THE OPEN LOVE LETTERS: Entry 5

THE OPEN LOVE LETTERS: Entry 5

Dear Trouble,

When I first met you, I thought you were young and naïve. I thought you were a mistake. To me, you were the scratch to an itch. The one-time-thing I’d love to forget as soon as the door was rudely closed behind you. But by God, you saw through it – through my bullshit, my aloofness, the whole manipulation to get you into my bed. You played my game. You played it so well, I was blindsided when you shut the door behind me instead.

The player got served. And just like that, I chased you till I got you.

You were worth the chase.

Do you remember the day I stepped into your office, the first time I saw you? You looked at me with those eyes, so intense that I lost focus. And till this moment, I still cannot forget that day and the words you said to me.

I love you. Even after all these years, I still do

I remember the nights you stayed awake just to see me drool so you could take my picture

Or that time when I got home and took a nap, only to find you in front of me when I opened my eyes, your nose almost touching mine. You stuck out your tongue and licked the tip of my nose.

It was in that moment I realised I loved you. I knew I had strong feelings for you but I didn’t know I loved you. Sometimes, it is the simplest things that make one realise he’s in love.

You are all everything that was rare and uneasy to find, tamed and wild, brave and uneasy, flighty and reserved.

Unpredictable isn’t the right word to use for you. You are words and you are its opposites. How one person can be many things still amazes me.

But I became the murderer called love.

I cost you your happiness

And you became a fortress made of fear.

I messed up. You forgave my shit over and over again till I lay my hands on you – not once and not thrice. I messed up big time.

I lied. I did things I can never be proud of because I couldn’t understand how you could love me. I took it for granted, threw it to your face that morning and drove away, leaving you on under that bridge

I became a used towel hung in the bathroom to dry, swayed lightly by the breeze of insecurity. I became worn clothes scattered on the floor waiting to be washed. I became the sad music playing calmly in the background. I became an individual sitting on the bed, awake and tired. You became a phantom, hovering around each and every spec of the air, filling it with your absence.

I broke my own heart when I broke yours.

Even after the rejection I’ve gotten from you over the years, I’ve refused to move on.

I’ve been told to move on, by you and by friends, by my ex-husband and most recently, an acquaintance. But that must mean there’s something wrong with me. Not because I miss you so much it hurts, but because you still are my other piece.

At the end of the day, I realise why the most popular metaphor for passion is flame. I am ready, ready and willing to do whatever it takes to keep the light burning as long as you live.

I won’t let you say goodbye. Not after these many years. I still can’t find the good in “goodbye” when it comes to you. Not when I’ve found you – someone I want to do life with.

Please, let me come back. Please.

Yours,

Aliu

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17 Comments

  1. Malik
    September 12, 07:26 Reply

    Yhep! Passion is a flame that doesn’t die. Lovely piece at the intersection of poetry and prose. Big ups!

  2. iAmNotAPerv
    September 12, 08:39 Reply

    this is me. Except I have already balantly begged her to take me back and she said no. Oh well…
    Like he said there’s no good in goodbye when it comes to you.

    Great piece Aliu 🙃❤

  3. Vhar.
    September 12, 10:29 Reply

    Bwahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahaha!

    • Mandy
      September 12, 12:29 Reply

      You’re here laughing… If you’re laughing… Wait, how can you be laughing?
      This is a heartfelt baring of the soul na. How can you be laughing? 😢😢

    • Francis
      September 12, 15:21 Reply

      Hmmmmm, interesting. I knew this post sounded one kain familiar

  4. Woo-hoo
    September 12, 12:03 Reply

    Scary! What real love can do. More hurtful when it is not reciprocated. It scares me when I read these kinda stories because I can’t handle rejection at all! I hope Aliu gets back his lover… Please lover take him back for he has changed.

  5. Brian Collins
    September 12, 12:25 Reply

    Ewoooooooooooo, Aliu has made a come back. Won’t Moe forgive him?
    Pinky, I saw what you did o. I flew to ‘Categories’ after I saw Aliu, I don’t even understand anymore.

    • Mandy
      September 12, 12:27 Reply

      You saw what I’m see, Brian. So 890 was not fiction! 😱😱 Aliu is flesh and blood? Who’s Moe? Vhar!?
      Oh this ees tew much!

      • Brian Collins
        September 12, 17:59 Reply

        890 and the sequel had to be fiction na, abi was it based on someone’s life. And see Vhar is laughing like he knows something we don’t.
        Pinky, wee you keep qwayet in all of this?

        • Pink Panther
          September 12, 18:42 Reply

          😂😂😂😂😂 Oh yes o. You won’t hear pim from me.

  6. Mandy
    September 12, 12:30 Reply

    Beautifully written, Aliu. I do so hope you get your heart’s desire

  7. freesurf
    September 13, 00:06 Reply

    🎼🎼Think of all the time
    That I’ve wasted
    Think of all the times
    That I took you back
    Ain’t no way
    I’ll be lonely
    I don’t wanna
    Let you back in
    Let’s just face it
    Better off alone and
    I won’t turn back
    Thought that
    I would be lonely
    I don’t wanna
    Let you back in🎶🎶😱

  8. Sorry not Sorry
    September 13, 20:30 Reply

    Are we supposed to be feeling sorry for you? Get outta here! I can’t respect or feel sorry for any guy that raises his hands to hit his SO, not matter how poetic you wax. Good on the guy for walking away, not many people have that strength or are even able to survive long enough to…
    The fact that you keep pestering him even after so much time has passed is proof that you haven’t learned anything from your so-called errors. If you love him as you claim, then you should know enough to listen to what he wants and leave him be. If you can’t do even that, then your manipulative ass shouldn’t claim to be doing anything out of love. You just want your punching bag back. F*** off!

    • Ayo
      September 14, 17:52 Reply

      This, yes, this! If he’s truly learnt from his mistakes, he would certainly want to do what will make Trouble happy which is clearly to stay away from Trouble!

  9. Z
    September 17, 08:56 Reply

    This is beautiful

  10. Human
    September 19, 10:10 Reply

    Wait, are we meant to feel sorry for you? Trouble did the right thing by leaving your sorry ass. After all the shit you caused him, you still want him back? That’s bullshit. People like you never learn. They just go through that cycle of remorse and stupid actions. Move on and leave trouble alone. You don’t deserve him

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