I recently had a short fling, like two days short, with a guy named Felix. We connected on Facebook and were soon chatting and getting acquainted. He looked very familiar, but I couldn’t place where I’d seen him before.
Once we were clear that we were both batting for the same team, he began giving me kito vibes with the way he was chatting, saying stuff like I should come to his place at once so he could “look into my pretty eyes and make love to me”, that I should come over quickly, that there was no time, that he wants me and would like to kiss me – all this on the first day of our chat. We began chatting by 9am, and by 1pm, he was already pressuring me to come see him.
I told him I couldn’t come over, giving the excuse of the church event I was set to attend as a reason I couldn’t come right over. But I however asked him to meet me at the church. He got upset, said I was making him angry and said I should ‘go to my church’, a clear indication that he wasn’t pleased at my dissent.
I wasn’t bothered by that. As per my routine, I got ready and set out for church. When I got there, he buzzed me again, to apologize for how he’d sounded before. Then he agreed to come meet me at church.
Soon he was at the church, and we picked out a spot to sit and talk. He was good looking, light-skinned, slightly muscular, with a thuggish look and pink lips. We soon got to talking, and I soon found out that the reason Felix talked the way he did was because he was shockingly very unselfconscious about the kito fears of the average Nigerian gay man. He’d blurted his intentions to me in response to the way he was feeling, unmindful of the way he would come off as suspect to the cautious person on the other end of the chat page. Apparently, in Jos (where he lived and studied), there’s nothing like kito there or something.
As we talked, I also came to the realization of the reason why he looked familiar. I’d seen him in a couple of billboard ads, not the main star, merely as props in the background.
When we were sufficiently acquainted, we left church for his cousin’s house, where he said he was crashing. This was around 7pm. When we got there, I was nonplussed. Shit! I thought I’d seen the slums of Port Harcourt until I was brought here, in some rundown area around Rumuokwuta. As a passerby, you wouldn’t even know there are accommodations to be had there. I highly doubt anyone pays rent there. And the cousin’s room in particular seemed like it was situated underground.
Trying not to let the squalor of the place get to me, I followed Felix into the single room. We didn’t waste time with further talk, and began making out. Soon our clothes came off. I was mindful of the time, because any later than 8.30pm, and my dad would start bothering me with phone calls, wanting to know where I am.
Now naked, Felix, who was panting to fuck me, fetched a small container of cream. It was Vaseline. I stared at him in disbelief. He was seriously going yo want to fuck me with Vaseline? Not even a proper cream!
I was like, Fuck no!
I asked him if he had any condoms. He nodded and brought out his wallet from which he produced some condoms. And I was like, “You carry condoms in your pocket?”
He replied, “Yea, so I stay always prepared.”
I wanted to roll my eyes, and then I remembered that he had good reason to always want to carry protection about. He has an 11 year old son who is a constant reminder of what unprotected sex can make happen. This he’d told me while we were getting acquainted at the church, including the fact that he was a cultist.
Anyway, we returned to making out. Then I checked the time and it was 8pm.
“I have to go,” I announced.
He was rock-hard and flustered and simply couldn’t comprehend me leaving him in that state. He began begging me to stay awhile, that I should allow him to just “put it in for 5 seconds” so he can “know what I’m like”.
I wasn’t interested in going all the way with him any further that night. So I continued to decline and apologize at the same time, interjecting my pleas with “Baby please” to soften him up enough to just let it go. But he stayed adamant. His tone got a tad aggressive and he began saying stuff like, “Baby, don’t get me upset.”
I suddenly became aware that I was in the slums and he could call out to thugs for them to lynch me if I wasn’t careful. But I refused to let my apprehension show. Instead, I retorted with, “Why would you be upset?” I punctuated this with a bristled rise to my feet, while narrowing my eyes at him. I aimed for my best stab at being intimidating, which was helped by the fact that I was about 2 inches taller than him.
At this, he mellowed. We got dressed, and he accompanied me out to the main road. I agreed to meet him the next day (basically because I’d been dick hungry since December). Or maybe it was because he intrigued me, what with him being a cultist (bad boy vibes, anyone?). He even showed me the cult tattoo he’d gotten on his bicep, although he wouldn’t tell me the name of the cult.
So the next day had me on my way to his place. I got there, and we talked a bit. Apparently his cousin left the house before he woke up, taking all the money in his pocket and leaving him a note which said that there’d been an emergency and that she’d pay him back when she got back. This cousin also had a kid too, a six-year-old she’d shipped off to boarding school in Bayelsa. Both their sons were in the same school. (He had come to Port Harcourt after taking his own kid back to school).
We broke off out talk and started making out, and like yesterday, our clothes came off. And again like yesterday, he retrieved the Vaseline. And I was like, “Who do you plan on fucking with that thing?”
And he answered, “You nau,” clearly not realizing that I’d asked that sarcastically.
Anyway, because I was very horny this time, I decided to give the Vaseline a try. I told him we had to go slow and gentle, that I needed to get used to him being inside me before he can start pounding away. He agreed, strapped on a condom and lubed up. Per my instructions, he laid down and I got on top of him. I inched myself down on his upright dick. The combination of latex and hard cream was too much friction; it hurt like a bitch. So I eased off him.
Then I tried again, and as I was descending slowly, gradually getting used to him, he shoved his dick forcefully upward. Instant pain bolted through my body and I cried out. I was furious. I pushed off him, spitting mad.
Like seriously, WTF!
He began apologising, and I told him to fuck off. All these Tops will be shoving dick like say them no know say na person nyash them dey fuck. If you watch the porn star Hotrod fucking, you’d see how he pounds like an animal, hefty dick and all. Then I watched a video where he bottomed, and he was literally crying. Mind you, the guy topping him had half his size of dick.
I was mad at Felix, but after awhile and much of his pleading, I calmed down. And we tried again. This time, we had a successful entry and I was soon riding him. It wasn’t long though before his erection softened. No amount of bouncing up and down his dick could get it back up. However, when we tried changing positions, with him on top of me, he got hard.
But I do not like taking dick in that position until I am properly opened up. It also didn’t help that Felix was going at my ass like it was going out of style. He fucked like all he wanted to do was take as much as he wanted.
I winced through a few minutes of him being on top, before I gave up my endurance and told him to stop. I told him I had to get used to him inside me first, and that the only way I can do that is by riding him gently.
He acquiesced and I got on top of him again. And he got soft again. And I was like, Hian!
We worked his erection back up, and when I got back on top, he softened. This happened a couple more times before I realized that Felix could only thrive when he’s the dominant person in bed, so much so that when a bottom attempts to take charge, it’d turn him off to a soft dick.
I don’t think he even knew this about himself. He was starting to get embarrassed by his weakening hard-on, and so, in a bid to soothe his battered ego, I told him he was probably going soft because of the Vaseline, that perhaps it was not good to use. He quickly agreed with me, and I was in my mind like, “See this one.”
Defeated by our individual tendencies, we gave up on the sex and began talking. I managed to get him to tell me the name of his cult; at first he’d been objecting that it wasn’t a cult, that it was instead some sort of fraternity. So I asked him what their motto was, what they believe in, what their goals were. When he had no answer for me, I said, “Well then, you’re in a cult.”
We also got to talking about gender roles, and he was like, “I’m the man in this relationship nau.”
I instantly shut him down there, snapping back like, “You are only the man in this bed. Outside this bed, you ain’t shit.” (lol, okay maybe I didn’t say it exactly like that, but I was pretty explicit in letting him know he doesn’t run me. We weren’t even in a relationship for chrissakes!)
We started going through his phone and I observed that he is friends with quite a number of famous people – actors, celebrities. I actually began nursing the idea of using him to climb the social ladder. But this is 2017; I have to change for the better (lol).
When he in turn began going through my phone, he outed one guy in my church choir to me, a man I’d been crushing on for ages. (My infatuation withered however when he got married.)
Soon, Felix and I started kissing again. And caught up in the heat of our intimacy, he began saying he loves me (wow, that fast?) and would like to be in a relationship with me, that he was already planning for me to do NYSC and House Job in Jos (oshey seizing the bae 2017 sha!)
Next thing I knew, he had started making references to his ex who he dated for 6 years; that he’d like to have back what he had with this ex. He was going on about how he would organize threesomes for us, so he’d make me happy and so I wouldn’t have to cheat on him. Apparently, it was what he used to do for his ex to keep him faithful.
It didn’t take me long to realize that Mister Man was still hung up on his ex, so I had a good reason to check out of this…whatever this was.
It was getting late at this time, and because I was still horny, I settled for a rim job, before getting dressed and up on my way.
Written by Lorde