Originally published on sagbachronicles.com

*

So it was my last day in my village, near Owerri, Nigeria. In four days, no kinsman or woman had asked me the dreaded marriage question.

I thought I’d had a lucky escape, until I popped into an aunt’s shop to tell her I would be leaving the next morning and to give her some money.

She thanked me profusely for the cash. Then blessed me. Then she got on her knees and said, “Please, please find a wife. Please I am begging you in the name of God, please.”

I replied, “Please aunty, get up. I have heard you. I will see what I can do.”

She got up.

“Or are you looking for one over there in England?” she seemed to ask with disdain in her voice.

“Ah-ah aunty, does it matter where she comes from?”

“That’s true, but it is better if she hails from these parts.”

I wanted to say, Seriously? You have been asking me to get married, for the last 20 years to no avail, and now you are suggesting where the wife should come from?! You don’t ask for much, do you? And they say beggars can’t be choosers.

But I kept my peace.

Instead I said, “But aunty, at my age, I don’t think I want to get married anymore.”

“Eh?!” she screamed. Her face looked like someone had stabbed her in the heart. “Don’t say that. There is a seventy-year-old man in the next kindred who is looking for a young wife. You are a man. You can even marry at seventy.

“I have been praying for you. I prayed for you this morning that a good woman will come your way, in Jesus Name!”

As if on cue, like the ram that appeared to Abraham when God decided Abraham’s son Isaac wouldn’t taste as good as a free range ram, a lean muscular guy in his early twenties, wearing a pair of Hawaiian shorts and a singlet showing off his sinewy arms, walked into the shop. He had the kind of musculature you don’t get from going to the gym; rather from good old fashioned hard labour on the farm or a building site.

Sigh. Behold the “good woman”.

I was about to say, “Hallelujah, God has answered your prayer, Aunty”, when I  noticed he was wearing eyeliner and when he spoke, it was with a very high pitched voice.

No way, Ms. Thang!!!

Technically, God did answer my aunt’s prayer, just not the sexuality she was expecting.

I smiled.

I think God was having a laugh.

Written by Keredim

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