The Law School Journal

The Law School Journal

June 1

Abuja is cold. Not Beyond-the-Wall, you-need-mittens cold. Just colder than Lagos had been. This was one of the first things I liked about this place. Then, there is the serenity and civility. It is not much different from Enugu, really; but emerging from the madness of Ekó, I appreciate the change.

It’s somewhat funny when I think about it. The series of unfortunate events that led me here. Those things that in the heat of the moment, I’d been frustrated about, agonizing and getting sad over – did they lead to me coming to law school at the campus that I’ve come to love and appreciate as the best for me? Or is this just me adapting?

I’m going to go with the former. I don’t have time to be overthinking and philosophizing.

So, yes. I like it here.

I like my roommate. He’s older, much older; so, I don’t have to worry about what I’m supposed to do with him. We are cool. I don’t have to wonder what he thinks of me – he does a good job of telling me. Yes, he already knows I’m weird; we have gotten that out of the way. I like that he doesn’t bring people over to the room. Maybe he understands this thing about keeping one’s space one’s space. I also like that he reads a lot. Sometimes he makes me feel like I’m not reading.

I like that I have room to develop my routine. I like the safety of making plans and having things work out the way I planned them. Here, I don’t have my family members dropping in and sending me on last minute errands and ish. Bliss!

I like how close to nature it gets here. On my first day, I saw a beautiful blue bird. That night, as I lay in bed, I heard the sound of different kinds of animals. In the time that I’ve been here, I’ve seen more types and species of insects than I have seen all my life. They fly into the bathroom, dancing around the electric bulb as I shower and dance to Simi’s Omo Charlie Champagne, Vol. 1 (which I am currently obsessed with). I don’t like it when they crawl into bed with me, though. I have to remind them that my space is my space.

I like how quiet and beautiful the hostel can get sometimes. I come out and I see all those recently washed underwear – sorry, I mean, all that green grass and flowers. Sigh. Sight for sore eyes. I’m really talking about the grass.

I like that there are lots of people here to watch. This is my first time really living in a hostel and it’s not bad…mostly. There are a few fine people to look at and write stories about (in my head, of course). And then, sometimes (this doesn’t happen enough times, though), I come out to the corridor and I see a guy walking down the corridor with nothing but his underwear on. No, not boxers (those don’t count).

I’m talking, Briefs! It feels like I walked into Willy Wonka’s Chocolate Factory – except the chocolates come in much better packaging.

Come to think of it, I did see someone masturbating just three days after I got here. I had stepped out to the corridor in my backyard to sharpen a pencil only to see him in the floor below mine sharpening his penis. I know I should have looked away, and I did. But not before I saw his toes curl up and his muscles tense up as cum dropped to the floor.

Three days of law school and already, konji was doing things to learned men.

Now, I don’t like the air around here. I’ve heard people talk about how “law students walk around like they’re better than everyone else” – but there must be something about this campus. All these millennials driving around in their posh cars, with their iPhone XRs and EarPods, could make one feel like he’s…well, less. So, he might have to overcompensate somehow and then…

You know what, never mind!

Fridays are so colorful that it hurts my eyes. Different patterns and colors of clothes. Think it, I’ve seen it here. The first few days here, a girl here wore a hair so large, the people behind her couldn’t see the projected slides. I don’t know what I said, but the next day I got to find that she has a nicely shaped head. What am I saying, it might not even be me!

Lastly, one of the first things I did when I got here was install Grindr. I’ve found that I find it easier making friends with queer guys, but for the life of me, I can’t understand how there can be only three un-heterosexual guys – including Yours Truly, but we all know that I don’t count – in the midst of 1400 students. Talk about an endangered species.

Well, I made a new friend, I think. He’s so wonderful he makes me feel like a terribly selfish person. Who am I kidding? I am that person.

Yours Truly

The Many-Faced God

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18 Comments

  1. Fred
    July 18, 07:26 Reply

    This is nice, really!
    Got me chuckling about the green grass and sharpening pencil.
    Not many people relate with nature yet you make it seem so… natural.
    Kudos

  2. trystham
    July 18, 08:21 Reply

    I kept smiling through most of this soliloquy???…ah yes. Journal.

  3. Ebuka
    July 18, 09:34 Reply

    I needed this write up. Such clarity. Thank you

  4. Delle
    July 18, 13:34 Reply

    ‘The first few days here, a girl here wore a hair so large, the people behind her couldn’t see the projected slides. I don’t know what I said, but the next day I got to find that she has a nicely shaped head. What am I saying, it might not even be me!’

    Favorite line.

    Nice piece 💓

  5. Heid
    July 19, 01:40 Reply

    Brilliant. Very vivid. And it makes more sense to me because I’m in law school. Lagos though

  6. BRYAN PETERS
    July 19, 10:30 Reply

    This was a really nice read. I could picture all of it while reading. Looking forward to more entries.

  7. Lex
    July 20, 05:12 Reply

    an apt description of the situation in NLS (Abuja)… Keep on the good work

  8. Mandy
    July 20, 08:58 Reply

    I always think of wanking as a very private affair. I never understand all these videos that circulate online where someone is captured wanking in public. I’d rather suffer through my konji than masturbate in a place where someone can potentially see me.

    Nice writeup, MFG. A law series is something I didn’t know I needed till I read this.

  9. Posh666
    July 20, 09:58 Reply

    better thank God for being posted to Bwari campus because you only share your room with just one room mate unlike lagos and kano campus where you have to languish for like 9mnths with dirty ass grown men… Well except if things have changed since 2012/2013 since I heard lagos campus has moved from ozumba mbadiwe.

    Dont mind those hypocrites o you won’t find them on grindr, during my time there was just bbm groups,2go and manjam and never for once came across anyone from law school bwari and I know for sure I wasn’t the only homosexual on campus. Guess everyone was being careful and trying to be focused on making bar finals.

    • Angry man
      July 20, 16:57 Reply

      @ Posh, you went to nls bwari campus in 2012/2013?

      If you do, then i know you very well..

      My hostel was block D and i wrote my exams in seminar room 6….

      So you are even the one all these while….

  10. Romeoux
    July 20, 18:22 Reply

    Ha!

    Law school is the convergence of “chocolated” and “coffean” constituents. In other words…

  11. Q
    July 21, 22:07 Reply

    I am currently in Lagos campus and yes it’s fucking crazy down here

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