THE HUSTLE OF A RAINBOW (Episode 6)

THE HUSTLE OF A RAINBOW (Episode 6)

It seems to me that every attractive and possible match for me is in a relationship. Are they high? They dinnor know that I am single or what? Anyway, I am here for one reason and one reason alone:

Pussy.

*Drops mic*

LMAO, I’m just kidding. I’m here to sell my market. So here we go. Potential bae berra read this episode very well.

***

I’m 17. I can be funny. Watch this, I’ll make you laugh. Are you ready? What’s black, single and awesome? Me!!! Did you laugh? No? Fuck you then.

Um, I’m left handed so I am supposed to be smart. My intelligence is often up for debate, but my IQ is 162. I act either younger than my age or older because that’s the only way I know how. I spent my childhood and most of my teenage years as an adult, so I’ve been spending 2016 often acting like a child as an attempt to have a childhood.

Whoa! Is it me or was that getting deep? Lol, lemme tell you my real selling points and because I am bisexual, I’ll divide it into two sections.

For the guys:

  1. I have big brezz that are soft. (Are there hard breasts sef?)
  2. I will check out ass with you.
  3. I give awesome head. (Ask my exes)
  4. I roll blunts real good (I don’t smoke though)
  5. I won’t vex if you don’t call me every day.
  6. I’ll listen to you talk about anything.
  7. I give good massages
  8. I’ll acknowledge everything you do for me.
  9. I don’t ask for money or gifts. I may occasionally let you pay for my lunch or movie.
  10. I don’t know any other selling point again. Basically I’m awesome, so date me, yeah?

For the ladies:

  1. I have soft breasts and they love to be touched.
  2. I will not check out any other woman when I am with you. I have eyes for you and only you (unless you are checking her out too, in that case, I’ll gaze at that booty)
  3. I give awesome head. (Ask Kadris)
  4. If you smoke, you have to kiss me after you smoke a blunt. (Is this even a selling point?)
  5. I’ll write poems and songs for you.
  6. You will always have 87% of my attention.
  7. I’ll call you in the morning when I wake up and just before I sleep and maybe during the day.
  8. I give good massages.
  9. I’m broke right now so we have to share the cost of meals and movies, but when I have dough, expect me to spoil you.

So anyone want to date me? I’m nice, I swear.

Dazzall for now folks, why don’t you all tell me your selling points and I’ll act as if I am not reading through them to find a potential match?

P.S: The person that I called too much this past week, I’m sorry for over-calling especially on Sunday. I wasn’t myself on Sunday, so forgive me and let’s be cool, okay? Okay.

P.P.S: People from Kito Diaries are so awesome!

P.P.S: Please update Love And Sex In The City and Down Low. #BringBackOurSeries

Written by iAmNotAPerv

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40 Comments

  1. Andrevn
    December 15, 06:44 Reply

    Are we now placing dating adverts on here? Well, here’s mine.

    I’m… Urgh! Never mind.

    I left the dating scene after a psyche-shattering breakup few months back. So, I’d pass.

    Your bio is quite tempting. I hope you – we, all find the love we desire.
    Never you tire.

    • iAmNotAPerv
      December 15, 07:18 Reply

      Thank you. Come and be tempted by it. Tell me your selling points 😀

  2. Santa Diaba
    December 15, 07:12 Reply

    Hahaha. I had a good belly laugh after reading this. It’s been too long. IAmNOtAPerv, you are one delightful young lady ?
    And yes, DownLow is going to be updated sooner than you think.

    • iAmNotAPerv
      December 15, 07:23 Reply

      You are making me to blush. Thank you and did i hear Down Low *breaks into some horrible dance moves* Yesss finalllyyyyy. Thank you so so much and i would love an episode on the ladies (if you know what i’m saying) *wink wink*

    • Mandy
      December 15, 09:48 Reply

      This year, right Santa? 😀

  3. Bain
    December 15, 09:03 Reply

    mhmmm….(clears throat)… since its selling point day….I’m gay,but I date a lot of girls n I like sex with girls like madt….I’m an artist (pencil and paint)… pharmacy student…I’m tall 6″ 2….I’m dark…I need a wife like ife…*kisses*

    • Delle
      December 15, 12:50 Reply

      Hian. Bia, did gay change meaning? ???

      • Bain
        December 16, 09:15 Reply

        some ppl call it bisexual…but I prefer being labelled gay.

    • iAmNotAPerv
      December 15, 21:30 Reply

      *quickly goes to check the meaning of gay once more to make sure that i am not the only one that is in total confusion* I love artists! Art is the love of my life. I actually manage artists for a living. 6’2 doesn’t count as tall in my book sorry lol 😀 Wife ke? Baby, lerrus start from gehfriend

    • baddest
      December 15, 23:26 Reply

      Yo, you got artworks for sale or u just do it for fun?

      • Bain
        December 16, 09:14 Reply

        im a portrait artist….I draw/paint you or ur loved one…you pay!

  4. KryxxX
    December 15, 09:44 Reply

    Hian!
    See me expecting to see over a hundred comments here seeing that we are selling market….. No! Seeing that it is selling point day today **insert D’prince’s Goodie bag song**! Inukwa!! Y’all better come sell oh! Opportunities as they say n’abia naani nwa ngbe nta! It only comes once!
    Anyways, ppl like us with zilch selling point wee just kuku sidon and start matching them points with our KD crushes oh! ????????

    • Mandy
      December 15, 09:48 Reply

      Zero selling point, ehkwa? *looking at you and the lean muscles you like to sample on twitter* Some pipu wee just coman be downplaying their market. Shey na so recession take reset your brain so?

      • KryxxX
        December 15, 09:51 Reply

        Mandy A.K.A alakoba.com!!!! ?????????????.

    • iAmNotAPerv
      December 15, 21:33 Reply

      You chose the right song! My KD crushes don’t want to put up their selling points for me. Delle, Illiana, Khaleesi, WhoIsUgo? i am waiting for your selling points 🙂

  5. Mandy
    December 15, 09:45 Reply

    Come one, come all! Pervy lady has opened her shop. Market on full display. Better better merchandise! Discount negotiable! Coman buy market oooo!

    • iAmNotAPerv
      December 15, 21:35 Reply

      Discount kwa?! We are in recession o. No discount but please comman buy market o. I’l do christmas awoof 😀

  6. KryxxX
    December 15, 09:48 Reply

    And Ife, you is crazy cray! ??????! For someone who is 17,you sure sound like an old warri that haff rocked life, still rocks her tangled blonde super mirron/yaki weaves, yet refuses to leave the scene! Ah ah! Bad shild that haff join badt gang! Kinda envy you guys that shaa can play both sides oh! ??????????????

    • iAmNotAPerv
      December 15, 21:39 Reply

      Me ke ? joined Bad gang? Baby i created the bad gang. I have an old soul and an old weave (does that count?)
      i kid you. I suspect there is some warri in my ancestry. Trust me playing on both sides isn’t as fun as it looks

  7. Mitch
    December 15, 10:20 Reply

    Ife, you are one heck of a lady.

    • iAmNotAPerv
      December 15, 21:43 Reply

      Thanks for the compliment Mitch. 😀 I’m smiling like a mumu right now

  8. ambivalentone
    December 15, 11:34 Reply

    Ninu gbogbo nkan to ko, its massage, written TWICE that gets me. I av bin told I give good body rubs ALAS, one cannot minister to oneself??

    • iAmNotAPerv
      December 15, 21:47 Reply

      Lmao! This guy gives me life! “ALAS, one cannot minister to oneself.” this line is how you get people to offf pant shebi?

  9. Delle
    December 15, 12:52 Reply

    This girl should coman be shading people like us anyhow o.
    So if you don’t have selling point nko?

    Oh
    Oh
    Oh

    I can twerk on schlongs
    #okbye

    • iAmNotAPerv
      December 15, 21:49 Reply

      You don’t need selling points my husband, i love you either way 🙂 At least one of us can twerk

  10. simba
    December 15, 12:53 Reply

    i always have blunt( weed) and wines at home…
    I cant pretend, but i have respects for people too
    am quite diplomatic…
    its difficult to make me fall in love,but once it happens,,,am a fool in love
    i have awesome friends

    • KryxxX
      December 15, 14:42 Reply

      **Rapidly taking down notes** hope we is not forgetting any other marketable selling points oh? Maka adighi amaama!

    • iAmNotAPerv
      December 15, 21:52 Reply

      I don’t drink and i don’t smoke but i love to look at wine collections. Are you a collector? How many years do you have? I am a bloody romantic and i am always a fool in love, if i tell you some of the things i did for Diana 😀 I’m an awesome friend i think lol

  11. WhoIsUgo
    December 15, 17:47 Reply

    What of the people looking for sugar daddies/mummies, should they still comment on this?

    • iAmNotAPerv
      December 15, 21:54 Reply

      yes they should. I think i want a sugar mummy too. I’m broke now a days. Please if any of you know of sugar daddies and mummies, kindly epp us out

  12. z
    December 16, 00:27 Reply

    this is good

    selling points. ..
    what are mine sef
    I’m not even sure

  13. chetam
    December 17, 00:32 Reply

    i can sell market sha.. ife employ me as marketer for you

    • iAmNotAPerv
      December 17, 22:02 Reply

      employ kwa? comman work pro bono my frenn lmao 😀

  14. coolCraze
    December 19, 20:34 Reply

    Please can I have the details of Ife. I want her as my friend. I’m male, and think that I’m bisex.

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