The Gods Are Yet To Blame

The Gods Are Yet To Blame

This story was inspired by Pink Panther’s Once Upon A Heterosexual Time.

I’ve had quite the dating history ever since I became sexually aware and knew that I’m the relationship kinda guy. I have dated the occasional single gay man, the gay man who got married and had me as one of his grooms men and after the wedding never took my calls again, the late bloomer who realized his homosexuality after he kissed me, the married gay man who lied to his eldest son that I am someone he just took an interest in for the sake of a budding musical career (yes of course we were making music). It has been a roller coaster ride of relationships in the search for Mr. Right.

But today’s story is about the relationship with the one who’s not quite my boyfriend. Confused? Yea, I am too, most of the time.

For the purpose of this story, I’ll refer to him as Obinna.

The first time I met Obinna was in my first year in the university. I was at an audition to join the music department of the happening entertainment crew in the university then. I could do me some Mariah Carey-worthy notes, and I figured I’d start fashioning my university social status by being a part of what I’m good at.

When it got to my turn to audition, I got up with all the confidence of someone who has been singing all his life. Little did I know that the Olympian gods were about to punish me with a burning love for someone who would never be mine (I wonder who among them I’d offended). I’d gotten up on the dais and was handling the mic, ready to belt out some notes, when in walked Obinna, the person I soon got to know was the leader of the crew. He was this incredible good looking young man, whose charm not only lay in his handsomeness but in the self confidence that you could just perceive from him. Seeing him then for the first time wasn’t my undoing. My doom happened when he looked at me straight in the eyes and smiled at something a crew member was telling him. His gaze hit my soul instantly and that smile seemed like the light in the darkness I didn’t even know I was stumbling through. My breath caught, and I momentarily forgot the song I was about to sing. Not the lyrics to the song – the entire song!

As I mentally scrambled to remember my business on that stage, I knew I was in trouble with this stranger.

I eventually gathered my wits about me and did my performance. Expectedly, I got into the crew, and subsequently became good friends with Obinna. He was older than me by a couple of years, and so doted on me like an elder brother would his younger sibling. I hated that, but it was going to have to do. Better the agape relationship than nothing at all, half bread and all that jazz. Plus it was an added advantage that he loved my voice so much that he’d always boast to his friends that he had the best singer in university for a brother.

For a brother! (sigh) I was lusting after this guy and all the show of affection I could get was the brotherly hug or affectionate pat on the head. It was frustrating. However I had no idea how much more frustrating it was going to get.

Obinna was really good to me. He stood up for me when some of his friends taunted me about some of my effeminate characteristics. He actually fought with someone because the person had called me a faggot in his presence. He was the ever-protective friend; even his friends in the crew started accord me some kind of respect because of him.

I was in my third year in the university when he graduated. Life without him around expectedly got miserable, especially because he left the East and returned to Lagos. The distance began messing heavily with my emotions, and on one of the nights while we were chatting, I came out to him. I didn’t stop there; I went on to tell him how much I loved him and wanted him. He responded to my coming out by chuckling and saying he already knew I’m gay, and was just waiting for me to pick up the courage to tell him.

Well, all was seeming great, right? I would now go on to have his babies, right? Wrong! He went on to clarify that he is straight. This broke my heart. In all my years of loving and leaving men, I’d never fallen so deeply for a heterosexual man. How could this happen to me?

I somehow carried on with life and my close platonic friendship with Obinna. I dated other guys, and somehow, he bestowed me with more care and love than these lovers. He even started vetting my boyfriends and telling me who he thought would be a scumbag and who was good for me. Yes, we got cool like that.

Finally I graduated and it was time to go to Law School. And as luck would have it, I got posted to Lagos, the very place he resided. When I got the news, I called him and the joy I heard from his end of the phone call was such that I’d never heard. He was just as pleased with the prospect of seeing me again as I was of seeing him.

I came to Lagos, settled in, and the first weekend I had free, I visited him. That weekend elevated our ‘relationship’ to a whole new level of intimacies. In the daytime, we did everything together, and at night, on his bed, we slept in each other’s arms, cuddled tightly and not having sex. On Saturday night, we even had a threesome with a girl, and still, in those passionate moments, he didn’t touch me much. I felt myself bruising inwardly from all he was willing to give, and all he couldn’t give that I desperately wanted.

I know this is a recipe for a chaotic life but I love him so much. I remember once telling him (again) that I loved him. This time, he responded by saying he loved me too, adding ‘…even more than my girlfriend.’ This he has actually proven overtime, canceling dates with her if I happen to need him at the same moment. The first he did that and I queried him for it, he simply laughed and said, “If only these girls knew that the position they are looking for is already occupied by you.”

This is coming from a straight guy who hasn’t done so much as kiss me. I’d actually spent a night in his arms clad in nothing but the briefest underwear, and he didn’t get any more intimate than the hand he kept around my shoulder. You can imagine the craziness of it all!

Most recently, he gets jealous when I tell him about the guys I get with. And he doesn’t bother with hiding his jealousy. (sigh) It’s all very confusing and yet exhilarating, to know you have so much power and yet so little dominion over the man you desire.

At the moment, I do not know where we are headed. But I am pretty certain that I am not going anywhere, and that he is not either. What keeps me to his side is this inextinguishable hope that someday soon, he’ll make an honest ‘woman’ out of me. Lol.

Written by Queen Blue Fox

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43 Comments

  1. Mandy
    July 20, 06:55 Reply

    Okay, this is all shades of weird. A possessive straight non-lover? Tsk tsk.

  2. Francis
    July 20, 07:01 Reply

    Well I was quite jealous when guys would hang around this girl I had a massive crush on in high school. In fact the matter reach obsession sef, as I would find time to causally bump into her after we moved into different classes for senior high. We flowed quite very well.

    He’s probably straight as an arrow but adores you too much…… probably. Hopefully he doesn’t mess things up for you sha.

      • Francis
        July 20, 07:07 Reply

        ????

        Na so hand heavy you reach to type off even Queen BF?

        I’m great man.Good morning. ?

        • Shuga chocolata
          July 20, 07:15 Reply

          The hands no heavy reach oooo, all those many many names, I’m just lazy like that.

    • Delle
      July 20, 09:46 Reply

      You crushed on a girl? Hmm

  3. johnny
    July 20, 07:03 Reply

    I like dreamers. This brought my memories of crushing on my music teacher then. Tho I never knew doing that means I am queer, understanding then that love is only between a man n woman. I wanted to be his woman, he really liked me out of all the boys in ma school. Girls always around him, lo n behold he is n married. what can I do? Even if you are gay but I haven’t confirmed, no falling for you. I am now strong taking shits

  4. JBoy
    July 20, 07:41 Reply

    QBF, I get the feel, hope you guys meet an equilibrium. I’ve been there, or do I say still there, he gets hard when I come so close to him, or in cuddle, yet says he’s straight. *shakes off the memory* You’ll be fine, QBF; same as I tell myself.

  5. Too clean
    July 20, 08:36 Reply

    This is deep!

    Hope love finds a way out for the both of you,finally!

  6. IBK
    July 20, 08:52 Reply

    So much could go wrong and so much could go right with this. He sounds like someone who a) has been straight till he met you b) bi but hasn’t accepted his gay side yet hence making him scared cause ya know, IH.

    Y’all need to have like deep and real talk.. If you haven’t had that already.

    And where do you meet these weird complicated guys QBF uhn?

    • Queen Blue Fox
      July 20, 16:17 Reply

      My dear
      They seem to be everywhere around me, I just tire. You see when I say I must have offended Some Olympian Pinky would think I am joking

  7. Kenny
    July 20, 08:54 Reply

    What if he doesn’t make an honest woman out of you? You’ll just keep on chasing pavements……. Better go and find a gay man that actually wants to really be with you

  8. Canis VY Majoris
    July 20, 09:15 Reply

    So in the simplest form, all that is missing is ‘sex’ right. Coincidentally another article was posted today about a ‘sexless’ happy relationship.

    All the answers you require might be there.

  9. Delle
    July 20, 09:44 Reply

    I’d advise you don’t pay so much attention to him for now. I’d have said he’s just being that rare straight best friend if I hadn’t seen the ‘he’s-getting-jealous-these-days’ part.

    I have a friend in school (heyy Rapum) whose bestie is actually a straight guy. You know, the kinda guy most gay guys would tear their assholes out to have. However, these two have nothing sexual and yet exude the most pungent sexual aura any two individuals can possibly exude. They cuddle, hug tightly, he’s out to him and they say the gayest stuffs together, yet nothing sexual. Now, that’s some confusing friendship but a very enviable one.
    So I’d say it’s quite normal for a straight guy to be your very good friend, accepting your sexuality and all of that and not feel anything intimate for you. But him getting jealous shows he’s becoming curious. Having had experiences with some straight guys myself, I’d tell you to give him time. Don’t go throwing yourself on him or anything, we’re not encouraging ‘conversion’ biko.

    If I were you, I’d give him some space. Let him long for your presence. Give him time to come around. He’s obviously battling with lots internally and is in a state of absolute confusion. So, let him be for the moment. When he eventually comes around, QBF, you’d know if he’s your Best Friend or your Boy Friend.

    OAN, on an entirely different note, I want to know the details of that threesome biko. I’ve been playing in my head how it went down and it’s been so confusing seeing as he didn’t touch you.

    • Pink Panther
      July 20, 11:21 Reply

      Hehehehee. Oh Delle, I so want to know those details too.

    • Queen Blue Fox
      July 20, 16:14 Reply

      Hahaha Delle you will have to file an application supported by a 15 paragraph affidavit, deposed to by you. This must be accompanied by a written address which which you shall there after adopt as ur argument in this matter. Do you get my point Now????

      • Delle
        July 20, 21:17 Reply

        Lmao. Waka biko! All these protocol for gini? Lemme goan watch porn titled “Threesome with Dormant partner” shekina!

  10. Cedar
    July 20, 11:17 Reply

    Maybe he is a late bloomer, just give him space and time. Moreover he told u the space in his heart those gurls are dueling for has been taken by who again? you. That says everything. No “straight” guy would have ladies all around him, leave them and go professing love for another guy. N’uche nkem, he would come around with time.

    And biko, r u among the batch of students at the law school now?

    • Queen Blue Fox
      July 20, 16:10 Reply

      Cedar if I told you that I’d have to kill you, but maybe I am. If Pinky permits, you may just find out.

      • Cedar
        July 21, 11:54 Reply

        lol, just asking sha, my former roomie is there and I will getting there by next year, insha Allah.

  11. Jo
    July 20, 11:23 Reply

    This is…I dunno. But I can relate sha. Some guys are good like that.

  12. Pjay
    July 20, 11:50 Reply

    aww beautiful!!! I almost had tears in my eyes. that thing can be frustrating and sweet at the same time ehn! I think you should have the talk. now lemme read d comments.

  13. bain
    July 20, 15:28 Reply

    I had a friend like this,we dated the same girl at some point,I came out to him n he was absolutely accepting (which was weird),I was in love with him for over 3 yrs naw,one day we kissed (after begging him),den twas like a gay switch in his head got on (tank God it did),bt naw we are just sorta F.W.B’s.

  14. Fresh
    July 20, 16:30 Reply

    I’m still suffering the same thing. I’m pretty sure we’ll be alright. But that’s a torment.

  15. Kainene
    July 20, 17:16 Reply

    This just proves my theory that sexuality is perhaps the most fluid and complicated concept in existence. That mental barrier built up by years of lecture on society’s views of wrong and right the only thing that keeps us from being able to reach across that boundary is “ourselves” hell I won’t be surprised if you guys end up being together. Take for example the o real relationship I’ve ever had…he is heterosexual. But his breakup speech to me and I quote “bae, for some odd reasons I’ve found my soulmate in you but this just isn’t me…I just can’t be in love with a man its just not right” stories that touch the nyash…He was the cause of his own predicament. So sweetie it issss possible. Just don’t hang onto hope too much. Trust me life is a bitch.

    • Pjay
      July 20, 23:22 Reply

      I guess we now know where homophobia stems from. If they allow us, we might actually dominate them. ???

  16. ambivalentone
    July 20, 17:22 Reply

    Abeg @Queen Blue Fox and @Posh is adultery a crime according to the Nigerian constitution? I just read an annoying news and I need clarification.

    • Francis
      July 20, 17:31 Reply

      I ask person and he say na true oh. The thing is that no one really drags the matter to court.

  17. Mr. Fingers
    July 20, 19:34 Reply

    My Friend face ur studies. Bar part II no be beans. Goodluck biko.

  18. wytem
    July 20, 21:21 Reply

    Adultery is a crime in the north only as per the Penal code.
    The criminal code that applies in th south has no such offense

    • ambivalentone
      July 20, 21:27 Reply

      So how does Article (42)1 interprete then if u had read that corper-married woman saga knowing the incidence occured in Abuja AND all parties involved are Igbo

  19. KingBey
    July 21, 15:06 Reply

    Too much torture. I had those experiences those days with Stephen. He would sleep over in my home, spend Xmas hols with me, sleep in my arms, get jealous when I talk to other guys, skip his GF for me, and never said NO to any of my request…..but still Straight. SMH. So much energy. Those days……biko no time for that now.

  20. Maleficent
    July 21, 20:06 Reply

    Hmmmmm,i cant deal with such mental toture though

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