay and there’s nothing you can do about it with him/her been beaten?
      Yes, there are some who can do this.. But not the majority.

      That is why most of us go into our shells and come out later on with sharp retorts and rejoinders but its always mostly late.

      Gay-shaming, name-calling and bullying especially when its about US isn’t possible in Nigeria.
      Hence, our ” out-spokeness”.

      When the only tool you own is a hammer, every problem begins to resemble a nail.
      (I don’t know if this buttresses my point)

      • Teflondon
        March 21, 17:23 Reply

        @Gad I do understand your point of view.. You couldn’t have said it better.. But like Vhar rightly said.. Most of this experiences happened when they were little kids at which point most if not all were helpless (no one should bring me that I could fight it all by myself while growing up) it’s just the country we live in.. Even in the US kids, teens commit suicide almost everyother day.. So do you think they will chose death if they had the power and will to fight? I don’t think so either.. This things happen everywhere and the reaction from the sufferers of this are almost always alike.. Withdrawn into a shell until they are old enough to fight back.. It’s not really easy Gad to be honest. These are guys that have the emotions of girls (the real effiminate once) so it’s only normal for thier reactions to be like girls. This is how they are wired… It’s not thier fault they have to react like that to being bullied. Ofcousre some did fight back but that’s like 1? 2? In every 1000 effiminates
        So Gad tho we are always almost on the same page.. I bet to disagree with you on this one… This is not the time to throw blames or try to afirmate your arguments. But this is a time to try and understand what certian people’s are going through.. Try hand be considerate for once (inconvenient yourselves in your thoughts if you will) just to make this lots happy, to make them wanted and accepted by us all… To understand thier plight and reasoning and the reasons why they are quick to fling attitude here and there **side eyes someone**
        This is all about understanding… All they need is a warmth embrace from us all. In which I think I have done my fair share (even tho certain peoples still find some cynical ways to undermine my comments)

        Gad My advise let this go.. For once let thier arguments stand unopposed as this is a somewhat sensitive issue. you have no idea how it feels to be them. You can only imagine it.

        Chop knuckle!! Gad
        #TeamReal

      • Sinnex
        March 21, 19:43 Reply

        Actually Gad is making sense. It is not only gay guys that are bullied. I remember that guys putting on glasses were called ‘Oju Igo’ or something like that, some were called monkeys and the rest, some were bullied because of their height and weight, but you cannot compare what they faced to what the gay guys faced. Most of those guys that were bullied are all grown up and they have forgotten all that happened to them, but what about the gay guys….

        I have to totally disagree with the assumption that Gad has that effeminate guys cannot be bullied or something like that.

        I have seen stuffs. If you studied in Igbobi College Yaba, then you will understand what I am talking about.

        That is not all, do you know how it feels for your family to be against you? As in, for you to be the outcast in your family. If you can fight the bullies outside, what about your parents and siblings? Are you going to fight them also?

        I know of a guy that was so effeminate in the area I grew up. As in, everyone called him ‘gay’, my sisters made fun of him. To understand what I am talking about, I took my friend to his house because his younger brother was like my best friend. This my friend from school kept on looking at this guy, when he left, he asked me if the guy was a girl because ‘she’ was so pretty. The guy is fair, slim and had long hair.

        Anyway, there was a time his younger brother (not my friend) fought with him because his friends were making fun of him and he decided to beat the gay out of him. Now, his younger brother is rough and very muscular.

        I have seen a lot of cases of bullying. If Gad is as old as you guys make it seem, then maybe he grew up in a time when people did not know that there was anything like homosexuality. There are some places I go and the guys can’t wrap their head around the fact that there are guys who sleep with guys.

        Now, the guy I am talking about is now fully female. As in, he has boobs and everything. I still don’t know what he did. But when he came back home one day from school, we just saw that he had changed to be female. His family don’t talk to him because they don’t understand anything. The guy really suffered. I also heard that he was beaten up in the hostel of University of Ibadan because the guys were not comfortable with him being in the midst of them. To them it felt like they were staying with a girl.

        The funny thing is that I don’t talk to the guy because he is like 5 years older than I and I have never spoken to him beyond greetings.

        He is now based in my present location and we stay in the same area. I saw him yesterday and I didnt know how to strike a conversation with him…I have a lot of questions and I wish he would be Able to tell us his story.

        Not all effeminate guys can fight for themselves, we all need to stick with one another to fight it out.

        OAN-PP did you receive the mail I sent yesterday and today? I am yet to get an acknowledgement from you.

        • pinkpanthertb
          March 21, 20:10 Reply

          I replied you, sinnex. Please bear with me. For some reason, I’ve been recently inundated with write-ups. Its literally raining stories in my email. I’ll attend to them all, God giving life.

    • MacArdry
      March 21, 16:35 Reply

      Ana asi na omanyere onu,o chiri okpa nabo wunye.
      Ngwa Gad,lagide!

      • Gad
        March 21, 18:11 Reply

        @ MacArdy,I dont have problems with Max or anybody here as that will amount to folly.The mere thought of it is nauseating. I will rather sign off this blog than have a problem with someone. @ Vhar,Max and co related their growing up experience and I aired my thoughts based on mine and what I understood from their stories.He was bullied because he was effeminate NOT BCOS HE WAS GAY.These things are in the past. To your first response, anyday i cried home bcos I was beaten by a “giant”,my parents will add to the beating but if I break the head of a giantish assailant and run home,my father will treat the “giant” by 2 packs of chocolate.give one to the giant and give me one later.All are in the past. we are just relaying them.who knows,it might be useful to somebody

      • Max
        March 21, 18:57 Reply

        @Gad, I initially wanted to tell you to choke on your puke, but I’m gonna take the high road. I’m trying so hard not to turn off my “emotion” switch on you, keep up with this and amadioha will come to ugwu Hausa and do unimaginable things to you.
        Meanwhile here’s something to ponder on, if you’re so smart and “a gift to mankind” (rolls eyes from heaven to purgatory to hell and back) like you said, then it shouldn’t be hard to understand. —

        “And who are you the proud lord said
        That I must bow so low
        Only a cat of a different coat
        That’s all the truth I know

        A coat of gold or coat of red
        A lion still has claws
        And mine are long and sharp my lord
        As long and sharp as yours
        And so he spoke, and so he spoke
        The lord of Castamere

        And now the rains weep o’er his hall
        With no one there to hear
        Yes now the rains weep o’er his hall
        And not a soul to hear”

        A word is enough for the “wise”

    • Max
      March 21, 16:41 Reply

      I was actually laughing while reading this.
      I could tell you the part of this story that happened to me, but I’d rather not. Clearly you missed the point just like always.. You forgot to read the ending –
      “This is not my story. This is our story. The experiences of several gay people put together”
      I didn’t write a memoir, or give you some bullet you could use as you please. Every part of this piece was carefully thought through… I mashed up “experiences” and put together something thoughtful to educate bigots like you.
      I have no inner struggle, I made peace with my sexuality a long time ago. You made yours(maybe one quarter) during the course of this blog’s progression.
      Clearly you were born in a different time from the rest of us on this blog, or you’re a chronic liar, which ever, I don’t really care.
      You hate weakness and weak people in general, that speaks volumes.
      Your twisted way thinking will always keep showing up day after day. Take your inner struggles to God(you know they’re plenty).

    • Peak
      March 21, 17:45 Reply

      SMH @Gad

      I read ur comment halfway and just gave up. I’m not about to ve someone test me again today. Its ok if u don’t know, or ve full grasp of what’s being discussed. The best you could do is pay attention. Teflondon and Macaedry never had 1st hand experience of the situation, but they felt the emotions once the comments started rolling in. Mac even said he knew ppl who went through that experence, even if he didn’t go through it himself. U don’t ve to ve the same experience to feel the impact of the tale.

      What I can’t stand is someone making other ppls suffering, struggle and trauma look insignificant. As much as I would like to meticulously project how displeased I’m with ur comment, I would rather focus on how advanced in age you are and draw all the patience I need to respect you from there.

      Did you miss the part where physical abuse was involved? Did you miss the part where member of family were involved in the name calling and gay shaming? Did you miss the attempted rape that sinnex mentioned, did u read/listen to the post/interview that mike daemon did with John Adewoye? The man has a bad leg till this very day. Resultant from being bullied, cos he is effeminate?

      Gad please I beg you, I beg all of us, let’s try and be sympathetic to the suffering of others please. It really saddens me when I come here and read how we are quick to knock off other ppls suffering. We are suppose to be a team, ve a common goal, which is to thrive and succeed as a unit! How do we do that, when we take pleasure in putting out cigarettes in other ppl’s wounds.

      U ve issues with max? Fine! Deal with max as u see fit, but don’t core out other ppl’s pain and suffering just to get to max!

      You ppl have managed to drain me today! So much surpressed rage and I’m trying not to lash out, trying to keep my cool.

      • Mitch
        March 21, 18:02 Reply

        Peak, if you need to explode, by all means do so! Don’t go harbouring the anger inside you. You go just kpai!

      • MacArdry
        March 21, 18:22 Reply

        Way I feel at those two now,turning this into their usual slugfest,a cat-o-nine tail can’t come handy enough.

      • Gad
        March 21, 18:38 Reply

        Peak ,please dont respond to comments you didnt read.I have no doubts in my mind about the nobility of your character therefore Im sure you know what it means to reply to what you didnt read. I will stop here till you read through the comment. thanks

        • pinkpanthertb
          March 21, 19:25 Reply

          *shaking my head* Gad, the maturity you started out with on KD, that one that sensei used to applaud, that one I grudgingly had to hand to you in my innermost mind, it keeps falling with the more comments you make as the days go by. you’ve become very small in the things you say. Very very small. Much like the rest of us poor mortals.
          I’m sure you’ll have a rejoinder for this. I won’t bother reading it. Just as I won’t bother reading anything else you have to say.you’re a small small man. A small man indeed.

          • posh666
            March 21, 19:33 Reply

            Choi! This is what we use to call one blow seven die wen we were kids.poor poor Gad RIP…..

            • pinkpanthertb
              March 21, 19:37 Reply

              Frankly, posh, my comments aren’t even coming from a place of ‘you talk your own, make I talk back’. I was really really disappointed in him. The man got swept away by this animosity he has (but which he keeps denying he has) for Max. Instead of dispelling wisdom and encouragement, he stripped and got into the ring with boxing gloves. Such cattiness from him… *shaking my head*

              • posh666
                March 21, 19:50 Reply

                Honestly i totally get where you are coming from i saw n read every insensitive comment he made today how can one person be so ignorant and a man of a particular age at that! He totally has no filter age is indeed nothing but a number mr Gad this situation u recklessly n ignorantly commented on was a issue for alot of us and is still is for some aswer what alot of what we nigerian based girlyboys went thru back den and still alive and gradually becoming successful is what a white boy would have killed himself for tay tay,infact just read a story just today how an arab medical doctor just committed suicide for similar reasons.Mr Gad lesson of the day u musnt always comment if u have nothing good to say,say nothing no be attendance we dey mark for hia u don hear ba????yeye man

    • Peak
      March 21, 19:22 Reply

      @ Gad! Sorry for not reading ur comment completely, Before making conclusions. In the spirit of fairness, I read it again, twice!!!

      Truth be told, I wish I hadn’t. I will just stick with the memories of the juicy writing and witty comments you ve made in the past to refrain me from launching into further outburst.

      You are far far far away from the focal point of this matter. Thank you and good night sir

    • D-boy
      March 22, 04:46 Reply

      hello Gad,How do you respond when it’s your family bullying?Lashing tongue? Fight back?.

      If effeminate guys had just school bullies to worry about, it would be much easier. Your home is meant to be a safe place. Don’t play the ‘man up’ card here please.

      • Gad
        March 22, 10:33 Reply

        Dboy,I said i wont join issues with any one on this post again. This response to your question is for you not to feel I gnored you deliberately. The post was about bulies in the school not home.Thats where my response centered. I know that posh and others mentioned the challenges they faced @ home.It will be unwise to go into that till you know the stories behind their story bcos this world is very deep.im a parent. I have been meeting other parents from childhood till now.Some are wonderful.Some have no business being parents.If parents of autistic kids can love them unreservedly,why cant parents of effeminate kids do same and vice versa. N:B,please dont confuse effeminacy with being gay.

      • Max
        March 22, 13:09 Reply

        We live in a world where being effeminate is synonymous with being gay. Who are you kidding?

  28. Sheldon Cooper
    March 21, 17:41 Reply

    I don’t know why I’m crying. This is the best piece I’ve read here. Like I was reading my story. Thanking you max for this piece. Just wish I could share it on my Facebook.

    • Peak
      March 21, 17:58 Reply

      Aaaaawwww! Come! Come! *** Bear Hug***
      Let it all out. Its safe to cry when no one is watching. You will be fine in no time.

      Lol! All of una way de get emotional cos of this post! Make una mind una sef oooo
      I must not break down because of una ooooo
      Between bottling up rage that was brough on by some ppl and travelling down memory lane with almost everyone, my wall of china is threatening to collapse! And I can’t ve that.

      ***hugs*** to all the silent readers that felt the tale and the comments.

      • Teflondon
        March 21, 18:41 Reply

        @Peak you have done more than enough with your Thesis-like reply to everyone’s comments.. To say I even respect you the more with your reply to everyone of us.. Is an understatement! You took the bull by the horn… And dished out appropriately on different matters of people’s comment.. You did things even the writer of this article couldn’t do. I respect every ounce of your being right now.

        @Mitch dude you keep coming after me (like an unleashed dog) with every comment I make here.. Please I don’t have any issues with you.. I am here to read, learn and view my opinions. If you don’t like them.. Just ignore me like I do. You don’t have to come after me at every given oppurtunity. So do respect yourself.
        Today has really being an emotional day for me (Partly cause of this Article). And I am trying to make amends to a certian degree my past wrongs. Please let me be in peace. Please I beg of you.

      • Max
        March 21, 18:46 Reply

        @Tef, **gives you evil look*

      • Teflondon
        March 21, 20:05 Reply

        @Max *gives you warm hug instead*
        Today is your day and the people you spoke for.. I have promised to be nice with you today and everyother SENSIBLE being on here..

        You deserve all the love and support you have gotten today from your article.
        I not the type to kick a man when he is down. That’s just cowardice.
        **hopefully we would resume our rivalry when the dust of this your article settles** Lol

        • pinkpanthertb
          March 21, 20:13 Reply

          You realize a rivalry with Max is one you cannot win, right? Lol.
          Disclaimer: I’m not saying that because we’re in the same ‘clique’ o. Just stating an apparent fact.

      • Teflondon
        March 21, 20:33 Reply

        **hopefully we would resume our rivalry when the dust of this your article settles** Lol

        If you can’t read the humor in that statement.. Then i am sad for you.. I think you have bottled up so much bitterness over the years.. Loosen up alittle will you. Even PP understood that was just a bit humor.. Hence the reason I put “LOL” at the end of the comments..
        You need to calm on your attitude bruh.. No matter how much attitude you got stored up.. Ain’t never gonna pay your bills.. Remain positive!

  29. Teflondon
    March 21, 20:26 Reply

    In as much as I don’t agree with Gad today.. I don’t attacking him like so many have done today is necessary.. Calling him a “small man” “yeye man” and what not.. To me is inappropriate! He viewed his opinion (no matter how wrong it might be) the way he seemed fit.. Resorting to name calling instead of just rebuffing or countering his opinion! I WILL NEVER SUPPORT UNNECCESSARY ATTACK ON SOMEONES PERSONA. Never!

    In other news
    Where is Chestnut, Lord II, Chizzie, sensie ETC I really miss this people’s comments.. And views On here. I just hope they weren’t chased out of here by the attacks on thier persona.. (Just as I have being attacked severally for having different opinions, viewing unpopular opinions on here. Thanks to heavens I have a fcking thick crocodile – skin.. And my heart is made of Pomo) I just hope!

    • pinkpanthertb
      March 21, 20:32 Reply

      You do have this lamentation thing down to an art, don’t you? That’s going to be your thing, isn’t it?

      • Teflondon
        March 21, 20:38 Reply

        @PP Hain! Don’t start with me tonight.. Biko! I just love stating facts ni.. You have decided to tag my facts to “lamentation”

    • posh666
      March 21, 20:35 Reply

      For Chizzie’s absence u know the end of month is approaching i guess alawi never enter no money for data.His sumwer in a remote village in akure shagging dirty local yoruba bois lmaooooo ok dat was mean…….on a second thought mean is chizzie’s middle name lol

    • Max
      March 21, 20:45 Reply

      *Damsel in distress*
      Someone come and save him!!!
      They’re taking away his franchise … Yes they!!! The “asslickers” clique…
      I guess u didn’t take that Valium, did you?

      • pinkpanthertb
        March 21, 20:47 Reply

        *stifling laughter* I must deny this clique they say I belong to with Max. I must deny it by not laughing. I must not laugh. *successfully swallowing laughter* 🙂

  30. Ueze
    March 21, 20:38 Reply

    I think I’ll write.
    Those opening words gave me a scare, like they always have.

  31. Gad
    March 21, 21:10 Reply

    @ Posh, i will ignore you since im not a nycromancer.I will not join issues with any one again on this issue since its being misconstrued as score settling with Max. There seems to be an unconscious consensus that since he was bullied as a child,it confers on him the unquestionable right in his adulthood,to call others names and rain all manner of insults on people.well,count me out.I said earlier that one is out and one is remaining.We are here,we will wait…My comments in the past and the ones I made today failed to tame him(so it seems). Its really a hopeless situation. Max, you are hereby conferred with the sole right to abuse all on kd and around you. Receive the POWER TO ABUSE in the name of the staff and crown… CONGRATULATIONS

    • Teflondon
      March 21, 21:29 Reply

      Hahahahahahahahahahahaahahahahahahahahahahah!!! This Gad will not kill me Biko…
      You comments failed to tame him?? Lmao is he suppose to be some kind of animal now? Tame ke?

      You just have a construite way of expressing yourself on here.
      Congratulations?? LOOOL on what really.. Gad you got me laughing from our beautiful mother earth to Jupiter on this one

      Contrary to popular opinion on you here… I am always looking forWard to your comments…
      You have a fan in me!

      • posh666
        March 21, 21:31 Reply

        Pot calling kettle black *side eyes*

    • posh666
      March 21, 21:29 Reply

      Lmaoooo nycromancer really???this man you just dont get it do u?so you had to pull out such big oyinbo to sound cool?can u see how u are looking like a joke right now?you remind me of dat yeye old man dat speaks big big grammer on tv remind me his name abeg coz am sure his ur frnd.nycro wetin??lol my dear am not impressed even back in skul its like law 101 never use such outlandish bogus words it makes u look like a joke….baba agbaya

      • Sinnex
        March 21, 21:58 Reply

        There is one thing noticed here that I don’t seem to understand…

        *argumentum ad hominem*

        Why don’t you guys focus on the points and not the person?

        I don’t get where people got the impression that insulting people is the new cool.

        It is only cowards that attack a person Instead of the point. If you don’t have a point, why don’t you keep shut or find something to do…

      • Teflondon
        March 21, 22:17 Reply

        ***stiffles laugh***
        *Before they come with thier bogus alteration that I have a crush on them*
        Atleast this another person confirming what I have being saying for days now
        Posh666 never ready to address issues.. Always ready to throw knives and daggers at anyone who tries to speak sense into her head.
        Even if you insult me after this I won’t answer you!
        **typical** Hain!

      • trystham
        March 21, 22:46 Reply

        Hian!!! Uncle, leave the yoruba insults to us o. Let hear fulani ones jare.
        I have actually been laughing going through the comments ‘daddy wa’ has made. I even went ahead to google ‘nycromancer’. Chai!!! Waste of time…and data. *hums remix of Pocahuntas’ ‘Colors of the Wind’* I hope yet to be awed with his tomorrow’s post (if any)

  32. Gad
    March 21, 23:12 Reply

    Good night Peak. Thanks for all you have been

  33. D-boy
    March 22, 05:04 Reply

    Guys, Guys can we stop with the bitching and comebacks? Any other post but this. I feel like this is a very important conversation.

    I hadn’t realised how much I had perfected ‘manning’ up, that I had forgotten how effeminate I used to be. Pain, will do that to you. Such that, you would want to wipe a part of your existence.

    The scene on Empire, where Lucius throws Jamal into the trash can resonates with a lot of us. Not because we experienced same, but we relate with the feeling of disgust of a parent. Other sons asked for cars, I asked for dolls. Can never forget how my dad beat me once because I helped to loosen my sister’s hair.

    Had mostly female friends. Took a while to get comfortable with male friends.
    Fortunately, I wasn’t bullied because I was bigger than most of my peers. Still hated the side comments .

    Now that I think about it, is this why a lot of dudes want to only be involved with ‘masculine’ dudes? They don’t want to be reminded of their effeminate past? (Just a thought)

    Hopefully, we can also have a conversation on sexual abuse of minors.

    This post was everything.

    • MacArdry
      March 22, 08:05 Reply

      Your dad beat you cos you helped loosen your sister’s hair?.Is that supposed to be a trait of effeminacy?.Cos I did that,still do on occasions whenever any of them were around me and needed that done.
      Your old man ought to be decked some for that act.

  34. JustJames
    March 22, 17:49 Reply

    I avoided this post and it’s comments yesterday cause I had a feeling I’d hate myself if I read it. Today I got bored and decided to read it. I am depressed right now, not cause of the article, but the comments.

    It’s amazing how we can turn issues that are about other people into a means to express our selfishness. “my opinion” “you’re attacking me” insults flying everywhere and just general insensitivity. *spits*

    I’d rather go read the stupid comments on gay people on Lib than read the nonsense I’m seeing from apparently learned men who are supposed to support each other when pain is expressed and not look for reasons to undermine another person’s pain and trauma and fight like market women.

    *wretches violently like Khaleesi and stalks off in pink studded stilettos*

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